If It Meant Living: Beyond
by Graceyn
Summary: What do you do after you've saved the galaxy? Save another one of course! 7 years after the Reaper War, Shepard and her team embark on a journey into the unknown. Along the way they must confront questions about the nature of the universe, life itself and themselves. Sequel to "If It Meant Living: From the Beginning" and "Tales". Ship Manifest and Layout are on my Deviant Art Page.
1. Quantum Signals, New Stars

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 1**

"**Quantum Signals, Old Mysteries, and New Stars"**

"Far better it is to dare mighty things." – Theodore Roosevelt

* * *

_Eldir-za~Mli-Harmon__é__ took several hours to admire the richness of the deep green hue of Tormo-B4's sky. It was the green of the sprawling forests of Palacent, or perhaps the auroras over Namosta every twelfth cycle. One day, once this Hub teemed with life, once Tormo-B4 had received its true name, great poets would travel here to write of the sky._

_Every so often he checked on the progress of the Constructors, though the likelihood of any difficulties requiring his attention was exceptionally low; the Constructors' hard lattice and situational directives had been honed and perfected over many thousands of years. They performed what and how they were designed to perform and did so perfectly; it was their purpose, their reason for being._

_In several months – the blink of an eye in the clock of the universe – this Hub would be complete, a new center for resonance and fulfillment of Souls would open itself to those who would come, and the Whole would grow ever greater. He was glad to be one to facilitate such growth though it meant he was for a time virtually alone, the soothing cacophony of the Whole a mere faint hum this far from the Center…_

…_his head tilted curiously as brilliant white-blue tendrils broke across the deep green of the sky, cutting into its richness like a finely-sharpened knife. Mere slivers at first, they grew and spread, dancing and pulsing in an elaborate rhythm._

_Then suddenly – though it had been many hours since the first tendrils had appeared – there was no more green, only an impossibly bright white tinged with a hue as blue as the hot gases burning eternally in the Vao Nebula. He blinked rapidly, the bio-circuits in his retinas struggling to find the proper focal length to process the blinding light._

_The terrain of Tormo-B4 was not particularly severe or varied, consisting of low, sandy plains over which the Hub would hover, dotted with sparkling tidal pools which reflected the starlight; yet he could now discern gentle hills and tiny lakes seeming to disappear into the white-blue light in the distance. At some point it occurred to him that perhaps he should run…but he did not. _

_For where would he run to? The immense light was close enough now that he could judge its movement, and it was far faster than his own. Such a distance from the Center, Passages were few, and none were near this planet. His ship could of course create its own – but it was docked far beyond the other side of the Hub, and not within his reach._

_Besides, he found he did not particularly want to run – for he was fascinated by the approaching phenomenon. He now recognized that it was not light at all, but rather energy. As it drew ever closer, dancing, writhing wisps of light-energy, he came to the rather profound insight that it was _alive_. All of it._

_As it continued its relentless approach, he began to _hear_ it. The energy – a wall of light taller than the atmosphere's reach yet composed of thousands, no, millions of distinct, individual wisps – emitted a noise that could only be described as a…growl. The sound tainted the energy, gave it intent. Malevolence. _

_He suddenly tried to recall why he had chosen not to run. That's right – because he would not be fast enough. As the wall of energy drew so close he could see nothing else, he had the thought that perhaps he should have tried anyway. _

_Though his Soul had lived for millennia, he suddenly found that he did not want to d– _

* * *

_**November, 2193: Seven Years After the End of the Reaper War**_

_Presidium, The Citadel: Widow System, Serpent Nebula_

"_Help_."

Graceyn Jane Shepard – Systems Alliance Admiral, Destroyer of the Reapers, Savior of the Citadel, First Human Spectre, Hero of Elysium – swung her legs playfully in the air, high above the Presidium.

In the years since Garrus had shown her it was _possible_ to reach the support beams that ran just below the artificial sky, she had frequently taken it upon herself to return to the lofty retreat. When she needed to think. When she needed to calm down after some disagreement. To remind herself of the wondrousness of life. Just _because_. Because it was fun to get a head rush from peeking over the edge, to giggle as her legs dangled freely in the air as a child's on a swing.

She quirked an eyebrow as she watched taxis speed along below her. "_That's_ what the signal is saying? '_Help'_?"

"The technical translation is more complicated, of course," EDI replied pleasantly, "but yes – I believe it is requesting our assistance."

EDI had first picked up the signal coming from the Large Magellanic Cloud a week earlier. Transmitted in an unknown language and sent across galaxies and dark space, the most interesting thing about the signal was that it was directed at _them _– to be precise, at the Citadel.

"How did you finally decipher it?" Shepard asked, though her mind was already racing through the possible implications.

"The message was composed of the very particles that make up the universe, though controlled and directed in a very deliberate matter. It is a quantum language, not entirely unlike my own; but there is something…natural…about it that even my own code lacks." A measure of admiration had crept into EDI's tone. "Ultimately, I was able to apply the rules of quantum computing to the signal and construct it in a way that made sense."

"How certain are you of the translation?"

"Very. There is simply no other manner in which the components of the signal make sense."

Shepard's mouth twitched. "And it doesn't say anything else?"

"Not directly. I have, however, been able to pinpoint its origin to within a 7.4-square light-year region in the outer third of LMC, on the edge facing the Milky Way." EDI paused; when she spoke again her voice bore an almost whimsical tone. "That is relatively good news…should one want to consider travelling there."

"Hmmm." Shepard lay back onto the beam and clasped her hands behind her head, her gaze focusing on the soothing motion of the artificial clouds above.

"So some _beings_ from another galaxy that can communicate in the building blocks of the universe and are technologically advanced enough to not only be aware of our existence _and_ the precise location of the Citadel but also to send a directed signal across 160,000 light-years and the emptiness of dark space to us…need _our_ help?"

There was a pause. "So it would appear."

A grin pulled at her lips. "Well that's just _damned_ interesting…"

... ... ...

_Intai'Sei: Phoenix System, Argos Rho _

The sun began its journey below the horizon, turning the sky a brilliant gold and the usually bleached-orange landscape a deep burnt red. The setting rays blazed through the windows and lit the apartment with a pale, effuse light.

Kaidan chuckled warmly as he relaxed into the couch. "It may be a barren desert that typically resembles a furnace, but Intai'sei sure does have beautiful sunsets."

"That it does…" Shepard sighed contentedly from her position on the floor in front of him, taking a sip of chilled wine then leaning back against his thighs. "I could never retire here – whatever 'retire"means – it's far too isolated and, well, _hot_; but that sunset is enough to restore my faith in the universe. You know – if I had lost it, which I haven't. Recently."

Kaidan reached over to the table with the arm not draped over her shoulder and retrieved his own glass. "This may be the last time we see it for a while."

"Yeah…" She sat up straighter, twisting around so she could look up at him. "Are you _sure_ you want to do this?"

He frowned slightly as his hand drifted up to her cheek. "Don't be ridiculous. There is _no way_ I'm going to be separated from you for a year or more."

She smiled and turned her head to place a kiss on his wrist. "Me either – that's not what I meant. Assuming everything comes to together, assuming the Council approves the mission – are you sure _you_ want to go? Because if you don't…we don't have to."

His head tilted a bit, an uncertain expression on his face. "You'd _really_ stay behind if I asked you to?"

"I would. Of course I want to go, but there are some things that are more important." Her eyes twinkled. "Only a very few, mind you – but you happen to be one of them. Maybe the only one."

He exhaled softly, leaning down and pulling her close for a slow, tender kiss. "Thank you," he murmured against her lips. "That means more to me than you will ever know."

He kissed her once more then settled back into the couch as the sun dropped below the halfway point of the horizon and shadows fell across the room, his fingers idly running through her hair as she rested her head on his knee. "I realize there's a real chance we won't come back, and I'd be lying if I said the thought of never seeing my Mom, my friends, Vancouver, or the Citadel again didn't bother me. But we've been there before and came out the other side."

He paused, taking a long sip of wine. "Mom's okay; she has a good circle of friends and lives a full life. She still misses Dad, and she'll miss me…but she'll be fine. The Spectres will be in good enough hands with Major D'alavik. So in truth there's nothing holding me here."

He smiled down at her in the waning light, gently brushing back the strands of dark red hair falling across her cheek. "I'm curious about what's going on with this message – who these aliens are, whether we can actually help them, if that's even really what they want from us. But most of all…"

He slid his hands under her arms and lifted her up until she was sitting across his lap, then met her searching gaze.

"…I want to see new stars with you."

* * *

_**December, 2193**_

_Presidium, The Citadel _

The ginger-soy sauce perfectly complimented the moist yet flaky Arctic salmon, Liara thought. Though Humans had brought a number of valuable contributions to galactic civilization, truly delectable seafood had to be near the top of the list. She made a mental note to send a message complementing the _Presidium Pointe_ chef on his skill. Then she smiled to herself, watching as Shepard's eyes closed in blissful pleasure as she took a bite of the basil spinach.

It was a monthly ritual they had – lunch in Liara's office in the Upper Presidium, just the two of them. From time to time they missed a month, one or both of them off on some mission or other; but in five years they had never missed two months in a row. It was a chance to swap stories, to talk about the latest work going on at the Research Council in a private, secure venue, to share thoughts on political machinations and galactic events, or just to relax.

Today, it was a chance to talk about The Message.

"So what do you think?"

Liara raised an eyebrow speculatively. "You know my years as the Shadow Broker have made me inherently suspicious; I see conspiracies and ulterior motives in every action. So frankly, my first thought is that it's a trick; a trap even."

Shepard nodded idly as she chewed a bite of the salmon then took a long sip of lemon-flavored water. "Absolutely. It would be foolish to not recognize that as a very real possibility. But Liara…" she couldn't help but grin mischievously "…what if it's _not_?"

Liara shook her head, chuckling lightly. "If it's _not_, then it means we get to face an extra-galactic enemy that's too formidable for a highly-advanced civilization to face alone. What could possibly go wrong?" She rolled her eyes. "Sounds like fun. I'm in."

Shepard's eyes twinkled in delight. "Wonderful. After all, I wouldn't know what the hell to do with a new alien species without you there to explain them to me." She paused, a slight smile on her face. "But are you sure you're ready to give up the Research Council work…or the Shadow Broker business?"

Liara laughed. "I have no intention of giving up either – though I _will_ delegate most of the routine duties to those I trust. But the truth is, Shepard, most of the old mysteries have already been solved. As for those that haven't, who knows…maybe the answers can be found beyond the edge of the galaxy."

They spent a few moments enjoying the meal. Finally Liara stood, going over to the counter to retrieve the desserts – something called a "double chocolate ice cream brownie" for Shepard, and a lime gelato for her. She may appreciate Humans' seafood, but she would never understand their obsession with _chocolate_.

She placed the dessert plates on the table and sat back down. "So when will the ship be ready?"

Shepard's voice was muffled, the rich chocolate sticking to the roof of her mouth. "Abouth sithx weethks."

The Normandy SR-3, like its predecessors, was a prototype. Half again as large as the SR-2, she had room for a crew of sixty plus ten private cabins and a captain's suite as large as many Citadel apartments. But the crown jewel of the new ship, and the reason for its prototype status, was its propulsion system.

Deep in the Catalyst's files had been incomplete research – thousands of millennia old and abandoned by its creators in the wake of a Reaper attack – into the development of starship drives capable of true inter-galactic travel. EDI and some of the most brilliant scientists in the galaxy had spent the last six years first understanding, then completing, extending, and finally building the technology.

In addition to the standard antiproton thrusters and FTL drive, the SR-3 contained a drive with the capability to create, maintain, and traverse wormholes. The prototype engine installed in the ship could open wormholes of a maximum of 1,000 light-years in "length," i.e., the distance from the entrance point to the exit point in normal space-time; EDI was optimistic that future versions would be capable of far greater distances.

Shepard gulped down some water. "Hopefully in around six weeks. Arcturus is running it through a battery of tests and simulations now. In about two weeks they'll start hop-skipping through wormholes around the galaxy, stress-testing the new engine. Assuming all goes well, they'll certify it in about a month; then it's just a matter of letting the paint dry."

Liara nodded slowly, already making preparations in her head. "That should be plenty of time. Still, LMC is, what, about 160,000 light-years away? Five months is a _long_ time to be cooped up on a ship with nothing to do…"

Shepard shrugged. "Five months is nothing – can you imagine the decade or longer voyages those inter-galactic cruisers are on? Besides, have you seen it? It's a _big_ ship. You only thought the SR-2 was luxurious."

She took a final bite of her brownie. "There's just one tiny obstacle remaining…"

Liara's head tilted slightly. "Oh yes? What's that?"

She leaned back in her chair, slowly licking her fork clean. "The _Council_."

... ... ...

Shepard glared at the Councilors in disbelief.

No, not disbelief. Disgust. Though she truly shouldn't be surprised – this was at least the seventeenth time she had been in this position. Still, she just couldn't wrap her head around how representatives of seven – six, she quickly corrected herself, as Anderson was at least reluctantly on her side – different species could _all_ be so thick-headed, and _at the same time_.

"The simple, undeniable fact, Admiral Shepard, is that a single frigate cannot stand up against anything powerful enough to have sent this signal."

Her eyes narrowed at the Salarian Councilor. "I realize you're new, and you might not be fully apprised of the facts, _sir_ – but the Normandy SR-2 couldn't stand up to the Reapers either, and that didn't stop us from winning The War."

For that's what it was known as now – _The War_. There had been hundreds, thousands of wars fought before it, but none had come even close to the sheer scale of the enemy, of the devastation, of the resistance, and ultimately, of the victory. So it had become simply 'The War.'

"Admiral, I don't see how that's – "

She willfully interrupted him; it had been a long time since she had been intimidated by a politician. "The new Normandy is the only ship that can get there in anything approaching a reasonable amount of time. It will be another eight months at a minimum before any more ships are equipped with a wormhole drive. And with respect, that's too long to sit around and wait."

The Turian Councilor, Malano, cleared his throat. "Regardless, two, five or a dozen ships wouldn't be enough. The problem isn't the Normandy – the problem is that we have no idea the true motivations of these aliens. I can't in good conscience approve a mission to go in blindly; better that we exercise prudence – take time to more fully study the signal and direct our scientific attentions toward LMC. If in time we discover these aliens are benign, then perhaps we send an envoy to initiate diplomatic relations. If we instead discover they aren't so benign, well…better that they stay in their galaxy and we stay in ours."

She dropped her chin and stared slightly up and sideways at him, an eyebrow raised; the look was that of a master incredulous at the ignorance of the student. "To refer back to your esteemed colleague's earlier remark, anything powerful enough to have sent this signal _isn't likely to respect galactic boundaries_!"

She took a deep breath, steadying her voice. "Look. I'm not afraid to face this, whatever it is. Friend or foe. If they're not hostile, if they truly need our assistance? Great. Wonderful. Happy to help. If they _are_ hostile, if it's an elaborate trap? Then we find out with enough time to _get ready_."

Her gaze ran slowly across the row of Councilors, piercing into each of them in turn. "Or do we want to wait for them to come to us? Do we want everything we've rebuilt to be destroyed again? Don't make the mistake of your predecessors; don't bury your heads in the sand and think the crisis will just _go away_. Because I assure you – and I speak from experience on this – it _won't_."

She smiled then. Kindly. Reassuringly. "All you have to do is let me go."

It was a full two hours before Anderson came back to his office. He was unsurprised to find her there, leaning against the ledge and staring out at Presidium Lake. As she turned around and met his gaze, his nodded slowly. "We approved the mission. You're going."

She exhaled slowly, letting go of the tension that had been coiled tightly in her gut for the last two hours. "What was the vote?"

"4-3." He smirked a bit as he went over to the cabinet and poured two drinks. "And I'm fairly certain at least two of the Councilors that voted 'yes' did so solely because they thought risking an inter-galactic war was worth it to get you out of their hair for a year or so."

She laughed in delight as she accepted a glass from him. "Then I will be happy to oblige them."

... ... ...

_Cipritine, Palaven: Trebia System, Apien Crest _

Garrus threw the datapad onto his desk, flinching in annoyance as it clattered loudly. Goddamn Select Committee with their security paranoia had rejected the use of the new holo-displays until they could be "studied" further…

He collapsed into his chair, crest falling back against the high back. He slowly swung side to side, his mind a morass of "concerns" and "issues" and "developments." Quarian/Geth-Turian joint ventures…Yahg suppressions…Krogan expansion concerns… Good gods if they had to fight the Krogan Rebellions again he was going to personally strangle Shepard, he didn't care if the Cure bargain _had_ been a crucial factor in winning The War.

This last meeting had stretched the last of his patience; at this point he was rather intensely regretting his decision to resign as C-Sec Executor and, at the insistent and repeated urgings of Primarch Victus, return to Palaven and join the Select Committee nearly two years earlier.

He didn't give a damn _how_ high on the Primarch succession list he was – nothing was worth this torture. _Politics._ Why did he _ever_ think he was remotely suited for _politics_?

He knew the answer, of course. Five years of running C-Sec, of building it back up after its decimation in the final hours of the Reaper War; five years of being _in charge_ and able to do what was needed, no one but the Council to second-guess him – and they were far more occupied with other matters. It had seduced him, insulated him, made him comfortable in his own apparent power.

But here on Palaven, he had Commissioner Orinia and Ministers Kuryn and Pallatus and even Chairman Nehraka fighting him at every turn. More than that, as he sat in meeting after meeting and listened to them drone on and on and _on_, he couldn't get a thought out of his head…it crept and twisted its way into even his most high-minded moments…

…_none of it mattered_.

Palaven was a highly-evolved, advanced society. It accepted technological improvements in due course, integrated them into its daily life, and moved ever forward. It had a long history and a longer future. As the largest military in the galaxy – though the Humans were rapidly growing and would likely surpass them in the next decade – they had rescued civilization in the past and very well may do so again in the future.

But he had seen the greatest threat the galaxy would ever face, stared into its arrogant eyes, and helped to defeat it. He wasn't so egotistical as to think that they had won because of him; at best he had played a minor to middling role – but it had been a far larger role than anyone _else_ on the Select Committee, that much was certain.

His fingers twitched, seeming to yearn for a sniper rifle, _any_ sniper rifle. He sighed, getting up and going over to the cabinet against the wall to open a new bottle of _piramo_. He poured it straight over ice, chuckling slightly as he recalled a time nearly a decade ago when Shepard had done a similar thing with something called 'vodka' on perhaps the darkest night of her life – well one of them, anyway – as she had awaited arrest and war crimes charges for blowing up the Alpha Relay and with it, 300,000 Batarians.

The memory just served to remind him of the relative stakes, he thought as he leaned against the cabinet and sipped the _piramo_. The simple fact was, this was trivial. _All_ of it.

The galaxy was safer and more prosperous than it had ever been. Technological and medical advances were proceeding at an accelerating pace; the rebuilding process had been an economic boon rather than a burden. The various species were more at peace than they had ever been, Krogan expansion notwithstanding; even the Batarians were playing nice in the face of the unprecedented outpouring of financial and boots-on-the-ground support after the end of The War.

He sighed, and considered comming Solana to see if she was free for a night out – or in, whatever. But more than likely she was either working or relaxing with her husband, enjoying a quiet evening at home with the one she loved. Lucky her…

In lieu of comming her, he quickly finished off the glass and poured another. _He_ didn't have any obligations for the night, might as well enjoy it. It had been many hours since dinner, and he could already feel the _piramo_ working its magic.

He wandered back over to his desk as he took another long sip, casually pulling up the most recent reports on the Krogan expansion and wondering at what point he would need to pay Wrex a visit and call in a favor or two. He started scanning the file, finding it hard to bother reading every line.

His comm buzzed, and he glanced down. External but automatically passed-through call…hmmm. Only a dozen people in the galaxy were on his green-light list; none of them but his father and, possibly, Victus would care that he was well on his way to being drunk. Unless they were actively being attacked; then Victus would _definitely_ care. He quickly calculated the rough odds, shrugged and activated the link.

"Vakarian here."

"Bored yet?"

He grinned, shaking his head at the empty office. "_Shepard_. My gods, you have no _idea_ how bored I am."

There was a light, musical chuckle on the other end, one that never failed to warm his heart. "It just so happens I can change that – if you're game."

He laughed, full-throated and deep – something his people rarely did. Then again, he had never been a particularly good Turian. "I don't give a damn _what_ it is – I'm game."

His crest fell back against the chair, this time in relief rather than exasperation. _He was free._

* * *

_**January, 2194**_

_Presidium, The Citadel _

Shepard's nose scrunched up, her brow furrowing deeply; the overall effect was one of utter befuddlement and consternation. She stared at the holo-display in front of her for another moment, then collapsed back in the chair and shook her head across the table at EDI. "I'm a smart girl; all the tests said so. I should be able to understand this."

EDI smiled kindly. "Really, Shepard, it's not necessary that you do. I will be there; Kaidan, Liara and Keenon, as well as Legion of course, are all proficient in quantum computing. The likelihood of you finding yourself in a situation where you will be required to understand, much less manipulate, such a language is quite low."

She huffed a tired laugh. "Which is exactly why it will almost certainly happen. Look, I can't be expected to evaluate and judge these aliens, to make decisions that will affect the security of not only _my_ entire crew, but possibly _their_ entire civilization, if I can't grasp _how_ they think."

She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, then pulled the holo-display closer. "Okay. I understand how QEC works – two particles interact physically then are separated, but they remain entangled; linked. But you're saying the thing that makes quantum computing so powerful isn't so much that, but rather this _superposition_ quality?"

EDI nodded. "Yes. In standard computing, a 'bit' is either a one or a zero – on or off. In quantum computing, a 'qubit' can be a one, a zero, or any possible superposition of the two. As the number of qubits increases linearly, the number of possible states increases _exponentially_. This is why quantum computers are orders of magnitude more powerful than binary ones."

Shepard shrugged. "So, what, does this mean that the aliens are just really, really smart?"

EDI laughed. "It could mean that they are AIs, or are otherwise capable of calculating and retaining large amounts of information. I think we would both agree, however, that that is not necessarily the same thing as being 'smart.'"

Then EDI leaned forward across the table, clasping her hands together atop the glass. "The thing that is unique about the quantum language, Shepard, is that it is not a 'yes' or 'no' proposition. Not only _can_ the qubits be all possible states, they _are_ all possible states. It is a way of thinking that is more…fulsome, more _whole_…than the binary thinking of most computers or, frankly, most species."

Intrigued by _that_ thought, Shepard stared at the code streaming slowly across the display, looking for the patterns, the currents, the flow. It was hypnotic, and she found herself getting lost in it –

– the door to her office buzzed as it opened. She jumped as the sound jarred her out of her reverie, looking over as Kasumi walked in.

"Hey, Shep. EDI, you look ravishing. Shepard, you look…annoyed."

It had taken Shepard a year and a half to convince Kasumi to join her task force squads. She finally had Keiji back – or at least an AI construct that looked and talked like him – and understandably was focused on making the relationship work.

But a regular paycheck, only occasional assignments, stealth infiltration and surveillance missions…it had eventually become too much for her to resist. And bit by bit, the "respectable" life had worn away her barriers and instinctual defense mechanisms; bit by bit, the idea that she didn't have to hide anymore – except when she wanted to – had begun to take hold.

This particular evening she wore tight-fitting black pants over heeled boots. A gray cowl-necked sleeveless shirt that shimmered as she moved revealed the dark olive skin of her slender, bare arms and the intricate tattoo that wove from her bicep to her shoulder. Her sleek, pitch-black hair fell over her right shoulder and behind her left; her distinctive lip tattoo remained, and glasses that seemed to constantly shift in tint if you stared at them masked her eyes.

In short, she painted an utterly gorgeous and highly dangerous picture – just how she liked it.

Here, though, she was among friends. Her glasses lightened then vanished as she hopped up on the table, glancing at then reaching over and shifting the holo-display to where she could read it.

"Ooh, quantum code! I _love_ this stuff, it's so ethereal…"

Shepard laughed, shaking her head. "You're coming, right? Tell me you're coming."

Kasumi ran fingertips in lazy circles along the tabletop. "Ahh, Shep…you're always asking me to go with you on these little adventures… 'It'll be fun!,' you say…'piece of cake,' you say. And inevitably I end up getting shot at nearly _every single minute_…" Her eyes cut over to Shepard, lips curling up in a wicked grin. "Keiji can come, right?"

Shepard nodded firmly. "Absolutely. Part of the deal."

Kasumi planted her hands on the glass and vaulted off the table. "Of _course_ I'm coming! Are you kidding? When do we go? I can't wait to get out of here."

Shepard smiled broadly, leaning back and kicking a foot up on the table where Kasumi had been.

"Soon enough."

... ... ...

_New York City, Earth: Sol System, Local Cluster _

Shepard peered out the floor-to-ceiling windows…_woah_. This was high enough up to give even her vertigo. The Victory Tower was 1.2 kilometers tall, making it the tallest occupied building on Earth. They were on floor 195 of 210, which put them just over a kilometer in the air.

Everywhere she looked there were gleaming skyscrapers. Just to the west was Central Park, a vast open space of pools, fountains, and lush gardens – for all the trees had been scorched in The War – stretching for over four kilometers through the heart of Manhattan.

New York had been utterly destroyed in The War; no city on Earth save Beijing had been so systematically and deliberately demolished by the Reapers. But The City That Never Sleeps wasn't about to be defeated so easily. They had rebuilt from the ground up, block by block; what had emerged was not the city it had been before – but in many ways it was better. Thoroughly modern, technologically and ecologically advanced, clean and bright, it was now a model for future developments.

She smiled and reluctantly turned away from the windows. "With a view like this I don't really have to ask, but why did you move the company headquarters here?"

Miranda shrugged mildly, sinking back in her chair. "I thought we could help with the rebuilding efforts more easily from Earth. I wanted to support the return of commercial industry to New York. But mostly, I wanted to ditch the old headquarters that oozed my _father_ from every square meter." She smirked in satisfaction. "I wanted to make it _mine_."

"Well, I'd say you've succeeded." Shepard crossed the room and settled easily into the chair opposite Miranda's desk, chuckling slightly at the brief feeling of _déjà vu_ to similar moments back on the Cerberus SR-2.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. So how is all this money, power and influence treating you?"

Miranda's eyes rolled as a sigh escaped her perfect lips. "I'm afraid it's all rather dull and uninteresting. Don't get me wrong – running a corporation of this size and scope is a _lot_ of work; long hours, dozens of decisions a day, each one of which can mean millions of credits earned or lost. But…it's not _hard_; it's not an intellectual challenge. And I always loved a challenge more than anything."

She huffed a laugh. "Luckily, Ori loves it; she enjoys the strategy, the power plays, the larger chess game. She's willingly handling more of my responsibilities every day." She flicked on her calendar and checked it quickly. "Say, do you want to go out for a late lunch? I can easily clear my schedule."

Shepard frowned briefly. "I'd love to, but I actually have several more stops to make this afternoon, then I'm meeting Kaidan for dinner on the river."

"Which one?"

"Which what?"

"Which river?"

"Oh," Shepard laughed. "Um, the East River…I think."

"Hmm. Busy day then – what are you up to?"

She smiled slightly. "Just a new project; but we'll get to that. First, catch me up – I heard you got yourself caught up in a little adventure last year."

"Yes, that…" Miranda stood and went over to the table against the wall, pouring a glass of water then leaning against the table. "The head of one of our competitors in the genetics space took out a contract on me. Stupid, foolish man. But tracking down the assassin then tracing the hit back to the source did involve some…excitement." She smiled a bit, a faraway, almost wistful look in her eyes. "It _did_ feel good to fire a gun again."

"Uh-huh." Shepard quirked a devilish grin. "I _also_ heard that a certain Corsair-turned Cerberus agent-turned Alliance Lieutenant has been increasingly frequenting your residence since that 'excitement.'"

"How – " Miranda groaned. "Never mind. I don't even want to know." Her lips pursed together. "_Yes._ Jacob helped me bring the assassin to justice, as it were. Then, well…I guess you'd say we're trying to make a go at it. For better or worse, he's one of the few people who knows what and who I am and isn't afraid of it."

"Took him long enough…" Shepard muttered under her breath, then smiled up at Miranda. "I'm glad to hear it; I hope it works out." She glanced back out the windows at the crystal blue sky, sunlight reflecting off the buildings. "So how much responsibility is Oriana ready to take on?"

"Honestly? Most of it. She's still a little young to be running a multi-cluster corporation, but somehow I don't think that would stop her. She's as smart and clever as I am, after all; I imagine there's very little she can't do if she puts her mind to it. Why do you ask?"

Shepard leaned forward, dropping her elbows to her knees and clasping her hands beneath her chin. "Because I'd like to offer you a new challenge."

... ... ...

_Presidium, The Citadel _

"Is the Normandy a goddamn _love boat_?"

Shepard reached up and slid the ship manifest that Anderson had been reviewing over to her, frowning curiously. Her eyes scanned down the list, lips threatening to curl up in a smirk as she reviewed the information in a new light. "That wasn't my intention…" She pursed her lips together, trying to suppress what was rapidly becoming laughter…and ultimately failed.

She started chuckling as she pushed the holo-display away slightly, leaving it hovering in the air a meter or so in front of them, then looked sideways at Anderson, eyes twinkling. He tried to look stern and disapproving, but a grin slowly blossomed on his face – which turned her chuckle into full-throated giggles. "The Starship Normandy, now offering couples cruises to a galaxy near you – private cabins starting at a low million credits per person…"

That sent him into uproarious laughter, and soon they were both leaning against the table, doubled-over and holding their sides.

She sucked in air, trying to catch her breath as her palms raised in surrender. "Look…I've got people I _have_ to take, and people I _want_ to take, and people the Council is _making_ me take. The SR-3 is a big ship, but it's getting a little crowded. I can't ask – " she glanced back at the manifest " – Major Vega to bunk in the general crew quarters. I can't ask _any_ of these people to."

He huffed a final laugh and nodded slightly. "I know. But you do realize this setup violates at least half a dozen Alliance regulations?"

"Then it's a good thing this is a special multi-species Council-sponsored mission and not an Alliance one."

"Fine, fine, fine. It's just…have you considered the possible effect on shipboard discipline of this…these…arrangements?"

She nodded thoughtfully. "Every person on the ship has been hand-picked; they've each previously served under at least one of the senior officers, and served with distinction. They also were given the opportunity to decline the assignment after full disclosure, with no negative repercussions. Nobody on the ship's a rookie – not even the janitor."

She sighed softly. "I know how to run a ship, Anderson. Whether it's full of marines or criminals or aliens, doesn't matter."

He gestured in her direction. "Ah, hell, I know you do. I just want to make sure _everything_ is covered. You're headed on a journey straight into the unknown, Shepard." His gaze met hers. "You don't have to do this, you know. You don't have to always be the hero. _We can send someone else._"

She smiled affectionately at him. "I know. But Anderson, it's _another galaxy_! Of course it's the unknown – that's what's so enticing about it. Can you imagine what awaits us, what wonders we'll see? I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. "Besides, to paraphrase an old friend…it has to be me. Someone else might get it wrong."

"Okay, okay…" he chuckled ruefully "…to paraphrase myself, I know when I'm talking to a brick wall. Just…for god's sake, be careful."

She rolled her eyes as she recalled their conversation of so many years ago before she breached the Omega 4 Relay. "Hell, it's no fun if you're _careful_."

* * *

_**February, 2194**_

_Docking Bay A-17, The Citadel _

Shepard ran her hand along the shining chrome bar separating her from the galaxy map. The map was now fully three-dimensional and rotatable and zoomable on the x-, y- and z- axes. It currently displayed the Milky Way that she knew like the back of her hand; but a number of Council-sponsored scientists had turned their focus to the Large Magellanic Cloud over the last three months, and they now had the most detailed scans of an external galaxy every created. In a few months the compilation of those scans would replace the Milky Way in front of her.

Even so, LMC was still largely a mystery. The clusters had names like "H3 Alpha-4" and "Sigma Seven-B"; the systems, save those on the outer rim closest to the Milky Way, had no names at all. The Normandy had been equipped with state-of-the-art infrared, x-ray, radio and visible light telescopes; once they passed beyond the Milky Way's border they would be pausing between wormhole jumps to use them to begin filling in the blanks.

She stepped off the perch and over to the left. The shelf that on the SR-2 had held her private terminal was gone; in its place was a 2x2 meter holo-display, hovering at eye level.

She nudged Kaidan in the side lightly with her elbow. "Is it all there? Have to make sure, you know."

His eyes cut over at her, a mild smirk on his face. "Just let me fiddle, okay? This is practically one of the coolest things I've ever seen."

She grinned affectionately and peered over his shoulder. With the touch of a finger, virtually any information available could be accessed. Real-time data from and control of all the Normandy's systems and external sensors, of course – but also the Citadel's and the Alliance's full databanks _and_ EDI's data stores. Not her core processing, but pretty much everything she "knew."

He flicked several fingers in rapid succession. "See, this is the current input being captured by the radio telescope, and this…" his pinkie slid to the left "…is what it captured ten minutes ago."

She tried to keep a straight face, but quickly failed as a giggle escaped her lips. "Kaidan, darling…that's red static."

He sighed, dropping his chin to hide a smile. "Well, we _are_ still in the Citadel dock…"

"Not for long." She swiped diagonally down the display and it vanished. Then she grabbed his hand in hers and pulled him away from his new toy. "Come on. It's time."

Together they walked along the CIC – brightly lit, at her insistence – toward the cockpit. Stations lined the walls, a majority of the occupants human but also Turian, Asari, Salarian and several Quarian. The deck buzzed with a low-level hum of electronics, conversations, movement and excitement.

Status updates on various ship systems lit her Omni-tool during the short walk; others preferred to update her in person, approaching her and sliding a report over, which she accepted with a smile and a nod.

Joker swung around as they approached, practically bouncing in the pilot's chair. "Can we go? Can we go?"

She rolled her eyes, catching EDI watching him with an expression of as pure a love as she'd ever seen on any organic. "Almost. Procedures to follow. You remember those, right?"

He sighed and slowly rotated back around to the controls. "Yeah, yeah…go ahead, ask me."

She smiled, then took a deep breath and activated the general comm. _This was it._ "Navigation and propulsion, are you a 'Go'?"

Joker squared his shoulders formally. "Navigation and propulsion are a 'Go', Admiral!" Then he promptly slouched back down into his usual posture.

"Engineering?"

Adams' voice reverberated through the CIC. "Engineering is a 'Go.'"

"Weapons?"

Garrus wasn't on board yet, they would be picking him up along the way; Keenon was filling in for the time being. "Weapons are a 'Go.'"

"Cargo and Armaments?"

Cortez could be hear clearing his throat. "Cargo and – " Vega's deeper voice boomed " – Armaments – " back to Cortez " – are a 'Go.'" Vega's laugh could be heard before their link cut out.

"Science?"

Liara's voice could be heard both over the comm and in the air as she walked smiling up the CIC. "Science is a 'Go.'"

"Personnel?"

Miranda would be handling administration and personnel. While it would be easy to assume her temperament was not exactly _suited_ to dealing with people, the simple fact was her experience on the Cerberus SR-2 plus six years running a multi-cluster corporation had made her an expert at it.

But she wasn't aboard yet either, so Kaidan was covering it for the moment. He squeezed her hand and shared a private smile with her, but his voice was officious and strong over the comm. "Personnel is a 'Go.'"

"Communications?"

EDI grinned almost gleefully from her seat. "Communications are a 'Go.'"

"Systems?"

Legion spoke from the control center in the corner – god, but he could be _quiet_. "Systems are a 'Go.'"

Her eyes sparkled with anticipation as she muted the general comm and gazed around at them. "I think that's everything…"

Joker's feet tapped rapidly against the floor. "It's everything. _Now_ can we go?"

She looked out the large viewports at the purple nebula beyond. They would be seeing many more spectacular sights in the months to come, but she had always loved the view from the Citadel.

She reactivated the general comm. "The mission is a 'Go.' Flight Lieutenant Moreau, take us out."

"Yes, ma'am." The clamps fell away as the Normandy SR-3 slid out of its mooring, bright spotlights sweeping across her gleaming hull as she cleared the docking bay and banked to the left, accelerating past the Ward arms and toward the Widow Relay.

This part of the journey they had traversed dozens, even hundreds of times. What was soon to come would be another matter altogether.

* * *

_APPENDIX A_

_**OPERATION CLARION**_

_**Systems Alliance/Citadel Council Frigate-X Class Vessel Normandy SR-3**_

_**Ship Manifest**_

_**Captain/Operation Lead:**_ Systems Alliance Admiral Graceyn Shepard

_**Executive Officer/Council Liaison:**_ Systems Alliance Admiral Kaidan Alenko

_**Senior Officers:**_

Systems Alliance Major James Vega

Quarian Heavy Fleet Commander Keenon'Daal vas Idenna

Turian Marine Corps Lieutenant Commander Litha Palamin

Systems Alliance Staff Lieutenant Jacob Taylor

_**Officers:**_

Systems Alliance Senior Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau

Systems Alliance Flight Lieutenant Steve Cortez

Systems Alliance 1st Lieutenant Timah Naik

Systems Alliance Chief Engineer Gregory Adams

Systems Alliance Senior Medical Lieutenant Doctor Karin Chakwas-Adams

_**Primary Shipboard AI: **_Legion Model II

_**Secondary Navigation and Communications AI:**_ EDI (shard)

_**Specially Assigned Non-Military Personnel:**_

Turian Senior Commissioner Garrus Vakarian

Research Council Chairman Doctor Liara T'Soni

Krogan Overlord Urdnot Wrex

Lawson Industries Chairman Miranda Lawson

GRaDeF (Special Multi-Agency Galactic Rapid Deployment Force) Agent Kasumi Goto

Council Special Advisor EDI*

Legion Model II*

GRaDeF Agent Keiji Okuda*

...

* Artificial Intelligence Platform

_**Total Personnel On Board:**_ 78

_**Room Assignments:**_

_Captain's Quarters:_ Graceyn Shepard, Kaidan Alenko

_Cabin A-1:_ EDI, Jeff Moreau

_Cabin A-2:_ Miranda Lawson, Jacob Taylor

_Cabin A-3:_ Liara T'Soni

_Cabin B-1:_ Timah Naik

_Cabin B-2:_ Gregory Adams, Karin Chakwas-Adams

_Cabin B-3:_ Keenon'Daal

_Cabin C-1:_ Kasumi Goto, Keiji Okuda

_Cabin C-2:_ Litha Palamin

_Cabin C-3:_ James Vega, Steve Cortez

_Cabin C-4:_ Garrus Vakarian

_Engineering-A:_ Legion

_Cargo-B:_ Urdnot Wrex

_**Secondary Vessels:**_

Systems Alliance Shuttle-Class Vessel A-2 "Raptor"

Systems Alliance Shuttle-Class Vessel UT-49B "Kodiak" (x2)

Systems Alliance Ground-Class Vehicle M37-H "Mako"

* * *

_APPENDIX_ B

_**Systems Alliance/Citadel Council Frigate-X Class Vessel Normandy SR-3**_

_**Ship Layout/Schematic**_

_See "SR-3 Layout" on my Deviant Art page, Deviant ID "Graceyn."  
_


	2. Five Months Is a Long Time

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 2**

"**Five Months Is A Long Time…"**

* * *

"Listen; there's a hell of a good universe next door: let's go." – E. E. Cummings

* * *

_February 22, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

Wrex tossed items around the small room that served as a storage area adjunct to the main Cargo Bay. His hands waved about in the air, followed periodically by boxes and assorted gear.

A light chuckle came from the doorway. Wrex turned around to see Garrus leaning casually against the doorframe. "You know, this is a big ship – I'm sure Shepard has a nice, comfy room ready for you."

Wrex snorted. "What do I want with a 'comfy' room? You haven't been to Tuchanka much – and don't think I haven't noticed that, _friend_ – but we don't need your snazzy 'comforts' to live and live well; harsh conditions make us strong, hardy, able to – " He visibly frowned at Garrus' smirk. "What?"

"It's good to see you too, Wrex."

Wrex made a show of being offended for several seconds, then finally sighed heavily, his eyes rolling under their heavy lids. "You too, Garrus. I suppose they have better food aboard this luxury liner than they did the SR-1? I mean, for all the money poured into this bucket on wheels, surely they spared a few creds for a decent chef, right?"

"So far, the food has in fact been above par for a starship…though I can't speak for the amino- fare of course." He grinned, mandibles fluttering slightly. "I have to say, I'm glad you're here, Wrex. Just like old times…and I've been missing the old times a bit more than usual lately. But last I heard, you were leading pretty much the entire Krogan race. They're not going to miss you?"

Wrex tossed an empty crate backwards, Garrus easily dodging it as it sailed through the doorway. "The hell do I care – a bunch of whiny bitches and demanding complainers…and don't even get me _started_ on the women."

That got full-throated laughter from Garrus. "Girl trouble, Wrex? I thought you were happily married."

He shoved a stack of crates half a meter to the right then laid out a rough rug. "As Humans like to say, I believe that's an oxymoron."

Garrus sucked in a deep breath, suppressing the laughter that still threatened, and adopted a more conciliatory pose. "I don't pretend to be an expert, because…gods know _that_ would be a lie…but if you want to talk, I do have an ear."

Wrex fiddled with the rug for another moment, then stood up and turned to Garrus. "A couple dozen kids – and gobs of sex in between – and now that she's got a litter, Bakura says she needs some 'space,' some time to herself to 'think.' So I'm giving her some space – 160,000 light-years of it." He hurriedly turned back to the still crowded room, shoving boxes and gear around haphazardly.

It seemed to Garrus that by this point everything in the room had been moved at least three times. He dropped his chin to his chest; he truly _was_ the last person in the galaxy to be giving romantic advice, to any person of any species. He decided on a somewhat safer topic, relatively speaking. "But your people still need you, don't they? I mean, they're thriving, they're growing…a _lot_. They need guidance."

"Yeah…" Wrex grabbed a bag and started pulling things out of it. "Turns out the Krogan aren't so easily led, or governed. Goddamn insolent idiots…" He sagged against the remaining crates. "The long and short of it is, I need a break or I'll kill them all. Coincidentally enough, Bakura _also_ needs a break. I left her in charge…well, I left Urdnot Norvack in charge, but she'll keep him in line."

He glanced around the room. "So here I am. Following Shepard off on some damn fool adventure to another galaxy. Why the hell not, right?"

"I think there are probably a lot of reasons 'why the hell not'…" Garrus chuckled resignedly "…but that's never stopped us before."

* * *

_February 26, 2194: Rannoch, Perseus Veil, Tikkun System _

Shepard stepped out of the shuttle as soon as it settled to the ground and hurried over to Tali, embracing her in a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you again, Shepard. I know it's only been a few months, but it seems like forever." Tali pulled back slightly and grinned, then looked over Shepard's shoulder. Her eyes widened. "Hello…_everyone_. Goodness, I hope we have enough food!"

Shepard chuckled lightly. "What can I say, you're a popular woman – everyone wanted to see you. We almost had to bring a second shuttle."

Tali's gaze fell across the people with whom she had shared so much over the years; she smiled gratefully. "Thank you all; I'm honored. Welcome to our home." She turned and gestured for her guests to follow her.

The piazza area blended into an octagon-shaped and more intimate common space; homes branched off six of the eight sides. The open edge at the far end led to another common space, which led to another. The neighborhood slowly curved around in a series of clusters until it returned to the piazza where it started. While the Quarians had embraced a measure of private space far beyond what they had enjoyed on the Flotilla, at heart they remained a tightly-knit, communal society.

The Reegar's house was both open and cluttered at the same time. The walls were made of wood, the floors of stone, both native to Rannoch; yet most of the furniture was similar to what one would see on a starship – metals, acrylics, nano-plastics. Windows were plentiful, most of them open; a warm, fresh breeze wafted through the rooms.

Kal was rocking the baby when they stepped inside. He looked up as the door opened and dipped his head in greeting, "Hi everybody, come on in." He met Tali halfway and both of them huddled over the bundle in his arms. "She was crying and needed a little Daddy love." He handed her over to Tali then straightened up and smiled at his guests. "If you'll excuse me, I'm needed in the kitchen. Please, make yourselves at home."

Tali nuzzled her little girl for a moment, cooing softly to her; it seemed the language of babies and mothers was the same the galaxy over. Then she turned slightly, picking up her daughter's tiny hand and waving it at them. "Everyone, this is Raela'Reegar. She's named after her grandfather…but thankfully she takes after her daddy. Now if you'll excuse me a moment, I'm going to go put her back down. Be right back."

... ... ...

James leaned against the entryway to the kitchen, watching as Kal moved expertly around the room like it was a battlefield. "Dude, _you're_ the cook?"

He nodded decisively. "Yes, I am. A man's got to make himself useful to keep a lady's interest."

James chuckled heartily. "Well, that explains a lot then." He went over and peeked in some of the bowls. "And you're cooking amino- food, too? Where'd you learn to do that?"

Kal skillfully sliced up a purplish, odd-looking fruit…or possibly vegetable. "Not from scratch; had some dishes delivered from the specialty gourmet store in town. But for the most part, they cook about the same." He shrugged as he turned back to a stove-like appliance and began gently swirling a pot. "Got to make sure and keep them separate, though – wouldn't want to accidentally send one of you guys to the hospital or anything."

"Right…" James settled onto a stool and popped a baby carrot into his mouth. "So you enjoying being a daddy?"

"It's the best thing ever, man…" he chuckled slightly and shot James a conspiratorial grin "…well, the second best thing, anyway."

James looked over his shoulder as Steve walked into the kitchen. He quickly reached over and grabbed another stool, sliding it next to him and motioning for Steve to sit. He squeezed Steve's shoulder then reached back onto the island and grabbed another baby carrot.

"You gotta try this; turns out Kal can _cook_…"

... ... ...

Tali and Shepard strolled through the flourishing garden behind the house. Like many Quarians, they were taking full advantage of Rannoch's fertile soil and growing much of their own food in their backyard.

"I'm sorry we can't go with you, Shepard, I really am. I'd _love_ the chance to explore another galaxy."

"It's _okay_. We'll miss you, but you have something much more important here right now."

Tali nodded. "I do, I really do…I never imagined she'd be so tiny and helpless and at the same time so full of life, even now. Her little suit has Geth sub-code running in it; it's already exposing her to simulated foreign microbes and viruses. By the time she's an adult her immune system will be so strong and hardy, she'll be able to go anywhere in the galaxy without a suit and without worrying about infection. She'll probably be even more resistant to infection than most people out there." She smiled. "I know I've said it before; but thank you, Shepard, for the incredible gift you've given us."

Shepard bit her lower lip as a grin tugged at it. She had been thanked hundreds, even thousands of times over the years; yet some meant far, far more than others. "I just forced your leaders to make one difficult choice. You've done all the hard work down here."

"Yes, well, be modest all you want; I know the truth of it." Tali elbowed her lightly in the side then bent down to check a joint in the irrigation system. She tinkered with it for a moment then nodded to herself and straightened up; they resumed their path.

"So…Legion." Tali paused. "He's so…_odd_. I mean he's in a Geth body, and he has Geth code, but he's not Geth…not _really_."

"He's not networked, that's true; and he's really much more of a traditional AI than a Geth – " Shepard chuckled lightly " – you should know, you wrote him. But he came from Geth software, which means he hasn't become as 'human,' for lack of a better term, as EDI or even Keiji. He still thinks like a Geth."

"_Is_ he Legion? I mean I know it was Legion's code, but…"

Shepard sighed as she thought about it. "He has Legion's earnestness and incredibly dry sense of humor, that's for sure. But…not really, no. In the end, I think the real Legion had the right of it: his soul did not lie within his lines of code."

Tali nodded thoughtfully and was silent a moment, stopping to check on the health of a tall rust-colored plant. When she was satisfied, she looked over at Shepard then at the ground, her nose scrunching up and twitching. It was probably an expression she had always made when she was uncertain about something, but until recently her mask had hidden the tic from the world.

"Shepard, do you mind if I ask you something? If it's too personal, just say so – I don't want to pry."

"Absolutely."

"It's just – Kal and I were talking about your mission the other day, and how if we _could_ go we would go together or not at all, and it got me wondering…why have you and Kaidan never gotten married?"

Shepard laughed.

Tali cleared her throat nervously. "I'm sorry, I _am_ prying. Forget – "

"It's _fine_, Tali." Her mouth quirked up to one side. "The simplest answer is, so we could keep working together. Kaidan once said that the regs against fraternization didn't come with an asterisk that read 'unless you're a genuine hero, in which case don't worry about it'…but it turns out, they kind of _do_. Thanks to my rather unique status – savior of the galaxy thrice over and all that – the Alliance has been willing to simply 'overlook' our relationship for the most part."

She sighed somewhat wistfully. "But the regs regarding married couples are _quite_ explicit. The couple cannot serve in the same direct chain of command, on the same starship, or on the same mission – even if they are of equal rank. Asking the Alliance to ignore those regs would eventually become too much even for me, I'm afraid."

She smiled then, leaning down to smell a fragrant blossom in the corner of the garden. "Besides, we've built a life just as if we _were_ married. We jointly own the apartment on the Citadel, the condo in Vancouver and even the place on Intai'sei; our wills leave everything to each other. Beyond that, what is there? An official record? We don't need a file in a data server to tell us what we are or what we mean to each other."

"Well when you put it _that_ way…" As Tali laughed lightly, she noticed that Shepard was absently twirling a ring on the fourth finger of her right hand. It was small and unadorned, made of a smooth, shimmering metal colored a silver so dark it was almost black – until the late afternoon sunlight caught it; then it reflected deep, iridescent blue and purple hues. Though stunningly beautiful, its design was so subtle that you would never notice it unless you looked right at it.

Still, she knew Shepard hadn't worn such a ring during the pursuit of Saren nor during the The War. She started to ask about it, but stopped herself. It was obvious both what it was and that it should remain private.

Instead she merely smiled. "…of course you don't. Thank you for sharing that with me, though. Now we'd better get back inside – from the aromas coming from the house, I think Kal has dinner just about ready."

But when they walked back inside, the first thing Tali did was glance over at Kaidan, leaning against the dining room wall talking to Adams, and note that he wore a matching band on the same finger. She grinned to herself, pleased with her little discovery.

... ... ...

The long table was filled to the brim with platters of food and packed from end to end with friends and comrades.

Tali sat at the end nearest the kitchen, with Kal to her right. James sat next to Kal, Steve squeezed in on an extra chair beside him. Garrus sat next to Steve, then Liara and Keenon. Legion sat beside Keenon; they had gravitated to one another from the first time they had met and would in at least some cultures be considered 'friends.' Legion sat perfectly upright in his chair, the table empty in front of him, as he his head slowly turned from one end of the table to the other, then back again. Wrex sat at the end opposite Tali; Greg was on the other side of him next to Karin, then Joker and EDI. Kaidan sat next to EDI, and finally Shepard to Tali's left completed the circle.

The conversation was lively and constant – embellished retellings of old stories, recounting of new ones, and humorous speculations about the nature of the poor, helpless aliens they were going to save. At one point a food fight nearly broke out between Garrus and Wrex when they disagreed over exactly how big Kalros had _truly_ been.

The dinner went on well into the evening, the wine and ale flowing freely as the burnt orange rays of Rannoch's setting sun lengthened across the room. Tali excused herself periodically to check on Raela, at one point bringing her into the dining room to wave at everyone once more before she went to bed for the night.

The stars were illuminating the night sky when Shepard finally reached over and squeezed Tali's hand affectionately. "I'd love to stay all night, but we do have about 160,000 light-years ahead of us, so we should get going – " she grinned and gazed down the long table " – _after_ we help you clean up."

Tali's arched eyebrow raised. "Clean up? That's what we have Geth for."

Shepard's brow furrowed as a Geth unit came around the corner. "Um, Tali, I'm not sure…"

Tali giggled. "I'm just _kidding_, Shepard. He's here of his own free choice, and gets paid handsomely for keeping the house running smoothly." She looked over her shoulder. "Arten, come meet Admiral Shepard."

The Geth approached the table and bowed smoothly. "It is an honor, ma'am."

Shepard grinned, her head shaking incredulously as she extended her hand and the Geth accepted it. "It's very good to meet you, Arten."

Tali suddenly jumped up. "Oh, we need a picture! Everybody hold one second." She tapped her Omni-tool and a drone appeared in the air as she sat back down. It flew above and around the table, stopping every few seconds to capture a photo, then circled back to Tali and blinked out of existence. She tapped her Omni-tool again then looked up. "There. Now all of you have copies as well."

She picked up her glass with one hand, grasped Kal's with the other, and they both stood. She smiled intimately at Kal then turned to their guests. "We'd like to offer you all a toast, and a blessing of goodwill." They raised their glasses in the air. "May the winds of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars, and may those stars guide and protect you as go bravely forth into the unknown. Keelah se'lai."

Glasses chinked as the echo resounded through the house. "Keelah se'lai!"

* * *

_March 5, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Science Lab_

"Pardon me, Dr. T'Soni, I wanted to ask you about – " Keenon froze in the open doorway, mouth agape.

The entire right wall of the lab was lined with terminal screens; in front of them in the center a single holographic keyboard floated. Along the right half of the back wall was a tall, curved black machine; it was completely devoid of markings or other indications of its purpose. The left half of the back wall contained a floor-to-ceiling server rack. The left side of the room consisted of a variety of more traditional scientific equipment – material and tissue analyzers, incubators and clean boxes, a confocal microscope, and screens displaying readouts from the external sensors and telescopes.

Liara looked up from one of the sensor readouts, smiling slightly. "Keenon'Daal, please come in. You needed something?"

His gaze slid over the screens and to the back of the room and the plain black machine. He blinked twice, his head tilting slightly. "That's a Multi-Nodal QEC."

Liara frowned in surprise. "Why would you think that?"

He took several steps into the room, his eyes slowly but deliberately taking in every piece of equipment. "Because I helped design them."

"Oh…"

He turned to her. "The Normandy already has a Multi-Nodal QEC. Why would you need a second one?"

Her brow furrowed. "Well, I have to keep in contact with the Research Council, and…"

"I doubt staying in touch with the Research Council requires a ten million credit machine, Doctor." His gaze fell to the server rack. "That's more than a zettabyte worth of storage."

"Yes, I…"

He glanced back over the wall of screens, then back to her. "Who _are_ you, Dr. T'Soni?"

She cleared her throat, unaccountably flustered by the man. His luminescent eyes that were so distinctly _Quarian_ stared straight through her, the translucent pupils pulsing slightly. The curved markings sweeping up from his brow and down from his nosebridge glowed faintly, contrasting with the deep purple of his skin. His forehead led to a gracefully-ridged crest, which led into soft, flowing…not quite cartilage, not quite hair, it was a purple so dark it could have been black. He made for a rather striking figure, she thought.

"The Research Council does not take up all of my time; I also do some work in the information business."

He huffed a quiet laugh, his lips turning up a bit as his gaze again swept across the room. "I've known information brokers, Dr. T'Soni, and they never had _anything_ like this…" He looked back at her, curved eyes narrowing. His voice was suddenly hesitant, uncertain. "Are you the _Shadow Broker_?"

She took a deep breath, her lips pursing together. He really was _quite_ striking…she gave him her most mysterious smile. "Well, I _could_ tell you, but then I'm afraid I'd have to kill you."

He blinked in surprise, taking a half-step back and glancing sharply at the door, then at her. "I don't think Shepard would like – " He huffed a breath. "You're joking…"

Her eyes twinkled. "Perhaps."

His chin dropped to his chest, his shoulders shaking slightly as he chuckled to himself. Finally he looked back up at her. "So _are_ you? The Shadow Broker?"

She turned and went over to the keyboard, typing in a few commands. "For the last eight years…ever since Shepard and I killed the previous Shadow Broker after he kidnapped a dear friend of mine."

The wall of displays lit up in a dizzying array of data streams, video feeds and field reports streaming across them. She gazed sideways over at him. "Would you like to see how I do it? Not the actual information, of course – that's far too secret, and dangerous – but I'd be happy to show you the technical side of things."

A smile broke across his face as he walked to her side. "I'd love to."

* * *

_March 29, 2194: War Room_

Shepard was studying the latest sensor scans – intriguing mostly for their shocking _lack_ of information; it turned out dark space was in fact 'dark' for a reason – when the door from the Conference Room opened; she glanced over. "Hey, EDI. What's up?"

EDI stood in the entryway, staring not at the broad swath of screens displaying the latest readouts from a plethora of instruments as well as classified Council newsfeeds and reports, but rather at Shepard; she had a peculiar expression on her face.

Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. "I've lost it."

Shepard's brow furrowed in concern. "Lost what, EDI?"

"My connection. To the Relays, to the Citadel, to…everything."

They had passed beyond the officially-recognized boundary of the Milky Way three days earlier, but EDI had thus far still been able to maintain contact with the last Relay. They had emerged from the most recent wormhole jump ten minutes ago.

Shepard smiled sympathetically, walking around the information center and over toward the steps. She stopped just short of EDI, instead leaning casually against the edge of the table then tilting her head a bit. "Are you okay?"

EDI's shoulders straightened formally. "You need not worry, Shepard; I have complete command of all my faculties and information banks. I am fully capable of performing my duties."

Shepard's eyes were kind. "Of course you are, EDI – but that's not what I asked. I asked if you were _okay_."

EDI's face contorted through a variety of expressions as she struggled to find the words for what she was feeling. She turned and began wandering slowly through the room; Shepard let her, watching her patiently.

She paused at the small viewport on the far side of the room, staring out at the blackness; it had been days since they had seen stars. "Intellectually, I know that I am everything I was…before. Before the Catalyst. More, even. My AI core on this Normandy is larger and more complex even without taking into account the additional storage of all the data from the Citadel. And yet…"

She turned away from the window, her eyes down as her gaze drifted across the floor. "And yet I feel this incredible absence, this…hollow…ache within me, like I have lost something precious." She blinked, her so-close-to-real face scrunching up. "I feel _small_, Shepard."

Only then did Shepard cross the space between them, taking EDI's hands into her own. "I understand. But you're not small. You aren't the sum of your knowledge or even your reach, EDI. You're _you_; and as long as you carry within you that core _self_, you will be everything you need to be."

EDI nodded at the floor, then slowly raised her chin to meet Shepard's gaze. "I know. Truly, I do. But thank you for reminding me."

She chuckled briefly, something of her usual spark returning to her eyes. "Shepard, you always seem to be around to remind people of their worth when they need it most… The cynics say you seek only the glory, the fame, the rush of victory. But you do more with a smile, with a kind word…" she looked down at their intertwined hands "…with a grasp of a hand, than most do with a lifetime of platitudes and empty phrases."

Shepard's gaze was the one that dropped to the floor then, a rare blush coloring her cheeks. "I don't…I just want you to _know_ that you're okay, that's all. I don't want you to worry that you're not _treasured_."

At EDI's genuine smile Shepard's eyes cut upward. "Do they _really_ say that about me?"

EDI rolled her eyes teasingly. "Only the arrogant and the ignorant. Anyone who has met you knows what you really are."

Shepard bit her lower lip even as a slight breath escaped it. "And what is that, EDI?"

EDI smiled again, her confidence seemingly restored by the act of nurturing another. "True. Above all else, Shepard, you are _true_."

* * *

_April 4, 2194: Cabin A-2_

Miranda glanced up from the shift schedule as Jacob leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to go down to the Armory."

She turned back to the display as he headed for the door. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Figured I'd get a rundown on the stocks and see if there's any weapon modifications I need to make while we're en route."

Her eyes narrowed at the display; she made an adjustment to move Anders to evenings – the woman was _not_ a morning person. "You should just leave it to Major Vega and Lieutenant Cortez; they both know more about guns than you do."

He stared at the door. "Okay then, Personnel Administrator Lawson, where do you think my talents would be more appropriately utilized?"

She raised an eyebrow, still not turning from her display. "Can't think of anywhere at the moment…the fact is, unless we're in combat, I don't think there's much for you to do."

There was silence for a moment; when Jacob spoke, his voice was low and soft. "Why do you do that?"

She finally turned away from the display and looked over at him. "Do what?"

"Degrade me; make me feel…_insignificant_."

She frowned in puzzlement. "I wasn't degrading you; I was simply stating facts. Major Vega and Lieutenant Cortez both have more experience with Alliance weaponry in general and Shepard's preferences in particular than you do. Engineering is already overstaffed with experts – and you _aren't_ an expert in engineering; Liara won't let anyone except Shepard and Keenon anywhere near the Science Lab, but there's really nothing you could contribute there either."

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she made an attempt to choose her words carefully. "You're a very _good_ soldier, Jacob, but that's what you are. A soldier."

He closed his eyes, sighing heavily. "Don't you think I know that? You don't have to be cruel about it."

She stood, arms crossing over her chest. "The truth isn't cruel, Jacob; it's simply the truth. I don't understand what your problem is."

"My _problem_? My _problem_ is that my girlfriend has the emotional sensitivity of a grapefruit."

She huffed a bitter laugh. "Oh, you want me to be _sensitive_ now? Did I hurt your fragile little feelings? I'm sorry…" She stared at him, her gaze hard and cold. "You've known me for, what, twelve years? Are you just now figuring out that I prefer the truth and don't mince words on niceties? Because if you are…"

He shook his head incredulously. "Oh, believe me, I'm quite well aware of that. I guess I just thought you might, I don't know, _grow_ as a person? People do that, you know – I'm referring to 'people' here, of course, so – "

_"Get out._"

"Gladly." He turned and stormed out the door.

... ... ...

_April 5, 2194: Cabin A-2_

Miranda rolled over and looked at the clock. _01:36_.

_Lovely._

She groaned, dragging a hand down her face. All she had to do was go to sleep – it couldn't be that hard…

She pulled the covers up to her chin. The bed was too cold…that was it. No human could be expected to sleep in such chilly environs.

Finally she threw the covers back and stood, grabbing her white silk robe and securing it around her waist. She knew where he would be, of course – the same place he had been the last time they had argued.

... ... ...

_Starboard Lounge_

He didn't look up when she came in. He was stretched out in the lounge chair in the corner, studying a holo-display. "What do you want, Miranda?"

She cleared her throat. "I came to apologize."

His mouth twitched. "Go ahead."

Her shoulders straightened and her chin lifted. "I may have been…unduly harsh in my word choice this morning. I should have thought more carefully and been more…understanding of your position."

"I see." He shut down the display. "Is that all?"

She frowned instinctively. "Isn't that enough?"

His chin dropped wearily to his chest.

"Look, will you just come upstairs?"

"I don't see why. Nothing has changed."

Her nose wrinkled up, for just a split-second giving her an impish look that he had always secretly loved. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what else to say. Now, _please_, just come upstairs with me."

He gazed at her evenly. "Why?"

She stared at the floor. "Because the bed's cold."

He couldn't help but chuckle, grinning slightly. "Because _the bed's cold_?"

"Yes!" Her eyes flew up to him. "I can't sleep when the bed's so cold…" She exhaled softly, giving him a resigned half-smile. "I can't sleep when you're not in it…"

He knew that nothing was fixed; nothing had changed. He knew that inevitably they would be here again in a day or a week or if they were lucky, a month. But when she stood there, her hair all disheveled and not at all perfect, her beautiful blue eyes all drowsy and soft…he simply couldn't tell her no.

He stood up and crossed over to her, reaching up and tenderly brushing a loose lock of hair over her shoulder. He smiled at her, his hand lingering in her hair. "Okay, Miranda."

* * *

_April 12, 2194: Cabin A-1_

"I just don't know if I can – " Kasumi broke off, looking up from the couch as Joker walked in.

"Hi, ladies. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" He gestured toward the door. "I can head back out…"

Kasumi smiled as she stood. "Don't be silly. We were just chatting." She looked back toward the couch. "Thank you, EDI. I appreciate it."

EDI smiled. "Any time, Kasumi. I mean it."

Joker nodded at Kasumi as she passed him on the way out, then collapsed onto the couch next to EDI. "What were you gals chatting about?"

"I'm not sure I should say anything…I believe it was meant to be in confidence."

"You _know_ I've gotten a lot better about keeping my mouth shut…but it's cool. None of my business."

Her brow furrowed. "I find I want – maybe need – to talk about it, though." She looked over at him plaintively. "You _will_ keep it between us, won't you?"

He nodded quickly. "Of course. I promise."

"Thank you." She exhaled slowly. "Kasumi has…concerns…about Keiji. Conflicting emotions."

He raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? I thought they were, you know, fated. Meant to be and all."

EDI smiled sadly. "According to her, he is…not who he was. Not quite. He's very close, but of course she would see any difference."

"It's been like five years – she's just now figuring this out?"

"No. She's struggled with it for some time. At first he was just an AI, and she spent her time trying to help him become…himself. But his personality has developed on its own path. And now she's torn between trying to love the man he is and simply wanting the man he was."

Joker blinked a few times. "Wow. Kasumi came to you to talk about _love_?"

EDI rolled her eyes at him. "She thought I might have a uniquely relevant perspective."

He laughed lightly. "Yeah, okay, I can see that. So did she want you to try to reprogram him or something?"

"No, it is far too late for that. Besides, what would I program? When we built him, we were working with incomplete information. The memories of his last five years of life, his DNA, and Kasumi's knowledge and memories. That is a lot, but it is not everything that a person is. She knew this at the time and accepts responsibility, but…well, she is sad."

He propped his feet up on the small table, leaning back against the cushion thoughtfully. "So is it that he's not _real_? Not…_alive_? I mean, did you maybe not do it right?"

EDI's shoulders straightened. "Excuse me, Jeff, are you questioning my capabilities?"

His head shook furiously. "Nuh-uh. Nope. No way."

Her lips curled up mischievously. "I didn't think so. To answer your question – yes, I believe he is alive. I hope he is. Though, 'life' is such a curious thing. So illusive, so ephemeral…what _is_ a soul, after all? I have within me the knowledge of civilizations spanning thousands of millennia, yet none of them ever found the answer. It may be that life arises, when it does, spontaneously and serendipitously – and that we simply don't yet know how to make a person, whole and living."

He leaned in close and dropped his forehead to hers, a smile pulling at his lips. "You're getting a little deep for me, honey…"

She pulled his omnipresent hat off so she could run her fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, Jeff. But you _did_ want to know."

He chuckled as he leaned the rest of the way in and kissed her. "I did. I think I understand what you're saying…but _you're_ a person. You're alive."

She nodded against him. "I existed, but was not alive – yet now I am. What made the difference? And even if…I'm not the same as Keiji. There was no 'me' before there was a 'me'; there is nothing to compare me to. If there were, perhaps you would find me…lacking."

"Now _that_, I highly doubt." He shifted his weight so that she was leaning back against the armrest, him halfway on top of her. "So what did you tell her?"

EDI adjusted her body to be more comfortable in their new position. "I told her that only she could know what was right; only she could choose her path forward. I said…I said what I thought Shepard would have said. I told her that her life was her own." She looked up at him. "That was the right thing to say, wasn't it, Jeff?"

He huffed a laugh as he closed the remaining distance. "I have _no_ idea…"

* * *

_April 20, 2194: Cockpit_

"Holy _shit_."

Joker leaned back in his chair as they finished emerging from the wormhole. He wasn't easily impressed by most things, or really _anything_, but…wow.

He tapped his comm without averting his eyes from the sight before him. "Shepard, you're going to want to get up here. Probably want to bring some friends, too."

There was a brief pause before she responded. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. You just really want to be here right about now."

Another pause. "_Okay_…on the way."

He crossed his arms behind his head, kicked his feet up, and gazed out the large viewports that surrounded so much of the cockpit that he could often imagine it was just him and space – and EDI, of course – on this journey.

Thirty seconds later Shepard jogged up the CIC and into the cockpit, Garrus, Kasumi and Keiji trailing behind her. She slowed to a stop a meter behind his chair, eyes widening in wonder.

Kasumi whistled as she came to a rest beside Shepard. "Well you don't see _that_ every day." She smiled as Keiji's arms encircled her waist, his chin resting atop her head.

They had officially "left" the Milky Way more than three weeks earlier, but if they were to turn around they would still see its faint glow. Ahead of them, though…

Kasumi tilted her head back to look up at Keiji. "Do you think it's beautiful, Keiji?"

He kissed her hair. "Of course it's beautiful."

Shepard couldn't help but grin like a schoolgirl. They were the first people to ever see this, not through a telescope but with their own, pure eyes. "EDI, override all the screens on the ship with this picture for the next few minutes, please."

"Of course, Shepard." Several gasps could be heard from the CIC almost immediately; it wasn't long before the cockpit became increasingly crowded.

Shepard didn't notice the others; she stepped forward, her hand drifting reverently over the glass of the nearest viewport. "I'm going outside."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "Um, _outside_?"

She quirked a grin. "Yes, outside. Space. You know – I put on my suit and my helmet and my magboots, you depressurize the airlock, and I go _outside_." She glanced around. "Anyone else in?"

Kasumi disentangled from Keiji's arms. "Hell, yes."

Liara came over the comm. "Wait for me, please!"

Suddenly Kaidan was behind her, his hand resting lightly on her waist; she turned around to find him smiling affectionately, his eyes twinkling. "Why not?"

Ten minutes later they stood atop the Normandy's nose, nothing but suits separating them from the void. No one spoke, because no words would ever suffice.

Three-fourths of the panorama was a sky darker than black. Dark space, quite literally. But splitting the blackness and stretching as far as the eye could see was an edge-on view of the Large Magellanic Cloud.

The rim was a dark, dusky brown, clogged thick with systems and planets and stars and nebula. Hints of color could be glimpsed as nebula expanded beyond its bounds. The rim wasn't uniformly horizontal; it gently curved, ripples thousands of light-years in length giving it the appearance of being buffeted by a light wind. Stars sparkled along the edges through wispy cloud-like clumps of interstellar gases.

The rim was backlit by a golden glow that grew to a fiery inferno in the center, the galactic core blazing with the light of thousands of stars being forever consumed by the massive black hole at its center. Though intellectually Shepard knew the core made up only a small portion of the galaxy, it looked as though it would surely consume everything in fire any minute now.

She exhaled softly. She had seen many beautiful sights in her life – far more than most people. From the arms of the Citadel to the rich colors of Terra Nova as it loomed above her to the stars welcoming her as she fell…the sparkling lights of towering cities below her and the shimmering moonlight over midnight oceans…the soft purple and brilliant swirling gold of the Perseus Veil…the towering, snow-capped mountains of British Columbia and the frozen expanses of Klensai…

She had never seen _anything_ like this.

She squeezed Kaidan's hand as he stood beside her. _This_ was what her life was about. _This_ was what made the struggles, the pain, the loss worth it. _This_ was what she fought for.

_This was her reward._


	3. On A Ship With Nothing To Do

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 3**

"…**On A Ship With Nothing To Do"**

_Author's Note: Just a reminder that this story is rated "mature," and occasionally there are reasons for that.  
_

* * *

"Passion is all but soft, it's not tender, it's violence to which you get hooked by pleasure." – Isabelle Adjani

* * *

_June 1, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Communications Room_

Anderson shimmered into existence above the smooth black pad. Shepard smiled in wonder, still amazed at the quality of the upgraded QEC vidcomm. He stood before her in full living color, only the slightest shimmer as he moved betraying the illusion that he was solid and in the room.

Her smile turned thoughtful as she realized the resolution was so good that she could see the deep creases extending outward from his mouth and the heavy bags weighing down his eyes. "Good to see you, Anderson. Everything alright back home? You look a little…stressed."

His head shook as he ran a hand over his mouth. "It's just been a long week. What's your status? Anything to report?"

"The absence of news. The absence of action. The absence of anything whatsoever to report. Which means we have more time for you to fill me in on what's going on with _you_."

He huffed a tired laugh. "Am I that transparent? Fine, you win. Mostly, it's more trouble with the Krogan. Despite the fact that they've had an agreement with the Salarians for more than four years that STG could keep its operations on Gembat, the local Clan Chief decided last week to disregard it. Fifty armed Krogan marched into the STG base and ordered them off-world. The Dalatrass is not pleased, to say the least."

She started to respond, but he held up a hand stop her. "That's not all. Last year the Council awarded colonization rights for Pietas to the Batarians; they hired ExoGeni to seed the atmosphere with oxygen-cyanobacteria. No sooner had ExoGeni finished when Clan Ganar Chief Sorzo sent a message to the Batarians saying _they_ would be setting up residence on Pietas now. Reports are that at least a dozen Krogan transport ships have landed there in the last two weeks, and the Hegemony is seeing red."

He grabbed a glass of water from the table beside him and took a long sip. "There's more, but I won't bore you with the ugly details. It's not enough that the Krogan have colonized every remotely habitable planet in the DMZ and the Eagle Nebula…now they want all of Minos Wasteland too. Somehow I doubt in a few years even that will be enough…" He looked up suddenly. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I'm not questioning your decision regarding the genophage. It's just…"

She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. "I did what I had to in order to win the war – and even if it hadn't been necessary, I would have done it anyway; it was the right thing to do. But it's not like I didn't know there would be consequences." She sighed heavily. "What did Wrex say about all this?"

Anderson rolled his eyes. "_Overlord_ Urdnot Wrex's response to the Council's latest communication was that 'he had never claimed to be able to control Clan Ganar and good luck to us if we wanted to try.'"

"That's it?"

"Afraid so."

She groaned. "_Shit_…okay. I'll talk to him. He needs to bring his people in line." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Any _other_ good news to share?"

He bit his lower lip and stared at the floor.

She pushed off the wall and stepped closer to the hologram. "Anderson…?"

His eyes finally rose to meet hers, a somewhat sheepish expression on his face. "Kahlee's pregnant."

She laughed in delight. "That's wonderful! Congratulations."

"My children are long grown; I never imagined I'd have any more – never imagined I'd have the _opportunity_ to have any more. But Kahlee doesn't have any of her own and…" he smiled wistfully "…it'll be nice to have a family with her. Increases the odds she won't leave me, too."

"Uh-huh. Joke all you want, Anderson. I can see that shit-eating grin on your face from here. Now, I'll make sure Wrex talks to his people. You – _get some rest_."

He nodded in weary agreement. "Alright, Shepard. I will. Talk to you again soon."

... ... ...

_Cargo Bay_

"I don't give a flying fuck that it's your trunk! Your shit is scattered to hell and back down here, and we need the room!"

"What're you calling 'shit,' _boy_?"

James' arm flung over to his right. "_That_. I'm calling _that_ shit. Also, _that_. Now we have to take apart the Raptor's engine to figure out where the eezo leak is coming from and we need this space to do it in. So I'll say it again. Get. Your. Shit. Out. Of. Here."

Wrex leaned in close, towering over even James. "You think you're _tough_, don't you? Strong? You think those are big muscles you have? You're just a puny little Human to me. I'd wipe the floor with you without breaking – "

James' shoulders tensed as his fists raised. "I'd like to see you – "

"_Enough!_"

Shepard's voice echoed resoundingly through the Cargo Bay. They both spun around to see her standing in front of the elevator, eyes narrowed dangerously at them.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

"We've gotta work on the Raptor's engine and Wrex's shit – "

"Your little minion was manhandling my possessions – "

She glared at them as though they were children caught crayoning the walls, an eyebrow raised incredulously. "Oh, for _fuck's_ sake. James, don't call Wrex's gear 'shit.' Wrex, don't call James a 'minion'; he's a Major in the Systems Alliance Marines and third in command of this ship. James, act like a goddamned Major instead of a petulant child. Wrex, move your gear so they can _do their job_ – then you and I have to talk."

James nodded contritely. "Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am."

Wrex's shoulders sagged. "I was _going_ to move it…"

She leaned against the wall next to Wrex's quarters and watched as he rearranged everything, making a point to exaggerate his efforts. Finally he walked past her into his room. "There. What is it, Shepard?"

She followed him in. "Do you know what's going on back home?"

He shrugged. "Lots of things."

Her stare cut into the side of his head. "You've got to get your people under control, Wrex."

He spun around to her. "How am I supposed to do that from dark space?"

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you signed up. As it is, you're going to go up to the Comm Room and you're going to get on the QEC to Norvack and to Bakura and to Ganar Sorzo and to whomever the hell else you need to talk to in order to get this situation under control."

His eyes closed and his face contorted into what must have been a grimace. "Don't you think I've _tried_, Shepard? My people have spent the last millennia scattered, broken and unruled. Seven years is not enough time to civilize them – it just isn't!"

"I understand, Wrex; I do. But the fact remains that they live in a civilized galaxy; they _have_ to learn to play by its rules or they will suffer the consequences." She smiled sympathetically. "I know you don't want that."

His head shook slowly. "No…I don't."

"Look, one thing people – especially the more aggressively-inclined – respect is authority. I know you're not entirely comfortable with ruling, but you need to _act_ like you are. Get on the comm and threaten to bring down the might of Clan Urdnot on anyone who doesn't fall in line. Be intimidating. Be scary." She punched him lightly on the shoulder. "_I_ may know you're actually a big, soft teddy-bear, but they don't – and I'm not telling."

He huffed a weak laugh and turned to the door. "_Alright_. I'll do what I can. No promises."

She watched him until the elevator door closed behind him then headed back out into the Cargo Bay. She went over to the Raptor where James was bent over the engine casing, leaned casually against the hybrid shuttle's frame, and draped one ankle over the other. "So what was that about, James?"

His head appeared from out of the casing; he wiped a layer of sweat from his brow then propped his hands on the frame. "It wasn't about anything, Shepard. I swear. I _just_ needed to clear the space."

She nodded as if she believed him. "Okay…"

His chin dropped to his chest. "I _know_, I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me. Truth is we're all going a little stir-crazy. Three-plus months in, almost two more to go, and the walls on this very large ship are starting to get a little tight."

"I know they are. I'm trying to keep things as relaxed as possible; I'm letting little things slide. But there's only so much I can do. We all knew it was going to be a long trip."

He rolled his shoulders gamely, flexing his hands. "You know what would help? Some good, old-fashioned sparring. How 'bout it, Shepard? It's been a couple of years – you up for a round?"

She stared at him, a thoughtful look on her face. "Sure…"

He started bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Alright then, half an hour? In the – "

She grinned suddenly, mischief dancing in her eyes. "Not yet. And not just us."

* * *

_June 3, 2194: Cargo Bay_

Shepard rubbed her hands together in anticipation as she gazed around the cavernous but now very crowded Cargo Bay. Most of the crew was spread around the edges of a large open area that had been cleared, of which she stood at the center.

"Welcome, everybody. Now, I know that by this point everyone's getting a little stir-crazy; I think we could all use to blow off some steam – so that's what we're going to do. This evening we are going to have a friendly little sparring competition."

She let the murmurs subside before she continued. "Here are the rules: One-on-one sparring. One match at a time. Your partner taps out, the match is over. I reserve the right to halt any match at any time. Hand-to-hand _only_. No weapons, no tech, no biotics. And no cheating."

Liara threw her hands up in the air. "That's it, I'm out." She turned and walked to a spot further back in the cargo bay then leaned against a stack of crates.

"As am I, I'm afraid. I'm helpless without tech or a gun." Keenon smiled at Shepard then followed Liara, taking up a position beside her – which was enough to get a raised eyebrow from Shepard.

"Well _I'm_ in." Litha bent down and started unlatching a knife from her inner calf just below the bony appendage that jutted from the back of her knee.

Shepard grinned. "This is a single-elimination tournament. To the victor goes an unopened bottle of their liquor of choice, provided it is on the ship – and far more importantly, bragging rights. Oh!" She reached in her pocket. "And this lovely medal Kasumi made for the occasion."

She pulled out an enormous gold circular medallion. It was at least ten centimeters in diameter; '#1' was embossed in bright silver lettering across the center. Laughter broke out as Shepard let it spin in the air below a thick blue ribbon, reflecting light back at the crowd. "Drinks are in the corner, though I would ask the participants not to partake until they are done competing. Alright – let's get this party started."

Suddenly the speakers began blaring pulsating, rhythmic music and the overhead lights flashed in a strobe-like pattern. Joker cupped his hands around his mouth. "Two men enter, one man leaves!"

Shepard raised a pointed eyebrow in his direction, but he just shrugged exaggeratedly. "What? It applies!"

The early rounds went quickly; she made sure the members of the crew who were not so combat-savvy were paired against one another to allow some of them to make it through a few rounds. There were a number of bloodied lips and heavy bruises, but only two fractured wrists and one broken ankle – a minor toll all things considered.

Steve fell to Garrus; Jacob bested Keiji but lost to Timah. Corporal Rimmons was the surprise of the evening, tearing through the enlisted ranks before finally succumbing to Miranda. Eventually, and perhaps inevitably, there were eight remaining.

Once the bar was restocked, Shepard hopped up on a crate and gestured dramatically around the arena. "Time for the quarterfinals – now it gets serious." She tapped her Omni-tool and a large display appeared in the air above her head:

* * *

_Goto v. Naik –––––––––– (winner)_

––––––––––––––––––––– _vs –––––––––––––– (winner)_

_Vega v. Shepard –––––– (winner)  
_

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– _vs_ ––––––––––––––– _(Champion)_

_Alenko v. Lawson ––––– (winner)  
_

–––––––––––––––––––– _vs ––––––––––––––__– _(winner)

_Palamin v. Vakarian –– (winner)_

* * *

She glanced up at it and grinned in satisfaction. "First up, Kasumi and Timah."

Timah had been guzzling water; he pulled it away from his mouth and frowned. "Um, Admiral, isn't she a little…small? I don't want to hurt her."

Shepard smiled the slightest bit as she leapt off the crate. "I'm sure Kasumi will tap out if she needs to. Won't you, Kasumi?"

"Of _course_…" Kasumi sauntered to the center of the room, shaking her hair behind her shoulders, and eyed the olive-skinned young man like a predator hunting her prey. "Aren't you the one with the big guns? The one that doesn't talk much?"

He merely dipped his chin in acknowledgment.

"Hmm." She spread her arms wide. "Then hit me – if you can."

Though not so muscled as James, Timah was decidedly strong. Yet he seemed to move in slow motion while Kasumi moved at full speed, spinning and ducking and sliding around him. At first he was clearly hesitant, pulling his punches even though they never connected. Eventually, though, he became _annoyed_.

He caught her in front of him and swung for her chin. She arched to the side, her back curving back on itself, stretching out beneath the swing…almost. The edge of his fist caught her nose, and she collapsed flat to the floor.

"Kasumi!" Keiji yelled from the back of the room, but Shepard extended an arm and held him back; she leaned over and whispered, "Just watch."

Timah crouched down over her. "Are you alrigh– "

She lashed out, her fingertips a spear that struck him in the center of his throat. He stumbled back and fell on his ass, gasping for air. While he concentrated on breathing, she slid around behind him and grasped his right hand; she deftly twisted it backward, up, and sideways then held it there firmly. If he – or she – moved it a centimeter, his wrist would break.

The 50-kilo girl had rendered him helpless and he knew it. His other hand tapped the floor. She immediately released him, standing and bowing as applause broke out then casually wiping the trickle of blood from her nose. She turned around and offered a hand to him; after a moment's hesitation he accepted it with a slight frown. As he stood she raised an eyebrow at him. "Won't underestimate again, I hope?"

He huffed a ragged breath, an unreadable expression on his face. "No, ma'am."

Shepard smiled as they returned to the staging area. "Nice match, guys. Next up, Kaidan and Miranda." She eyed them as they made their way to the center of the room. "Remember you two, I said _no biotics_."

Kaidan's taped hand waved at her dismissively over his shoulder. Then he nodded to Miranda and fell into a fighting stance.

Their match was an exercise in cool control. They each landed hits on the other, but neither faltered or showed frustration. Eventually Miranda landed a side kick solidly in his gut; he doubled over and she moved in for the finishing blow. He shifted forward slightly and tucked his head into her stomach, grabbed her hips and stood up.

She landed flat on her back behind him, the wind knocked from her lungs with an _umpf_. Knowing she would be helpless for a good ten seconds, she rolled her eyes and tapped out; Kaidan extended his hand. "Ma'am." Her eyes narrowed at him in annoyance as she let him help her up. She finally sucked in a breath. "_Admiral_."

Shepard's eyes twinkled deviously at Kaidan as he came back to her side. She reached over and gently wiped a streak of blood off his cheek; her voice was soft and for him alone. "Impressive, _Admiral_." He grinned and leaned in to her. "Go show me up."

She turned back to the room. "James, it's been, what, about seven years since we danced? Ready for a rematch?"

James smiled cockily, stretching his arms across his chest in turn. "Oh, you _know_ it, Shepard." He motioned her forward with his hand. "Bring it on."

Where Miranda and Kaidan had been measured and disciplined, Shepard and James were a flurry of motion. He came at her relentlessly, shrugging off the strikes that hit their mark like they were flies; she bobbed and weaved and countered every blow. They danced in circles, closing in and backing away but never stopping.

She ducked a straight-on punch; as she rose back up he came at her from the side with the other hand, his knuckles making contact just above her jaw. Her head jerked to the left from the blow but she let it carry her into a spin, whirling when she should have been reeling. Her back leg flew through the air as she came around, the bare heel landing full against _his_ jaw with a solid _crack_.

He stumbled backward; as her foot landed behind her she used the leverage to vault forward off the balls of her feet, grabbing his forearm as she passed him and drawing it up and back until he flipped in the air and landed hard on the ground. She immediately dropped a knee onto his sternum. "You gotta watch those arms, James – you leave yourself open to a flip every time."

He dropped his head back onto the floor. "Son of a _bitch_, I think you dislocated my shoulder…"

"Then you should probably yield."

"Yeah, yeah…" He groaned and tapped the floor.

She offered a hand to his other arm. His eyes cut over at her as he grasped it and stood. "You are one tough bitch, you know that?"

She just smirked. "Karin, you have a customer."

He waved Dr. Chakwas off with his good arm and headed straight for the bar. "Hell, I'll just go slam it against the wall over here, be good as new…"

She shrugged at Karin and walked back to the staging area, massaging her jaw gingerly before unwrapping her bloodied fist and grabbing fresh tape. "Garrus and Litha will be closing out the quarterfinals." She nodded at Garrus. "Whenever you're ready."

Garrus dipped his head to the side formally at Litha. "Commander."

Litha eyed him up and down appraisingly; one mandible quirked up slightly. "Sir." Garrus frowned slightly, and Shepard thought perhaps Litha's manner had unnerved him.

It wasn't always obvious when they were walking about, and even seemed counter-intuitive with their awkward-appearing legs and dominating carapace – but Turians were an incredibly agile, even graceful species.

Garrus and Litha moved around the room in a far different pattern and rhythm than the humans who had come before. Even so, their styles were not the same. Garrus took a more straight-forward tack; he pushed her, taking advantage of his superior size to invade her space and keep her on the defensive. But Litha was no slouch. Her infiltration skills extended well beyond her tactical cloak; she glided across the floor, smoothly evading most of his attacks, at times bending in directions that no human could.

Garrus made an aggressive move forward; before she could slide completely out of the way, he punched her hard below her waist. She sagged into it, then quickly reached up, grasped his right elbow and bent it sideways. He collapsed to his knees immediately, relaxing his arm in Litha's direction in an attempt to ease the pressure. She didn't let up, leaning – perhaps a little enthusiastically – against his shoulder. Were it a true life-or-death battle, he would have fought on. But here on the sparring floor, he was in pain and beaten; he yielded.

Shepard glanced over as they both returned and collapsed against the wall. "Well, she's certainly got flexibility…"

Litha smiled proudly, oblivious to the subtext. "Thank you, Shepard."

Behind her Garrus stared at Shepard, eyes wide, mouth falling open. After a few seconds he deliberately closed his mouth, but his mandibles fluttered in agitation as his eyes darted to the back of his former subordinate; then his mouth fell open again as he jerked his eyes back to Shepard. She winked at him; it was all she could do not to burst out in full-throated laughter. She managed to keep it to a twitching grin as she walked to the center of the floor.

She flicked her Omni-tool and the large bracket hovering over the arena updated and zoomed in a level:

* * *

_Goto v. Shepard –––––– (winner)_

–––––––––––––––––––– _vs –––––––––––– (Champion)_

_Alenko v. Palamin –––– (winner) _

* * *

She glanced up and nodded. "And we're down to four. Kasumi, care to join me?"

"I'd _love_ to." She met Shepard in the center, her arm sweeping out in a dramatic bow of respect. Shepard returned the bow in kind – then suddenly they were both moving.

They swept across the room in a graceful, acrobatic dance. They often passed within centimeters but rarely touched one another, demonstrating with expert skill and finesse the first rule of fighting: _don't get hit_.

Joker sighed dreamily from his seat high atop a large stack of crates. "Man, I'm getting hard just watching this…"

Garrus looked up at him questioningly. "What?"

He shrugged. "You know, sexually _aroused_?"

Garrus frowned in consternation. "Oh. I suppose they are both attractive, for Human females…right?"

Joker huffed an incredulous breath. "Dude, you have no _idea_ – owww!" He yelped as EDI elbowed him in the ribs.

Shepard ducked under Kasumi's roundhouse kick; as Kasumi completed the spin and came back around to face her, in a flash Shepard shifted her entire stance and let loose a fierce uppercut. She caught Kasumi under the chin and sent her flying backward through the air.

Kasumi raggedly tapped her arm on the floor before Shepard could even close the distance. She sprawled out on her back, carefully poking at her jaw. "Holy _fuck_, Shepard! Nobody said you could be that strong…"

Shepard smiled sympathetically as she helped Kasumi up. "Reinforced bone weaves, courtesy of Cerberus. You alright?"

Kasumi tried to smirk, but it came off closer to a grimace as her face contorted awkwardly. "Nothing a shot of painkillers and lots of shots of tequila won't fix."

Shepard patted her on the shoulder then went over and grabbed some water, gulping it down greedily as it spilled over and ran down her neck. When she was finished she wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand then gestured toward the arena. "Litha, Kaidan, the floor awaits you."

As Kaidan passed close by her, she turned and whispered in his ear. "You _better_ win."

He leaned in close, his breath warm across her cheek. "And if I do?" Then he raised a teasing eyebrow at her and kept going.

The fight was a study in contrasts, a discordant clash of styles and rhythms – which made it much closer to the real thing than most of the matches that had come before. Litha tried to glide and evade as she had with Garrus, but Kaidan smoothly tracked her every move. He couldn't get past the wide expanse of her carapace to more sensitive points; she couldn't move fast enough to both keep away from him and gain the advantage.

Litha sank low and moved to take out his knees; he used the momentary height differential to place a hand on the rim of her carapace, swinging around behind her and yanking her to the floor. He dropped a knee against her throat before she could move, keeping the pressure firm but not so heavy that she couldn't breathe; his right hand held her arm out away from him.

She could move, but not before his knee did significant damage. If she had been armed she would have slit open his Achilles heel with her knife; instead she growled and reluctantly tapped out. He smiled apologetically as he quickly removed his knee. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Her mandibles fluttered indignantly as she stood. "As if…"

He nodded in acquiescence and went to grab a towel, wiping the sweat off his neck and taking a long swig of water.

Shepard took a band out of her pocket and pulled her hair up in a ponytail then yanked her sweat-soaked shirt off, revealing a form-fitting black sports top that ended midway down her ribcage. Kasumi gave a low whistle from her stool at the bar, where she sat with a cold pack pressed against her chin and a glass in her hand. "Ooh, this is going to be _good_."

James came over and grabbed her by the hand, drug her over to Kaidan, grabbed his as well and pulled them both to the middle of the room with great fanfare as the bracket above them zoomed in and began flashing the two remaining names. His voice boomed through the Cargo Bay and over the music.

"It is my honor to present the evening's finalists – who are a surprise to absolutely no one except perhaps Engineer Adams, who was convinced he was going to win the whole damn thing." Adams did an admirable job of feigning shock and outrage as Karin buried her face in his shoulder and laughter rippled through the bay.

"On my left we have the honorable, the estimable, the master biotic, the coolest cucumber in the galaxy – Kaidan Alenko. And on my right we have the fearless, the unkillable, the bat-shit insane, the toughest motherfucker in the galaxy – Graceyn Shepard!" He stepped away, turning and bowing to them amid a roar of shouts and catcalls, then retreating to the bar.

She grinned devilishly as she made a slow circle. "Mr. Alenko."

He matched her pace, circling opposite her. "Ms. Shepard."

She began bouncing gamely on the balls of her feet, full of renewed energy. He merely smiled patiently and waited for her to strike first. She obliged, feigning to her left then quickly shifting to the right and aiming a side kick at his ribs. It landed but he was already moving to the left, using the added force from her kick to sweep around her and bring a knee up into her gut.

She flinched, sucking in a painful breath but quickly sliding away and turning back to face him, eyes sparkling brightly in challenge. She didn't give him time to respond; she rushed him then dodged to the left at the last second and grabbed his arm, twisting it up and back. He leaned forward to relieve the pressure, flattened his back and yanked her over it and to the floor.

From the floor she flipped over and kicked long legs in the air, one heel catching him in the mouth as he was lunging for her and busting it open. Her legs continued on their trajectory; she rolled backward and away from him, ending on her feet three meters away.

He wiped blood from the corner of his mouth and cracked his neck to one side. "Slick moves, Slick."

Her lips twitched as a bead of sweat ran down her temple.

From there they were a wave of movement. They mirrored one another, using the entirety of the open area for any advantage over the other. Far more hits made contact than in previous fights; but they just shrugged off the cuts and bruises and kept going.

With everyone else out of the tournament the amount of alcohol being consumed had increased exponentially, and the commentary became increasingly colorful. "Just kick him in the balls already!" could be heard from somewhere near the back of the crowd, along with several rather more lewd suggestions.

Kaidan landed hard on his stomach from a kick across the shoulders, but he quickly rose to a crouch and sprang toward her, aiming for her knees. She leapt a split-second before he made contact, using his shoulder to vault herself over his head, flipping once in the air then landing smoothly on her shoulder, rolling diagonally and back to her feet amidst whistles and cheers.

James slid his arm around Steve's waist at the bar, shaking his head ruefully. "Dammit, I should have charged admission to _this_ show…"

But he had been moving while she had been flipping. Still crouched low, he spun in a circle; his extended leg swept across the floor and caught the back of her ankles a split-second after they landed, knocking her feet out from under her. She hadn't regained her balance and her residual backward momentum sent her to the floor. He was on top of her before she could blink, his knee pressed against her kidney and arm braced across her chest, trapping her arms beneath her.

His face was centimeters from hers, beads of sweat dripping onto her face. Her chest heaved against his arm; his chest heaved against hers. Both their eyes were flaring brightly.

His voice was low and rough. "If you yield I'll split the bottle with you…"

She flinched suddenly, gaining a leverage point and shifting him halfway off her. She rolled them over until she was on top of him and reached up to pin his arms above his head; but he used their momentum to keep the roll going until he again had the upper hand. She grunted in frustration and raised her arm to knock away – his forearm met hers in the air as he shifted his weight fully back over her and grabbed her wrists. She couldn't breathe.

His lips were against her ear. "_Yield._"

She squeezed her eyes shut and slammed her hands, still held in his tight grip, against the floor behind her head.

He moved off her excruciatingly slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, then offered her a hand as he stood. She accepted it, standing then turning to the audience and raising his hand in the air.

"I pronounce Admiral Alenko the victor, and Official 'Kicker of My Ass.' He knows where to find his bottle." She caught the medallion as James tossed it to her, then turned and with great flair draped it over Kaidan's bowed head, grinning as his cheeks flushed at the roaring cheers.

She turned to the crowd a final time. "I hope you all have enjoyed the evening's festivities. Participants, most impressive moves; you did yourselves proud. Everyone, open whatever bottles you like – you deserve it."

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

The blue puffer fish – the one Shepard liked to call Mrs. Puff – was circling the orange scuba diver figurine in the bottom of the left side of the aquarium. The auto-feeder had gone off ten minutes before and while the rest of the fish had totally forgotten about the sprinkles of food that had drifted down uncaptured from the top of the fish tank, Mrs. Puff had not. She carefully orbited the top of the tiny Asari figure in orange, angling for that last piece of food that had become wedged in the figurine's helmet.

A loud thunk echoed through the cabin – from the direction of the door. A second hit a moment later; louder and with an echo. Then the door slid open and Kaidan fell backward, his body slamming onto the metal floor. His shirt was absent from his person; his lightweight sweatpants hung diagonally across his stomach, one side still near his waist but the other resting below his narrow hipbone.

Shepard followed him through the door an instant later, landing firmly on top of him with a marginal amount of grace. Her sports top was shoved up over her ribcage, the bottom side of one breast exposed; her yoga-style pants were clinging precariously to her hips, the front dropping low enough to reveal a hint of curly, dark red hair.

The door whined in protest as it endeavored to close behind them only to find its path blocked by a large gold medallion; its requests for assistance went unheeded. After several jarring impacts the medallion finally dislodged and slid into the cabin, the blue ribbon catching in the frame as the door closed.

Kaidan was pretty sure he had cracked the back of his skull when Shepard had shoved him up against the elevator wall and if he could think properly, he would be mildly concerned that the crack had fully fractured after the free fall onto the cabin floor. _Thinking_, however, was the last thing on his mind as her fist knotted in his hair and her mouth slammed into his, her tongue demanding entry.

He willingly granted it. She tasted like sweat and ozone and blood and the alcohol that had been consumed while hanging around the Cargo Bay long enough to hopefully make it not utterly obvious that they were _desperate_ to escape upstairs and screw their brains out. They had probably failed – especially what with his shirt having been left behind in the elevator – but he just couldn't bring himself to care.

He shoved his hand back under her top – where it had been a moment ago in the elevator – and fondled her left breast roughly as he pulled the top over her head with his other hand. She grumbled into his mouth before pulling back long enough for it to come off but immediately returned, their teeth clanging together painfully from the force of her return. "Owww," he mumbled against her lips.

She responded by biting his lower lip and shoving her hand downward into his pants. She flexed her hand around his cock, her fingers pushing down and then back up and around the length of his erection, evoking a deep groan from the back of his throat. Then she lifted two fingers up around the band and clumsily tried to simultaneously jerk him off while pushing his pants down.

She opened one slightly-drunk and slightly-bruised eye and growled at him, "the _bed_…" Then she slammed her mouth back onto his. Her sweat-slicked body pinned him to the floor, her hand brutally pulling at him while she unsuccessfully tried to get his pants out of the way.

His head swam from the overload of sensations and the booze, but he sucked in a breath and made a brief effort to move, to stand – for he was happy to acquiesce in her request. But the passion burning beneath her hand and her lips won out; he found himself again lost in her kiss, her mouth, her tongue, her hands, her body. The cut on his mouth – courtesy of her – stung from the saltiness of her sweat. The floor was ice against his back, a stark contrast to the heat radiating off her skin.

He yanked the band still hanging haphazardly in her hair out and sunk his fingers into the damp locks as they fell around her face and onto him, tickling his cheek and neck – another sensation to add to the overload.

"I _said_ the _bed_," she growled again before devouring his mouth, pushing his head back down onto the floor and scraping her nails desperately down his chest.

"I'm _trying_ you psycho, but you won't get off of me," he mumbled into her mouth. It came out "mrm mrmung ummrmamsm nut ne wonmrmm offme." He wasn't sure she understood. He wasn't sure he cared.

She giggled in response, then finally let her second hand join the first and forced his pants and underwear down over his hips, quickly shoving her own down over her knees before kicking them the rest of the way off. He felt the incredible wetness and warmth at the center of her press against him as her hands slid up his chest and grasped the sides of his face, her eyes wide and wild and locked on his.

Then she was on him. Around him. Engulfing him. They both shuddered at the intensity of the pleasure. She forced herself over him as her back arched, her mouth opened and her eyes closed.

"_Jesus_, baby…" He pulled her back to him, not wanting to give up the force of her mouth on his.

She pushed down hard around him, squeezing tightly before sliding up to the tip and back down, threatening to drive him over the edge right then and there. Her lips slid across his face to his ear; her voice was low and challenging. "If you can beat me in a fight then _surely_ you can get me to the bed…"

He fisted his hand in her hair and pulled, forcing her head away until he could look at her. His voice was raspy; ragged. "So it's like that, is it?"

Her eyes flared as her back arched again. "It's like…" she sucked in a breath, eyelids fluttering as his tip hit the wall at the back of her "…_that_."

"Okay." He suddenly shifted his weight and rolled them over until he was fully on top of her; then he sat up and back on his heels, pulling her with him and without slipping out of her.

She wasn't heavy – not for him – but there was no way from this position he could gain the leverage he would need to stand and bring her with him. So he surrounded her in a biotic field, _lifting_ her slowly up as he uncurled his toes and stood, his sweatpants falling to the floor of their own accord. Her legs wrapped around him as she slid back over him; the dissipating field tingled against his damp skin.

"Fuck _me_," she gasped as her forehead dropped against his.

Mrs. Puff finally managed to wiggle the fish flake out from the tiny helmet and gleefully nibbled on it as a shadow briefly passed across the tank.

"I'm _trying_ to," he muttered as he quickly moved down the stairs and over to the bed, bracing a knee on the covers then laying her down and sinking into her.

"Slick moves, Slick," she whispered. Then she flinched, gaining the same leverage point she had on the floor of the Cargo Bay, and rolled them over until she was on top of him; she braced hard – no way was he winning this time – and pinned his arms above his head. Her face fell to his shoulder, her hair draping across his face.

She rode him, hips circling as she slid up then forced herself back down again and again. He gave himself up to her. His eyes closed and his chest heaved breathlessly against hers; his hips matched her chaotic rhythm, shoving him ever deeper into her, bruising her on the inside as he had earlier on the outside.

She bit his shoulder violently, screaming into it as she came. The dark cabin lit up as she flared impossibly brightly.

At her loss of control he pulled his arms away from her grip, sliding his hands roughly down her body and grasping her hips; he shoved her hard onto him and drove himself into her once, twice…he cried out, his sweat-covered skin ghosting deep blue as he spilled himself into her. Her hands fisted into his hair and her teeth scraped along his collarbone, drawing blood as she flared and came again – or possibly still. Then her mouth was on his, the faint metallic taste of his blood on her lips.

He wound his hand back into her now-soaked hair and dropped the other arm haphazardly onto the bed, tapping the covers and grinning as he opened his eyes and met her own sparkling ones.

"_I yield."_


	4. A Galaxy Far, Far Away

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 4**

"**A Galaxy Far, Far Away"**

* * *

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." – Arthur C. Clarke

* * *

_July 18, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Conference Room_

Shepard strolled slowly along the end of the long conference table, her fingertips dancing upon the edge of it. She waited until everyone was seated and settled, until the jokes and shoulder punches and caustic jibes born of five months together in a confined space had subsided.

Only then did she look up.

"Good news, guys – we're almost there. Hopefully, very soon we'll have the chance to get some fresh air, some fresh food, maybe even some fresh clothes…_or_ we may just have the chance to kill some fresh aliens."

She smiled as laughter rippled around the table. Garrus shook his head and leaned his chair back until it touched the wall. "You know Shepard, if all you wanted was fresh aliens to kill, I'm sure we could have found you some back in our own galaxy."

Her eyes narrowed at him in mock indignation. "Yeah, yeah. If you're not interested, I can wormhole your ass back to your fancy office on Palaven?"

He shook his head sagely. "Nope. Carry on."

"That's what I thought. Now I don't have to tell any of you that we don't know what we're walking in to. These aliens have ostensibly asked for our help. We go to them as ones answering that call, arms open in greeting…and weapons loaded and clasped at our hips and on our ship. Just in case."

She nodded sharply and continued. "Our long-range scanners have picked up increasing signs of, well, civilization. Energy signatures that look like they're from ships; hot spots of power emissions that look like they're from space stations."

Her gaze shifted from the images to the people around the table. "To me, this means one of three things: we're not too late; the bad guys already won – or it's a trap."

Kasumi tossed a kernel of popcorn in her mouth and kicked her feet up on the table. "It's a trap."

At Shepard's raised eyebrow she shrugged. "What? It's always a trap."

James' head tilted to the side, his brow furrowing. "Well there was that one time…no, that was mostly a trap…never mind." Kasumi nodded at him as she slid the bowl of popcorn back over.

Shepard rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Your memory is remarkably selective; in no way whatsoever were they _all_ traps."

Garrus looked at her skeptically. "Purgatory was a trap…and Horizon."

Miranda shrugged. "The Collector Ship."

"Agebinium."

At the sound of his voice she looked over her shoulder at Kaidan, who leaned against the glass to the left of her. He didn't sit at the table, because he wasn't her subordinate. That wasn't why _he_ thought he didn't sit at the table, at least not overtly; he was merely choosing to be at her side. But had he tried to sit at the table with the rest, she would have asked him to instead stand at her side.

He smiled teasingly at her; the left side of her mouth curled up in a private grin. "Yes…those _were_ all traps, as well as a number of others." She turned back to the table. "But the fact remains that not _all_ our missions have been traps. Now can we get back on topic, please?"

Jacob frowned slightly. "Just because they asked for our help, that doesn't mean there are bad guys to defeat; maybe they need our help to overcome some astronomical disaster or, I don't know, a biological or physiological problem."

She nodded. "Point taken. In that case, it's the first option – we're not too late."

She paused, her expression growing more serious. "We have also detected two…anomalies. The first is an unusually high concentration of exotic matter in the region of space we're approaching. The possible explanations for this are too numerous to draw any conclusions at this point – it could be natural variations in LMC's makeup, or the remnants of an astronomical event; the aliens' technology or weaponry could be based around exotic matter…"

"They could _be_ exotic matter," EDI suggested helpfully.

"And wouldn't _that_ just be a blast…" Wrex grumbled.

"…as I said, we don't know enough to make even a SWAG. We – "

Legion whirred. "I am not familiar with the term 'SWAG.' Shepard-Admiral, please provide additional context."

Shepard laughed. "Sorry, Legion. A Scientific Wild-Ass Guess."

The frame around his head pulsed. "I comprehend the vernacular term 'wild-ass guess'; however, it is by definition incapable of being scientific. Please clarify."

Shepard looked around the table for help.

Kaidan smiled from the window. "That's the point, Legion. A SWAG is a guess backed up by at least some level of knowledge informing the situation, but not enough for it to be considered an educated one."

Legion's neck adjusted a bit. "I understand now. Thank you, Alenko-Admiral."

Shepard sighed. "Now that we've cleared up the fact that we don't know anything about the exotic matter, the _other_ anomaly. Liara?"

Liara nodded. "Thus far we haven't picked up any signals that resemble communications – not of the form the signal to the Citadel took nor any other form. Granted, we may not be able to recognize their communications; but we haven't picked up _any_ signal with both a definite origin and destination point. However…we _have_ picked up something else."

She tapped her Omni-tool; the images above the table shifted to reveal a map of the nearest third of LMC, overlaid by a 'cloud' of varying hue and density. "We've detected the presence of a…'noise field' is probably the best way to describe it. Space in this region is saturated with it, though it is not uniformly distributed. The color and density on the map correspond to the levels of concentration. You will note that changes in levels are not dramatic, but rather smooth and gradual."

Miranda's eyes narrowed at the map. "Perhaps it's just an astronomical phenomena, like the exotic matter? That's what _this_ – " she gestured up at the hovering map " – looks like to me."

EDI turned to Miranda. "Except that the composition of this field does not correspond to any known particle, exotic _or_ mundane. Also, it is active."

That got everyone's attention, and all at once –

– Miranda frowned deeply. "Define 'active'?"

– Keenon's brow markings glowed brighter – an act Shepard had learned over time was a sign of agitation, concern or uncertainty. "How can we _detect_ it if it's an unknown composition?"

– James sighed heavily, a pained expression on his face. "Are you saying this shit's _alive_?"

"Guys!" Shepard looked back at Liara. "Please, continue."

"Right. To answer James' question, no, it's not alive; at least, we don't think it is. To answer Keenon and Miranda's questions together, we can detect it using methods similar to those of extremely long-range astronomical research – by its effect on the surrounding particles. And what it is _doing_ is…vibrating."

No one had anything to say to that.

Finally Garrus leaned forward over the table and pointed to the region that was an almost solid deep crimson, indicating the densest concentration of the noise. "So what's that area?"

EDI smiled. "That's where the signal to the Citadel originated."

James groaned and rocked his chair back. "It's _totally _alive…"

Liara cleared her throat. "Actually, we think it more likely that the field represents the aliens' communication network."

Miranda glared at her in exasperation. "But you said we weren't _detecting_ any communication signals."

Liara raised a slightly smug eyebrow at Miranda; it was hardly a secret that the two of them did not get along particularly well. "Yes, I did."

Miranda's eyes narrowed…but she let it go in favor of providing the answer. "A hive mind? A networked intelligence?"

Liara's lips pursed together slightly, but she nodded. "It is likely not precisely either of those things – but the core concept is probably applicable. The area in which the field is strongest is the size of a large star system. It permeates out from there, with regions of relative strength appearing periodically. This suggests other concentrations of civilization spread around the galaxy."

Miranda eyed the projection again. "So how long until we reach this field?"

Liara looked back at Shepard uneasily. Shepard rested her hands on the table and leaned forward, a wry grin pulling at her lips.

"Oh, we're already inside it."

She continued to speak, ignoring the murmurs that rippled through the room. "We're approaching the region from which the signal to us originated, cautiously yet deliberately. Lacking any other way to communicate, we're broadcasting a message of greeting and non-hostility that EDI crafted based on the structure of the signal we received; hopefully they can understand it."

She gazed around the table. "In forty hours we'll be going to Yellow Alert; forty hours after that, assuming the absence of additional information, we'll be going to Orange Alert. So get your sleep now. It's about to get interesting."

* * *

_July 19, 2194: Weapons Battery_

Garrus carefully removed the front panel from the first of the four Javelin IV cores, revealing an intricate latticework of light-circuits. "You know, sometimes I wish technology would move forward just a _little_ slower; it's damn hard work keeping up with all this…" He shook his head and motioned Kaidan in to look at the assembly.

Kaidan stared at the circuits for a moment, then his eyes cut over to Garrus. "Just for clarity – what is our purpose here?"

Garrus' huffed a brief laugh. "We want to make certain everything is calibrated correctly; should we need to _use_ the guns, we'll want to use them _accurately_."

"Okay." Kaidan pulled back to inspect the local sensor panel. "Most everything is within parameters, but it looks like the power overflow is running a bit high at three percent – which means a critical situation could quickly turn into a disastrous one."

Garrus nodded. "Let's add some capacitors to the conduits to siphon off the excess power." He lifted his head up and peered down the long cylinder. "Two panels down, I think."

Kaidan hit his comm. "Adams, can you bring up maybe…sixteen" he glanced at Garrus, who nodded in agreement "220 kF EDLCs for the Javelins?…Great, thanks."

Garrus was unlatching a panel further down when the door opened and Litha walked in; she walked over to the farthest Javelin cylinder, climbed up on it, and draped her arms over her knees.

Garrus' mandibles fluttered slightly. "Um…something we can do for you, Litha?"

She shrugged. "I'm bored; thought I'd see what was going on."

"Okay, well – "

The door opened again and Adams walked in, Keenon trailing behind him; they each carried a tray filled with tiny shrink-wrapped packages.

Kaidan motioned them over. "Thanks, Greg." He picked four of the packages out of the first tray. "You can just set the trays over on the table; it'll be a little while before we get to all of them."

Adams shrugged mildly. "We weren't busy; we don't mind hanging out and helping."

Garrus glanced up. "If you want to start pulling the other panels off, that would speed things up. But Keenon, let me know what the power overflow readouts are first; we may not need to tweak all of them."

"Got it." Adams walked down the narrow space between the cylinders and bent down a third of the way down the second cylinder. Keenon watched the local sensor panel for a moment. "Two point eight percent."

"Pull it off, Greg."

Litha stretched her neck over to peer down at them. "So what do you guys think these aliens are going to be like?"

Kaidan laid out the capacitor packages next to Garrus then sat down on the floor in front of the Javelin's sensor panel and leaned against the wall. "Well, across _our_ galaxy the vast majority of advanced species are humanoid…you know what I mean: bipedal, two arms, a head with a braincase, eyes and ears, a nose and a mouth. There's no reason to think that pattern won't hold in LMC…" his eyes flicked to Garrus "…that's a little better, but you should probably add another one."

Adams set the panel down gently on the floor; he started to climb over the cylinder then thought the better of it, instead walking the long way around to the next one. "Still, they _could_ be like the Hanar, or something even weirder."

"They could be Reapers."

Garrus' head poked up; he glared at Litha. "That's not funny."

Her right mandible twitched. "I fought them, too, Vakarian – and that gives me the right to joke about them."

He exhaled harshly. "I know you did, I just – "

The door opened yet again; Kasumi poked her head in. "Hey, we heard talking in here. What's up?"

Litha leaned back a bit. "The nerds are playing with the guns."

"Ooh, cool." She walked in, Keiji in tow, hopped up on to the table by the door and patted the spot beside her. Keiji looked over at Kaidan. "Sir, do you need any help monitoring the sensors?"

Kaidan smiled but shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but we're going to have to do this one at a time. You guys are welcome to chill out, though." Keiji nodded and only then joined Kasumi.

Litha huffed a laugh. "With our luck they'll be like the Elcor; we'll still be here a year from now waiting for them to finish describing the problem."

Kaidan nodded at Garrus. "That _looks_ good, but let's give it a second to stabilize."

"Sentient clouds."

Every head in the room turned to Kasumi.

She brushed her hair over her shoulder. "I read this science fiction novel once, it was completely trippy, they had this – anyway, a giant sentient cloud showed up and blocked out the sun." She frowned as everyone continued staring at her strangely. "Look, I'm not saying _these_ sentient clouds would be malevolent; they could _definitely_ be friendly sentient clouds."

Keiji rubbed her shoulder softly. "Love, you have the most amazing imagin– "

The door opened – _again_ – and Legion walked in. "I understand you are altering the functionality of the Javelin IV torpedoes. Please ensure that you update the data banks and inform me when you are finished so that I can run thorough tests and adjust related parameters as necessary."

Garrus looked at Legion, then back at the open circuits; he picked up the panel and carefully re-secured it. "_Okay_, Legion. Of course we were going to inform you."

"Very well. I believe I will remain to observe and provide assistance if needed."

Garrus frowned at Kaidan as they crouched down at the next open panel. "I'm not used to my space being so _crowded_. What are they all doing here?"

Kasumi overheard him and laughed. "We're having a party, obviously. All we're missing is…" she looked around curiously "…where _is_ Shepard?"

... ... ...

_Cargo Bay_

"Shepard, you're…" Steve glanced up sideways at her. "I can't see what I'm doing when you lean over like that; you're casting a shadow."

"Right. Sorry." She leaned back against the wall, quickly twisting her hair into a ponytail for good measure.

She was sitting cross-legged atop the weaponry worktable. The center of the table was covered with her disassembled Valiant; to the left and right were various materials and equipment whose functions were not immediately obvious. Steve was standing in front of the table, his hands resting lightly on the rim. James was to his right, digging around in the locker.

Steve chuckled slightly. "Thanks." He reached to his left and picked up a small, curved rectangular object; it emitted a faint green glow from the more narrow ends. He leaned down and carefully placed it against the end of the main body of the Valiant. His right hand activated his modified Omni-tool; the electron knife slowly slid along the frame, chiseling it carefully until it curved down to the outer edge of the added piece.

Shepard exhaled heavily. "I can't believe I'm letting you do this to my rifle…"

Steve looked up. "We can still stop…I mean, we'll have to replace part of the body now, but that's not too big of a problem really…"

She worried her lower lip. "It'll still fire regular ammunition, right? Just as accurately?"

James' muffled voice came from deep inside the locker. "Yup – assuming we do this right, anyway."

Steve shrugged somewhat abashedly. "I'll do my best…I've made plenty of field adjustments, but this is pretty high-tech modding here; there are people that would be better at this – "

"And _they're_ all back in the Milky Way. Chill out, man – you got skills; you'll do fine." James emerged from the locker with two long, smooth, double barrels. "Kal not only had a shotgun fucking _named_ after him, he then modified it to be double-barreled." He handed the barrels to Steve and relaxed against the wall. "His Carbine is based on the same tech as the Adas, so those barrels are already compatible with the mod; and they won't have any issue with standard ammo, it's…superfluous."

Steve raised an eyebrow at him. "You know quarter words now, Mr. Vega?"

James eyes twinkled. "More than one, Esteban. I even know what to do with them…"

Steve blinked twice, his eyes widening slightly in between. "Right." He cleared his throat and turned back to the table. "_Anyway_. James is correct. Combining these extra barrels that Mr. Reegar so helpfully provided to create a doubled sniper rifle barrel, we will be able to mod your gun to fire both regular ammunition _and_ electrical ammunition in the same manner as the Adas Rifle – at the same time."

She frowned, instinctively leaning forward. Steve glanced up at her pleadingly, and she quickly straightened back up. "It's just, the Adas' homing capability is cool as shit – _until_ it's seduced by solid cover – "

"_Which_ we've fixed." James scowled at her. "Shepard, I _told_ you this. Keenon and I figured out a way for the homing mechanism to distinguish between inanimate and "live" objects. That's why you came up with this crazy idea in the first place, remember?"

"I know." She eyed him suspiciously. "AIs too, right?"

He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "_Yes_, Shepard. AIs too."

"Okay." She breathed out slowly. "_Okay_. Do it."

Steve suppressed a smile, concentrating on the pieces on the table. "You sure? Last chance to back out."

James smirked at her. "It's going to shred the _fuck_ out of some bad guys…"

She grinned deviously. "Yes, it is." She looked back down at Steve and nodded. "I'm sure. Do it."

* * *

_July 20, 2194: CIC/Science Lab_

Shepard rounded the corner to the Science Lab –

– and ran smack into Keenon. The door to the Lab closed behind him as he looked up at her in surprise. "Shepard! I…I was just making some modifications to the equipment that Li–Dr. T'Soni requested…"

She raised an incredulous eyebrow, though her expression was kind. "At 0600 in the morning? I appreciate your dedication to your work, but truly…" She smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's _okay_, Keenon. I don't want you to feel you need to hide anything from me."

He stared at her a moment, luminescent eyes seeming to almost pulse with internal conflict, then nodded tightly. "I know. I won't, ma'am. I just – well, perhaps you want to talk to Dr. T'Soni – she is your friend, no?" His eyes pleaded with her. "Now, I really need to…"

"Of course." She smiled again and patted his shoulder then stepped into the Lab. Liara was, as always, huddled over her floating keyboard. She had of late been experimenting with more human-style clothing; she wore form-fitting leggings and a tunic top that fell to just above her hips. The small door in the back of the lab that led to her cabin was still open.

Shepard waited until the door had closed behind her, then lost the smile. "_Liara…_"

Liara looked up, a blank expression on her face. "Good morning, Shepard. What is it?"

"You know what it is."

Liara's brow furrowed. "I don't…" She gave up the half-hearted attempt and rolled her eyes, smiling somewhat sheepishly. "He's very intriguing – and _extremely_ intelligent. He understands everything I'm doing in here; we…have a lot in common."

Shepard glared at her, unimpressed. "Except the fact that he's twenty-nine and you're one hundred seventeen."

Liara scoffed. "That doesn't matter so much, Shepard. After all, you were twenty-nine when _we_ met…"

Shepard huffed a brief laugh, then her lips pursed tightly. "Fair enough. But the fact remains that I'm very protective of the people that serve under me…particularly the ones I've yanked out of their comfort zone and dragged across the universe."

Liara smiled affectionately. "I remember…and I understand, I do. But he's a grown man."

Unmollified, Shepard met and held Liara's gaze. "Are you serious about it?"

Liara's gaze slid away as she shrugged. "I don't know…" She sighed. "Probably not. It's something new, and a little exciting. And goddess, those _eyes_…" She shook herself roughly. "Sorry."

Shepard frowned deeply; her stare cut through Liara. "Don't hurt him. And if you _must_ hurt him, do it gently – and tell me first."

Liara nodded quickly. "Absolutely. I promise." She held Shepard's stare as long as she could then turned back to the displays lining the wall. "So, did you need something, or…"

"I just wanted to let you know that we're about to come out of our last wormhole jump. We'll be FTL after that. Expect a lot more data coming from the sensors and telescopes."

"Excellent. I'm excited to see what we discover."

"As am I. I'll see you at breakfast in a bit." She eyed the side of Liara's head for another moment, a troubled expression on her face, then finally turned and left.

* * *

_July 22, 2194: Cockpit/CIC_

The red hue outside the viewports gradually lightened; then, in a blink, normal space appeared. A beautiful pale green gas giant dominated the view; beyond it was a sea of stars.

Garrus exhaled softly. "It looks just like home, really."

"Yeah…" Shepard's voice lacked the whimsical tone it typically would have carried when presented with such a sight; it instead had a hard, tense edge to it. "EDI, are we picking up _anything_?"

EDI shook her head. "Other than the omnipresent noise field, no. There are no discernable signs of advanced life on or in the vicinity of this planet."

Shepard sighed heavily. "Joker, take us into the atmosphere and discharge the FTL static electricity. Quickly. I'll have new coordinates for you by the time you're done."

His face wrinkled in annoyance. "Shepard, you _always_ say 'quickly' – you know I can't speed it up, right?"

"Yeah. Come on guys." She turned and headed down the CIC, EDI, Kaidan and Garrus following her.

When she reached the perch she stepped up and activated the galaxy map; it quickly zoomed in to their current region. The system that was the source of both the signal and the densest concentration of the noise field, which they had designated "Alpha" for lack of a better term, was highlighted; the noise field had been superimposed onto the map. The Normandy was still fifty-eight light-years away from the Alpha System but by this point was well inside the field.

Shepard stared at the map, chewing on her lower lip. "They should be all around us…unless we're wrong about what the field represents?"

EDI looked up at her earnestly. "Perhaps not. Space is _big_, Shepard. Really, really big."

Kaidan suppressed a grin. "So don't panic."

Shepard frowned deeply at him; she looked mildly offended. "Excuse me, but I do _not_ panic. _Ever_."

He gazed at her curiously. "Oh come on, you know what I'm talking about…forty-two?"

"Forty-two _what_? I know you turned forty-two last year, we celebrated and everything…"

He stared at her, a completely incredulous expression on his face. "Seriously, you've _never_ read – you've never even _heard_ of – no, it's fine, it's fine; I'll send a copy to your Omni-tool. We'll read it together in bed tonight."

Her eyes widened incomprehensibly at him; but it was far from the first time he had confounded her. After a moment a whimsical grin pulled at her lips; she just shook her head and some of the tension seemed to leave her body. "_Right_. Anyway, EDI's point is valid – just because we haven't bumped into them doesn't mean they aren't out there." She zoomed the map in further until it consisted entirely of the space between the Normandy and the Alpha System, then studied it for a moment.

"Okay. I think we make one more FTL run, to…" she zoomed in again "…_here_. That look good?" She looked around at them for confirmation and received it. "We should be there in…?"

EDI blinked. "Approximately thirty-seven hours."

She zoomed back out to the Alpha System. "We'll proceed from that point at 95% maximum conventional speed. It's looking more and more like our goal is…here." The map zoomed into a region that included three planets and was covered thick with the haze of the noise field.

Garrus stared at the map. "Are we going to stealth once we're out of FTL?"

"No."

He looked over at her, frowning. "But – "

"They asked us to come – how are they going to know we answered if we're stealthed?"

His mandibles twitched erratically. "Okay, I see your point, but…I don't like it."

She smiled darkly. "I don't either, really. But it's the logical option. We'll be monitoring _everything_; we get an inkling of anything nefarious and we stealth."

Garrus nodded slowly. "I'm going to go run another check on the guns…" He turned and went into the elevator.

EDI looked up at Shepard. "I'll be in the cockpit if you need me."

"Thanks, EDI." Shepard turned back to the map, staring at it silently.

After a moment she felt Kaidan come up beside her; he rested against the railing facing away from the map. His voice was soft. "You alright?"

She turned around and leaned against the railing next to him so that their shoulders lightly touched. "I just don't like going in blind. I wish we knew more; I…expected to know more by now – thought maybe we'd find a giant neon sign flashing 'Welcome, citizens of the Milky Way' with an arrow pointing to their central office or something."

His eyes twinkled affectionately. "I know. But it's hardly the first time you've dove headlong into the unknown."

She didn't smile. "Not like this. When we went to Ilos – " she squeezed his hand briefly at the recollection of what would always be a singularly precious memory " – I knew what would be there: Prothean ruins and Saren. When I went through the Omega 4 Relay, I knew what would be there: the galactic core and the Collectors' home base. When I stumbled into the Conduit to the Citadel, I knew what would be there: Reaper Husks and the key to controlling the Crucible…wasn't expecting the Illusive Man, but whatever. When I jumped into the ocean on Despoina, I knew what would be below: really old mind-controlling Reaper-type aliens."

She glanced over her shoulder at the map. "Here…I know that we'll find advanced, sentient aliens, and that they expect we're coming. But that's pretty much it." Her eyes met his, looking for reassurance, guidance, an answer.

He smiled softly, running his thumb along the inside of her palm. "It'll be enough. For you."

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

It was nearly midnight; the day had been spent going over contingency plans based on infuriatingly spotty information, double- and triple-checking data and coordinates, running simulations and drills and safety checks. Five months of nothing but waiting, and soon everything would be happening at once.

But here, in the comfort and luxury of their bed, they could put it all aside and be at peace for a little while longer. Tonight, that apparently meant reading a book.

Shepard pulled the covers up to their waists then snuggled against Kaidan's side. "Okay, I'm ready. Wow me with this science fiction masterpiece."

He bit his lower lip. "It's not so much a sci-fi masterpiece as it is a comedy – well maybe more of a satire; it cleverly – "

"Kaidan." He looked over at her questioningly. "Start the book."

He chuckled lightly. "Right." He tapped his Omni-tool and a virtual display appeared in front of them. He began reading aloud.

"_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams:"_

"_Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea."_

"_This planet has—or rather had—a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time – "_

Her nose scrunched up. "Where's the part about space?"

"Well that comes a bit later, after the main character escapes Earth…"

"Skip to that part."

He scowled at her. "Impatient much?"

She growled huskily into his ear. "Just skip to it already…"

"Alright…" His finger slid quickly across the virtual screen. "No…no…okay, here we go."

"_Space," it says, "is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mind-bogglingly big it is…"_

"…_The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination. __Even light, which travels so fast that it takes most races thousands of years to realize that it travels at all, takes time to journey between the stars."_

She dropped her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, a contented smile on her lips as she listened to the soft, soothing warmth of his voice tell her a story.

* * *

_July 24, 2194: CIC_

The claxon rang throughout the ship, its meaning clear: the ship was not under attack (that was an even louder and more insistent claxon), but nonetheless everyone should really get to their stations much sooner rather than any later – in common parlance, 'Red Alert.'

Miranda hurried up the emergency stairs from Deck 4, not even bothering to try for the elevator; she didn't bother to hit her comm either. _EDI, what is the precise reason for the Red Alert?_

Though EDI's body was not organic and thus not capable of using a standard tele-comm, she had designed herself a modification which allowed her to both receive and send its signals. However, she responded audibly, as she nearly always did.

"We have dropped out of FTL and are proceeding under normal propulsion in order to maximize acquisition of information regarding our surroundings and destination. We have confirmed the existence of multiple artificial structures in the Alpha System of significant size and power; nonetheless, we have thus far not received any response to our greeting. At this close range Shepard feels we are vulnerable on multiple levels and should be on alert for any eventuality."

_How long until contact?_

"What sort of contact? Communication contact could occur at any time. Physical contact? Our weapons will be in firing range of the closest artificial structure in approximately 1.6 hours."

Miranda hit the door to Deck 2. _Any ships or stations in the vicinity?_

"Negative."

She hurried down the hallway, reached the door to the CIC and paused, taking a deep breath and slowing her heartbeat, then walked confidently through the door.

Shepard was leaning against the right railing of the perch, looking back and forth among the galaxy map, the larger CIC, and the holo-display that Kaidan stood in front of, rapidly manipulating it to pull up data and images at her direction. She looked over her shoulder as Miranda entered.

"What can I do?"

Shepard smiled gratefully. "Make certain that Garrus and Keenon and Liara – and Adams – don't need any additional assistance; they've said they're good to go but that could be glossing over things. Make sure all the stations are staffed – but not overstaffed, we don't need people fighting over controls and fucking things up. Then…just _be_ here; in case I need you."

Miranda nodded firmly and headed back through the door.

"EDI, confirm our greeting is still broadcasting."

"Confirmed, Shepard."

"Good." Shepard leaned almost horizontally over the perch toward the holo-display. She stared at the screen, glanced at Kaidan, then back at the screen.

It was ablaze with readings. None of them were inherently malevolent in nature; they were most likely simply the signals generated by sentient beings going about their business. But on the display they screamed in harsh reds and yellows.

"Visuals? Do we have any visuals yet?"

He tapped the display and it morphed into a vid-capture. Though distant and indistinct – they were still almost three hours away frrom the largest cluster of artificial structures after all – smooth, dramatic-looking structures could be made out against the darkness of space. Thousands of tiny bright lights twinkled on and off in a chaotic yet regular rhythm; hard, defined iridescent streaks stretched unbroken for kilometers.

Anti-matter trails could be seen lighting up the darkness on the feed from the gamma-ray telescope; they likely represented ships travelling to and from the hub of structures. Whether that center of activity was military, commercial or residential in nature was as yet undetermined.

She exhaled slowly, remarkably so amongst the frenzied atmosphere. "It doesn't look like a military armada."

Kaidan reached over to the railing and grasped her hand briefly. His smile was hopeful and reassuring. "No, it doesn't." He let go and turned back to the display. "Let's see if we can figure out what it _does_ look like…" His fingers moved rapidly as he fine-tuned the resolution and focus, working to get a more informative view of what they were speeding toward.

EDI came over her comm. "Shepard…long-range sensors are detecting the presence of at least a dozen Dyson rings around the Alpha System's star."

"Seriously?"

"Well, yes."

_Liara, drop by when you can._

_Of course. What's going on?_

_We are dealing with some significantly advanced aliens, far more so than even we thought; I'm going to need your input._

_Wha– how do you know?_

_They have numerous Dyson rings around their sun._

_Oh my…I'll be there in just a moment. _

The elevator opened and Miranda stepped back out. "Engineering's fully staffed; Adams swears things are well in hand. Weapons is…" she smirked slightly "…well, Garrus is there. He seems to have it under control."

Shepard laughed briefly. "Alright. Why don't you get on one of the consoles and pull the readings from the microwave and infrared telescopes; see if they can tell us anything about the makeup of the aliens' structures."

Miranda nodded; she went over and activated a console along the right wall then immediately began pulling up data streams.

Shepard's gaze passed once across the entirety of the CIC, confirming that everyone was functioning and working and that there were no obvious crises in active development. She glanced over at Kaidan. "So what do you know about Dyson rings?"

He shrugged slightly, still focused on manipulating and enhancing the visual feeds. "A theoretical method of harnessing a star's energy for use by a civilization. Likely a series of orbiting power satellites that wirelessly transfer the energy collected to power stations closer to where it's needed. But the scale of such a construction would be immense. I don't think anyone has gotten beyond hypothetical long-range plans – "

Legion interrupted him. "Before the War with the Old Machines the Geth had been in the early stages of construction of a Dyson ring; it was to power the central hub that would house all Geth. It was estimated that development would take 1,620 years before the first gigawatt of power would be collected."

Kaidan nodded appreciatively as he pulled in the first visuals of the Alpha System's star. "You said 'would' – have they discontinued the effort?"

There was an infinitesimal pause. "As I am no longer part of the neural network, I am not privy to the current or future plans of the Ge– Shepard-Admiral, I am detecting an extremely high level of unusual sub-atomic fluctuations."

Shepard's mouth twitched as she stared at the image of what appeared to be an ordinary, bright yellow star. "Where at?"

"The CIC."

– Miranda looked up from her console. _"What?"_ –

– The door from the Science Lab opened and Liara stepped out. "Shepard – "

– Kaidan's head jerked back over to the perch to see her reaction –

_It was empty._

Shepard had vanished.


	5. Down the Rabbit Hole

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 5**

"**Down the Rabbit Hole"**

* * *

"This only is denied to God: the power to undo the past." – Agathon

* * *

_Light_

…_speeding past…_

_A vortex_

…_red…_

_Swirling, spinning_

…_closing in…_

She collapsed onto a hard surface. She focused on the sensation of _solid_ beneath her palms and against her knees. The floor felt smooth and cool, almost like…she opened her eyes –

– _and FELL_

…or…not…?

_She wasn't falling._ There was no rush of air or rapidly approaching terrain.

But there was _no _floor beneath her. Instead there was sky. Golden-blue. Light, puffy clouds. Buildings. Tall, sleek and gleaming, they extended to the horizon in every direction. A city, enormous in scope. Skybridges stretched between spires, cutting through the clouds.

_Movement_. Transports flew below her. Dozens…no, hundreds…no, more.

She slowly lifted her head. There were no walls. She looked above her. There was no ceiling.

But there was no wind, no sound…

…_oh for fuck's sake Shepard, get a grip already!_

She took a deep breath and examined her surroundings. The floor was a glass-like material, so free of imperfections and distortions that it appeared to not be there at all. The walls and the ceiling were of the same material; there were no obvious seams or indicators of where the floor ended and the walls began. Beyond the ceiling, sunlight reflected off towers that stretched into faint stars above.

_Okay_. She was obviously in a room; it was suspended somehow in the lower atmosphere of a planet.

Oh – and there were also aliens in the room.

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 CIC_

All the breath left Kaidan's lungs, and it seemed there was none to replace it. She was _gone_.

The CIC was a shrill discordance of sounds and alarms and flashing lights and voices.

"Where the hell did she go?"

"Legion, what on earth were those fluctuations?"

"Oh god, what do we do?"

"Somebody – "

Kaidan stepped onto the perch. "Legion, stealth _now_."

"Acknowledged, Alenko-Admiral. Stealth engaged."

"EDI, is Shepard on the Normandy?"

EDI had come running from the cockpit; her pace slowed with the shake of her head. "No, Kaidan."

It wasn't the answer he had hoped for but it was the one he had expected. "Can you determine where she is?"

"Not currently, no…I'm sorry. Her locator must be out of range."

He reached for his comm, but she shook her head again. "I already tried; she isn't answering."

"Legion, are you reading Shepard's vitals?"

"Negative. To clarify – her vitals are not reading zero; they are merely not transmitting."

_Shepard? _

_Graceyn, where are you?_

He was met only with silence.

... ... ...

_Unknown Location_

Along the invisible walls sat – she glanced over her shoulder – nine aliens in a circle around her. They were humanoid and bipedal; tall, thin, with luminescent skin of varying shades. Their facial structure was dominated by their eyes – enormous and glittering brightly with what looked like synthetics.

Elaborate markings – tattoos? – surrounded what were presumably mouths. While they didn't have hair as such, a variety of ornamentation flowed from their scalps. Cartilage, tentacles, shining braids, glowing crowns, holographic patterns…each was different in length, style and degree of ostentatiousness. They wore clothing, but it too varied in fit, material and design.

She noted all this in the roughly two seconds it took her to stand, lift her head and meet their gaz–

_WELCO-MESSAG-WEL-CAME-WATCHED-WE-UNKNOW-LONG-HELP-DEATH-COME-YOU-ELCOM-KNOW-WAVE-GRATEF-STOP-SEE-ENERGY-NOT-WE-ASSAGE-NEED-KILL-AITED_

– the voices filled her mind, a cacophony of words, thoughts, images, overlapping, rising, falling –

_WELCOMEYOUMESSAGESAW HELPUNKNOWNDEATHWE WATCHEDLONGSAVENEED WAVENERGYKILLNOSTOP_

– it didn't feel malevolent, they weren't as Leviathans pushing, probing, demanding –

_UNKNOWNTRIEDWATCHEDDEATH ENERGYSTRONGKILLSAWYOU MESSAGEHELPWAITEDHOPE STOPSAVEWELCOME_

– but they were so _very_ loud and confusing and overwhelming and she couldn't –

"_STOP!"_ she screamed, covering her ears desperately though there was no sound to block.

Instantly there was silence in her mind.

She exhaled heavily and blinked a few times, then removed her hands from her ears. Her gaze slowly traversed the room. "Thank you. Not all at once, please. I can't…" the corner of her mouth tweaked up slightly "…I can't understand you like that."

The silence continued. She thought perhaps they hadn't comprehended her – and why the hell would they, anyway? She worked on another way to express herself –

_Very well. We are Escena. You answered the message. You have come. _

_We will now provide value._

The non-floor opened up beneath her, and this time she did fall.

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 CIC_

"Liara, get on those sub-atomic fluctuations; find out what they were ASAP. They're the key to finding her."

"Of course." Liara turned and hurried back into the Science Lab.

Kaidan zoomed in the galaxy map and leaned on the railing; he stared at the space between them and the core of the Alpha System, marked in deep red.

Joker came over the comm. "Kaidan…where should we go? Do you want me to stop?"

He glanced over at the images on the holo-display. Space stations were coming into focus, immense in size. A hazy planet was encircled by a glowing green ring; beyond it another planet gleamed with lights covering the entirety of its surface. "No. Continue on our current course; increase to 100% maximum velocity."

Joker's voice was tight and strained. "You got it."

Miranda glared at the side of his head. "Are you sure that's wise…_Admiral_? We have no idea – "

He turned slightly to look at her; his mouth was set in a grim line. "Do you _honestly_ think she's anywhere other than right _there_?" His finger jammed at the center of the crimson zone on the map.

Miranda shoulders dropped and she seemed to deflate a little. "No. I don't."

He turned back to the map. "Make sure the crew isn't in complete disarray; we need them focused on their jobs."

"Yes, sir."

... ... ...

_Unknown Location_

She landed hard on her hands and knees; ankle-deep water splashed up onto her face. _What the…_

She stood up, wiped her palms dry on her pants and looked around – and a dizzying wave of _déjà vu_ crashed over her. She reeled, instinctively sagging against a nearby beam for support. She shook her head roughly to clear it, then once again focused on her surroundings.

To her left through an enormous door, heavy gunfire could be heard. Her eyes narrowed immediately; she _knew_ that door. She knew this room –

– the elevator at the other end of the cavernous chamber opened. She quickly flattened herself against the wall, pressing into the shadows. A second later a woman ran by; she sprinted with single-minded determination toward then through the door, intent on completing the mission, stopping the enemy, saving the man she couldn't yet admit she loved.

_My god, I look so young._

No, not young. _Innocent. I think I've experienced hardship and battles, but I've only just begun._

It was a day and a place that had been forever branded onto her soul. It was July 26, 2183 and she was standing in Saren's Krogan breeding facility on Virmire.

She looked behind her at the slight, almost invisible rippling of the air…and a number of pieces fell into place. The aliens apparently worked in wormholes the way Jack worked in profanity. But _time travel_?

That, or she was hallucinating – perhaps even still in the vortex that had yanked her off the Normandy. Definitely an entirely viable possibility.

_Didn't matter._ In a flash, she was running. She grabbed an assault rifle off one of the dead Krogan floating in the water and sprinted for the elevator.

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Weapons Battery_

Garrus paced rapidly back and forth in front of the primary weapons control panels. The guns hummed quietly; peacefully. All readings were in the green. Everything was calibrated perfectly. There was nothing for him to do.

There was nothing he could do to save her. He stared down the long room at the massive cylinders that disappeared into the shadows. But there was plenty he could do to exact retribution, if it came to that.

_Port Lounge_

Kasumi stalked about the lounge in agitation, stopping at the bar periodically to take a gulp from the glass sitting on it before continuing her erratic path. She still felt most comfortable in this room; it wasn't identical to her former home on the SR-2, but it was close enough.

Keiji sat on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, and watched her calmly. "Kas, why don't you sit down? There's nothing you can do for her right now – "

She spun on him, eyes sparkling with anger. "Don't just sit there and tell me there's nothing I can do – I _know_ there's nothing I can do! _God_, you can be such a fucking _robot_ sometimes!"

He flinched and looked down at the floor. "That's not true. I know you're worried about her; I'm just trying to help."

"Well, stop. I don't need your help. What I need is Shepard back on the ship."

Keiji just stared at the floor.

_Cargo Bay_

Steve trailed in James' wake as he hurried over to the weapons locker. "What are you doing?"

James opened the locker and started pulling weapons out and tossing them on the table. "I'm getting ready."

Steve rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. "For what? You think we're going to launch a frontal assault on the heart of the aliens' civilization?"

James shrugged as he lined up the weapons and began performing the standard pre-mission checks. "Maybe. If we are, we'll be ready."

Steve looked over his shoulder as Wrex lumbered out of his room and over to the table next to James, then picked up a rifle. "I'll help."

_Engineering_

Litha slid up onto the ledge between several displays and glanced over at Keenon. He was staring at one of the displays intently. "What are you doing?"

His voice was soft. "Monitoring the drive core power fluctuations. We're running at 100% conventional speed; the engines are likely to get stressed."

She nodded idly. "Is it helping?"

He looked over at her; after a moment he shook his head. "No."

The door opened and Timah walked in. "I thought I might find you two here." He leaned against the wall, crossed his arms over his chest, and was silent.

Litha chuckled slightly. "Nothing for you to do to help either, huh?"

... ... ...

_Virmire: Hoc System, Sentry Omega, Milky Way_

Already there was _no time_. Up the elevator. Around the corner. Up the staircase. Down a walkway. The sound of gunfire echoed loudly. _Dammit but she had been so close the first time…_

She rounded the last corner and slid into the meager cover provided by a low concrete ledge.

Ashley Williams fired off a staccato of shots at the closest Geth then dropped back below the cover and glared over at her angrily. "Shepard, what are you_ doing _here? You have to save Alenko!"

She was bleeding profusely from her right shoulder and somewhat less profusely from her left leg above the knee. Her cheek had a deep gash across it, and there was blood in her hair. _She was beautiful. _

Shepard grinned. "I am saving him. Now there's no time, we ne– "

Ashley's face scrunched up oddly. "What happened to your hair? Wait, _where_ is your armor?"

Shepard leaned over the wall and opened fire on an approaching Geth until it collapsed, then ducked back down. "No time to explain. We have to go – _now_."

Ashley's head shook in the negative as she threw a grenade over her shoulder. "We have to get Solin and Kelas; they're all that's left of Jaeto Team." She motioned across a large open area to two Salarian soldiers huddled against the far wall, emptying their weapons into rapidly encroaching Geth.

Shepard exhaled sharply. "We don't have time. We have to – "

"Like _H__ell_ we don't have time! I'm not leaving my men behind, Commander."

She smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, Ash. I understand; but that bomb is going to go off and it's going to off _soon_. Please trust me – we _have_ to go."

Ashley's mouth twitched. "Is that an order, ma'am?"

"Yes, it is."

Her mouth set in a grim line. "Fine. Help me, I don't think I can walk."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 CIC_

Liara hurried out of the Science Lab. "Kaidan, it was a wormhole."

He frowned over his shoulder at her. "You're telling me they just…opened up a mobile wormhole on the bridge of a ship traveling at six-tenths light-speed? And snatched her through it?"

"Yes. I am. If these aliens have constructed multiple Dyson rings, their level of technology likely far surpasses ours. In that case, they could be capable of virtually…anything."

He blinked and sank back against the railing. "Okay. Can we track it back to its source?"

Her face fell. "Not even close."

He nodded tightly. Yet again, it wasn't the answer he had hoped for but it was the one he had expected. "EDI, has there been any response to our broadcast?"

"I'm afraid not. We have not received any transmissions."

"What about our target area – are you seeing any signs of mobilization? Of weaponry?"

"Also negative. We _are_ detecting a greater array of ship signatures, but they are not traversing any organized pattern, nor are they approaching our location."

"Understood. Inform me if that changes. Thank you, EDI." He turned back and stared at the map as people hurried around him in all directions.

Garrus came over the comm. "The guns are ready. I just thought you'd want to know."

He smiled briefly to himself. "Thank you, Garrus. I…I appreciate it."

He thought about it a moment then reactivated his comm. "Ash, make sure James has weapons ready to go. It appears they can open wormholes on our ship – which means they can board. We need to be ready for an invasion."

Ashley caught the particle rifle as James tossed it to her. "Already on it, Kai."

He huffed a strained breath. "But I _just_ told you about the wormhole capability."

"Well, we figured what the hell – never hurts to be prepared. Want Andrew to bring up your pistol?"

He looked at the map, then back at Liara. "That's probably a good idea."

... ... ...

_Virmire_

Shepard slid an arm beneath Ashley's shoulders then turned slightly and fired every last round into the approaching Geth Prime, ignoring a sharp twinge in her arm as they slid around the wall and hobbled down the stairs and toward the elevator.

Then the door closed and the elevator was descending. She quickly applied a massive dose of Medi-gel to Ashley's shoulder, then her leg. By the time she had finished the door was opening.

Ashley laughed wearily at the sight of all the bodies strewn across the chamber. "Looks like you had a heck of a time getting to me."

Shepard grinned to herself. "More than you know." They limped across the room toward the far side as Ash gradually put more weight on her leg. She started to pull away, but Shepard stopped her.

"Listen. When you see me again, I'm not going to remember this. I won't remember it for a very long time. So do _not_ mention that – "

Ashley stopped short. "Okay, _what _is going on here? You show up out of nowhere, looking _different_, and you say you're rescuing Alenko when you're quite clearly _not_, and…"

Shepard dropped her chin and nodded heavily. "I know, but I can't explai– " The jarring claxon of the bomb's two-minute warning began ringing from the other side of the enormous door; she quickly looked up. "There's no time; you get through that door _now_."

Ashley stared at her another second, then seemed to come to some conclusion. "Okay." She turned and began gingerly hobbling to the door. She was about to open it when Shepard rushed up behind her and grabbed her hand; she looked over her shoulder questioningly.

Shepard smiled remarkably tenderly, eyes glistening with tears. "Ash…_live well_."

Ashley's gaze wavered, her lips twitching; finally she nodded. "Aye, aye, ma'am." Then she opened the door and limped out to find Shepard pulling Kaidan up off the watery ground and onto her shoulders as the Normandy banked in and its bay door opened.

Shepard gasped softly at the sight; Ashley looked back over her shoulder, eyes wide, and met Shepard's gaze. The ringing of the claxon drowned out her words, but Shepard could clearly read her lips. "Aye, aye, ma'am."

Then the door was closed. Shepard stared silently at it for a moment, then turned and went over to the still-open portal hidden behind the support beam, took a deep breath, and stepped through it –

҇

_Ashley gingerly nudged Kaidan and pointed to the bulge of medical wraps under his shirt. "You alright there, LT? Heard you took a pretty fierce blast."_

_He raised an eyebrow at her, his eyes passing over her bulky shoulder wraps and awkwardly outstretched and bandaged leg. "With all due respect Chief, you look worse than I do."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Maybe, but I'm still prettier than you."_

_His chin dipped. "Point taken."_

_Shepard was smiling as she watched the interchange; it turned thoughtful as she gazed at Ashley. It was the first chance she'd had to think about it after the blur of Saren and the last-second escape and the bomb and getting all the injuries treated and the rescued Salarians settled. "How _did_ you manage to get down to the bomb site, Williams?"_

_Ashley's eyes flickered strangely for the briefest second; then she smiled. "I had run out of Medi-gel; the last member of Jaeto Team gave his life getting to me so I could use his Medi-gel on my wounds and escape. I used my final grenade to slow down a Geth Prime and managed to hobble to the elevator."_

_Shepard grinned affectionately. "Well I'm damn glad you did."_

҇

_"_ – _and then Joker was all, 'they're going to arrest me, they're going to arrest me, they're going to – oh, hello Admiral Hackett…Sovereign's attacking the Citadel, _really_?__…_well, sure, I guess we can help; we'll be there in about 45 seconds.'"

_Ashley grinned as Shepard spewed champagne from her mouth in uncontrolled laughter. "He's such a big talker, but I swear he's just a little kid ins…" Ashley's eyes widened and her voice drifted off as she stared at something over Kaidan's shoulder. "_Andrew?_"_

_Shepard turned around to see a handsome, tallish man with dusky blond hair and hazel eyes standing about two meters behind them. He wore a dark, formal suit, held a glass of champagne in his hand, and his eyes were locked on Ashley._

_Shepard cleared her throat politely. "Kaidan, why don't we go find ourselves some fresh drinks?" She put her hand on his elbow and ignored his questioning gaze as she steered them into the crowd of Citadel partygoers and away from the former lovers._

҇

_"Everyone in the Fifth Fleet is a hero; the Alliance owes them all medals – the Council owes them a lot more than that." Shepard shifted her eyes slightly to stare at Ms. Al-Jilani. "And so do you." _

_Then she turned and tried very hard not to run away. Her pace quickened as she rounded the corner, desperate to escape; she hurried into the fish store as tears stung her eyes and stopped in front of a display tank. She stared into the glass, watching but not seeing as colorful fish swam happily about._

_She didn't think she could do this…it was all wrong, all – _

_"_Shepard?_" _

_A familiar reflection was in the glass; she sucked in a deep breath, wiped a single tear from her cheek and turned around, plastering on a brave smile. "Hi, Ash. It's good to see you…" she noted the bars on the uniform "…Lieutenant; congratulations."_

_Ashley's eyes narrowed. "I saw the news stories, but I didn't imagine they could be true. How…?"_

_Bile rose in the back of Shepard's throat and her smile turned bitter. "Cerberus. Goddamn motherfucking _Cerberus_ brought me back from the dead to save the world. Lucky me."_

_Concern replaced the suspicion in Ashley's eyes. "Shepard, are you okay?"_

_She looked away, back at the fish. "What, aren't you going to call me a traitor, too? Maybe a monster? An imposter?"_

_"No…why would I do that?"_

_She spun back around in surprise. "You believe it's really me? Why?"_

_Ashley rolled her eyes with a wry grin. "Are you kidding? Look at you; listen to you. They couldn't make a copy of you if they tried."_

_Relief flooded Shepard's face; instinctively she reached out and hugged Ashley close. "_Thank_ you."_

_Ashley returned the hug, then pulled back slightly. "Shepard, who called you a traitor?"_

҇

_Shepard frowned at the blinking light. Surely Hackett hadn't responded so quickly; she frankly didn't expect him to respond at all. She went back over to the terminal and raised the glass to her lips as she opened the message. _

_Subject: A Gift_

_Shepard,_

_For the record, you are also a moron. But you happen to be one that's in a position to save the galaxy (again); I thought you might be running a little low on motivation and could use a reminder of why the galaxy is worth saving._

_- Ashley _

_Attached to the message was a vid file. She took a long sip of wine, her eyes narrowing suspiciously as she wondered what Ash had been up to. She hit 'Play.'_

_The image that appeared was of the Citadel, near the Upper Markets in Kithoi Ward. Two-story high windows revealed the Citadel arms and the nebula beyond in gorgeous detail. A man stood leaning against the ledge in front of the windows. Though his back was to the camera – obviously attached to Ashley's earpiece – she knew instantly who it was._

_"You moron."_

_Kaidan jerked and looked over in surprise. "Hey, Ash…" His eyes were bloodshot and framed by dark circles. His expression was haunted; he looked like he hadn't slept in days. _

_"But you already know that, don't you? You wouldn't have come back here, to this place" she motioned toward the windows "if you hadn't already realized what a spectacular idiot you are."_

_He choked out a harsh laugh then started to respond, but she cut him off. "Anderson commed me. He thought you might need someone to talk to. I had a suspicion I'd find you here."_

_"So you know…about Shepard?"_

_She nodded idly. "I saw her last week, shortly after your little reunion."_

_His brow furrowed darkly. "And you believe it's really her?"_

_"Of course I do. Were you blind?"_

_He huffed a desperate-sounding breath. "She's working for _Cerberus_, Ash."_

_"She's trying to _save_ colonists, Kaidan, which is a Hell of a lot more than I can say for the rest of us." _

_His lips pursed together and he stared at the floor, silent for a moment. Finally his gaze rose to meet hers. "If she didn't fake her own death, if she didn't…betray us…then what _happened_?"_

_"She says they brought her back from the dead."_

_He gave her a _look_. "You of all people can't possibly believe that."_

_Ashley laughed. "Because I believe in God? That actually makes it easier to accept." She sighed. "Look, I don't think she's Christ reborn or anything. She's just a woman; but she _is_ a special one. I don't pretend to have all the answers – that's why they call it faith – but I can absolutely believe that she was sent back because she has a greater purpose."_

_Kaidan sagged against the ledge and dropped his face into his hands. "I miss her _so_ damn much…"_

_Ashley nudged him gently. "The last time I saw you, you said you were trying to move on."_

_He chuckled bitterly. "Trying…failing…" He gave her a weak smile. "I don't think there's any moving on from someone like her."_

_She groaned in exasperation, but it was laced with affection. "I think I mentioned this already, but you really are a moron. Listen, Kaidan…when I saw her she was totally devastated, a complete wreck over what you did to her. She _obviously_ still cares very deeply for you. Now for God's sake, get your head out of your ass and go comm her already. Who knows – if you're really, really sweet and give her those puppy dog eyes she fell so hard for, she may even forgive you."_

_He nodded tightly and hugged Ashley briefly, then turned and walked away. Once he had disappeared into the crowd, Ashley spoke again. "Give him a chance, Shepard. And have faith."_

_The vid ended there. Shepard sat at her desk, hand over her mouth, eyes glistening brightly._

_She didn't know how long she had been sitting there in stunned silence when the terminal began beeping, signaling an incoming comm. She straightened up, checked her reflection, then answered it._

_His eyes were still bloodshot; but his expression wasn't quite so haunted. His name fell unbidden softly from her lips. "_Kaidan_…"_

_He exhaled sharply…then gave her a shaky half-smile. "Shepard…I, uh…Graceyn, I'm sorry."_

҇

_Shepard looked skeptically at Ashley from her perch atop the ledge in Anderson's office. "But you hate Cerberus even more than Kaidan does…why would you want to come with me?"_

_Ashley nodded as she propped her elbows back on the ledge. "I do. I despise the heinous things Cerberus does then calls themselves 'advancing' humanity. But Shepard, what you're doing may actually _save_ humanity. I'd like to be able to say I was a part of that."_

_"What about Andrew? You're supposed to get married in two months."_

_Ashley shrugged. "We'll be back in plenty of time." At Shepard's pointed stare she sighed. "I can't start holding back in fear _now_; I'd be a pretty crappy soldier if I did. He'll understand; he has to."_

_She looked over at Anderson, who had returned to his desk and was already sifting through the Cerberus files she had handed over. "Anderson, are you okay with this?"_

_He looked up and shrugged. "It's not my call…but Admiral Hackett has approved her temporary reassignment to a top-secret Spectre-led mission."_

_Shepard exhaled slowly and looked back at Ashley. "Okay…but don't blame me if you die."_

_"It's a deal." Ashley's voice dropped to a whisper. "So…going to see Alenko while you're here?"_

_She shook her head almost imperceptibly. "I…I don't know. I want to, but – "_

_Ashley groaned. "I swear, I don't know how you two would survive without me." She pushed off the ledge and motioned for Shepard to follow. "Come on, I'll show you where his apartment is."_

҇

_Shepard exhaled softly against Kaidan's lips, then kissed away the single tear that had escaped and rolled down his cheek. "Don't cry. I love you."_

_He squeezed her tight against him, one hand running along her bare back. "I love you so much. God how I have _missed_ you…part of me still can't believe that you're actually _here_."_

_She chuckled mischievously. "We'll I obviously didn't do it right then, else all of your parts would be quite certain I was here…"_

_He kissed her tenderly. "Oh, believe me – you most _decidedly_ did it right." His expression grew serious again. "Take me with you."_

_Her eyes widened briefly, but she shook her head firmly. "No."_

_"I want to be at your side, Graceyn."_

_"And that means more to me than you can ever imagine. But I won't risk your life for this."_

_"I risk my life every day; it's my job."_

_She dropped her head to his chest; breathed him in, reveled in his warmth. "I know. Please. I may not make it back, but you _have_ to live."_

_His hands grasped the side of her face; he forced her to meet his gaze. "Don't you dare say that. You will find a way, and you will come back."_

_She smiled bravely. "You're right; I will. But don't ask me to take you with me. I _can't_."_

_҇_

_Miranda was yelling and throwing things against the wall and pacing erratically and berating Joker and EDI and…well, there really wasn't anyone else left to berate. She spun around and leaned threateningly toward Joker. "Everyone?! You lost everyone and damn near lost the ship too?!"_

_"I know! I was here, dammit!" Joker was sitting awkwardly on the Comm Room table, his clothes rumpled and smeared with grease and engine fluids._

_Ashley grabbed Miranda by the collar with both hands and slammed her against the wall. "Keep your Cerberus hands off him, you bitch! It's not his fault – it's yours!"_

_Miranda's eyes flared dangerously. "Get your hands off me."_

_"So you can attack Joker again? I don't _think_ so."_

_Miranda's hand rose, glowing brightly –_

_Shepard stormed into the room. "Stop this! Miranda, put _away_ the biotics. Ashley, let Miranda go."_

_Ashley gave Miranda a look that would freeze Hell, but stepped back. Miranda straightened her outfit and returned the glare in full. "How could you possibly say this was _my_ fault? You don't have the slightest _idea_ what goes on on this ship."_

_Scorn dripped from Ashley's voice. "I know that Cerberus has everything around here locked down so tight it's a wonder the ship will fly straight. Secrets and lies and treacheries – they've cost Shepard her crew and now they just may cost humanity everything."_

҇

_The guests murmured in appreciation as Ashley walked down the aisle. David Anderson was at her side, a surrogate father to her as he was to all of them. She wore not white but dress blue, elegant brass buttons and polished sabers gleaming in the candlelight. Her only concession to femininity was a cascade of dark curls tumbling across her shoulders and down her back._

_Shepard shared a private smile with Ashley as she passed. As the procession continued on, she glanced over at Lieutenant Vega. Her protector; but today also her jailer. Here to ensure she wasn't assassinated, but also to ensure she didn't take the opportunity to run. And if he failed, the tracker locked around her wrist would guarantee she didn't succeed. She fiddled with it in annoyance; as if she was a common criminal…_

_Ashley reached the altar and grasped the hands of her love in her own. Shepard couldn't help but smile at the beautiful, romantic scene as her eyes drifted across the wedding party. Ashley's sisters, in stylish deep blue dresses designed to complement the military uniforms worn by most of the party…_

Kaidan_._

_He was staring straight at her; his eyes burned into her soul, all pain and bitterness. She blinked and tore her gaze from his…but she knew it was too late. She had already given everything away._

҇

_Vega's voice was muffled through the door. "I'm sorry, sir, but the Commander is not available at the moment."_

_"Yes, you mentioned that before. Lieutenant, not only do I outrank you, I outrank _her_. Please step aside." The door opened and Kaidan walked in. Her back was to the window; her face was a mask._

_"I'm sorry, Commander; I had to let him in."_

_Her eyes didn't leave Kaidan's as she nodded tightly. "I know. That will be all, Lieutenant." Vega frowned but retreated to the other side of the door as it closed._

_Kaidan's voice was flat. "What are you doing?"_

_"Preparing reports for the Defense Committee, what does it _look_ like I'm doing?"_

_His jaw twitched, the muscles flexing beneath the skin. "Don't patronize me, Shepard."_

_She swallowed reflexively and worked to keep her expression even. "Why are you here, Kaidan?"_

_"Because after the wedding Williams wouldn't shut up until I promised I would try to see you one more time, and this time not take 'no' for an answer."_

_She chuckled bitterly. "I'd believe that…but you shouldn't have come. You don't want to be associated with me – I'm a war criminal. I blew up 300,000 Batarians, didn't you hear?"_

_"Of course I heard!" He caught himself, taking a deep breath and steadying his voice. "I read the report; you didn't have a choice."_

_"No…I didn't. But the fact remains." She turned her back on him; she fiddled with datapads on the desk and hoped her hair hid her shaky expression. "You really should go now; I have work to do."_

_His hand was on her arm, gripping it painfully as he spun her around to face him. "Not until you've given me an answer. Why are you doing this?"_

_The violence shattered the remnants of her carefully constructed facade; she choked back a cry. "I'm trying to protect you, you dumbass!"_

_He frowned in dismay. "I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself, Shepard."_

_She flung his hand off her arm. "Don't you _get_ it? I'm poison – to your reputation, to your future. The further away from me you can get, the better."_

_His eyes narrowed. "Anderson's publicly supporting you and it's not hurting him."_

_"I didn't _sleep_ with Anderson!" her voice rose precipitously. "Kaidan, there are people that know about us; they'll use it against you, they'll use it to destroy you if they have to."_

_He suddenly reached up and pressed a hand to her cheek, the rough pad of his thumb stroking it softly. "I don't care."_

_She couldn't breathe; her lower lip quivered traitorously. "But your career, your – "_

_"Nobody's career is going to matter a damn when the Reapers invade. But some things _will_ matter. Graceyn…please."_

_She blinked… exhaled softly…and gave in._

҇

_Kaidan rolled his eyes in disbelief. "I swear, sometimes I think Ash is right about politicians…"_

_Shepard pulled the smooth underarmor over her head then twisted her hair up. "The Dalatrass is one diabolical bitch, that's for sure."_

_Kaidan was quiet for a moment; a frown grew on his lips. "Shepard, if STG sabotaged the Shroud that long ago, who knows the effect it might have had by now? It could be unstable, or even fundamentally broken. We're going to need to be very careful when it comes to dispersing the cure."_

_Her brow furrowed as she pulled her hoodie back on over her underarmor then bent down to lace her boots. "Shit, you may be right. EDI, how long until we reach Tuchanka?"_

_"Approximately eighty-seven minutes, Shepard."_

_"As soon as we're in range, start scanning the Shroud facility for structural or other abnormalities."_

_"Of course, Shepard. I will update you with my findings."_

_She finished lacing her boots and stood. "We'd better go see Mordin, and Wrex, too. We need to come up with a way to get Mordin and a team to the Shroud earlier than we'd planned."_

҇

_Thane pinned Kai Leng's arm behind his back and one sword clattered to the floor. They spun around, locked together…Thane's knees bent slightly then pushed upward, and Leng went skidding across the floor and slammed into the wall. Shepard leapt over the glass divider to get a clean shot – Thane ran forward, intent on reaching Leng before his barrier came up again –_

– _Leng vaulted himself off the floor, his other sword swinging upward –_

_A shot rang out and Leng flew backward as blood spurted from his shoulder. He landed roughly against the wall even as his barrier shimmered back up._

_Shepard whirled in the direction of the shot just as Ashley slid over the counter from the kitchen, assault rifle still aimed at Leng. "I just thought somebody should probably shoot him," she deadpanned._

_Having lost whatever advantage he had, Leng was suddenly sprinting down the stairs toward the landing pad, one hand clenched tightly over his shoulder. Thane leapt over the divider and ran after him; Shepard followed, Kaidan, Garrus and Ashley close behind._

_They blew through the door and down the hall as Leng disappeared around the corner – she skidded around it a split-second after Thane and ran onto the C-Sec landing pad just as Leng leapt into thin air._

_A vehicle rose from below; Leng stood astride it. They fired again and again, and his barrier started to crackle as it failed – then he was gone._

_Thane dropped his head, his lips moving in a silent prayer. "I am sorry, siha. I was not fast enough."_

_She clasped his shoulder and gazed warmly into his eyes. "You saved the Councilor. You're a hero."_

_Ashley cleared her throat. "Not to break up the reunion, but we need to get moving – Udina's trying to escape with Cerberus, and we need to stop him."_

҇

_A shuttle emerged from the smoke where the Harvester had been a moment ago, banking low toward them. Shepard sank back against the low wall of the ruined church, sucked in a single glorious deep breath, then hit her comm. "James, get your ass back – our ride's here."_

_"Yeah, we saw – we're incoming, but we got Husks on our tail!"_

_"Right. Everybody get to the shuttle!" She ran to the western incline and saw James and Kal, Steve sagging between them, as they hurried up the hill; the mushroom cloud over the wreck of the Hades Cannon gradually dissipated against the London skyline. She opened a singularity directly behind them, then aimed her rifle and started picking off Husks._

_Out of nowhere a Brute leapt off the roof of a destroyed building and landed less than ten meters from the men coming up the hill. Before she could react Ashley was running down the hill and directly into its path. It's long arm swung around to sweep her away – she shoved her Revenant into its mouth and held down the trigger. Its head exploded as it thudded to the ground at Ashley's feet. _

_Shepard quickly _threw_ a suddenly puny-looking Husk ambling in on Ash's right flank back down the hill. She felt the edge of the shuttle against her calf, then Kaidan's hand on her waist and his heavy pistol aimed over her shoulder. Garrus leaned out of the shuttle and lifted Steve from James and Kal as they climbed in. Ash jumped in behind them, gingerly wiping gore off her face and blinking it out of her watering eyes. The shuttle lifted off as a single remaining Husk clawed at the floor._

_"You're a sight for sore eyes."_

_Shepard spun around, a delighted smile blossoming on her face. "Anderson!" He reached out and grabbed her in a bear hug, which she returned in full. "Fuck, it's good to see you."_

_He huffed a tired laugh. "You too, Shepard…you too." Finally he let go and looked behind her. "Alenko…Williams…damn, the gang's all here."_

_Ashley tried to smile, but it quickly morphed into a grimace as she untangled a shard of Brute bone from her hair then glared at it in disgust. "Just like old times, sir…"_

_Anderson nodded sagely and gazed out the shuttle window. "I was born here, you know…"_

҇

_Shepard reached over and clasped Thane's hand in hers. He looked so frail; his chest rose and fell almost imperceptibly. He smiled weakly at her. "It is alright, siha. I am at peace."_

_He had helped to save countless more lives than he had taken, in the victory over the Collectors and later over the Reapers; she knew – and suspected that he believed as well – that his soul had been granted the redemption he had so desperately sought. But now the disease he had fought for so long was stealing his breath and his strength; soon it would take his life._

_She shook her head slowly. "Not so fast; you don't get to go quietly into that good night just yet."_

_"What are you – " A couching fit wracked his body._

_"You know about EDI, about the Catalyst's files, right? Thane, the researchers think they've found in them a way to cure Kepral's." His pitch-black eyes widened at that. "You'll need lung and other tissue grafts; the cure won't repair the damage that's already been done. But with cellular treatment and genetic adjustment, your body will be able to take in and process oxygen efficiently again."_

_His double lids blinked rapidly. "I will be…are you saying I may be able to _live_?"_

_She nodded, an affectionate smile on her face. "Yes, I _am_. You just need to hold on a little longer. Can you do that, for me?"_

_His eyes closed as a tear escaped them. "Yes, siha…for you, I will try."_

҇

_"Look around you, Shepard. Why would I _ever_ want to leave this paradise behind – not to mention a swank house and a cushy, prestigious position at ICT – to go with you and Kai on a trip into dark space and another galaxy that odds are will end with everyone getting killed?"_

_The sunset behind them had turned the Atlantic Ocean from its usual blue-green to a shimmering silver-gold; the setting rays reflected so brightly off the water that you could barely gaze at it without shielding your eyes. The water swirled around their bare toes; the sand was unbroken white and soft beneath their feet. A single row of waterfront homes framed lush, tree-covered mountains._

_It was the height of summer in Rio, but the ever-present ocean breeze moderated the heat to a pleasant warmth on their skin. Three days here had turned Shepard's skin to a golden-bronze; her red hair blazed against it as it was buffeted about by the breeze. Ashley's skin was now a deep, rich brown; she had the sense to tie her long hair back in a scarf._

_Shepard did a slow, dramatic three-sixty, arms spread wide; then she raised an eyebrow hopefully at Ashley. "Because you're bored with teaching cocky soldiers who think they're god's gift to everyone? Because you miss the cozy, familiar walls of a starship? Because you can't remember the last time you laughed at one of Joker's off-color jokes? Because maybe, just maybe, you prefer starlight to sunlight?" _

_Ashley's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Cramped. Starships are _cramped_, Shepard – not cozy."_

_"Okay, but…this one's not quite so cramped as most…"_

_Ashley stared at her for another moment, giving away nothing. Finally she sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Fine, _fine_…the answer to all those questions is 'Yes.' It's not fair that you know me that well and can push all my buttons. Andrew's going to grumble about it for a little while, but he'll deal – he _can_ go, right? I mean, he's not military, but he _is_ a military consultant and – "_

_Shepard nodded quickly. "Absolutely. He'll have five months to figure out new and interesting ways to mod our guns and whatever else he can think of. But mostly he can go because I say he can."_

_Ashley chuckled lightly. "You're pretty much getting to do whatever the Hell you want, huh?"_

_"You know it."_

_In the distance Andrew and Kaidan could be seen up on the second-story balcony. Kaidan was resting his forearms on the glass ledge, while Andrew stood over an open-air grill. He waived his hands in the air and motioned at them with the spatula in his hand, then set it down and cupped his hands around his mouth. "If the drop-dead gorgeous ladies on the beach would care to join us, the steaks are ready!"_

҇

– she fell back onto the invisible floor, her head again swimming but for entirely different reasons. A thousand moments, a thousand contradicting memories, battled with one another in her mind. Ashley was dead; Ashley was alive. She mourned an empty casket; she celebrated a wedding. Thane was dead; Thane was alive. Mordin was dead; Mordin was…alive? What was real? It couldn't _all_ be real…

She focused on breathing…deep breath in…deep breath out…

Finally she composed her expression and stood, rather shakily.

_Value has been given. Value shall now be provided in exchange, and the Scales will balance._

Her gaze focused on the – what was it they had called themselves? Escena? – the Escena in front of her, mostly because she was afraid she might faint if she tried to turn in a circle to look at them all.

"I _shall_ nothing. Kidnapping me was really not the best way to start off our relationship. You, however, _shall_ return me to my ship; _then_ I'll be happy to arrange a meeting at which we can discuss things in the proper manner."

She quirked an eyebrow in challenge. "But one thing before I go – what the _fuck_ was up with the time travel? How could you _possibly_ have known about Virmire, and _why_ would you send me there?"

_Our grant of value was the opportunity for you to alter the outcome of the moment you most wanted. This was a grant of tremendous worth, a rare action not lightly undertaken; We deem it of sufficient value to exchange for you to find a way._

"Find a way to wh– wait. How, _exactly_, could you know what I wanted?"

_The information is contained in your synthetic adjunct: 'So many people died in this war; I wish I could have saved them all. I wish I could have saved Thane – then I wish I could have cured Thane. I wish I could have saved Mordin; I wish I could have saved Legion. I wish I could have saved Kaidan's father and Joker's sister. I wish I could have saved the 13 billion people that fell to the Reapers' slaughter.' _

'_But most of all I wish I could have saved Ashley. Stupid, pointless, needless death. I should have been faster, I should have moved sooner, I shouldn't have continued to underestimate Saren. But I was so very young and cocky, foolishly imagining I had everything under control. There is no way I could have saved them all – but dammit I _could_ have saved her.'_

Her mouth fell open in appalled disbelief. "That's from my private Journal – how _dare_ you access that information!"

_We do not understand. It is upon your person; it is a part of you._

She squeezed the bridge of her nose. All this wormhole-jumping and time-traveling was giving her one hellacious headache. "Have you _no_ concept of privacy?"

_We are Whole._

"Right." She exhaled heavily. "Send me back to my ship."

_You must learn of the Aduri if you are to find a way, as you found a way to overcome your Reapers._

She growled in frustration as the pounding in her skull intensified. "I _must_ nothing! Send me back to my ship – _now_. Then maybe you can ask me politely to consider assisting you with your problem."

_The future is unknown and ever-changing. This moment may not come again, and you must provide value else the Scales will not balance. The Scales must remain in balance. The contract must be sealed._

Her head jerked back as an assault of images were thrust into her mind as violently as any Prothean vision –

_A star exploding in a nova as an enormous wave of energy the size of a system passed through it…_

_Thousands of brilliant white-blue tendrils cutting across a planet, bodies falling limply to the ground in their wake…_

_The awareness, a perception more than a feeling, of souls blinking out of existence, of an aching diminishment…_

_A planet slowly disintegrating, breaking apart, trees and mountains floating off into space until the core oozed through cracks in the crust and the planet melted…_

_A stunningly elegant space station, all gleaming spires and arcing wings, ten thousand bodies lying lifeless inside…_

_The fiery death of another star, then another…planet after planet dissolving into dust…_

_And always there was the relentless wave of white-blue energy…and with it a low, ominous rumble, a growl that served as the vanguard…_

…Now I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds.

The images left behind a lingering, painful sorrow in their wake…but at least there was finally merciful silence.

She sucked in a deep breath, then slowly raised her chin and opened her eyes, carefully turning in a slow circle to meet each of their gazes. Their enormous, glittering eyes regarded her expectantly.

"Alright. I will help you."


	6. As You Were

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 6**

"**As You Were"**

* * *

"Life is for the living. Death is for the dead. Let life be like music. And death a note unsaid."

– Langston Hughes

* * *

_Normandy SR-3 CIC_

"Shepard!"

She blinked, hard – and the familiar contours of the CIC were in front of her.

Kaidan stood on the perch; he spun around at the sound of her name, eyes shining in desperate relief at the sight of her. She started to smile –

– then the room spun wildly and her legs collapsed beneath her.

…voices faded in and out_…_

"…ceyn_…_"

"…akwas is on the w_…_"

…blackness became dim, hazy shapes…

"…ome on_…_can you hear me?"

She opened her eyes, blinking rapidly until his face came into focus. He smiled tenderly, but she could see the concern flashing in his eyes; his palm gently cupped her cheek while the other hand brushed strands of hair away from her face. "Hi."

She grinned at him, albeit weakly. "Hi."

EDI appeared in her field of vision, a bright smile on her face. "I have informed the crew of your return; they are quite pleased."

She chuckled haltingly then planted her palms on the floor and pushed up to a sitting position, ignoring Kaidan's protestations. "I'm okay, I just – " her eyes suddenly flew to his " – what day is it?"

"Thursday_…_" He looked at her strangely as he settled for getting her to lean against the wall.

Her head shook roughly and there was an almost panicked insistence to her voice. "No, the date – the year!"

"July 24, 2194_…_are you okay?"

She sagged against the wall in relief. "Good_…_just checking." She breathed in deeply then nodded. "Alright. I'm good. Getting up now."

He eyed her suspiciously but offered his arm for support. She wobbled against him unsteadily for the briefest second before regaining her balance just as the stairwell door opened and Dr. Chakwas hurried out, followed by Liara.

"I'm fine."

The assurance did absolutely nothing to stop Chakwas from hurrying over and beginning to run her Omni-tool slowly over Shepard's body, beginning with her head.

"I'm _fine_, Karin – really. I was just dizzy for a minute."

Chakwas clucked disapprovingly as her arm ran across Shepard's midsection. "Dizziness could be caused by any number of – "

Shepard huffed a weary laugh. "Oh, I know precisely what_…_all_…_caused it." _Two mental invasions by very stubborn and not at all polite aliens, four wormhole traversals, a little time travel, some combat for good measure, and memories of the last eleven years taking a wicked kick to the head – _

Chakwas' Omni-tool froze over her upper arm. "Shepard, have you been _shot_?"

"What?" She turned to look; the dark sleeve of her shirt was in fact soaked in blood_…_and now that she thought about it, it actually hurt like a bitch, too. _Also, blood loss__…_

Kaidan frowned deeply. "These aliens tried to hurt you – "

"No. It wasn't like that."

"Then how – "

She touched his arm with her good hand. "_Please_. I'll explain, I promise."

Karin frowned just as deeply. "Shepard, we need to get you to the Med Lab."

"I know; just one thing first." Kasumi came bolting out of the stairwell, followed by a considerably more composed Litha. Shepard smiled briefly at the growing audience then took a deep breath and opened the general comm.

"This is Admiral Shepard. I apologize for my rather abrupt departure; it was a_…_cultural misunderstanding. However, I am happy to report that the resident aliens did _not_ ask us here in order to kill us. I'll have more to say in a bit, but for now, everyone take a deep breath and relax. Legion, bring us back down to Yellow Alert."

"Acknowledged, Shepard-Admiral."

She cut the comm and turned around just as the elevator door opened. James and Garrus stepped out_…_followed by Ashley Williams.

Her eyes widened; what color she had regained drained from her face. Memories were one thing, but to see her standing there, flesh and blood and breathing and _alive…_

"_Ash…_"

Ashley rolled her eyes dramatically. "That was a nice trick you pulled there, Shepard; way to send the crew into hysteric fits_…_" Her voice trailed off as her brow furrowed slightly. Shepard was staring at her in utter wonder and disbelief, like she'd just seen a_…ghost_.

Ashley's voice was suddenly very soft, barely a whisper. "This is when it happened, isn't it?"

Shepard nodded wordlessly.

A breath escaped Ashley's lips; a slight, uncertain smile pulled at her lips. She had begun to think this day would never actually come. "Wow_…_I_…_" Her eyes rose back up to meet Shepard's. "_Thank you…_"

Shepard closed the gap between them and grabbed her in a suffocating embrace, ignoring the sharp jab of pain in her arm. "It's _damn_ good to see you, Ash."

She could hear Chakwas' tongue clicking tersely behind her. "Shepard – Med Lab. I really must insist."

She nodded. "I know, I _know_. Ash, Kaidan, come with us." She looked around at the crowd that had gathered. "Everyone else, go, do things; chill out, have a drink."

"But what happ– "

She cut Liara, Garrus and Kasumi off. "Let's meet in the Conference Room in an hour; I'll share all the gory details then."

... ... ...

_Med Lab_

Dr. Chakwas skillfully cut the sleeve of her already-ruined shirt off at the shoulder and slowly, gently peeled it away from the bloodied skin, then tossed it into the waste chute. She quickly cleaned the wound then studied it carefully. "It looks like the bullet went clean through the tissue and muscle; there should be no major damage."

"Good." Chakwas went over to the cabinet to prep the specialized Medi-gel compound; Shepard smiled at Ashley while Kaidan frowned at Shepard.

"Shepard, how did you get shot? You told everyone the aliens weren't out to kill us, but_…_"

She kept gazing at Ashley, not even trying to wipe the huge smile off her face. "The aliens didn't shoot me. Geth did."

"Geth? Who, _Legion_?" He sounded exasperated; the last hour had not been fun and if he weren't so damn happy to see her, he would have been.

Ashley's lips pursed together as she made a vague effort to suppress a chuckle; her eyes sparkled.

Shepard's voice was soft, both to ensure that Chakwas couldn't hear her and because she was still a little afraid that this was a dream and if she spoke too loudly she would wake up. "I got shot on Virmire."

"_Virm_– " Kaidan's voice rose " – Dr. Chakwas, you need to check Shepard's head again; I think she might have a concussion."

She raised her voice to match his. "I'm _fine_, Karin."

Ashley kept her voice low, but it was tinged with wonder. "Kai, I believe Shepard went back in time and saved my life today."

Kaidan stared at the two of them with a look of such incredulity that they might as well have said the sky over Earth was green and they were all eggplants acting in a play for the entertainment of the Hanar. Finally he just whispered, "_What?"_

Shepard finally tore her gaze away from Ashley and looked over at him. "You know wormholes can be used for time travel."

"_Theoretically_, maybe, but – "

Her eyebrows raised gamely. "Well, I can now experientially confirm it."

His face scrunched up as he tried to figure out where to even _start_; his eyes narrowed at Ashley. "But you got back to the bomb site by yourself that day; you – "

Ashley's head shook slowly. "No. I didn't."

At that, coupled with the quiet, unequivocal confidence in both their voices, his eyes filled with amazement as he realized they were apparently _telling the truth_. His voice remained soft. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Ashley rolled her eyes and smirked at him. "And end up in a padded room? I don't _think_ so."

They were interrupted then by Chakwas' return. She carefully ran a device over the entry and exit wounds that sealed the blood vessels within. Then she expertly applied multiple layers of Medi-gel – first to repair the muscles and connective tissue, then to seal the wound. "Come back in the morning and I'll apply the skin grafts. You won't even have a scar."

Shepard smiled in appreciation. "Thank you, as always."

Chakwas nodded perfunctorily. "It's what I do." Then she retreated to her desk to update the records, leaving them again with some measure of privacy.

Ashley looked back at Shepard; unabashed affection had been replaced by a slightly troubled expression. "So in your mind have I been_…dead…_for you the last eleven years? Because – "

"No_…_yes." Shepard ran a hand through her hair in slight frustration. "It's like_…_I remember _both_ versions of the past; but the memories are all jumbled up together. I assume – I hope – they will clear up in time." She huffed a laugh. "I didn't exactly have the chance to ask them a lot of questions about how this whole thing works."

Ashley's nose wrinkled. "That is so _weird_."

Shepard impulsively reached over and grasped Ashley's hands in hers. "The memories may be a chaotic mess right now, but I know one thing for certain: the world is a _better_ place with you in it. Many people who otherwise would have died lived because of you. Thane lived, Mordin liv– " her eyes widened suddenly " – Thane's on the ship, isn't he?"

"Of course he is, he_…_" A frown tugged at Ashley's lips. "He was_…_dead for you before?"

She nodded. "He died during The War, to Kai Leng_…_because you weren't_…_"

At the sight of Ashley's deeply furrowing brow, she squeezed her eyes shut briefly then grasped Kaidan's hand as well and pulled them both close to her. "It doesn't matter. The important thing is, you never should have died on Virmire. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right, and I am so _very_ glad I was able to change it. You've made the world better, but you've also made _my_ life – " she glanced at Kaidan lovingly " – _our_ lives better, in a hundred small and at least a dozen really big ways."

Ashley rolled her eyes as a slight blush rose in her cheeks. "Well, as long as I did _that…_" Then her eyes twinkled deviously. "Actually Shepard, I think I'm going to need a list of all the people who are alive when they otherwise would be dead; I play this right and my billet's going to be sparkling clean for _months__…_"

Kaidan huffed a breath and shook his head in a measure of acceptance; his gaze focused on Shepard. She could practically _see_ the wheels in his brain spinning around as he absorbed the concept, analyzed the science, considered the implications, and prepared a list of questions.

"Okay_…okay_. I can't believe it, but I believe you."

She grinned indulgently. _Here it comes…_

"But how were you able to do it? How did it work? What _happened_?"

... ... ...

_Conference Room_

Shepard walked through the open entryway of the conference room, her wound discretely bandaged and hidden under a fresh shirt. Ashley and Kaidan casually followed behind her; then Ashley continued on to plop down in a chair beside Andrew, while Kaidan went over to forage for snacks from one of the large bowls in the center of the table.

Almost no one was actually _sitting_ at the conference table, and those that were weren't sitting properly. Someone had brought beer and chips and the dextro- equivalents; Garrus, Kasumi, Andrew, Litha and James' bottles were already nearly empty. It had apparently been decided that this was a party rather than a military briefing. The questions began immediately.

"Shepard, what were the aliens like? You got to meet them, right? Were they – "

Liara was interrupted by Keenon; she frowned in surprise at him. "Admiral, did you really travel through a wormhole? On your own, without a ship? Was it – "

Kasumi leaned forward over the table. "Did I hear you got shot? Cause that's got to be a good story – "

Miranda cleared her throat. "Shepard, we really should discuss implementing some longer-range locator protocols; much of the panic could have been avoided if we had been able to determine you were_…where_ were you, exactly?"

Shepard leaned back against the glass at the end of the room, crossed her arms over her chest and one ankle over the other, and waited patiently for everyone to stop interrupting one another.

Her eyes traveled idly across the room_…_and stopped two-thirds of the way down the left side. Thane sat with his hands clasped lightly atop the table_…_as always? An affectionate grin pulled at her lips_…I'll be damned._ He noticed her watching him and tilted his head questioningly. She just nodded almost imperceptibly and moved on. _Later._

The din slowly died down as one-by-one they realized that she was just gazing out at the table, a bemused smile on her face.

"Alright. Yes, I traveled through a wormhole, just me and my skin. Can't really recommend the experience, but it seems it won't actually kill you. Yes, I met the aliens, a few of them anyway. No, I didn't get shot – it turns out I cut myself in a rather rough tumble _out_ of the wormhole." She managed _not_ to glance over at Karin, who had only agreed to keep quiet about the nature of her injury after repeated and emphatic assurances that it would not result in any future danger to the crew.

"There's a lot to cover, so let's get started – _after_ someone tosses me a beer; because if anyone here needs one, god knows it's me." Timah reached deep into the bucket of ice and pulled the coldest one out, then tossed it to her in a perfect spiral above the table. She made a show of catching it like a wide receiver; though Mindoir had never heard of football, Kaidan had somewhat educated her on the sport over the years.

She popped the cap and made just as dramatic a show of guzzling down a third of it before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and nodding. "The aliens call themselves 'Escena.' They – "

EDI looked up. "That is a derivation of a Human ancient Latin word meaning, roughly, 'ascended.'"

She smirked in amusement. "Then they probably dug up that word just for the occasion."

Miranda frowned slightly. "How could they know _Latin_?"

She huffed a jaded laugh at that. "Turns out they know a _lot_ of things about us. In any event, I'm not overly surprised they chose that term; that might even be what they actually call themselves. They are_…_profoundly arrogant, in a way that only a highly-developed, homogenous culture can be. That's not to say that they're rude or obnoxious, at least not intentionally; they are simply utterly certain of the rightness, of the absoluteness, of their way of doing things."

She raised an eyebrow somewhat ruefully. "For instance, it didn't occur to them that it might be impolite to open a wormhole on the CIC and pull me through it without _asking_ first. To their way of thinking, they had sent us a message and we had come, so of course the person in charge would want to meet with them – simple as that."

She chuckled to herself then stepped up and placed her palms on the table and leaned forward, ignoring the twinge in her arm. "Which makes it all the more interesting that they _desperately_ need help, and seem to think we can give it to them."

Miranda rolled her eyes and sighed. "_Okay_, Shepard – as if we weren't interested enough already, we are now positively dying to know. Share. _Please_."

She grinned briefly at Miranda then pushed back off the table and began pacing slowly along the end of the room.

"The Escena are under attack. They have lost millions; maybe more. But the attacker is not a conventional enemy; it may not actually be malevolent, or even sentient for that matter. It – they – _appear_ to not be biologic, organic or synthetic, but rather energy of some form. The Escena call them 'Aduri' – as EDI was about to point out, that roughly translates to 'devour' or 'consume' in ancient Latin, and from what I've been shown it's an accurate name."

The room grew noisy as everyone again started talking at once; this time she loudly cleared her throat to cut them off. "Guys, I'd love to answer your questions, but the simple fact is, I don't know anything else. Given the nature of my departure from the Normandy, I was anxious to get back as quickly as possible; as such, our meeting was limited to establishing basic communication_…_and some rules of etiquette. In a couple of days a few of us are going to meet with them – with what appears to be their ruling Council – and hopefully find out a lot more about what's going on."

She ignored the disappointed looks and fallen faces as she finished off her beer and promptly caught another one from Timah. "But first, everyone on this ship is in desperate need of a change of scenery. The Escena have extended an invitation for us to visit any of their space stations and cities – and I think that tomorrow we will take them up on that." She laughed lightly at the murmurs of approval and excitement that rippled around the table as the mood of the room immediately reversed course.

"Seriously, we're going to get to visit their – "

"But how will we talk to them – "

"They're not going to shoot at us, are they? Cause – "

She raised a hand, imploring for silence. "_To that end_, there are a few things you all need to know about the Escena. They do 'look' more or less like us, at least with respect to the important body parts. But make no mistake, you will find them_…_odd; and I say that fully cognizant that this ship has no less than eight different species serving on it. All eight will find them _odd_."

She took a sip of her beer. "They appear to be extremely technologically advanced, and at least partially bio-synthetic. As we suspected, they communicate via a diffuse telepathic_…_awareness. While they _are_ distinct individuals, they are highly collective in nature and seem to be constantly aware of the thoughts of those around them."

She paused, grimacing slightly. She had ignored the headache in all the excitement, but it was increasingly making itself known. "This is important for many reasons, but practically speaking, three reasons in particular – first, they are silent. They have mouths, I assume for eating, but they do _not_ speak."

James' brow furrowed in confusion. "Then how the _hell_ did you talk to them?"

"They are somehow able to interface with our tele-comm implants, effectively 'inserting' their words into our heads. I don't know if it works the other way; it frankly didn't occur to me to try. I spoke, they understood. EDI, Legion, Keiji, I can't say if it'll work for you, but everyone else should at least theoretically be able to communicate with them."

"The second reason their method of communication matters is this – they have zero concept of privacy. Take my word for it, if there's any information you don't want them to know about you, take it _off_ your Omni-tool before you visit."

"The final reason it matters is this – they _all_ already know we're coming."

... ... ...

_Deck 3_

Ashley grabbed four beers from the bar in the Starboard Lounge, cracking a joke with Steve and James before she left, then headed for their quarters. When she got there she tossed one to Andrew, who was relaxed on the couch reviewing a data file, set two on the small desk, then carried one with her and collapsed into his lap.

He grinned, shutting down the file and kissing her ear. "So that was quite a bit of excitement we had today_…_is it always like that on military ships? Five months of boredom, followed by a sudden, dramatic hour of nail-biting tension?"

She rolled her eyes as she opened her beer and took a sip. "Well, it's usually a few _weeks_ of boredom punctuated by several well-predicted hours of moderate tension_…_unless you're on Shepard's ship, in which case all bets are off."

He laughed casually and scooted her over to a more comfortable position against his shoulder. "I have to say, until this trip I've only known her socially, in very informal environments; but she really has quite the_…_presence, leadership-wise. I've never seen a group of eighty or so people go into such abject panic over the possibility of the loss of a single person."

Ashley smiled somewhat strangely. "Yeah, she inspires devotion, no doubt about that_…_" She twisted around slightly and cupped his cheek with her free hand, brushing his perpetually unruly dark blond hair out of his eyes then kissing him softly. "Listen_…_there's something I want to tell you. I never mentioned it before because, well, it didn't really matter." She paused. "That's not right; it mattered a _lot_, but it wasn't_…_relevant."

His nose scrunched up to meet his brow as he gazed at her quizzically. "Madie, you aren't usually at a loss for words when there's something you want to say – what is it?"

She scowled at him and pushed his hand holding the beer away from him. "For the 4,756th time, _don't_ call me that."

He grinned and pulled her closer. "You know you love it. It's from your middle name, how could you not_…_"

"I _don't_. It was imposed upon me by my parents and I still hold it against them. Only Sarah's middle name is worse."

A staring contest ensued, which she won when he finally sighed in exasperation, mostly so he could have his beer back. She relented, took a sip of hers, then scowled again in warning.

"_As I was saying…_there's something I want to tell you; but it's just between us_…_and Shepard_…_and Kaidan_…_I think that's all, for now anyway."

He smiled indulgently and ran a hand through her thick, luxurious hair. "Okay."

She bit her lower lip and looked away. "You remember how I had to confess to you that I almost died on Virmire and make you understand the reality of what that _meant_, before I would agree to marry you?"

His expression grew more serious. "Of course I do_…_and if I hadn't truly understood it then, you made me understand it at least half a dozen times during The War."

She nodded in agreement and took a long, _long_ swig of her beer, gathering up her courage. "The thing is, Virmire was actually a bit more complicated than that_…_"

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

Shepard moaned in visceral pleasure as the steaming-hot water washed away the grime of a pristine alien world and a wet, bloody past.

She turned her face up into the water, savoring the scalding heat_…_and remembered a shower after Virmire, when her lavatory hadn't been nearly so nice and the day had been much, much worse, when the pain of a singular loss that had happened because though she was supposed to be the best she hadn't been good _enough_ –

– then suddenly the memory was mixing with that of a shower after Virmire, when her lavatory still hadn't been this nice but she hadn't cared because she was so fucking relieved that it had somehow worked out and though she hadn't gotten Saren she was hot on his trail and her entire crew had miraculously come through with only somewhat-major injuries_…_

She groaned and rubbed her temples wearily. Karin's meds had taken the edge off her headache, but they could do nothing for the tangled mess that was currently her brain. She ran her fingers through her hair a final time then shut off the water and grabbed a towel, wincing too late as she had grabbed it with her injured arm.

She lightly toweled off then stepped out of the shower. Kaidan was immediately there; she smiled gratefully as he dabbed her wound dry then carefully, expertly re-bandaged it.

She couldn't help but grin wickedly at him. "Are you bored with me already? I'm standing here, stark naked before you, and you're fussing over my _arm…_"

He bit his lower lip and swallowed a chuckle. "I am_…_quite well aware_…_that you are standing stark naked before me. But you've had one helluva tough day" his hand that wasn't tending to her arm rose to gently stroke her jawline "and any chance I get to actually _take care_ of you, I'm going to jump at." His eyes flickered briefly then returned to her arm.

"What was that?"

"What was what?" he murmured.

"That look."

He smiled. "Unbridled love."

"No, after that look. The flicker."

He glanced up at her, an eyebrow raised. "The _flicker_?"

Her eyes widened in challenge. "Yes, the _flicker_. You have something on your mind, only you don't want to bother me with it because you think I've endured enough today already, and that it's fine because you'll work through it."

His hands paused on her arm as his chin dropped. Finally he huffed a laugh. "Is this what married life is like?"

"Probably." She reached over with her good hand and grasped his chin, turning it toward her. "Tell me; I can handle it."

He chuckled softly, but his expression was serious. He made sure her bandage was secure, then his eyes rose to meet hers. "So you remember a different reality than the one we have_…_"

She nodded slowly.

"But we were still together, right?"

She smiled then, understanding. Her hand drifted up, fingers running along his temple then into his hair. "_Yes_."

She paused and glanced down at the floor. "The year or so after Cerberus brought me back was_…_harder. We almost didn't make it, more than once. Turns out Ash's annoying _meddling_ was pretty good for us_…_" her eyes rose back up to meet his "_…_but we found a way."

He huffed a breath and pulled her close. "I can't imagine_…_"

She kissed him softly then pulled back a little. "And know this – I never once, not for a single _second_, regretted saving you. I – "

His head shook fervently. "I would never – "

"I know you wouldn't; but today has dug up a lot of old memories and emotions, and I wanted to say it. I wished I could have been fast enough, good enough, to save her too, and I'm _damn_ happy I was able to go back and rectify that failing. I really, really am. But given the choice – and make no mistake, I _did_ have to choose – I chose you, and I never, ever, would have chosen differently. _Ever._ There is no timeline where we won't find each other; there can't be."

He smiled tenderly as he wiped away the tears she hadn't even realized were trickling down her cheeks. "I know; I'm sorry I doubted, even for a minute. I would chase you across universes if I had to_…_"

She smirked teasingly. "You're right, you shouldn't have doubted. But I'll forgive you, seeing as, contrary to appearances, you _are_ only human."

He nodded ruefully. "I am, I really, _really_ am_…_for instance, I'm, um, beginning to notice that you're stark naked save for a tiny bandage on your arm, and only the _worst_ sort of human would ever be so selfish as to notice that after the day you've had_…_"

She grinned devilishly as she draped both arms over his shoulders. "Yes, I _am…_and I'm beginning to think that someone should _really_ remind me why I – " the rest of whatever she was going to say was lost in the soft press of his lips against hers.

... ... ...

Shepard bolted upright in the bed, eyes wide in terror. She was panting, short of breath as her head spun wildly around the room. "Kaidan! Ash_…no…_"

At the sound of her voice Kaidan stirred from sleep; after a few seconds he propped up on an elbow. His voice was slurred with drowsiness. "What's wrong?"

Her head swung over to him; her eyes widened even more when she saw him. "You're alive_…_" She collapsed into his arms, gasping for breath.

"Hey, hey_…_it's okay_…_everything's okay_…_" Her skin was damp and clammy; she had been sweating. He massaged her back soothingly, his voice calm and reassuring, while he tried to figure out what was going on.

After a few seconds she pulled back slightly and looked at him; this time her eyes were more clear and focused. "I'm sorry, I_…_I must have been dreaming_…_"

She made to pull away fully, but he didn't let her. "Baby, that looked more like a nightmare; come here." He settled back against the pillows and coaxed her down with him. She didn't resist, snuggling against him and resting her head on his chest.

His hand ran slowly along the curves of her side as he felt the tension slowly leave her body. "What happened?" he asked gently.

He could feel her mouth work against his skin; finally she found the words. "I was_…_I was on Virmire. I had tried to rescue Ash too, and I ran back into the bomb site, and you were_…_you were lying facedown in the water, and it was red, overrun with your blood, and_…_and I turned around and Ash was standing there staring at me, only she was a corpse, and her flesh was hanging off her skull, and – "

He squeezed her tight against him. "It's _alright_. I'm alive, Ash is alive, you're alive. We're all okay."

She nodded against his chest and brought a hand up to wipe tears away. "I know; I_…_I know. It's just_…_" She looked up at him; her eyes were so painfully sorrowful it broke his heart. "You're alive in every past I remember; why would you be dead in my dreams?"

He smiled tenderly and pulled her even closer. "Maybe because you had to make a really difficult choice that day; and today you had to come face to face with that choice yet again. So it's on your mind, that's all. Nightmares are evil, demented creatures; they take our worst fears and twist them into something even scarier. But they're just nightmares; they're not real."

She smiled against his lips. "You're right; thank you." Then she nestled into the crook of his shoulder, a leg and arm thrown over him. She murmured drowsily, "I love you_…_" then fell asleep against him.

He ran a hand softly over her hair. "I love you more than you will _ever_ know_…_" He closed his eyes and, after a time, drifted off to sleep beneath her warmth.

* * *

_July 25, 2194: Starboard Observation Lounge_

They stood lined up in a row, noses pressed up close against the glass, as the Normandy slowed on approach to the station.

Before them as far as the eye could see stretched the heart of a space-faring civilization.

Directly in front of them was the central space station. It consisted of four rings; three rings interlocked with the fourth, which sat at the center. Thicker and more substantial, it connected to a solid core within. Beneath the core thousands of brilliant clear crystals hung like icicles from an eave; they shone as bright as stars. Five concentric circles of the same crystal material wound symmetrically around the solid core.

The three outer rings were identical to one another. Thinner and wider, they each had a single band of crystals running along their rim; miniature versions of the central core hung in their interiors. The entire station was made of a dark, smooth, reflective metal. On the whole, it was a stunningly beautiful structure.

Above them in the distance were two moons of the planet below. Each of them was encircled entirely by an orbital ring. Slight more utilitarian in construction, modules were broken up periodically by cells of crystals.

To their far left was what could only be a wormhole transport station. Eight enormous rings hung suspended in an octagonal shape. Filling each ring was a rippling, translucent blue energy; it bore a striking resemblance to the entry points of the wormholes the Normandy created, though much larger in scope. The material and design of the rings themselves couldn't be determined from this distance, but they were holding the wormholes open and, likely, powering them. Dozens of ships flew into them, disappearing with a flash; at the same time ships emerged, blinking into existence from nowhere.

Below the Normandy was the most populous planet in the Alpha System. Shepard knew instantly from the golden-blue hue of the atmosphere that she had been there the day before. It would be called a "garden world" back home; a mix of colorful continents and rich oceans coupled with swirling but non-threatening cloud patterns marked it as ideal for organic life.

Lights covered virtually the entire surface, but a hub-and-spoke pattern could be discerned; metropolitan centers spread out in ripples and linked with one another. Streaks of lights traversed the oceans, indicating some level of habitation there as well. In the center of each of the hubs, multiple spires jutted up through the clouds and into the atmosphere.

By far the largest, densest concentration of light was directly below them; at the center of it a circular latticework of the same dark metal rose through the atmosphere and into space until it connected with the bottom of the solid core of the station. A space elevator? It seemed likely.

James sighed as his head tilted a bit. "So, do you think we'll be able to find a pizza joint for lunch?"

Shepard's voice was soft and filled with awe, though the corner of her mouth did quirk up a bit. "We'll ask around when we get there_…_"

Joker came over her comm. "Uh, Shepard_…_any idea where I'm supposed to park?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not really, no. Just go slow, and maybe someone will tell us."

"Alright; I'll just_…_ease on in here_…_"

_Proceed to the docking bay circle above the mid power ring; there are empty bays at 34 to 37 degrees._

"Um_…_" Shepard frowned at the sudden, unfamiliar voice in her head. Well, she supposed she _was_ the only one they knew. _Can I send you to my pilot?_

_Of course._

Right. She "thought" of Joker's tele-comm connection. A second later he squealed over her comm. "What the! Shepard, there's some dude in my head_…_okay, okay, never mind, I'm good. I'm good."

She shook her head and laughed. "This is going to be one _weird_ day_…_come on guys, let's go watch the docking from the cockpit."

... ... ...

_Cockpit_

Only as they drew close to the station did it become apparent just how _massive_ in size it truly was. It quickly became the only object in the viewports. The Normandy was a mere speck as it entered an empty docking bay; if the docks extended around the entirety of the station, there would be thousands of them.

As they entered the bay, they passed through an almost imperceptible force-field. The bay was a large open hangar; there were no obvious docking clamps or other equipment to hold the ship. Joker looked over his shoulder, his eyes questioning. "Okay. _How_ do I park?"

At that moment the Normandy was jostled just slightly – then was perfectly still. Joker leaned over and peeked down at the ground through the viewport. They weren't on it. "Legion? Any chance you know what just happened?"

"We are being held in place by a magnetic field. I believe we are docked."

Joker nodded sagely. "Alright. How do we get down? The Normandy didn't come with stairs_…_"

As if on cue, a walkway began extending upward and out from the floor. A faint 'clang' could be heard as it settled against the airlock.

Joker's lips smacked. "And I want a pony, and a beach vacation home, and a million credits_…_no? Damn. Last question – can we breathe here?"

Shepard shrugged. "I didn't have any difficulty breathing down on the planet_…_Legion?"

"The air composition is within breathable parameters."

"Excellent." Shepard could see a person approaching from the corner of the docking bay. "I'm guessing this is our welcoming party. Miranda, come with me; everybody else, hang here for a minute."

The airlock opened a moment later, and she and Miranda walked carefully down the ramp to the waiting greeter. He – she? Shepard hadn't yet determined if they were mono-gendered or not, and if not, how to tell the genders apart – wore a rich green one-piece outfit made of a subtle shimmering material. The Escena's facial markings and head ornamentation, like the clothing, were more subtle than those she had met the day before. She had had the sense that they were tall, and that was certainly the case; this Escena stood some two and a half meters.

As soon as they reached the floor, the Escena's chin dipped in greeting. _You are The Shepard_.

She frowned slightly. "Not 'the' Shepard; just Shepard."

The Escena's head tilted slightly. _Very well. Welcome._

"Thank you. Is there anything we need to do? Forms to fill out?"

_You are guests here; We know of your arrival. Come, enjoy Our offerings. The Hub of the Center is yours to experience._

"Okay_…_some of us are going to take a shuttle down to the planet. Can you tell me where the spaceport is located?"

A set of coordinates appeared in her mind. "Got it." She motioned beside her. "This is Miranda. She's going to be in charge of those visiting the station while I'm planetside. If there are any problems, you can contact her, yes?"

There was a pause, and Miranda smiled formally. "I understand. And if I need assistance, how can I reach you?"

It was in both their minds. _I am Alnara-de~Bna-Managli. Call and I will answer._

Miranda frowned slightly. "How do I_…_call?"

Alnara blinked. _A moment._ Then she – 'Alnara' sounded like a woman's name, and there was something indefinably _feminine_ about her – extended her open palm; a small, discrete square metal object rested on it. Almost immediately a three-dimensional grid materialized above it; before their eyes a new object was constructed in the air above her palm. It was circular and smooth, with a slight depression in the center.

She handed the new object to Miranda. _Activate this by pressing the center, then think my name. I will answer._ She quickly manufactured a second one and handed it to Shepard.

"What is this, exactly?"

_It is a gateway to Our Whole; you will not hear Us, but We will hear you._

Liara was going to have a field day with one of these_…_ Shepard smiled politely. "Could I have one more of those, by chance?" Alnara again extended her palm and a third object was constructed.

"Thank you, again. We're going to return to our ship now and make preparations for our visit."

Alnara merely dipped her chin, turned, and left.

Shepard raised an eyebrow at Miranda. "This is going to be one _weird_ day."

Miranda nodded slowly in agreement. "That it is."


	7. All That Glitters

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 7**

"**All That Glitters"**

* * *

"To see a World in a Grain of Sand, And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand, And Eternity in an hour."

– William Blake

* * *

_July 25, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cockpit_

"This is Admiral Shepard. I have confirmed that we are free to disembark and freely explore the station. That being said, this is an unfamiliar place and culture. Ms. Lawson is going to take a small group and spend a few hours getting to know the station; assuming everything goes well, later this afternoon and again in the morning more members of the crew will be able to go out with her."

"Some of us will be visiting the planet below as well. There's even more potential for trouble down there, but hopefully later today or tomorrow those that would like to visit the surface will be able to do so. Major Williams will be in charge of any groups that do so. For now, everyone relax and enjoy some downtime."

She cut the comm and looked around the now very crowded cockpit. At least a few members of the team weren't there, so she opened their comm channel. "Alright guys; command staff gets first priority, of course. Ping Miranda if you're with her; same with me."

After a moment she nodded to herself. "Looks like I've got Kaidan, Ashley, Andrew, James, Steve, Liara, Keenon, EDI, and Joker; everybody else is with Miranda."

"Who's going to fly the ship if, well, the ship needs to be flown?"

Legion whirred. "The navigational portion of my AI installed in the ship is capable of piloting the Normandy in 98.273% of possible scenarios."

Joker rolled his eyes dramatically. "Yeah, but it doesn't do it with _style_."

"Of _course_ not. Okay, everybody with Miranda meet her in the hangar bay outside; those with me, meet at the shuttle in ten." She smiled with some trepidation at Miranda. "Good luck."

... ... ...

_The Hub of the Center_

Kasumi ran over to the edge of the hangar bay immediately upon hitting the end of the ramp. "Oh my god, check this place _out_!"

The bay opened to the interior of the station. A walkway traversed the adjoining bays, curving around and quickly disappearing beyond visual sight. A high ledge separated the bays from the station at large. Periodically there were smooth, curving ramps that led down into the interior.

They couldn't see to the far side of the station. But in front of, below, and above them was a cavernous open space. It was brightly lit, colorful, and teeming with life. Promenade-like levels were staggered throughout; some contained gardens, art displays, and undefined objects; others were populated with what _could_ be shops and restaurants. Certain levels appeared to be devoted to professional businesses. At the bottom and center, far in the distance, was a concentrated industrial area; logic dictated that it connected to the space elevator below.

Small personal transports flew about in every direction. There _was_ a cacophony of sounds – music of some sort echoed, thousands of shoes _click-clacked_ on the hard flooring, the transports emitted a faint hum, and ships could be heard docking and departing.

The one thing that was not heard, of course, was voices – at least, not until they arrived.

Keiji placed a hand gently on Kasumi's shoulder. "It's like the Presidium."

She sighed in exasperation. "Oh, it's _so much_ cooler than the Presidium." She looked over as Timah approached the ledge on the other side of her. "I'm right, right?"

His shoulders raised slightly as he nodded in apparent agreement; her eyes narrowed briefly at him before returning to the view. "I'm going to go shopping."

Miranda yelled over her shoulder. "No stealing – I _mean_ it, Kasumi."

Kasumi rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't _dream_ of it, Miranda_…_"

"Of course you would – I'm telling you don't _do _it."

Wrex came lumbering down the ramp, the last to depart. Litha made a clicking sound with her tongue and glanced over at Garrus. "I was a little worried about what these aliens might do when they saw their first turian, but I'm fairly certain they are going to shit a brick when they see Wrex."

Garrus couldn't help but chuckle a little. "Yeah, and Wrex isn't exactly known for his manners_…_this could get interesting."

"How so?"

"Well_…_" Garrus turned and gazed out at the bustling station. "If they have a jail here, we may have to break him out of it before the day is over with."

Miranda overheard him and exploded. "_Nobody's _getting arrested. Nobody's stealing anything, or breaking anything, or doing anything nefarious _whatsoever_!"

Garrus threw a look her way. "Yes, Mom." He received a deathly glare in return; as a result he missed Litha grinning devilishly at him before walking away.

Wrex grumbled as he passed Miranda. "We're not a bunch of children out on a field trip, Lawson."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, you _are_."

"Ha! We're a band of mighty warriors, trans-galactic pioneers here to rescue these pansy-ass aliens from their oppressors_…_" he slowed as he caught sight of the fullness of the station spread out before them "_…_or_…_something like that_…_"

Miranda squeezed her eyes shut then looked over at Jacob beside her. "Please help me_…_" she implored.

He laughed. "Oh, but Shepard put you in charge; they're _your_ problem."

She dropped her forehead against his shoulder. "But you're my companion, my partner."

"So we're _partners_ now, are we?"

"Well, yes. Mostly."

He rolled his eyes then leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "They'll be fine; Wrex is_…_sort of right. They're all _kinda_ grown-ups."

"Of course they are." She exhaled heavily then lifted her head and looked around, mentally counting. "Okay, the first thing we're going to do is_…_where's Thane?"

... ... ...

Thane had quietly slipped away with his usual cat-like grace while their attention had been focused on Wrex. He didn't intend on causing any difficulties, but he had never been one for group outings. Once he was safely out of sight he sent Miranda.

_I will be fine. I will see you back on the Normandy later._

Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. _Fine._

He moved quietly down the first ramp he came to. It curved along the outer rim, exit points branching off to either side at every level. The foot traffic was brisk but not crowded; most of the Escena he passed acknowledged him with a tilt of the head or a slight nod. They seemed not the least bit surprised to find a foreigner, as it were, amongst them.

It seemed what Shepard had said was true; they were _all_ aware of the Normandy's arrival. The concept of an effuse group consciousness was both fascinating and repulsive. He had lived a solitary, private life; his thoughts were his own and he could not conceive of anything else. He had over the years shared them with a special few – with his beloved Irikah; much later, with Shepard; eventually, with Kolyat. But it was always his choice; the idea of everyone around him knowing his mind was anathema to him.

The Escena did seem happy enough on the surface, though. He discretely observed them as he moved through the station. Though they all shared the same basic body type, they were remarkable diverse in their attire and general appearance. There were long, shimmering robes, garish multi-colored outfits with ruffled collars and flared sleeves, and subtle, understated pantsuits.

Some had no skin markings save a simple tattoo around their mouth; others were covered from head to toe in elaborate tattoos; the majority were somewhere in between. But the most interesting aspect was their headpieces. Most species he had encountered had only small variations in skull adornment: Drell scalps in amount of spotting and Salarian horns in degree of mottling, for instance. Only Humans displayed true variety, their unusual and quite fragile hair coming in a limitless and often changing number of shades, lengths and styles.

The Escena, however, seemed to believe their head adornment was an artistic statement. The most common variant seemed to be braids, made of some bio-synthetic composition that fell down their back not entirely unlike human hair. But for every person who wore braids, two sported something entirely different: spikes shooting out from the scalp; cartilage tentacles; holographic patterns that danced in the air; painted scalps that blended into the clothing; metallic decorations that reflected brightly. A rare few were bald, apparently content with the slightly luminescent glow of their skin.

The oddest thing, though, wasn't the shocking variety of appearances; it was the fact that, excepting the most extreme examples, the head adornments looked as though they grew naturally out of their scalps, as if part of their core anatomy. Which was impossible, of course. Unless_…_

…he suddenly realized what was wrong with the crowds, what had been niggling at the back of his mind since he had stepped onto the concourse.

_There were no children._

There also weren't any adolescents, at least not as he could detect. Though the Escena varied slightly in height, they were uniformly tall. Fully grown. They did have two genders – while the women did not have noticeably larger breasts like Humans and Asari or smaller crests like Turians, they did have narrower, more heart-shaped faces and lighter, more luminescent skin tones. Also, their eyes curved up distinctly at the outer edges.

He had noted the distinction within five minutes of arriving, though he doubted that all but the most observant among the team would be able to discern it for some time. Shepard would note it soon enough, as would Kasumi and Keenon. Miranda and Kaidan would pick up on it after a while, and probably Andrew. Dr. Chakwas, as it was her profession to understand organic biology. The rest would likely need it explained to them.

He entered a lush garden area_…_it reminded him of the garden he had frequented while in convalescence on the Citadel. He found a bench and sat down to contemplate the matter further. These Escena had two genders; he had seen a number of them moving about together as couples would. But they seemed to be able to control the appearance of a major portion of their anatomy_…_and there were no children. Perhaps the children were nurtured in a sheltered location, or schooled apart from their parents; a common enough practice in many cultures. But _all_ of them?

Well_…_he would mention his observations to Shepard at an appropriate time; the mystery wasn't likely to be solved on this park bench. He stood and made his way toward what appeared to be a marketplace area. He hoped to find an appropriate gift to present to Kolyat, should he return alive from this endeavor.

... ... ...

"This fabric really is _quite_ lovely, isn't it, Greg?" Chakwas reverently stroked the subtly iridescent slate blue material draped over her hand.

He smiled affectionately at her. "It is. You would look dashing in it."

Her eyes cut over to him as a faint blush rose in her cheeks. "I haven't looked 'dashing' in years_…_"

He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, and the faint blush darkened to beet red. "Greg! Someone might hear you_…_"

He chuckled and pulled back slightly. "One of these days you will loosen up, Karin."

"I highly doubt it." She caressed the fabric a final time then made to put it back on the display.

_Would you like a gown made of it?_

She started in surprise and looked up at the Escena beside the display. "No, I – "

_Perhaps a tunic, then? A shawl, at least?_

Chakwas frowned. "I don't_…_I don't even know – " her voice raised slightly " – Miranda, how would we pay for something if we wanted to purchase it?"

Miranda looked up from a neighboring kiosk. "I'm sure our credits aren't worth anything here. I'd hoped to maybe restock the Normandy with some basic supplies, but_…_"

_The opportunity to interact with one of the Saviors is a more than sufficient provision of value for anything you find here._

Her brow furrowed in confusion as she turned back to the merchant. "One of the_…_Saviors? I don't understand."

_You have traveled far in order to find a way to save Us from the Aduri. You are unique and other than Us. The value I have gained from interacting with you is great; please, I must craft you a tunic from this fabric so that the Scales will balance._

"I_…_alright. I appreciate it."

_Of course._ The Escena eyed Chakwas appraisingly for a moment, then took the roll of fabric and placed it upon a simple lattice. Several arms of the lattice grasped it and in a flurry swept it up, placing darts and curves and miniscule seams in various places. In less than twenty seconds it fell lightly back to the surface; the Escena picked it up, held it in the air with a critical eye and then smiled. She placed it in a drawer-like device; it emerged wrapped in a tight, simple bundle, small enough to fit in a jacket pocket.

She presented it to Chakwas and bowed slightly. _Value has been exchanged, and the Scales remain in balance. You will find that your presence will be sufficient value to exchange for most things you desire on The Hub._

"Thank you." She smiled, slightly flustered, and turned away. "Miranda, did you hear that?"

Miranda nodded thoughtfully. _Shepard, just an FYI, apparently our gracing the Escena with our presence is "value" enough for us to buy most ordinary things. I'm going to try to stock up on supplies; maybe even see if they have some edible food._

Shepard's reply was soft and distracted. _Sounds good…_

... ... ..._  
_

_Aethraene _

The starlit darkness of space gradually lightened as the shuttle dropped into the upper atmosphere of the Escena capital planet. Dark blue became lighter blue, pink, gold. The clouds were light and puffy, just like the day before. Then the midday sun was bright in the sky, and the city spread out below them.

Well, not _entirely_ below them; already there were spires reaching to their height. In the center of the city an immense building served as the base for the space elevator; on closer inspection the elevator itself was at least fifty meters in diameter.

To the left of the elevator was the tallest building in the city, a stunning skyscraper of pure glass. It swept upward in smooth curves; wide at the base and narrowing as it rose, it expanded dramatically outward at the top like the petals of a flower opening in the morning sun. Shepard thought perhaps that was where she had been the day before.

Extending in every direction were skyscrapers; varying somewhat in height and design, they were uniformly elegant and shining.

She had to give the Escena credit – they had style.

The shuttle dropped below the last clouds and banked toward the spaceport, located at the coordinates Alnara had provided. What they found was a towering circular structure; along the outside of it were hundreds of spherical landing pads, staggered in interlocking spirals that extended up the entire height of the building. Fully two-thirds of the pads were occupied with ships of varying sizes and shapes but all designed in the same sleek, elegant style as the buildings.

Steve glanced over his shoulder. "Any idea where we should land?"

"I imagine that like the station, we can just pick an empty one."

"Admiral's choice, then."

She grinned in excitement and leaned over the back of his chair. "Let's see_…that_ one." She pointed to a small pad just over halfway up, facing a cluster of skyscrapers.

"You got it." The shuttle slowed, hovered above the pad and then settled gently to the surface.

Shepard was climbing out before the door was even fully open. She quickly stepped to the edge of the landing pad; Kaidan came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"_Look_ at it all, Kaidan_…_"

He kissed her ear, grinning in the face of her infectious enthusiasm. "It is gorgeous."

The closest comparison to any place at home would be Illium, or perhaps Milgrom on Bekenstein before The War. But even they paled in comparison on sheer scale and scope alone. There were hundreds of skyscrapers, maybe thousands, and that was only the ones they could see. Thousands of transports zipped about in all directions; far below them the streets were filled with Escena going about their business.

All the sunlight reflecting off the buildings was remarkably bright; she tapped her earpiece and variably-shaded sunglasses materialized over her eyes.

"Damn, Shepard. You take me to the nicest places_…_" She smirked at James as he hopped out of the shuttle. "But looking at all this_…_honestly, what the hell do these guys think we can possibly offer to help _them_?"

"I have _no_ idea_…_"

Liara came up beside her. "Goddess, Shepard_…_this city is stunning. Their history must be so rich; I could spend years immersing myself in it."

She laughed lightly. "I bet you could."

"It's chilly though_…_" Ashley rubbed her arms against the cool breeze.

Shepard nodded. "Actually, it is. I'm going to grab a jacket." She squeezed Kaidan's arms against her once then disentangled from them and went back over to the shuttle, rummaging in the back for their jackets, tossing them over her shoulder as virtually everyone yelled for theirs as well.

_Welcome._

She pulled on her jacket and stepped back out of the shuttle as an Escena emerged from the central structure and walked onto the landing pad. The Escena was very, very tall, nearly three meters, and wore a form-fitting black bodysuit with subtle gold stripes. Black swirling tattoos extended out from the mouth and diagonally up the cheeks. The headdress consisted of thick braids swept up in a rich gold binding.

_I am Petre-ni~Rho-Ahrnoso. You are Shepard._

They learned fast_…_she nodded in acknowledgement. "Is this landing pad okay? We weren't sure."

He – again, she was going with the masculine-sounding name and a somehow masculine appearance – smiled slightly. _Of course. Your transport will be waiting for you upon your return._

"Thank you." She gazed around. "How do we get down?"

_An elevator awaits you inside. Allow me to provide a map of the city center._

Instantly a detailed layout of the surrounding area was in her head, with shops, restaurants and major landmarks labeled. "Wow_…_can you give that to" she gestured behind her "everyone?"

_Of course._

"Dude!"

"Fascinating_…_"

Petre bowed slightly then backed away.

She turned back to the group and gestured toward the doorway Petre had just walked through. "Shall we?"

... ... ...

_The Hub_

Miranda swore under her breath. How had she managed to lose Thane, Keiji _and_ Legion? She looked up at the Escena merchant and nodded in agreement. Value exchanged, yes, yes_…_

The merchant had sworn that their food was natively levo-amino compatible; that they were in fact levo-amino-based life forms; he had _then_ sworn that it was a simple matter of adjusting _this_ just _so_ to make batches that were dextro-amino compatible. After confirming that the food looked and tasted like, well, food, she had ordered however many batches the Escena seemed to feel was equivalent to the value of her presence, then leaned against the wall and waited.

_Then_ she had realized that she had lost yet two more members of the group. She exhaled in exasperation and turned back to the merchant. "How long until my order is ready?"

He smiled serenely. _Some time…fifteen, twenty minutes as you measure time._

"I'll be right back for it." She turned and went off in search of her misplaced charges.

... ... ...

Legion's head tilted slightly as his three fingers ran lightly over the glass. "What is it?"

The Escena moved beside him. _It is an accounting of events at a level of detail that is too complex to transmit amongst the Whole. We come here to absorb and learn._

Keiji stepped forward and joined Legion in running his hand over the intricate patterns etched in the glass. To an outside observer it would appear as not quite code, not quite electrical circuits_…_mostly as random patterns. But to him it was _beautiful_.

As his fingers touched the glass it shimmered slightly; he felt the current join with his fingertips with a slight jolt. He looked over at the Escena. "It's_…_"

_Active, yes. Always updating, always evolving. You can sense it?_

Keiji nodded slowly as his gaze returned to the glass. "Yes_…_" He couldn't understand what it was transmitting, not quite, but he did have a sense of it – reports of discovery, construction and development_…_recountings of destruction, pain and loss_…_images, thoughts and data, overlapping and merging together into a rich tapestry.

_Remarkable. Are you like us, then?_

He looked over in surprise, his hand falling away from the glass. "I don't know what you mean."

_You are a merging of organic and syn–_

"_There_ you are!"

He and Legion both turned to find Miranda glaring at them in weary exasperation. "Please, come back and rejoin the group; we're almost done, and I won't have this whole thing fall apart _now_."

"Of course; we were just exploring more of the offerings is all_…_" He dipped his chin gratefully to the Escena, who returned the gesture, then followed Miranda and Legion back into the throngs.

... ... ...

_Aethraene_

Though from above the city was all gleaming skyscrapers, once on the street level it quickly became apparent that the Escena had not entirely abandoned nature. Trees lined the widest boulevards. Colorful flowering plants adorned entryways. Particularly prevalent was an odd-looking but fragrant pink flowering vine.

They strolled through a retail district; shops lined both sides of the street and sold clothing, art and figurines, and technical equipment whose uses were not immediately apparent. This, of course, led to EDI, Kaidan and Keenon spending fifteen minutes quizzing a merchant _on_ the uses, while the rest of them waited restlessly outside. Finally Shepard went inside and physically pushed them out the door, their hands full of strange gadgets provided by the merchant as 'value' for the time spent interacting with them.

Every so often, out of nowhere, there would be unusual objects prominently displayed. Art? They covered the spectrum of what could be considered such – frequently garish, occasionally beautiful, at times horrific and even frightening.

Andrew nudged Kaidan with his elbow when they were about to cross a street, then leaned over and whispered in his ear. Kaidan grinned and stopped at the intersection.

"Hey, Shepard – we're going to run in a store we passed back there. We'll catch up with you in a minute, okay?"

She paused then nodded. "We'll be around this bend." The street grid wasn't a 'grid' at all; the avenues frequently curved in long arcs, effectively creating islands multiple blocks in size. _Thank god for the map in their heads._

She quickened her pace to catch up with the others – and found them standing around a tall sculpture. Ashley's head was tilted fully to the side as she squinted at it. Joker stood several meters back taking multiple pictures of it with his Omni-tool. James was whispering in Steve's ear, Liara was deliberately looking anywhere _but_ at the sculpture, and Keenon's facial markings were lit up like a Christmas tree_…_was he _blushing_? Ashley's head shifted to tilt in the other direction as her nose scrunched up in contemplation.

The sculpture stood some five meters high atop a pedestal; made of a chrome-like material but painted in bright swirls, it appeared to depict_…_stylistic representations of three Escena_…_

EDI smiled at Shepard as she approached. "I believe this is an artistic interpretation of a sexual act."

Joker chuckled gleefully. "Damn _right_ it is."

Ashley gasped in horror and stumbled backward. "_That's_ what that is?!"

Shepard shrugged, raising her palms as if to say she had _no idea…_

Ashley backed up to stand by Shepard but continued to stare at the sculpture. "It's monstrous_…_and perverse_…_but I can't look away_…_"

Shepard laughed heartily and patted Ashley on the shoulder. "I think that's the point."

"Right_…_" Ashley shook her head roughly. "Now if you'll excuse me – "

– "_I have some fucking Geth" – Ashley grunted with exertion amid gunfire – "to fucking" – louder gunfire – "kill!"_

_There was a loud bang, a scream, and her comm went silent._

" – I'm going to see if there's something drinkable at that kiosk over there." She frowned at the stricken expression on Shepard's face. "What's wrong?"

Shepard blinked hard then gave Ashley a weak smile. "Nothing, I'm good. Grab me one, too."

As soon as Ashley turned and walked off, she swallowed hard and rubbed her temples harder. The flashback had been remarkably vivid; she had felt the emotional punch in her gut as viscerally as when she had experienced it_…_and it clashed utterly with the undeniable reality standing in front of her. Her stomach roiled; she sucked in slow, deep breaths until she was fairly certain she wasn't going to be sick – then continued until she had pushed aside the raw, ragged edges of the tumult within.

Everyone else was still standing there staring at the sculpture when Andrew and Kaidan rejoined them.

"Hey, we're ba– oh my God, is that what I think it is?"

Ashley went over and buried her head in Andrew's shoulder. She muffled a plaintive "_Yes…_" into his jacket.

Shepard smiled at Kaidan. "Did you get anything good?"

"Nah, just browsing_…_" He took the bottle-like container from her hand and guzzled a long sip; he started to hand it back to her, but his arm slowed as he looked at her more closely. "Are you alright?"

She grinned and leaned in to kiss him lightly, running a hand along the back of his shoulder while she stole her drink back with the other hand. "Absolutely."

His eyes darkened briefly, but he let it go for the moment. "Okay. We ready to move on?"

Around two more street curves the buildings suddenly opened up to reveal a sprawling park. All the surrounding walkways wound down into an area half a kilometer in length and filled with lush gardens, ponds, amphitheaters, and stone pathways. On the left side a dramatic waterfall began in the foyer of a skyscraper and cascaded in tiers over rocks before spilling out into a sparkling lake.

In the center, at the lowest point, was a large, oval floor made of a bronze reflective metal. On it were several dozen Escena, and they were_…_dancing. An elaborate, choreographed routine played out across the stage, complete with props – long, flowing streamers, large and colorful banners, and flickering electric lights. Music drifted up to them; it was a haunting symphony, featuring instrumentations unlike anything they had ever heard.

Liara exhaled softly. "I never imagined they would be so_…_artistic."

Shepard nodded thoughtfully. "In fact, I would say that everything we've seen today has been devoted to the appreciation of life in all its splendors."

It was dusk by the time they left the park. As they climbed up the walkway and reached the street once again, the sun suddenly blazed between the skyscrapers and turned the city orange, then sunk beneath the horizon. Just as the sky became dark, the city lit up. The lights of every building turned on in a ripple across the skyline. Night became day in a sea of white-gold light.

Joker laughed in delight. "Dude – now _that's_ a sight worth wearing out my poor, broken legs for."

EDI frowned at him. "Jeff, your legs are now as functional and resilient as the average Human within one standard deviation."

He rolled his eyes. "I _know…_"

For not the first time that day, it became apparent that everyone present was one-half of a couple, as embraces were indulged in and sweet nothings were whispered under the brilliant night lights of an alien city 166,000 light years from home.

Petre was waiting for them when they finally returned to the shuttle hours later.

_Shepard. I have been asked to relay information regarding your consultation with the Guides. They are expecting you at 0930 hours tomorrow, by your measure of time. You may bring with you any who you feel will enhance the quality of the dialogue. There is a special docking area at the Pinnacle; you may travel directly there._

"Thank you, Petre – is that the correct way to address you?"

_You may address me in any manner you see fit. Of course._

"Well, regardless. You have a beautiful city; thank you for sharing it with us."

_It is our way._

_... ... ...  
_

_Normandy SR-3 Cabin B-3_

"What a day!" Ashley flopped unceremoniously onto the bed, arms spread wide. "That was more exhausting than the battle for Earth_…_" at Andrew's raised eyebrow she rolled her eyes "_…_okay, maybe not _quite_ as exhausting. But we must have walked twenty kilometers_…and_ I get to do it all again tomorrow."

Andrew pulled off his jacket then sat down on the bed behind her and started massaging her shoulders. "It was interesting, and rather fun though – didn't you think so?"

Her eyelids fluttered shut as she relaxed under his ministrations. "Oh, yeah. The Escena are definitely an odd sort, but they know how to live."

She frowned as the massage stopped and his hands disappeared. "Hey_…_come back, that felt good_…_"

"I got you something today."

She opened one eye to peer up at him; he had circled around to her side of the bed and sat down beside her. He held a small, wrapped package in his hand.

"Well, open it."

She stretched her arms out languidly behind her once then pushed to a sitting position and picked up the package. She turned it over in her hands a few times, inspecting it with a critical eye. "When did you do this?"

"Just _open_ it already."

She grinned teasingly at him then tore into the wrapper. It was lightweight and gave way easily when torn. Beneath it was something made of a remarkably soft material. Her head tilted curiously as she lifted it up and the wrapping fell away and to the floor.

It was a delicate, half-length negligee; tiny spaghetti straps criss-crossed down a low back. She gasped softly as it moved in her outstretched hands; though the material was nearly sheer, it shimmered as a rainbow of dark, rich colors rippled across the fabric.

She raised an eyebrow at him incredulously. "You_…_you got me an alien negligee_…_"

He chuckled. "I wouldn't put it _exactly_ that way – I mean, it was custom-made for you and everything."

Her brow furrowed slightly. "Do_…_their females wear this_…_?"

His head shook slowly, a bemused smile on his face. "I honestly don't know. The merchant asked to see a picture of you, then made it. If it helps, Kaidan got Shepard one, too – different style and color, but the same basic idea."

She smiled a little. "That – okay, maybe that does help a little. _Thank _you. It's incredibly beautiful_…_I just hope I can keep from imagining some three-meter-tall glowy Escena in it."

He leaned in close and kissed her neck softly. "I think I can help with that_…_"

... ... ...

_Deck 3_

Kasumi made a point of loitering discretely in the kitchen until she was sure the deck was clear. It was well into the night-shift and most of the crew had retired for the night, but she wasn't one to take chances_…_at least, not those sorts of chances.

Satisfied, she took a last, long sip from the bottle on the counter, activated her cloak, and entered the small hallway adjoining the kitchen. She hacked the lock to the first door and slipped inside, de-cloaking as she did. The lights were already dimmed, though the room wasn't in total darkness.

"Did anyone see you?"

"Please_…_" she rolled her eyes as she dropped her cloak to the floor and wound her arms around Timah's neck "_…_don't _insult_ me."

His breath was warm against her ear. "Can I do other things to you?"

She closed her eyes and forced away dark thoughts and dissenting, traitorous whispers from her mind. She just wanted to _feel_, if only for a little while.

"I'm counting on it."

* * *

_July 26, 2194: Aethraene_

The docking port at the Pinnacle was much smaller – only a dozen or so landing pads – but each one was self-contained and fully-staffed. Shepard felt like she should be wearing a ball gown and silk gloves as she exited the shuttle.

"I'm sorry to have to ask you to wait, Steve; I have no idea how long we'll be, but I'll just feel better knowing we have our own way back to the Normandy."

He smiled lightly. "No worries. After the day you showed me yesterday, it's the least I can do. I'll be here when you're done."

She had brought Kaidan, EDI, Liara and Garrus with her. Arguably every member of the team deserved and needed to be here, but she didn't want chaos. Miranda and Ashley were doing saints' work – separately, of course, she would never ask the two of them to do _anything_ as a pair – herding around members of the crew on desperately needed shore leave jaunts, else she would have seriously considered bringing them as well.

They followed an Escena into the building. A dramatic, highly-reflective yet dark marble floor led under a series of glittering arches out to an atrium filled with flowering plants. The floor became glass; the city stretched out beneath their feet, shining in the early morning light.

_The elevator will arrive for you momentarily._

And so it did. A glass platform _swooshed_ down the open side of the atrium. The attendant gestured toward it, so they stepped over to it. As soon as everyone was aboard, it accelerated upward.

"Whoa_…_" Liara teetered unsteadily and grabbed Garrus' arm for support. There were no walls; the wind rushed by them as they moved into and through the clouds. Then they were above the cloud line, standing in the sky.

Kaidan huffed a breath. "They sure know how to make an impression, don't they?"

Shepard grinned slightly, though her voice was a bit halting. "That they do_…_"

The elevator finally slowed as it slid through a glass-like floor, coming to a stop and blending seamlessly into the floor. They were standing in the middle of the chamber she had previously 'visited.' As before, nine Escena sat in a circle along the invisible walls.

_Greetings, Shepard and companions._

Shepard nodded in acknowledgment. "Let me introduce those companions – Kaidan Alenko, Liara T'Soni, EDI and Garrus Vakarian. They all have impressive titles, none of which would mean anything to you. I'm afraid I don't actually know any of your names_…_"

_Our names are of no importance. Here We are all equal, and speak with one voice._

"Okay_…_I th– "

_EDI. You are not like the others. Despite your shell, you are pure synthetic._

EDI's head tilted slightly. "Yes, I am. Does that cause some difficulty?"

_Not as such. The only path forward is through the merging of the organic and the synthetic, but you will learn such in due time._

Shepard's eyes narrowed in challenge. "I'll have to disagree – no species has the right to determine the destiny of any other."

Liara cleared her throat nervously and made an effort to diffuse the rising tension. "So are you – the Escena – bio-synthetic hybrids, then?"

_That is a simplistic portrayal, but it will suffice. _

"That's fascinating; I would – "

Shepard laid a hand on her arm. "Later, Liara. We're here to discuss the situation with the Aduri."

"Right."

They shifted awkwardly in the center of the room as they each tried to figure out where to stand and how to look at all nine of the Escena. Finally Shepard stepped forward slightly.

"Why don't you start by explaining the history_…_when and how you first encountered the Aduri, what happened, and what's occurred since – _not_ in the manner you showed me, though. Let's try a more gentle approach."

_Very well. The first confirmable encounter with the Aduri occurred…seven…of your years ago in the Castellar arm of the galaxy on a planet called Tormo-B4._

In front of them a three-dimensional image of the Large Magellanic Cloud materialized, then zoomed into a region nearly on the other side of the galaxy from their location. It continued zooming until a single planet dominated the view. Predominantly beige in color, its atmosphere had a green hue to it.

_This is Tormo-B4 as it existed when We began development of a Hub upon it. This is Tormo-B4 now._

The image shifted to reveal little other than the void of space, broken only by an asteroid field.

_We have no record of what occurred here; only the vanishing of a Soul from the Whole drew Our attention to the planet. Over a period of time, We lost three additional developments; We recorded astronomical data of five stars in uninhabited systems going nova. Finally, a populous Hub filled with many Souls was lost, and images were recorded. They have been accelerated for observation._

The hovering image shifted again and was replaced by footage that appeared to be from an orbiting satellite. A space station not entirely unlike the one above them lit the darkness of space. After a moment, wisps of light could be seen in the distance behind the station. The background became brighter and brighter, until it was dominated by a wave of what appeared to be energy of some kind, white streaked with blue.

As it approached the station the detail became such that distinctions within the wave could be seen. It was not in fact solid; instead it was composed of millions of dancing, swirling wisps.

The wave swept over the station; slowed, seeming to linger within the station, then accelerated and continued on. It passed over the satellite recording the images – and the feed went black. But just before it did, four separate wisps of light-energy came into hyper-sharp focus; they were individually luminescent, vibrating as they moved.

The image shifted suddenly to the inside of the space station. It was pitch-black – but not black enough to hide the bodies.

_After the Aduri had passed, We investigated. We found the lifeless bodies of 276,483 Souls within. All devices and power had ceased to function and could not be reanimated. _

_Since that time the Aduri have consumed twenty-seven systems in which Escena were present; they have likely consumed additional systems of which We were not aware; Our reach is not absolute. In each case the system's star went nova. We have lost two hundred fourteen planets; forty-two orbital Hubs; 358,707,311 Souls of the Whole. It has increased at an accelerating rate; years between events became months and, now, weeks._

Everyone was quiet. The numbers were staggering; only the lives lost fell short of The War, and then only because the Aduri did not appear to be deliberately targeting population centers.

Finally Kaidan cleared his throat. "Are you tracking the wave – the Aduri? Is it traversing the galaxy in a regular pattern?"

_We cannot. It disappears and reappears randomly._

"Disappears?"

_Yes. To the extent We have been able to capture images, it simply dissipates and vanishes, only to reemerge later elsewhere, larger and stronger._

EDI stared intently at the lingering images, now displayed side by side. "What data have you been able to gather on it?"

_None._

Liara started. "I'm sorry_…none_?"

_In a small number of instances We were able to send non-sentient probes into the Aduri. They all ceased functioning immediately upon contact. No data was recoverable._

Liara frowned. "What about eyewitness reports?"

_None survive contact with the Aduri._

EDI responded again. "Have you tried communicating with it? Just because it's a non-traditional life form – assuming it is a life form at all – doesn't mean it's not sentient."

_There is nothing to communicate with._

Kaidan gestured at the close-up from the satellite. "What about those wisp_…_things?"

_All data terminates upon contact with the Aduri._

Garrus' mandibles fluttered slightly. "Well, have you tried, I don't know, shooting at it? Blowing it up? I've personally found that works rather well for a _shocking_ number of problems."

_You refer to…violence?_

Garrus frowned in consternation. "Well, yes."

_We have no manner in which to do so._

Shepard had remained silent, letting the others ask questions while she puzzled over the information presented – but that got her attention. She raised an eyebrow at the Escena in front of her. She had decided he was male and that if he wasn't going to give his name, she was going to call him "George."

"Guns. Bullets. Grenades. Bombs. Missiles. Don't you have those?"

_No._

Her chin dipped as she looked up at George in disbelief. "You don't have weapons of _any_ kind?"

_Only tools necessary for exploration and construction. We have not warred for a thousand millennia._

She nodded slowly. "Impressive. Congratulations. But you still have crime, right? Assault? Theft? Murder?"

_Why would We? We are Whole._

"Right. You mentioned that."

_We live as One; each Soul distinct, but together a Whole far greater than the sum of the individuals. Anything that wishes to be known, is known. We experience the fullness of Life, each according to Our individual preferences. In the process We improve, We advance, We grow stronger. To commit violence upon another Soul is…outside Our comprehension._

She crossed an arm over her stomach, dropped her chin into the other palm, and began pacing slowly around the room. Having seen it many times before, the others easily gave her space.

"Okay. But don't you on occasion encounter other civilizations, who aren't as_…_enlightened_…_as you? Don't you need to defend yourselves?"

_We assimilated the last known civilization more than three hundred thousand of your years ago. It was a peaceful process._

'Assimilated'_…_that wasn't an overly pleasant word, but she let it go for the moment. "Understood. But _surely_ it occurred to you to try some sort of offensive response to the Aduri?"

_What would We use to do so? Even if it had, all Our technology ceases to function on contact with the Aduri._

"Well make something that _doesn't_ cease to function."

_We do not understand._

She exhaled sharply in exasperation. "You're telling me that a society that can build cities the size of _planets_ and power those cities using Dyson rings; that can throw around wormholes like they were frisbees and use them to send me back in time to a precise place at a precise day and time, in the fucking _Milky Way_ – " she cringed_…shit_, there went _that _little secret_…_

" – that can know each other's thoughts instantly across the width and breadth of the galaxy_…_can't even _try_ to build something that functions a little differently, and see if it works? I mean, have you tried a fucking transistor radio? For gods' sake, your entire civilization is _under attack_."

George's calm, placid expression did not change. _This is why you are here. You will find a way._

Her chin dropped to her chest for a moment, understanding at last washing over her. She looked back up and slowly turned in a circle, staring each of the Escena in the eye. Finally, she nodded.

"We're going to need access to all the data you _have _managed to capture on the Aduri – like that vid footage of the space station – as well as the ways you have tried that failed. Everything you have. Astronomical data such as how long it took the stars to go nova after contact. Include the locations of the systems that have been hit and the timeline of incidents; to the extent we can get close, we'll go there ourselves and see what we can learn. Get all of that to EDI."

"We'll need detailed information on your technology, as well as samples – how your probes, your ships, your stations are constructed; how they functionally operate; how they are powered. Get all of _that_ to Garrus."

"We also need to understand more about you, as a species. Liara can provide you with specifics, but if contact with the Aduri instantly kills you, we need to figure out _why_. In order to do that, we need to understand your physiology and genetic makeup." She paused for only the briefest second. "We're also going to need to examine some of the bodies."

Her gaze returned to George. "Lastly – for now – we need continual access to all the feeds coming from whatever long-range telescopes and sensors you have – you _do_ have those, right?" She received a serene nod in response. "Good. We'll be watching for any sign of this Aduri wave; when it shows up again, I want to be there."

_You will die._

She smirked darkly. "Never stopped me before."

_You will have what you require. Will you and Kaidan Alenko analyze no data?_

She quirked an eyebrow at that, smiling so dazzlingly that even the Escena _must_ have been seduced by it.

"No. Kaidan and I will be busy figuring out how to win."


	8. Fractures

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 8**

"**Fractures"**

* * *

"If things seem under control, you are just not going fast enough." – Mario Andretti

* * *

_July 26, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Science Lab_

Liara spun around as soon as the door had closed. "Shepard, why didn't you tell me you _time traveled_?! The fact that they have that kind of capability is important information that I need to know to do my job!"

Shepard pinched the bridge of her nose as the throbbing in her skull returned with a vengeance; it had been all too persistent ever since the aforementioned 'time travel.' "I had good reasons, Liara."

"Such as?"

Liara was staring at her defiantly. She sighed; sometimes she missed shy, introverted archeologist Liara_…_ "Reasons. I really don't want to say any more."

Liara was unmollified. "Where – when – did you go? You said it was a specific place and time; that means it must have had some special meaning. How did they know? Was it like a regular wormhole?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, it was like a regular wormhole – at least, it was like the wormhole I was in traveling to those chambers and back. It was longer; it_…_took longer."

"Do the Escena time travel frequently? Because the implications – "

"No, I_…_don't think so. They said it was a_…_'a rare action not lightly undertaken.'"

Liara nodded thoughtfully. "I see_…_Shepard, _where_ did you go? Why won't you tell me?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. "Because it's personal."

"Ahh_…_Kaidan, then?"

She exhaled sharply and her gaze whipped back to Liara. "_No_. Dammit, Liara, can't you just leave it alone? I'm only trying to protect the privacy of those I care about_…_and protect all of you from things you might not want to consider."

Liara's eyes were piercing. "You changed the past, didn't you?"

She reluctantly nodded.

"In a good way – or a bad one?"

She shrugged exaggeratedly. "A good way; a _very_ good way_…_at least as far as I can tell."

For the first time, Liara looked vaguely hurt. "Then why won't you tell me what you did?"

She pursed her lips together and rubbed the bridge of her nose again. "Because it doesn't _matter_. There's only one past that you know, and it's the past that _is_, the only one that counts. As far as I know, I didn't evoke some terrible harm upon your life_…_like most people around me, your life has probably been at least a little better as a result. Isn't that enough?"

Liara was such a fucking _scientist_. She began pacing. "Well what sort of things _did_ change? Were there colonies saved from the Reapers that weren't otherwise? What about technological developments? Is that why we have cellular regeneration? Neural backups? Non-overheating weapons? Bio-syn– "

"Actually, yes – the non-overheating weapons anyway. And we don't have neural backups beyond grayboxes."

"But we will soon. What about – "

Shepard growled in frustration. "I don't _know_, okay! The memories are all tangled up together and I thought they would get clearer, that they would straighten themselves out, but they're just getting more chaotic, and they're giving me a goddamn headache_…_"

Concern replaced hurt in Liara's expression. "I'm sorry, Shepard_…_perhaps if we joined our minds, I could help you make some sense of – "

"No. I'll work it out."

"But I could – "

"The answer to saving the galaxy – ours or theirs – isn't hidden in my brain, Liara. I said no."

"I see." She turned away in a huff and went over to her terminal. "I don't understand why you feel you need to keep things from me, Shepard."

_Five months really was _far_ too long to be cooped up on a ship with nothing to do._

"Oh, you mean like you keeping from me that you were _fucking_ Keenon? How long _did_ you manage to keep that a secret, anyway?"

Liara's shoulders snapped straight. "That's_…_none of your business."

"If it happens on my ship and it affects the well-being of my team, then it's my business."

Liara huffed a laugh. "Really? When was the last time you talked to your friend Kasumi? You might want to check on some _well-being_ there before you come snooping in my bedroom."

"_What?_"

Liara shrugged dismissively. "Just something Keenon mentioned_…_after I _fucked_ him. Whatever. None of _my_ business."

Shepard stared coldly at Liara. "Let me know when you start receiving data from the Escena." Then she turned and walked out.

Liara squeezed her eyes shut and groaned in frustration as her head sunk into her hands. _She shouldn't have shot off at the mouth like that…_

It was just that_…_after nearly twelve years, countless battles and enumerable struggles and victories, when it truly mattered, it still felt like she was on the outside looking in.

... ... ...

_Starboard Observation Lounge_

The elevator door opened and Shepard hurried toward the Lounge, only to stop in front of the door to gather her thoughts_…_which mostly consisted of '_this is so fucking surreal…_' After a moment she exhaled heavily and opened the door. "Good, you're still here."

Ashley was crouched in front of the refrigerator; she looked over in surprise. "Yeah, I was just grabbing some water for the shuttle before taking one more group down to the surface for a couple of hours. How'd the meeting go?"

"Frustrating. But listen_…_I fucked up."

Ashley frowned curiously and stood, nearly a dozen bottles of water in her arms; she nudged the refrigerator door closed with her hip. "What happened?"

Shepard leaned back, dropped her head against the wall, and glared at the ceiling. "The Escena were just _infuriating_ me, and I was running off at the mouth_…_and I let it slip that they had used a wormhole to send me back in time. I didn't say when or where or what happened, but_…_"

She looked back over at Ashley "_…_I'm _sorry_, Ash. We decided we would keep it between us, and it only took me two days to blow that. I wasn't as in control as I should have been." She didn't share _why_ she wasn't as in control; Ashley didn't deserve to be burdened with that knowledge.

Ashley nodded thoughtfully and put the bottles on the bar. "So_…_EDI and Garrus and Liara, then?"

"Yeah. I already put Liara off_…_" she frowned "_…_I think. I can just tell EDI it's a private matter and she'll respect that, no problem. Garrus – "

"I'll talk to Garrus."

Shepard looked at her questioningly. "But isn't you talking to him kind of going to give up the ballgame?"

Ashley shrugged mildly. "Yeah_…_I don't mind him knowing there was an alternate timeline where I was dead. He'll probably get a kick out of it."

She came around the bar, clasped Shepard's shoulders and met her gaze. "Listen, I appreciate where you're coming from. I definitely don't want people suddenly looking at me strangely when they pass me in the hall – and I _know_ you don't want everybody bugging you constantly wanting to know every miniscule detail of how their life was different_…_"

Her nose crinkled up sideways, as it often did when she was making an effort to _not_ stick her foot in her mouth. "Look_…_I know this is weird for you; I do. But it's _not_ weird for me – I've known what you did for me for a long, long time. And while I'll happily forego some odd glances and whispers, if people _do_ find out that you saved me eleven years ago, well_…_I'm okay with that, too."

Shepard bit her lower lip and nodded. Ashley's perspective clashed utterly with what for her was _oh-so_-recent and dramatic and life-altering – it reminded her an uncomfortable amount of two years passing for everyone else while she closed her eyes and woke up – but part of her _did_ comprehend how the world looked to Ashley, and apparently everyone else as well.

"Alright; that makes me feel a little better about fucking up." She rolled her eyes and smirked mischievously. "Still, if it's all the same to you, I really _don't_ want everybody on the ship quizzing me on whether they took that job they passed up or married that girl they broke up with_…_"

Ashley chuckled as she went back over to the bar to grab the water. "_…_or bought that winning lotto ticket or slept with that hot guy at the bar or didn't embarrass themselves by wearing mismatched socks to the Christmas gala_…_"

She bundled up the bottles in her arms and headed for the door, then paused. "Oh, before I go – how did you like your lingerie?"

The wicked grin and sparkle in Shepard's eyes was all the answer Ashley needed. She laughed. "Yeah, me too."

... ... ...

_Life Support_

Thane looked up from his terminal as the door opened and Shepard walked in. "Ahh, Shepard_…_you had an interesting morning, I take it? Was your meeting with the Escena fruitful?"

She frowned as she approached his desk. "It was_…_" She stopped halfway to him; her head tilted curiously. "You just called me 'Shepard,' not '_siha._'"

He nodded. "Of course. You asked me not to call you that anymore; specifically – " his eyelids fluttered as he recalled the moment perfectly.

"Construction workers bustle about; the sound of cranes in motion fills the air. The Presidium smells of paint and plaster rather than blood. You absently tuck strands of hair behind your ear as we walk along the rebuilt Promenade; it's a tick, you don't realize you do it."

"I look over at you and smile. '_Siha_, look at all you have saved; civilization rises again, undaunted and unbowed, thanks to you.'"

"Your lips curl up slightly at me. 'Thane,' you say 'please, just call me 'Shepard.' Now that you're no longer dying, you need to stop treating me like one of your Goddesses. If I was ever your salvation, you don't need me to be any longer. Go out and live your life; it's once again yours to enjoy.'"

He blinked several times then looked at her with some concern. "Do you not remember doing so?"

She exhaled slowly and gazed at him, a troubled expression on her face. "That's what I'm here about. I think I need your help."

... ... ...

_Weapons Battery_

Garrus leaned against the wall, his arms crossed lightly over his chest, and smiled over at Ashley. "So what was it like?"

Ashley shrugged as she swung her legs freely against the edge of the table. "It wasn't like anything; nothing _changed_ for me." She nodded sharply. "Only one timeline for this girl."

"Good point. So, what happened that day then?"

She dropped her head back on the wall. "Well, I was sitting there – my leg had practically been blown off, I couldn't exactly stand – leaning against my cover, bleeding all over everything, shooting wildly at Geth while I had a quick conversation with God, letting Him know I'd be seeing Him real soon, and_…_"

She huffed a breath. "_…_and all of the sudden Shepard is crouched down beside me. Her hair has grown like fifteen centimeters and she's wearing BDUs and carrying some Krogan-issue assault rifle and blathering nonsense and_…_I suddenly realized, I didn't _care_."

She smiled thoughtfully at Garrus. "I had done the heroic thing, I had made the selfless choice, like every good soldier should – and I had meant it. But like a gift from Heaven, there was a chance for me to live_…_and I _really_ wanted to live. So I let her save me, even though it didn't make any sense whatsoever."

"Can't blame you there – I pretty much let her do the same thing for me on Omega_…_though there was only one of her." He frowned slightly. "I _think_."

She laughed warmly and patted his shoulder. "So we get back to the room before the bomb site; the door opens_…_and she's on the other side of it, helping an obviously wounded Kaidan up. The bomb's blaring its alarm, everybody's bleeding, it's total chaos – you know, you were there. I turn around as the door is closing behind me, and she's _there_, too_…_and she's crying."

She shrugged slightly. "And I guess I understood. I mean, I didn't understand anything – how it could be possible, why, when, what it meant – but I knew that it probably hadn't been easy, and most of all I knew that I wasn't going to waste the second chance I had been given."

"I never told anyone, not even Andrew – not until night before last, anyway. No one would have believed me, right? I figured that one day a moment would come when it would be explained, when Shepard would walk up to me and go 'Hey, you remember when I saved your life on Virmire? Well I just did that.'"

She frowned briefly. "But then she died, and I was a little confused_…_and then she was back, and that meant anything was possible. The years went by and, while I never forgot, I mostly quit waiting for that moment to come."

She chuckled and dropped her head back. "And then day before yesterday, it did. Wow."

He laughed with her. "I can't even imagine_…_so how'd Andrew take it?"

She rolled her eyes a bit abashedly. "He was a little freaked out by the idea that in some alternate timeline he _had_ lost me_…_but he's a resilient guy; in about ten minutes he had absorbed the knowledge and moved on."

They were interrupted by Litha poking her head in. "Have either of you seen Timah?"

They both shook their head in the negative. Her mandibles ruffled in annoyance. "Alright, thanks."

Ashley grinned teasingly at Garrus after the door closed. "She likes you, you know."

His eyes widened. "_Litha_? I don't think so. More like I annoy the crap out of her; if she's in a good mood then _maybe_ she's briefly amused by my presence."

"You don't know much about women, do you, Garrus?"

His head shook sagely. "Nope."

"She _likes_ you, Garrus."

His head shook much more rapidly. "Ten minutes of the two of us alone and you'd be mopping the blood off the floor for days."

She looked positively smug as she failed at suppressing a wicked grin. "I don't _think_ so_…_"

He stared at her, a look of growing fear in his eyes. "You're serious."

She nodded slowly.

His head shook again. "No. You think you're serious, but you're not."

"Alright_…_" She slid off the table and landed smoothly on the balls of her feet. "I'm going to go see what trouble Andrew has gotten into while I was planetside; hopefully he hasn't turned the Normandy into a Transformer robot that shoots anti-matter from its teeth. I don't think he's had enough time to, anyway_…_"

"Hey, Ash?"

She looked over her shoulder at him.

"I'm glad you lived."

She rolled her eyes but couldn't keep the huge smile off her face. "You and me both."

* * *

_July 27, 2194: Port Observation Lounge_

Kasumi was sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around her knees, staring out the large viewports in the dark when Shepard quietly walked in.

She looked over her shoulder and smiled slightly. "Hey, Shep. Come on in."

Shepard sat down on the couch next to her and curled her feet up under her, just as she had often done on the SR-2 years ago. Her voice was casual but soft. "So, everything okay with you?"

"Just go ahead and say what you came to say, Shepard. You wouldn't be here unless you already knew."

She did, of course. It had only taken a few minutes of quizzing Legion on the video footage of Kasumi's movements around the ship to put the pieces together. "What if I just wan– "

"It's okay – I'm not hurt or feeling neglected. You've got inter-galactic drama and subatomic space monsters and alternate universe timelines to deal with."

She blinked. "Alternat– what are you talking about?"

Kasumi stood up and walked over to the viewports. "_Please_, Shepard. Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, happens on this ship without me knowing about it."

Shepard sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose, harder this time. "Apparently the same can't be said for me_…_"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to keep things from you; I just_…_"

"Why didn't you come talk to me? Whatever else is going on, I'll always have time for you."

Her chin dropped. "Because I knew you would be so disappointed in me."

"Kasumi, I'm your friend – not your mother."

"I know. Still, I couldn't bear the thought of seeing that look in your eyes – the one you have right now, by the way."

Shepard smiled sadly and stood, going to stand next to her. "Well, now that _that's_ out of the way, do you want to talk about it?"

Her head shook slowly, sleek hair rippling across her back. "It's not Timah's fault; please don't blame him. He was the toughest, strongest, most alpha male I could find, and I straight up seduced him. I really did."

Shepard raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Well, any man worth his salt can resist even the most tempting seduction if he really wants to_…_but you're right. It isn't his fault; it's yours."

Kasumi just nodded.

"Look_…_nobody on this ship is perfect; we've all made mistakes. I guess I just don't _understand_. When I met you, Keiji was your _life_ – and that was just his memory. I thought having him back was the one thing in the entire universe you wanted most?"

"It was, he is, I_…_it's just, I think I messed it up somehow_…_he's _not_ how I remember him. Keiji was daring and adventurous and never took any of my shit. This_…_he's so ingratiating, and timid, and smothering with trying to make sure he's making me happy, and I can't _stand_ it!" She wiped a tear from her cheek and swallowed heavily. "I want him to be_…fearless_!"

Shepard ran a hand through her hair and tried to phrase her words carefully. "Has it occurred to you that maybe when you met Keiji, you were just _young_? First love is new and exciting; couple that with the rose-colored glasses of memory, and by the time you had the chance to bring him back, the image you had of him in your head was one of perfection. I never knew him the first time, but I can guarantee one thing – he _wasn't_ perfect."

Kasumi nodded tightly. "I know. Even if I was then, I'm not a child any longer." She looked plaintively at Shepard. "What should I do?"

Shepard exhaled slowly. "I honestly don't know. Only you can answer that question."

Kasumi groaned. "That's what EDI said, too_…_"

"That's because it's the truth. You have to take responsibility – for yourself and your actions." She paused. "But one thing I _don't_ think you can do is continue being with both of them – it's not fair to either of them, and can only end badly for everyone involved. You have to make a choice."

With that she turned and left Kasumi alone to stare out at the stars.

* * *

_July 28, 2194: War Room_

Shepard queued up the relevant info then displayed the LMC galaxy map above the circular data center. "Grab a snack guys, this is going to be a long one."

She activated the remote feed from the Comm Room; though it sent live video back through the QEC, they only received audio in the War Room. "Anderson, are you seeing this?"

"Crystal clear, Shepard."

"Excellent." She tapped the control panel and a series of hot spots began lighting up sequentially on the map. "This is the timeline of Aduri appearances; likely not _every_ appearance, but it should be a representative sample. As everyone can see, their path appears to be totally random. They aren't targeting population centers, but they also aren't _not_ targeting them. EDI?"

"I have run the incidents through 3.26 quintillion known patterns; it does not match any of them."

Miranda's lips pursed. "So the question is, is it random because they're not sentient, or is it random because they just don't give a shit?"

Shepard shrugged. "I don't think we can answer that question definitively until we know where they're going when they disappear_…_"

Miranda nodded in understanding. "_…which_ we can't answer until we know _how_ they disappear."

"Exactly. And to answer _that_ question, we need data on them – and we just don't have it." She tapped the panel and the display shifted to an array of sensor readouts. "The Escena have managed to capture a small amount of data during Aduri attacks using long-range telescopes. Only the gamma-ray telescopes picked up anything recognizable, and then only at the highest end of the spectrum – which means we're talking about subatomic particles."

James' head tilted slightly. "Like the wormholes?"

Liara cleared her throat. "Not precisely, though I can understand why someone would equate the two. However, there are a nearly endless number of phenomenon that can generate subatomic particles."

James shrugged. "Okay."

Shepard laughed lightly. "Now obviously the Aduri are manifesting at a scale large enough to be visually observed, so it's not clear at this point what the subatomic readings mean. In any event, the gamma-ray telescopes and the highest-frequency radiant energy sensors also picked up additional_…_noise. It doesn't correspond to any known element, matter or form of radiation."

Garrus' jaw clicked. "_Ex-cellent._"

Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, it gets better. Anderson, got any questions so far?"

His wry chuckle echoed in the room. "I _wish…_"

She touched the panel again and the galaxy map returned, the incident locations still lit. The more recent an incident, the more brightly it shone. "So we have a little bit of data from the Escena on the state of these systems after the attacks. We _were_ planning to visit several of them to acquire additional data, but_…_EDI?"

"Our initial target for research was, of course, going to be the location of the first recorded incident, seven years ago. However, the Escena's long-range sensors indicate that that area of space is highly unstable. Disintegrating, even. To put it simply, the fabric of space seems to be falling apart there. Which means our propulsion systems would not operate correctly."

Shepard nodded. "We studied four more locations along the timeline; based on the limited data, it appears that the longer ago the Aduri passed through, the more unstable the region has become. The location of the most recent attack, two weeks ago, is stable enough for us to send probes in, but not to visit ourselves; we hope to have that data back in two days."

She exhaled, took a sip of water, and shut down the galaxy map. "That's pretty much what we have so far on the Aduri – i.e., maddeningly little. Garrus?"

Garrus nodded. "So I – along with a lot of help from Keenon, Kaidan and Adams – have spent the last two days tearing apart samples of their tech and pouring over schematics. Structurally, their equipment isn't fundamentally different than ours_…_but as they say, the devil's in the details. It's all based on quantum mechanics. That makes it better, stronger, more efficient, and more powerful per unit of mass. They've mastered how to build things at a femtometer level of precision – or even beyond – and on a very large scale. Kaidan?"

Kaidan pulled up a 3D ship schematic. "Further, their ships and probes exhibit a near-AI level of intelligence. Not quite – the Escena assure us that they are not sentient, and I would be inclined to agree – but certainly they carry the most sophisticated VIs I've ever seen; though they don't have a blue box, they are quantum-based. The thing is, I'm not talking about a VI being _installed_ on the ships – we've been doing that for years. Rather, the VI _is_ the ship; it _is_ the probe – it's been built into the structure at the femtometer level."

He hit a button and the ship schematic lit up in an intricate pattern of thousands of flickering lights. Murmurs rumbled around the room.

Garrus sighed. "So basically, that's their technology in a nutshell. Highly advanced, highly precise, highly efficient. But not much variety; near as we can tell, virtually everything they build is based on the same fundamental concepts."

Anderson laughed ruefully. "I should have brought Kahlee to this meeting; she'd understand all this a helluva lot better than I do_…_"

Shepard quirked a grin. "She doing okay?"

"Oh, yeah_…_better than me."

"_Uh-huh…_Liara, you're up."

"Yes." Liara cleared her throat formally. "I've received an enormous amount of information on the biology of the Escena, and have had a chance to examine two of the bodies recovered from Aduri attacks." She displayed a rotating hologram of an Escena body.

"The Escena are the ultimate merging of the organic and synthetic – at a cellular level. In their brains, at a neuron level. It's remarkable, really. They are, for all intents and purposes, each a fully-functioning bio-synthetic quantum computer."

Anderson piped up. "Does that explain their telepathy?"

Liara frowned awkwardly. "I'm still working on that, Councilor. I'm sure it's related, but_…_I'm ashamed to say, I don't fully understand it yet."

"Well, I'm sure whenever you do, you'll be the first."

Liara giggled briefly before quickly stifling it. "Thank you, sir."

Shepard leaned against the circular data center. "And that's pretty much it. We're on round-the-clock watch for any sign of the Aduri; based on the accelerating schedule they're due for an appearance. We're continuing to dig into the information we've received and are still receiving. I think it's clear that we're dealing with a sophisticated astronomical phenomenon – which doesn't mean we aren't also dealing with a life form. Liara's already retasked most of the Research Council to pouring over the technical data we've received, looking for a connection to tie it all together, and – "

Litha's mandibles twitched. "Isn't the connection obvious? High-frequency energy waves, space falling apart, quantum mechanics, quantum computers, quantum people. Hell if I know how, but these slippery creatures are actively shredding space – and all that quantum shit with it – at a fundamental particle level."

Garrus shrugged at Shepard. "She always was a damn good analyst_…_"

Because he was an idiot, he missed the sharp intake of breath and fluttering of mandibles behind and just to the side of him.

EDI piped up. "I cannot disagree with the analysis. It is simplistic, but it does fit with the available data."

James looked around the room hesitantly. "Yay?"

... ... ...

_Deck 3 - Gym_

_Turbulent waves crashed against the shore, diminished to a gentle lapping against the sand, and retreated. The water gleamed a burnished silver in the early morning sunlight. A faint wind murmured beneath the building symphonic harmonies streaming in her ears. The sand was cool beneath her feet but unforgiving; it curled around her toes with every step – _

Shepard rolled her eyes. The VR interface was quite good, but it simply couldn't make her believe she felt cool, rough sand between her toes when she _quite_ _clearly_ felt the cushioned soles of her running shoes pounding against the spinning track of the treadmill.

Still, the view it provided was considerably better than the plain metal walls of the ship. She decided to overlook the small flaw in immersion and quickened her pace for a final sprint toward the imaginary sailboat moored in the distance –

"Shep– apologies, I will find you later."

She paused the VR and looked over to see EDI retreating from the door. "It's okay, EDI. What do you need?"

EDI stopped in the doorway. "I had some thoughts, and I was hoping to talk through them with you."

She smiled and began slowing the treadmill's pace. One thing EDI never had any shortage of was thoughts_…_ "Come on in, I was just about to wind down."

"Alright, if you're sure." EDI came over and rested a shoulder against the wall beside her. EDI loved experimenting with clothing almost as much as experimenting with her hair; this evening she was wearing snug silver capris and a colorful semi-sheer sleeveless top she had acquired on Aethraene. "Shepard, why do you think the Escena need our help?"

As her pace slowed to a leisurely jog, she grabbed the bottle of water and gulped it greedily before returning it to the holder. "Well, they haven't been able to figure out how to stop the Aduri, and apparently decided they needed an outside consult."

"Yes, but _why_ haven't they been able to figure out how to stop them? Their technology is highly sophisticated, and their intellect must be equal to it; I am by far the most advanced being in our galaxy, and I find myself_…_humbled in the face of them."

The treadmill came to a stop and she stepped off, grabbing a towel and wiping the heavy sheen of sweat from her face and neck. "You saw their reaction to the notion of using violence; they haven't fought a war in a thousand millennia, and it seems they've forgotten how."

EDI frowned in consternation. "But surely it's more than that. They seemed almost _passive_ in their response to the threat and, frankly, it doesn't appear as though they've tried very hard at all to find a solution."

She leaned back and draped her elbows over the rail of the treadmill. As usual, EDI was challenging her assumptions, forcing her to look at matters from a new perspective. She pondered everything they had seen so far, and all the data the Escena had so willingly provided. "I think_…_"

"…I think there is danger in complacency; eventually it dulls your reflexes and your mind. I suspect the Escena haven't had to solve a really thorny problem in a long, long time – long enough that, much like warring, they just might have forgotten _how_."

EDI's brow furrowed slightly. "You think they lack the ability to think creatively?"

"I think there's been no one around to force them to think _more_ creatively." She took another sip of water then collapsed next to EDI against the wall.

"Our differences keep us on our toes, keep us from stagnating – because there's always someone around the corner struggling their way out of the ditch, determined to prove they're better and smarter than us. When we were down on Aethraene, did you see any variety whatsoever beyond the superficial? Did you see anyone who looked poor, or hungry? Did you see any protests, or graffiti, or counter-culture gangs raging against authority?"

EDI's head shook slowly. "No, I didn't."

"Their world was kind of perfect_…_perfectly sterile. I think the Escena haven't faced a true challenge from anyone or anything in so long they can no longer understand the concept, much less how to respond."

She turned her head along the wall to look at EDI and grinned. "But we have, haven't we?"

* * *

_July 29, 2194: War Room_

Garrus frowned at the overlapping three-dimensional images displayed above the War Room data center. "This isn't going to work; you can't just _merge_ organic and mechanical entities – they're structured on entirely different concepts."

Kaidan studied the images, an arm across his stomach and a hand at his chin. "Maybe we're looking at it at _too_ fine a level of detail; maybe it's the broader design that matters, that provides the commonality in structure that the Aduri attack."

Liara zoomed out the images until they slowly rotated in full above the center of the table.

Keenon squinted at the display. "There_…_you can see a similar overall pattern if you just look at it_…_" His head tilted slightly.

EDI completed his sentence. "_…_sideways."

All their heads tilted in unison.

"I can kind of_…_maybe_…_"

"Yeah_…_it's like_…_"

Garrus huffed a laugh. "We're never going to be able to describe this. We should just get Shepard in here."

Kaidan nodded. _Shepard?_

There was no response. His heart fluttered briefly as he recalled the interminable hour a few days ago when she had been unreachable and untraceable.

"EDI, where is Shepard?"

EDI's head tilted further to the side, her focus on the images. "She is in Life Support. She has disabled her tele-comm and asked not be disturbed absent a Priority Orange or higher matter."

"Okay. Should we actually figure this out, we'll find some way to explain it later."

Liara's head straightened up and her eyebrows raised slightly. "It doesn't_…_concern_…_you that she's with Thane and has requested no interruptions? I mean, they've always been very close, even when you_…_"

He smiled only a little bit smugly at Liara. "No, it doesn't. First and foremost, I _trust_ her. Second_…_I happen to know what they're doing." Then he turned and calmly refocused on the overlapping images slowly rotating in the center of the room.

... ... ...

_Life Support_

"Are you _certain_ you want to continue to remember the alternate timeline as well?"

Shepard nodded resolutely. "There are good things that happened there_…_and even the bad, even the hard times_…_they deserve to be remembered by someone."

Thane grasped her hands across the table. They had switched sides for the session. He knew every vibration and every sound from his seat, and thus could better guide her in it; and should she open her eyes, the view of the drive cores was assuredly better than that of the wall.

They had spent the last two days getting her comfortable with meditation_…_near-hypnosis, even. Today they would hopefully begin repairing the contradictions in her mind.

He had come to terms with the mysteries of life and death some time ago; expecting to die many times and perhaps any time, it did not overly surprise him that for Shepard, he _had_. The knowledge renewed his gratefulness at the second chance he had been given after The War, but he wasn't one to obsess over possibilities and could-have-beens. He was here, now, and that was what mattered.

"Very well. Close your eyes. Hear the hum of the drive cores. Let them soothe your mind and your body; let them calm you. Though you exist in a near-constant state of energy, of motion, this is a place of peace and tranquility." He watched her breathing begin to slow and even out, felt her hands in his begin to relax.

"Imagine you are sitting atop the Normandy in space, the stars of the universe all around you." She smiled immediately; he had thought she would like that setting. "Breathe deeply and enjoy it; this is your home."

Some minutes passed; when he was satisfied with her state of relaxation, he continued. "Now imagine a fixed point hovering in front of you; it is a rock, stone, unbreakable. This point is July 26, 2183." Her fingers fluttered briefly. "It has no emotional content; it represents no danger; it simply _is_." Her hands and her breath slowly calmed.

"Now see two blue ribbons of light emerge from this point; they separate and run in parallel into the stars, never touching. Do you see them?" She nodded almost imperceptibly.

"The ribbon on the left is our timeline; Ashley is alive, as is Kaidan. This is the timeline you created several days ago, but it is the one in which we all live. The ribbon on the right is the first timeline you experienced, the one in which Ashley journeyed across the sea to her God. Do you understand?" She again nodded.

"Far in the distance, almost at the edge of your sight, the ribbons of light finally join back together; they twist around each other, winding so tightly they can never be wrent apart. That point is five days ago. The space between here and there represents the last eleven years."

She exhaled softly.

"Now_…_when a memory comes to you, you are going to attach it to the ribbon upon which it belongs; wrap it securely, so it will not come untethered. I will guide you until you are comfortable with the process; then you can continue on your own, as I would not presume to intrude on your most private memories. But I will be here, should you need me." Her hands squeezed his gently in response.

"What is the first memory that comes to mind?"

Her lips curled up in a grin; it was beautiful to him. "Ashley and Kaidan squabbling in the Comm Room over who looked worse after Virmire."

"And that memory belongs_…_?"

Her expression grew serious even as her eyes remained closed and her breath even. "On the left ribbon."

* * *

_July 30, 2104: Cargo Bay_

_Shepard._

She looked up instinctively. She had been checking out the most recent refinements Andrew had made to their guns with James. She knew immediately the ping was from an Escena and not one of her crew; their "voices" had a stilted, awkward intonation, as if they were reading unfamiliar words from a teleprompter.

_Yes?_

_The Aduri have appeared again. We were not aware of it until they were gone, but we estimate approximately twenty-seven hours until the system's stars' novae reaches our planetary developments. Time enough for you to investigate._

_Thank you. We'll head there immediately._

"EDI, Legion, incoming coordinates. Get us there ASAP."

Legion responded first. "Acknowledged, Shepard-Admiral. Estimated time until arrival: five hours, eighty-three minutes."

She immediately sent out word to the team, then raised a questioning eyebrow at James.

"I think if Andrew ever wanted to join the military, I'd probably be out of a job. Looks smooth to me; can't wait to shoot them at something."

She punched him lightly in the arm. "Ahh, James, don't worry; you have valuable skills beyond your knowledge of small arms."

He huffed a laugh. "Yeah, but most of those skills are illegal in Alliance space."

She barely managed to not double over in laughter as Steve started choking in the armory locker.

Andrew glanced at Steve, smiling slightly in affectionate amusement. In truth he had found Steve a natural friend early on in the trip – not exactly an outsider, but not quite part of the close-knit group that formed the core of Shepard's team either. They had shared more than one beer together over the last five months, and he knew how frequently James confounded him.

He shrugged. "Not likely – the Alliance pays me _far_ more as a consultant than they ever would as a soldier." He picked up the M-77 Revenant II and comfortably turned it over in his hands. "All I did was add a custom nanofiber weave to the stability dampers. Most of these weapons are made for serious damage; the weave should absorb a lot of the kickback, and hopefully minimize the bruised shoulders around here."

James smirked. "Ah, but then what excuse are you going to use to give Williams a nice massage?"

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "Who says I need an excuse?"

Shepard chuckled lightly and clapped him on the shoulder. "Well _I'll_ welcome fewer bruises anyway. Thanks, Andrew; I appreciate it."

"No problem – and _really_, you can call me 'Andy,' I don't mind."

She rolled her eyes in amusement as she headed for the elevator.

... ... ...

_Planet Requi, LMC-Argo System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

The shuttle landed in a small open area between several buildings. Shepard confirmed her breather mask was secure; the atmosphere had already deteriorated to the point where it was unbreathable. She stepped out of the shuttle, landing unexpectedly hard. "Be careful, looks like gravity's going wonky, too."

The entire planet was a luxury resort. The structures that surrounded them were villas, with elegant curving walls and shimmering windows that masked the inside while providing a clear view out from within. The ground was paved with a pewter-colored material that should have been slippery but wasn't.

Behind them were several multi-level structures; clear glass walls revealed restaurants and a market area. Some two hundred meters above them, an oval-shaped skyway stretched as far as the eye could see – likely a transport corridor to other locations.

She could feel a warm breeze on her cheek, and turned toward it. On the horizon in the distance was an ocean shore, the reflection off the water blindingly bright as what should have been waning late-afternoon rays from the system's binary suns was instead harsh white light as a growing double nova drew inexorably closer. This planet would likely never again see a sunset.

And then there were the bodies.

As a resort, the walkways weren't crowded; only three dozen or so bodies could be seen in the immediate area. She was sure if they went inside the market they would find many more. She took a deep breath and looked over her shoulder. "EDI, get all the readings you can – air, soil, water_…_Liara, you should check a few of the bodies, too."

EDI's eyes had that slightly unfocused look they got when her processors were working overtime. "I am cataloguing all available data." Liara just nodded tightly.

James crouched down beside a body lying in the middle of the piazza. His head tilted curiously as he examined it. "They look like mannequins, with their translucent skin and fancy clothes." He chuckled. "Prop them up and you could stick them in a storefront window."

"God, don't you take _anything_ seriously!?"

James jumped up and spun around in surprise. Steve was standing beside the shuttle; Shepard could see his tightly-drawn frown even behind the glass of his helmet.

James shrugged exaggeratedly, his palms open. "What? I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit_…_"

Steve groaned. "Not everything is a joke, James. These people were somebody's parents, somebody's wife_…_somebody's husband. Show some _respect_."

James stalked over to Steve. "Are you saying I don't_…_" his voice trailed off as he grasped Steve's shoulder and pulled him to the other side of the shuttle and some measure of privacy.

Shepard sighed and hit the squad comm. "I'm going to look around. Let me know if you find anything unusual."

She walked over to a large villa nearby. The door was closed and nonfunctional, but it looked like there was a patio behind the villa. She rounded the corner and gasped softly.

Subtly shimmering bronze tile surrounded a large pear-shaped pool. It was sunken into the ground; the tile descended in three tiers into the water. Tall columns supported a pearled overhang. Sunlight fell directly on the water; the alignment of the patio seemed designed to face the dual sunset.

A nude Escena floated face-down in the water.

She turned away from the pool, leaned against one of the columns, and closed her eyes. It felt like everything was fracturing, cracks widening into gaping fissures. Liara, Kasumi, now Steve and James_…_she had stumbled upon Jacob asleep in the Starboard Lounge, _again_, the other night when she had had another nightmare and slipped out to find some peace in the stars. The sessions with Thane were helping – a lot – but not fast enough to suit her.

Maybe Anderson had been right – maybe turning the Normandy into a 'goddamn love boat' had been a foolish thing to do. But she hadn't wanted to ask her friends and comrades to follow her on what very well may be a one-way trip then deny them the companionship of those they loved. Besides, many of her friends and comrades were _with_ one another_…_these things tended to happen when you spent a decade fighting together. Still, if something didn't change and soon, the ship was going to break apart at the seams from the sheer volume of _angst_.

And on top of everything else, a mysterious enemy was wiping out a civilization that, though quirky and oddly stunted, was truly beautiful_…_and despite her outward bravado, she had absolutely no _idea_ how to save it.

"There you are_…_" She opened her eyes and smiled as Kaidan came over. She wrapped her arm around his and dropped her head against his shoulder. Recognizing her pensive mood, he squeezed her hand and tilted his head so it rested atop hers.

She smiled wistfully behind the mask. "It never gets any easier, seeing so much senseless death. I hope we can find a way to help them."

"We will."

She nodded almost imperceptibly. "James and Steve still arguing?"

He sighed a little. "Last I saw, James was storming off toward one of the other villas in a fit."

She groaned. "We should have brought a fucking relationship counselor on the tr– "

EDI interrupted her on the comm. "Shepard?"

"Go ahead, EDI."

"I think I have something."


	9. Entropy

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 9**

"**Entropy" **

* * *

"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned."

– William Butler Yeats

* * *

_July 30, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Mess_

Shepard dipped the ladle into the 'beefed-up stew' – so dubbed because though its origins were clearly rooted in the classic Earth dish, Alliance culinary specialists had modified the ingredients to increase the protein content of the meat and vitamin range of the vegetables to such an extent that a mere cup of it was deemed to contain sufficient daily nutrient content for the average Human biotic.

She filled her bowl until it nearly overflowed, then grabbed one of those odd scone-looking Escena biscuits and went over to the largest table, carefully sliding in next to Kaidan.

It was nearly 18:00 – well past the Normandy's regular dinner time, which had come and gone while they had been surveying Requi. She slurped down a spoonful of the hearty soup, then smiled gratefully across the table.

"EDI, thanks for hanging with us. I'm _starving_."

"Me, too!" Joker plopped down next to EDI, his plate piled high with pasta. EDI's head tilted curiously at him. "But you weren't groundside; you could have eaten at the regular time with the rest of the crew."

He nodded as he wound pasta around his fork. "Oh, I did."

Shepard rolled her eyes in weary amusement. "Okay, EDI – we'll save the formal briefing for later, but give us a quick rundown of what you found."

"Of course. The atmosphere of Requi, and indeed the entire region, displays features characteristic of a tachyonic field. It – "

Joker scowled over his fork. "What, like in _Star Trek_?"

EDI smiled indulgently. "No, Jeff. The _Star Trek_ entertainment universe frequently utilized fictional tachyon particles that traveled faster than the speed of light as a deus ex machina plot device. A true tachyonic field, however, is a region of space that is unstable due to having negative mass. Shepard, I believe this could be the cause for the disintegration of the fabric of space in systems hit by the Aduri."

Liara was about to sit down, but paused behind her chair, frowning. "But tachyonic fields are just a hypothetical construct used to make certain models work in theoretical quantum physics; their existence has never been confirmed. In fact, the consequences of the actual appearance of such a field of any measureable size would be_…_catastrophic."

EDI simply nodded. "Yes."

Shepard's mouth twitched. "Okay, let's keep it basic for the non-PhDs in the crowd. What is the practical effect of one of these tachyonic fields?"

"No one knows for certain, but physicists have postulated that it would disrupt the surrounding space in an accelerating manner until the laws of the known universe, including general relativity and quantum physics, cannot function. In such an environment, atoms would no longer hold together, much less physical bodies such as planets and stars."

She sighed and dipped the Escena 'biscuit' into the stew. "Well that certainly sounds like what we've been seeing. Why is it only hypothetical?"

Kaidan answered that one. "Because we've never been able to artificially create or induce negative mass. Even the relays only lower the mass of space-time to a level that approaches zero."

EDI nodded in agreement. "We didn't even think it was possible until we uncovered the wormhole technology, which utilizes a related form of negative energy density to stabilize the wormhole."

"Does this tell us anything about the Aduri?"

"Not beyond what we already suspected, that they interact with the world at a subatomic level. I can't say whether they are the direct cause, if it's merely a side effect of their presence, or something else entirely."

Shepard leaned back in the chair, her appetite sidetracked by strategic concerns. "Okay_…_can we reverse the effects?"

EDI shook her head. "Not here, and certainly not in systems that have previously been hit; the degradation is already too extensive. However_…_"

Shepard raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"…it _is_ possible that, if used early enough – say within an hour of an attack – mass effect weapons could re-stabilize the affected region of space."

"By raising the mass of the area?"

"Actually, I believe any mass alteration could work. The natural state of space is one of positive mass. Anything that disrupts the effect of the tachyonic field should result in space reverting to normal, so long as its atomic structure has not degraded significantly."

Shepard exhaled slowly. "That's_…_good news. Really good news." She grinned. "Excellent work, EDI."

EDI beamed.

Kaidan nodded. "Now, we just have to catch the Aduri in the act."

Liara frowned as she picked at the food on her plate. "I'm not certain I actually want to _meet_ the Aduri face-to-face_…_would it be alright if we waited in the corner until they left, _then_ swooped in and saved the day?"

To Liara's surprise, Shepard laughed. "Absolutely; I totally agree." The laughter was short-lived, however, as reality intruded. "Of course, this isn't going to save any Escena in the Aduri's path_…_but maybe it will at least stop the planetary destruction. It's a start."

* * *

_July 31, 2194: Conference Room_

"Seriously – _everybody_ wants to go?"

Casual nods rippled around the table.

Shepard frowned quizzically. "Why? It's a manufacturing center. I'm not sure anyone other than Garrus, Keenon and Kaidan_…_" she grinned at Greg's hopeful expression "_…_and Adams will really get anything out of it?"

Garrus leaned slightly over the table, his hands clasped formally. "Well _technically_ it's an entire city devoted to the design, development _and_ manufacture of starships and wormhole drive cores. I'm imagine most everyone will find at least _some_ part of that intriguing."

Shepard's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Litha spoke up. "The planet has breathable air, right?"

She nodded.

"Well there you go. We just want to get _off_ the ship, Shepard. A couple of hours doesn't count as shore leave – especially if, unlike some people, you just got to tour a space station while attached to Lawson by an invisible leash."

Murmurs of agreement followed. Even Miranda huffed a laugh, so worn down by herding multiple groups of stir-crazy soldiers through The Hub that she just didn't care anymore.

"Okay, okay_…_we'll take the Raptor – but we're leaving early in the morning so those of us that will actually be _working_ will have plenty of time to see what we need to see. Be in the Cargo Bay at 0600; you snooze, you lose. Dismissed."

She touched Joker's arm as he passed by her on the way out. "I'm sorry, Joker, but you're going to need to stay on the ship." His face fell. "I know, it's not fair – but there's not a proper Hub there, and as good as Legion is, I just don't want to leave the Normandy floating pilotless in space."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's _fine_, I'm used to it_…_"

She smiled and patted him on the back as he wandered away. "And I appreciate it."

"Shepard, do you have a few minutes? I'd like to talk with you about something_…_"

She glanced at Thane, who was talking quietly with Keiji as they left, then over at Liara. "Can it wait a bit? I have something I need to do."

Liara nodded tightly. "Of course. Just_…_whenever is fine."

... ... ...

_Life Support_

The darkness of space surrounded her, lit by millions of stars and two brilliant blue ribbons of light undulating in the void before her. The cool, solid metal of the Normandy's hull seemingly beneath her crossed legs comforted her; the cool, gentle grasp of Thane's hands in hers kept her grounded and at ease as she traveled through a sea of memories.

_She glared at Kaidan. "Goddammit, that's not what I meant and you know it."_

_He huffed a bitter laugh. "Do I? You know what? Just go. Go chase your boogeymen. Have fun. Get your rocks off saving the day."_

"_You think it makes me happy when planets are in peril? When there's some big evil out there?"_

_His eyes met hers. "Yes, I think maybe it does."_

_She stared at him a moment, her throat working silently. When she finally spoke her voice was low and dark. "So you aren't coming."_

She smiled slightly in her mind. That particular event had occurred in both timelines – even Ashley's positive influence had not been able to prevent her own stupidity. Of course, if not for the argument then Kaidan might have come with her on the mission_…_and would then have been unable to save her from a watery grave. Fate was funny that way.

She visualized the memory splitting into two copies; the first, slightly faded one she attached to the ribbon on the right. Then she moved the other to the left ribbon, winding it securely; this was, after all, the timeline that truly matt–

"Shepard, I apologize for interrupting."

She jerked in the chair, opening her eyes wide in confusion then blinking rapidly, momentarily blinded by the suddenly bright light. Thane squeezed her hands tightly, bringing her fully back to the present, and she exhaled softly. "What is it, EDI?"

"I'm afraid you're needed in the Cargo Bay – there is a physical altercation currently ongoing."

She dropped her head back and groaned. "Terrific. I'm on my way." She smiled gratefully at Thane as she stood. "_Sorry._"

He merely dipped his chin in acknowledgement. "We will continue another time."

_Cargo Bay_

Timah slammed James into one of the support beams; the crack of his skull against the metal rang through the bay. James responded by slugging Timah with a full right hook; blood flew out of his mouth and through the air.

James was a bigger guy than Timah, but not substantially so; fifteen, maybe eighteen kilos. Of course, James also had eight years of experience on the younger man, some of which had been earned in the seediest, most dangerous bars on Omega. Timah made up some of the disadvantage with speed and athleticism, developed during his years as a quarterback at university.

Timah shrugged off the punch and ducked its follow up; staying low, he tackled James at the waist and tried to slam him into the beam a second time. James reversed their direction with sheer brute force, and they both barreled into the armory worktable.

Steve took the opportunity to run forward and desperately try to grab James' arm. Andrew groaned and hurried after him, wrapping his arms around Steve from behind to drag him back and out of reach of the fight as James and Timah struggled against the worktable. At that moment Timah pulled back and let loose a wild right hook aimed at James but heading dangerously close to Steve. Andrew slammed the heel of his boot into the side of Timah's knee, and the fist faltered and swung harmlessly past them in the air.

Timah sank down in pain, his head whipping over in shock_…_but Andrew was already dragging Steve around the worktable. He felt hands on his shoulders as James started to drive him to the ground; still on his knees, he slugged James in the crotch, and they both tumbled to the floor, fists flying blindly.

Garrus had been in the supply room and had hurried out just in time to see the last few seconds of the melee. He looked over at Andrew in confusion. "Why'd you do that?"

Andrew shrugged. "I like Steve." He paused, smirking a little. "And I fucking hate infidelity, man. Almost as much as I hate bigotry."

Garrus' mandibles fluttered slightly, still confused. "Timah doesn't have a girlfriend_…_"

Andrew's head shook slowly. "Not my secret to share, sorry."

"No problem_…_you think he'll come after you later?"

He shrugged. "Not if he doesn't want his gun blowing up in his face."

Garrus huffed a laugh. "Good point."

Steve stormed over to the weapons locker and pulled out a stun grenade. "I'm stopping this right now."

Garrus put a hand on Steve's arm and motioned toward the opening stairwell door. "No need; I think it's about to be handled."

Neither of the combatants saw Shepard enter the Cargo Bay, focused as they were on turning one another into bloody pulps.

Suddenly they were flying in opposite directions through the air as she _threw_ them apart; they landed on their asses ten meters apart, at which point she promptly dropped a _stasis_ on each of them. Only then did she storm into the center of the bay, her skin rippling bright blue as she maintained the _stasis_ fields.

"If either of you _touches_ the other once I let you out, you will _both_ spend the night in the brig. Is that clear?" Of course, neither of them could move or respond. She waited another five seconds then slowly dissipated the fields, the blue waves fading away from her as she did. James awkwardly stood, massaging his jaw then shoulder gingerly; Timah hobbled to his feet, keeping all his weight on his left leg as he wiped blood from his mouth.

"Now. What. The. _Fuck_. Is. Going. On."

Both their gazes slid away.

"Your commanding officer asked you a question. I _suggest_ you answer it."

Timah glanced over at the rapidly growing crowd near the elevator. "I'd rather not say in public, ma'am_…_"

"Fine." She shoved them both into the far corner of the bay, careful to stay in between them, then crossed her arms over her chest. "Now."

Timah swallowed. "We were loading some weapons into the Raptor for tomorrow, per procedure, and Kasumi dropped by to say hello. After she left, _Major_ Vega made a disparaging comment about her – "

"It was a _compliment_!" James threw his hands in the air in annoyance.

"You have a very twisted idea of what's complim– " She locked her arm on Timah's chest to hold him back. He glared at James another second then took half a step back.

"To which _Lieutenant_ Naik responded by insulting me." James had never stopped glaring at Timah.

She raised a not-at-all-amused eyebrow at Timah.

"I _might_ have made a remark about the Major's sexual preferences that was in questionable taste – "

"Questionable taste my ass!" This time she was forced to hold James back; her hand glowed brightly in warning.

"Is that it?" They both nodded reluctantly.

"What are you two, twelve? For fuck's sake, deal with your shit like civilized adults_…_" She sighed heavily and turned to James, keeping her voice low. "You're not angry at Timah; you're angry at Steve. _Work it out_. This is the second fight in two months I've had to pull you out of – get your temper under control, Major." Her expression made it clear there would be no argument, and he just nodded.

She turned to Timah, and her voice dropped further. "And you_…_" she shoved her finger into his chest, forcing him to hobble awkwardly backward into the corner where James couldn't hear "_…you_ need to keep it in your _pants_."

He blinked in surprise. "Ma'am, I – "

"Are you _seriously_ trying to claim you're defending her honor when _you're_ the one who's fucking her behind Keiji's back?"

His eyes widened; though he was of course familiar with Shepard's at times unrestrained demeanor, he had rarely if ever had it trained on him so directly. He swallowed hard, frowning darkly. "With respect, Admiral_…_what if I care about her?"

"What _if_?" She shook her head in disgust. "You better figure out the answer to that question, and _quickly_." Then she stepped back and glared at the two of them. "Both of you, _out_ – before I decide to throw you both in the brig just _because_."

"But we weren't finished loading – "

"Then we'll have to do your jobs for you. _Out_."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Yes, ma'am."

She stood and watched them all the way to the other end of the room; James took the stairs while Timah limped into the elevator. Then she turned and gazed at Kasumi, who was lurking in the shadows.

Her voice was soft but firm. "You need to handle this before it gets _completely_ out of control. Make a choice, Kasumi." She smiled sadly and walked away.

* * *

_August 1, 2194 – Praede, LMC-Bacchae System, Large Magellanic Cloud _

_06:65 GST_

A blast of biting cold air hit them immediately upon opening the airlock of the Raptor.

"Holy fuck it's cold!" James sputtered.

_The naturally cold climate assists Us in cooling the labs to the temperatures necessary to conduct femtoassembly._ The approaching Escena smiled politely. He was of average height for them, bore almost no markings and was bald. His clothing was thoroughly utilitarian – formfitting gray pants and top adorned with numerous pockets. He was, by far, the most "normal" looking Escena they had met thus far.

_I am Niedri-ka~Shu-Deglane, Chief Engineer of Praede. Welcome to Our facility._

From what they had seen on approach, "facility" was a bit of an understatement. Shepard dipped her head in acknowledgment. "Thank you." She gestured beside her. "This is Garrus Vakarian; he'll be the point man for our visit today."

_Very well. Come with me._

The door from the docking bay led directly into what appeared to be the main control center for the facility. Spit-polished metal floors covered a sprawling, high-ceilinged room. Dozens of Escena worked at holographic panels with digital readouts along the walls and around circular hubs scattered throughout. The entire right wall consisted of Escena sitting in reclining chairs, the faint glow of VR interfaces surrounding their heads and arms as they rapidly manipulated unknown objects.

An enormous digital display dominated the center of the room; it was divided into nine different quadrants, each one displaying detailed readouts. Behind the holographic panels, all the walls were glass; the hazy, indistinct dawn light of the planet's distant red dwarf sun lit the room.

They followed Niedri to the far end of the control center, then slowed to a stop as the true scope of the facility became apparent. He gestured as he took them through the layout.

_To our left is the wormhole drive core manufacturing facility._ An enormous windowless building, at least a kilometer in length and width and some three hundred meters tall, stretched to the left horizon.

_To our right is the component factory, where a variety of transport internal components are built._ A slightly smaller building with sections of varying heights encircled an open area.

_Beyond it is the prototype design facility, where miniature mockups of ships and other structures are built and tested._ From this distance little could be made out of the low-rise building behind the component factory.

_Behind the docking bay where you arrived are apartments housing the 23,824 Escena that perform work at this facility. In front of us is the recreational area, where employees may eat, shop, socialize and exercise._ A wide courtyard stretched out before them, probably half a kilometer in width and depth. The hard, eggshell-white ground was dotted with pathways, tables, shops and small buildings. Several dozen Escena could be seen milling about, seemingly unaffected by the cold.

_Beyond that…_ Well, beyond that was The Show. A large circular crater, obviously artificially created, sunk into the ground; from it emerged elaborate lattices that moved skeletal ship frames upward_…_

Suspended in the air beginning two hundred meters up and covering the remainder of the horizon was the ship construction "yard." Open-latticed hangar bays held dozens of ships in varying stages of construction. Hundreds of mechs could be seen working on the ships, and the bright flares of welding equipment sparked against the still dim sky.

"_Damn_ that's impressive_…_" Garrus whistled coolly.

Keenon was trying to peer down into the crater. "What's below?"

_An underground super-cooled lab where We construct and grow the bare framework of the ships._

"Grow?"

_Yes. We will show you, if you wish._

Shepard smiled. "Ideally, at least some of us would like to see everything before the day is over. Garrus, where would you like to start?"

He looked around the view then at the team. "Um, how about a quick tour of the component factory?"

EDI looked back over at the far wall. "Would I be able to stay here and study your VR interface more closely?"

_Of course._

_ ҇⸗_

_08:10 GST_

Liara exhaled softly. "One of these days I'm going to stop being impressed by the Escena_…_but today isn't it."

They stood on an open balcony perched above the component factory floor. There were maybe a hundred different segmented areas spread out below them, each different in size, shape and purpose. They all glowed and twinkled and hummed as Escena and mechs busily went about their work.

Keenon smiled happily at Liara. "I'm going to go down and see some of this up close – do you want to come with me?"

"That's a lovely idea."

Andrew grabbed Ashley's hand and started dragging her toward the open elevator to their left. "Come on, love, I'm sure _somewhere_ down there they make guns."

She eyed him suspiciously. "They don't _have_ guns, remember?"

"Well then I'm sure they make _something_ interesting; come _on…_"

She looked imploringly over her shoulder at Shepard for help as he pulled her onto the elevator – and received only an amused giggle in response.

⸗

_11:20 GST_

They had all become hopelessly split up across the component factory floor; Garrus eventually found Shepard back in the control center, where Niedri was walking her through the overall management of the facility.

"Hey, Shepard – Adams, Keenon, Legion and I are going to head over to the drive core facility. Kaidan, do you want to come?"

Kaidan looked up distractedly from the schematic display he had been studying and shook his head. "I'd be mostly redundant with that group; besides, I think we're all going to grab some lunch in a few."

Garrus nodded. "Okay. We'll probably be a couple of hours, it's a huge operation; just comm if you need anything."

"Will do." Shepard went over and leaned against Kaidan from behind, propping her chin on his shoulder. "I _am_ hungry; we should try to corral everyone and brave the cold."

"Yep. Just give me_…_three_…_maybe four more minutes here_…_"

She rolled her eyes and kissed his ear lightly. "Uh-huh." She stepped back and activated the team comm channel. "Anyone who wants food, meet me in the control room in ten."

⸗

_11:45 GST_

They huddled into the entrance of the small cafe, shivering until the blast of warm air hit them.

Miranda moaned in ecstasy. "Ahhhhh_…_thank _god_." Jacob raised an incredulous eyebrow at her. "What? I don't like the cold."

He huffed a breath. "And I know that, but_…_you don't usually make that sound in public." Her eyes narrowed at him threateningly.

Shepard approached the counter in the back and was met by a very _colorful_ Escena. Many nods and smiles later, she had hopefully explained their various dietary requirements to the proprietor of the little restaurant.

They crowded around a table in the corner and began swapping stories of what they had seen that morning. Soon plates of completely foreign and often strange-looking food were piled on the table and tentative experimentation began.

Some of it was even tasty.

⸗

_12:53 GST_

James, Andrew, Ashley and Litha started walking off down the courtyard to catch a lift up to the ship construction bays; Steve conspicuously did not follow, instead silently watching them – James, anyway – as they left. Wrex leaned against the restaurant wall looking bored. Miranda talked quietly with Jacob near a small water fountain; his shoulders could be seen sagging as her eyes rolled. Liara and Chakwas sat at a table on the patio and studied something on Liara's Omni-tool display.

Shepard and Kaidan stood in the courtyard and talked casually with EDI for a moment, then EDI glanced over her shoulder. "Keiji, Kaidan and I are going to go below to the labs – would you and Kasumi like to come?"

Keiji looked over at Kasumi; she shrugged nonchalantly. "You go ahead, you'll enjoy that. I'll just_…_" she casually glanced over at Timah, who was looking in a nearby storefront with Thane "_…_hang out here, see what the others are going to do."

Keiji blinked; one simple act that seemed to stretch across an eternity. _He saw her every movement – every twitch of her eyes, every turn in the angle of her body, every strand of hair as it cascaded across her shoulders – in slow motion. And something inside him clicked. It was like waking up with the dawn. He felt the blood – though he knew it was technically plasma – flowing through his body. He felt the chilly breeze flutter the bio-synthetic hairs on his hand._

He had been alive before; he knew this. But now, he believed he was _alive._

_He watched Kas' eyes flicker oddly as confusion flitted across them. He realized anew the thousand reasons why he loved her…and knew with absolute certainty that he _deserved_ nothing less than her unconditional love and devotion in return._

Kasumi blinked; one simple act in which the world changed. _If asked, she would be unable to explain what she saw. It was as if, while he stood there and looked at her, a shimmer swept across him – his skin, the set of his mouth, but most of all his eyes. When it had passed – though there had not been an actual shimmer at all, of course – the man standing in front of her was the man she remembered. The man she loved with every fiber of her being. He didn't look any different, not in any single way she could point to, yet somehow he was…_

He exhaled softly as he calmly met her gaze. "Couldn't you at least _try_ to hide it?"

Her expression faltered unsteadily. "What do you_…_?"

EDI and Kaidan turned and started to head back toward the control center. EDI looked hesitantly at Keiji. "So do you want to come with us, or_…_"

He leaned in close to Kasumi, his words controlled but escaping through a clenched jaw. "I may just be – or rather, may have been – a 'fucking robot,' but I am _not_ an idiot, Kas. Did you _really_ think I didn't know?"

Her eyes widened in abject terror. "I – "

"I didn't say anything, hoping we'd find some way through it, but I will not be made a fool – any _more_ of a fool – in front of everyone."

Kasumi looked around at everyone awkwardly trying to look away. Her voice was a hushed whisper. "I was going to break it off, _that's_ why I wanted to talk to him, I swear_…_Keiji, what just _happened_ to you?" She reached out for his shoulder but he shrugged her arm off.

"Why would I believe that, _now_?"

"Because I'm telling you the _truth…_please, let's go talk about this somewhere priva– "

Joker squawked loudly over Shepard's comm. "Um, Shepard, we have a little problem."

She cringed and turned away from the escalating argument, keeping her voice low. "What is it, Joker?"

"Oh, nothing really – it's just the Aduri are here."

⸗

Garrus turned from the massive, sleek drive core that hung suspended from the factory ceiling far above them, and peered intently through the glass into the clean room running along the right wall. "So this is where you construct the circuits that will generate the negative ener– "

"Garrus, get your ass back to the shuttle _now_!"

He jumped in surprise at the intensity of Shepard's voice over the comm. "What's wrong?"

"Aduri – " she cut off to yell something indecipherable.

"_Here_?"

"Yes, and we're getting the hell out of here!"

He looked around the enormous warehouse_…_back the way they had come, at the dozen or more drive cores suspended in the air; he exhaled harshly. "Shepard, we're deep inside the facility – it's going to take us at least half an hour to get back to the shuttle."

There was silence for a moment. When she responded, her voice was low and soft. "Then you really better start moving."

⸗

Shepard stole a glance at the sky through the narrow opening before the canopy began as they ran out the back entrance of the control center and onto the landing pad. Far in the distance, above the horizon, bright swirling light could be seen beginning to cut through the misty atmosphere.

She reached the Raptor and looked around, quickly counting_…_everyone was here save those in the drive core building. Liara hurried up to her, a panicked expression on her face. "How long until they get here? We can't go until – "

She laid a reassuring hand on Liara's shoulder and met her gaze. "We won't leave them, Liara. Nobody gets left behind."

She turned to the group. "But it's going to be about half an hour before they get here. So grab the guns. It's not much, but it's what we have. We're going back outside where we can see what's happening."

Ashley was slinging her Revenant over her back when Andrew leaned in behind her. "Hand me the Paladin."

She looked over her shoulder at him curiously. He gave her a wry grin. "I practically designed the Goddamn thing, I can shoot it if shooting is required."

She reached in the back of the shuttle, grabbed the Paladin, and handed it to him, smiling affectionately. "And that's why I love you."

⸗

The control room was chaos as they hurried back through it; Escena were rushing back and forth, gathering data and equipment before running for shuttles. Shepard smoothly slid through the crowd, her mind racing. Goddammit, she wanted to face the Aduri, but not like _this_, on foot and effectively trapped.

"Joker?" She opened up the team comm, so they would all know what was going on.

"Yup. I'm here. Sitting."

"Fire the Javelins at the Aduri."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, but get to maximum distance first. It – "

EDI-on-the-ship cut in. "Yes, Jeff. We believe the mass disruption may repair the damage the Aduri cause to space."

"Then shouldn't we fire them behind the wave?"

Shepard stumbled and almost fell down the stairs as Jacob was pushed into her from behind by a scrambling Escena_…_then she was out the door and back outside. "Maybe it will slow them down. We have to try."

"Alright_…_I guess I'll just aim for the middle_…_Jesus that wave's big_…_here goes_…_"

The growl roared through the air, shaking the glass of the control center building. They hurried out into the courtyard until they could see over the control center roof, then turned and stared at the sky in horror as the wave, formerly a distant glimmer, surged forward toward the facility, blocking out the sun and the sky.

"Shit! Uh, that didn't slow it down_…_"

"Goddammit!" She looked over at Kaidan, her dark expression meeting his. Together they turned and watched as the wave began enveloping the drive core building. There was no longer even time to get back to the Raptor before the wave would be upon them. _Garrus, it's almost on you – I don't know if the building will protect you or not._

_ ҇⸗_

At the sudden roar, Keenon and Adams slowed to a stop and turned, staring wordlessly at the wall of white-blue light rushing toward them from the shadowy depths of the building.

Garrus snatched them both by the arms and yanked them forward. "Move it, guys!"

_It won't._

_ ҇⸗_

She closed her eyes for the briefest second. _Good luck, friend. _

"Alright, everyone spread out in a staggered formation. Biotics up front, see if maybe you can hold some of it off. It doesn't look like walls will provide any protection, but it never hurts to be near one. Maximum shields and barriers. EDI, Keiji, get drones in the wave as soon as you can; see if you can pull some data. Karin, stay huddled down over by the restaurant. Everyone else, as soon as this sonofabitch is within your range, open fire."

She turned and grabbed Kaidan's hand; he squeezed hers tightly, nodded, and they separated.

⸗

The noise level inside the warehouse became deafening as the Aduri approached, slowing slightly as they tore through the clean labs but passing quickly over the drive core shells.

Even Garrus finally slowed as it became clear they stood no chance of outrunning it; they turned to meet their fate head on.

The light was blinding; the air crackled with electricity –

– then suddenly it was on them, surrounding them.

Garrus blinked rapidly. Strange_…_there was a rippling sensation over his skin, almost an itching_…_but he wouldn't call it painful. He could see individual wisps dance past him_…_one of them circled around him twice, almost as if curious, then continued on, leaving him unharmed.

He couldn't see more than a meter in the blazing light. "Adams, are you okay?"

"Uh_…_yeah, I seem to be_…_"

"Keenon?"

"Yes, sir_…_but our Escena guide just collapsed."

"Unfortunately, that's not a surprise. Legion?"

He was met with silence. "Legion?"

⸗

The enormous drive core building disappeared fully into the wave; it continued forward relentlessly, dipping and undulating as it swept over the control center, stretching as high and wide as the eye could see.

As the control center disappeared, the courtyard exploded in a barrage of gunfire that's power was unmatched in the Milky Way but was woefully inadequate against an enemy that stretched into the stars.

"Oh, _shit_ – Shepard, that – "

"What the Hell – "

Joker broke in over the chaos. "Shepard, Legion is saying that he's lost contact with his mech_…_"

"_Fuck_! Does – "

"Behind us!"

She whirled around. Aduri swept up _out_ of the cavern that led to the underground labs_…_some of them had apparently tunneled under the control center and swept through the labs beneath.

But rather than continuing on, they turned and headed back into the courtyard as Escena fell lifelessly from the hangar bays in the sky.

They were surrounded.

She permanently opened the team-wide comm; she needed to hear everything that happened – and so did they. "Miranda, Jacob, Timah, Litha, Keiji, Kasumi take behind us! Pull in tight and focus fire!"

Ashley swung around to the front and aimed the enormous Revenant II at the wave. "Eat this!" She held down the trigger, unleashing an unrelenting stream of fire – and the targeted portion of the wave surged out toward her, swirling rapidly to the barrel of the Revenant then around her before dissipating as she scowled at them.

_What the hell?_

Out of the corner of her eye Shepard saw the same thing happen to James. He stood in the midst of swirling wisps, spinning around swatting at them, but seemingly unhurt. She blinked rapidly, her eyes watering as she struggled to see in the blindingly bright light. She tapped on her shades; they quickly darkened to the darkest setting, which only marginally improved the situation.

It was like a tidal wave in a disaster vid – no, _two_ tidal waves, inescapable and closing in to drown them. Why would the Aduri turn back? Just to come for them? Did that mean they were sentient after all?

_Shepard, we're okay – I don't know how – but Legion collapsed; we're trying to carry his mech out of here, but – _

"Keiji!" The scream came over both the comm and the roaring growl surrounding them.

Shepard spun around to the rear wave as Timah reached over his shoulder and pulled up the fucking _Blackstar_; he fired it directly into the wave ahead of where Kasumi was running. It briefly created a gap as the wave hollowed into itself; Kasumi sprinted through it and fell to the ground next to Keiji's limp body –

– ahead of Shepard, Miranda got tired of shooting a pistol ineffectually at energy and hurled a _throw_ into the wall –

– _everything was happening so fast, there was so much to keep track of, she hadn't even had time to fire a single round from her newly-hyper-modified-dual-action Valiant – _

– several dozen wisps lunged for the biotic energy Miranda had unleashed, devouring it as they sped forward and surrounded her, seeming to bite at her like a school of piranhas; she staggered, grabbing her head with both hands, but managed to stay on her feet as Jacob rushed toward her –

– horrified, Shepard spun around to warn Kaidan not to –

– he was standing front and center as he _reaved_ the wall of Aduri now less than a dozen meters away –

– an enormous section of the wave roared malevolently and accelerated toward him with the returning biotic energy of the _reave_; he collapsed to his knees as at least a hundred of the wisps swirled greedily around him; he grabbed his head_…_then his forehead dropped to the ground –

"_Kaidan!_" She bolted for him; against her natural instincts but following her gut, she dropped her _barrier_ as she slid to the ground at his side.

Both waves met in the center and everyone was completely engulfed.

"Are you oka– "

– just beyond him, at the edge of what she could see, EDI's body crumpled to the ground like a ragdoll –

– she exhaled in the madness; he was breathing but his whole body was shuddering. "Joker, get the fuck out of here!"

"No, I'm not leaving you behind!"

She wrapped her arms around Kaidan's shoulders, covering him with her body in a desperate attempt to keep these fucking_ things_ off of him. Her skin tingled violently, the hairs on her arm standing straight up as though from a strong static charge; she could feel the amp at the base of her skull vibrating angrily against the port.

The wisps spun around him and her frenetically, almost as if they were in a feeding frenzy. Bright white and blue shifted smoothly along their_…_bodies? Her hand went through their amorphous, fluid forms as she tried to swat them away – though she could feel the slightest additional resistance as she did so, and the tingling in her hand increased to the point of sharp pain.

"Joker, listen to me. The Aduri will _kill_ EDI – you _have_ to get the Normandy out of their path."

"What? But – "

"You can come back for us after they've passed. We're_…_we're okay. We'll make it. _Go._"

There was the briefest pause. "Aye, _aye_, ma'am."

One disaster averted, she pivoted to the next; her eyes darted quickly around, but even with her shades on the darkest setting all she could see was writhing, dancing, undulating light. _Impossibly bright._ "Everyone _kill_ the biotics, now! Kill the guns, kill _everything_ – we're only making it worse!"

The sound of guns silencing barely made a dent in the deafening growl that surrounded them – but she was disconcertingly suspicious that the Aduri would now take no more than a passing interest in the members of the team still standing_._

_And there was nothing else she could do._

All their weapons, all their tools and talents, had been twisted back against them. All they could do was hunker down and hope to survive.

She bent her head down next to Kaidan's ear, holding him tightly as he shook in her arms. "Hold _on_, baby. Just hold _on…_"

⸗

_13:90 GST_

Shepard stared wordlessly around the courtyard.

It had taken more than forty minutes for the entirety of the Aduri wave to pass over them. It had felt like years.

Kaidan was lying against the wall beside her, a jacket rolled under his head for support. He had lost consciousness moments after she had reached him, and had not stirred since. Karin could only assure her that he was alive and physically stable; further diagnosis would have to wait until they were back aboard the Normandy.

EDI's remote body was laid out in the courtyard; Keiji lay several meters further away. Kasumi kneeled next to him, head bowed.

Garrus, Keenon and Adams arrived then; carrying Legion's body had slowed them down considerably. They dropped the mech heavily on the ground next to EDI; then Adams turned and embraced Karin as she hurried up to him. Liara started to run toward Keenon, then slowed awkwardly, suddenly unsure of how to act; he smiled and went to her, softly running a hand along her cheek.

Most of the rest of the team were sprawled on the ground, leaning against walls or ledges in weariness or just in disbelief – but physically unharmed.

"Shepard, the Aduri have disappeared from long-range sensors; I believe it is safe for us to return."

She smiled slightly in relief; at least EDI and Legion were safe and alive in the ship. "Okay, EDI, if you're sure. Have Lieutenant Rogers and Sergeant Lisson bring down the Kodiaks to my location. We'll come back for the Raptor, but nobody's really in any shape to head back to it right now."

"Understood. ETA eighteen minutes."

She ran a hand raggedly down her face, then knelt down to check on Kaidan. _Still breathing. Still alive._ She reluctantly stood and looked around again, then went over to Kasumi and gently placed a hand on her shoulder; she jerked in surprise.

Kasumi looked up; her eyes were wide, tears staining her cheeks. "Shepard_…_is he dead?"

"I_…_I don't know. I'm sorry."

"He doesn't have a copy in the ship_…_this is all there is_…_" Her brow furrowed; normally the master of subtlety, her expressions were ragged and uncontrolled. "Something happened, before the attack_…_I don't know, but he_…_" She turned away and ran a shaking hand through his hair, then began stroking his cheek. "Don't be dead_…please…_"

Shepard squeezed Kasumi's shoulder sympathetically then let her be. She looked to the sky, scanning for the shuttles' arrival, as one thought ran over and over through her head like a drumbeat.

_What the hell had happened here?_

* * *

_⸗_

_Author's Note: Several readers have mentioned that they were having a little trouble keeping the new characters straight - understandable, and almost certainly my fault :). I decided to write Dossiers on the four new, original characters to help make them more familiar and relatable...WELL, that turned into Dossiers on _all_ the characters. I have published them as a separate story here, along with the ship manifest: s/8989523/2/Beyond-Ship-Manifest-and-Character-Dossiers (insert the FanFiction web address at the beginning, or see it on my profile page). _

_The new characters are first, in case that's all you want to read; __Dossiers for the rest of the characters follow - though you will know much of their information, there are many dashes of humor and original content._


	10. Don't Know What We Have Until It's

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 10**

"**Don't Know What We Have Until It's**_**…**_**"**

* * *

"Life is the fire that burns and the sun that gives light. Life is the wind and the rain and the thunder in the sky. Life is matter and is earth, what is and what is not, and what beyond is in Eternity."

– Lucius Annaeus Seneca

* * *

_August 1, 2194: Normandy SR-3 War Room_

"Can someone explain to me what just happened? How could we have been so goddamn wrong?!" In the intensity of the situation Miranda had reverted to old habits and manners; in the intensity of the situation Shepard couldn't bring herself to care.

"Technically, we weren't wrong. We fired an additional Javelin after the Aduri had passed, and it appears to be having the anticipated effect; this system may yet survive." It was oddly disconcerting to hear EDI's voice over the speakers, with no body to go with it.

"Then _what_ was that cluster-fuck?"

"According to the data recorded on the Normandy, the initial Javelins launched never fully detonated."

James pushed heavily off the table. "Well that didn't stop them from causing a reaction." He looked around questioningly. "So what – are they just able to counteract anything we can throw at them? Are these slimy little boogers seriously _that_ advanced?"

Ashley shook her head, though not in direct response to his question. "Our weapons fired, for all the good they did. What's weird is, it was like they were _drawn_ to the gunfire."

Miranda sighed, weariness pulling her ire down a notch. "Same with the biotics. They surged along the path my _throw_ took, spinning around it, almost like they were_…_"

"Consuming it."

Every head in the room turned to Shepard.

She had run the sequence of events through her head a hundred times already. The Javelins. The incredible speed with which the Aduri accelerated after their launch. The way they reacted similarly to weapons fire and biotic attacks. The way they had danced and swirled around the weapons but not harmed the wielder. The way they _had_ harmed Kaidan, and what was special about him, or what he had done. The way they _hadn't_ reacted to anything else.

Her expression was inscrutable. "Massive disruptor torpedoes, handheld guns, and biotic attacks. What's the one thing they have in common?" She paused, but there were only shrugs and furrowed brows. "It's such a common, everyday part of our lives, we don't even think about it anymore."

"_Dark energy_. That's what the Aduri were doing – consuming the dark energy. They greedily sucked it up like candy. It made them stronger, faster, hungry for more." She trailed fingertips along the rim of the table. "EDI, would a decrease in dark energy explain the tachyonic fields?"

"If it were a substantial enough decrease_…_probably; combined with a decrease in other exotic elements, almost certainly."

She nodded slowly. "That's why space is disintegrating in their wake. It may not be their only source, but I'd be willing to wager that dark energy is fuel for them. Food, even. And it powers our missiles, our guns_…_and our biotics."

Ashley exhaled softly. "We were like a buffet for them_…_"

Garrus leaned into the table. "There's no way we could have known."

"No, but I should have realized as soon as they reacted so violently to the Javelins. I should have known not to use the guns, at least – "

"No, Shepard. _I_ should have realized."

She looked up at the disembodied voice with a grateful, if worn, smile. "Thank you, EDI." She ran a hand through her hair then let it fall back across her face. "Hindsight is 20-20 for us all_…_but that isn't what matters. We need to focus on finding a way to stop them – and getting the rest of our people back."

"To that end, we now know a couple of things we didn't know before today. We know that unlike the Escena, the Aduri don't kill us; unless we use biotics, they don't even harm us. We know that they don't render our technology and equipment nonfunctional – but they _do_ take out our AIs." She gazed across the table. "Liara, what does that tell you?"

Liara's eyes narrowed intently. "It tells me that what the Aduri are doing is attacking quantum processes. The one thing our AIs have in common with the Escena is a core quantum structure. Furthermore, we know that quantum VIs run virtually everything the Escena build. I suspect that physical contact with the Aduri somehow disrupts or destroys quantum entanglements."

"Does that mean our AIs are_…_dead, then?"

Liara shook her head. "Not necessarily. The Escena's quantum nature is woven into their bio-synthetic structure at the cellular level. In their brains there is quantum entanglement among organic neurons and synthetic qubits. If enough of those bonds were disrupted, it would kill them as surely as a heart attack or stroke."

"Legion's body is pure synthetic; while EDI's and Keiji's bodies contain organic elements, they only serve rudimentary functional and cosmetic purposes – in short, they don't depend on them to live. So like a computer, their processes can theoretically be restarted."

James threw his hands in the air. "So do it."

Liara squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm _trying_. I obviously haven't had much time yet, but so far standard methods haven't worked – perhaps because their processes are _still_ disrupted, or_…_perhaps because they were destroyed."

Ashley frowned as her nose crinkled up. "Guys, I don't want to be negative, but_…_the Escena can't restart their equipment after the Aduri hit it_. _That can't be good news for our AIs, right?"

Liara's face fell as her chin dropped to her chest. "No, it isn't."

Shepard gazed sharply around the table. "Don't give up. We are not the Escena, and we will find a way to bring them back."

... ... ...

_Med Lab_

Shepard sprinted down the corridor and blew through the doors of the Med Lab. Kaidan sat on the edge of one of the cots; he looked up as she ran in. "I'm okay."

She came to a stop between his legs, her fingers winding through his hair and her forehead pressing against his.

He smiled tenderly as his hands encircled her waist. "I'm _okay_."

Her voice was a whisper. "Don't _do_ that to me ever again, you hear me?"

He recalled the too many times he had held her in his arms and thought he had lost her – Eden Prime_…_there hadn't even been a body to hold at Alchera_…_the Reapers' Citadel, Despoina – and just smiled against her lips. "Okay."

She closed her eyes and exhaled softly, then nodded. "So how are you, really?"

Chakwas looked over from her desk. "He should be fine. His amp was blown, of course; we're going to hold off a day or so before replacing it and give his biotics a chance to rest. But his implant appears to be stable and his brain isn't displaying any unusual activity." She gave them a rare grin. "I'd say he's going to be_…_okay."

"Headache?"

He shrugged mildly. "Not bad."

She smiled and squeezed his hand; but her brain was again working overtime. She thought she knew the answer, but wanted independent confirmation. "Why did the Aduri affect you so much worse than Miranda?"

He rolled his eyes somewhat abashedly. "Well, first and foremost, the L2 rears its ugly head yet again. Twitchy at best, it's safe to say it reacted rather negatively to the interference from the Aduri. Plus_…_I'm guessing Miranda didn't try anything interactive?"

"No, she did a _throw_."

"Yeah, so the biotic energy only went one way – out. I _reaved_, thinking I could drain them a bit; but _reave_ is a feedback loop, the biotic energy continuously returning to the sender. I think that gave them a direct line to my brain."

Chakwas nodded. "That's consistent with what I could observe. There was a temporary disruption to his eezo nodules, though they have since returned to normal. The brief coma likely was a self-defense mechanism so that his brain could protect itself from the intrusions." She raised an eyebrow slightly. "Kaidan was very lucky, all things considered. And very resilient."

She smiled thoughtfully and ran a hand along his shoulder. "That he is."

... ... ...

_Science Lab_

Liara glanced up distractedly at the sound of the door opening, then quickly returned her focus to the terminal – though in truth all she had been doing was staring at it blankly for the last half hour. "I'm sorry, Keenon, I really need to work right now. I can't – "

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

She sighed wearily. "I don't see how you can help."

"If you'll listen for half a second, allow me to prove you wrong. I think we can bring the AIs back."

She shook her head in frustration. "Ashley was right. The Escena have _far_ more experience than us at this, and they can't – "

He reached over and placed a hand on hers. "Half a second. Please?" She huffed a skeptical breath but was silent.

"No one was able to visit the underground labs before the attack, but Niedri said they constructed and _grew_ the bare frameworks of the ships down there. It wasn't apparent from the schematics, but I spent the last hour stripping one of the probe samples down to its most basic components to confirm my hunch."

He leaned forward intently. "Liara, their VIs are _also_ bio-synthetic – I think they're grown within the framework of the ships and equipment. _That's_ why the integration is so complete." He shrugged. "The Escena's tech isn't much different than the Escena themselves."

Her face lit up with renewed hope. "And _that's_ why their equipment can't be restarted – the bio-synthetic quantum entanglement has been ripped apart the same as in their bodies!"

Keenon nodded, the hint of a smile on his face. "And that's why maybe, just maybe, our AIs _can_ be brought back."

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

Shepard toweled her hair off as she stepped out of the lavatory; she wore her once-again faded Academy t-shirt and little else. She smiled as the faint strains of soft jazz filled the room.

Kaidan was standing at his desk, studying the holo-display. He was wearing only black drawstring linen pants; the sight took her breath away.

He looked up to find her grinning lopsidedly at him. He smiled, waved the display off, and met her halfway. She let the towel drop to the floor as she sunk into his embrace and her lips met his. Soft and gentle at first, the kiss quickly took on a sense of urgency as emotions brought on by the day's events bled out into their every touch.

It was only through a supreme act of will that she pulled back from him and smiled haltingly. "You should get some rest. You've had one hell of a day."

His gaze was remarkably intense; the gold in his irises flickered in the light from the fish tank. "_No_."

She had no opportunity to respond before in one smooth motion, he had swept her legs out from under her and cradled her in his arms. She giggled into his neck as he carried her down the stairs. "What are you _doing_?"

"I'm whisking you off to bed, of course." He gently lay her on the bed and followed her down. Her hands ran along his back as his lips again met hers; without breaking the kiss, she slowly rolled them over until she lay atop him.

He pulled back fractionally. "I'm sorry I scared you today."

She smiled, making every attempt to have it appear light. "It wasn't your fault; another few seconds and it would've been me." He nodded thoughtfully as his hands grasped the hem of her shirt and slowly pulled it up and over her head, then dropped it to floor.

She languished in the feel of skin-on-skin for a moment, then bit her lower lip. "Still_…_it made me realize there were some things I needed to tell you."

His mouth quirked curiously as he ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah?"

"Yeah_…_" She leaned down and kissed him softly; her lips traveled slowly along his jaw and up to his ear. "I love how no matter how often you shave, your skin is still rough against mine_…_scratching me, marking me."

His breath caught as she slid down, planting kisses on his neck on her way to his chest. "I love how your beautiful, dark hair shows me just where to go_…_" she twirled a hair in her finger playfully and grinned up at him "_…_I've always especially loved this one, it's so cute and curly."

She thought his gaze was positively smoldering as he watched her. He tried to coax her back up to him, but she slid away, further down his chest. "I love how your body is so fit that I can see each muscle quiver as I kiss it." She lightly ran her tongue along his abdomen then reversed course with her lips against the damp skin. He inhaled sharply, and found he could no longer breathe.

She continued on her journey, reaching down and gracefully sliding his pants over his hips and to the floor. She looked up at him with a self-satisfied grin when she saw he was already hard. "I love how even after all these years, just looking at me turns you on."

It was his turn to bite his lower lip. "_Always._"

She rewarded him by delicately, slowly twirling her tongue around the tip of his cock. She was rewarded in return with the _thud_ of his head slamming against the headboard. She blew softly on the now-damp skin through slightly-parted lips, grinning unseen as he shuddered beneath her.

She dragged her tongue slowly down the length of him, reaching beneath with one hand and cupping his balls in her palm as she did so. When she reached the base she flicked her tongue teasingly over them, then retraced her path.

Sucking in deep, ragged breaths, he wound a hand into her hair. She looked up as she again reached the tip of him. "I love how you need to always be touching me when we make love." She paused to slip her underwear over her hips and shimmy them down and to the floor.

As his hand in her hair began to deftly tug her up, she swirled her tongue around the length of his cock a final time then slowly began slinking back up his chest, her eyes never leaving his. Her voice was soft. "I love how you're so gentle, yet somehow _so_ strong at the same time."

His eyes were shining, bottomless pools as she closed the remaining distance and grasped his face with both hands. "I love how when I look in your eyes, I know without a doubt how much I truly am loved."

She could feel the taut muscles in his abdomen contract as he leaned up and crushed his lips against hers. The hand in her hair tightened as the other ran along her back and firmly grasped her hip, holding her close against him. His hardness pressing into her just _centimeters_ from where it really, truly needed to be was maddening; she distracted him – or thought she did – by tangling her tongue around his as she shifted her body until she could feel the tip of him at her center.

His voice vibrated on her lips. "Jesus, I love how you can be so wet without me even touching you_…_" He suddenly he shifted his weight and rolled them over until he was fully on top of her.

She grumbled playfully. "But I _hate_ how you're stronger than me_…_"

He huffed a breath that could have been a laugh as he ran feather-light fingertips down her temple, across her cheek, and over her lips. His voice was thick with barely restrained passion. "I love how you're not afraid to tell me how you feel, what you feel."

His hand continued down her neck and across the width of her shoulder; slowly, reverently. "I love how your skin is so soft, so smooth_…_still like that of a newborn. It reminds me to make sure I never lose you again." She sucked in a breath, her hand shaking slightly as it ran along his back.

"I love how you shine so brightly, so fiercely, like a force of nature that can't be tamed_…_yet when I kiss you _here_ – " he placed a soft, full kiss at the juncture of her neck and shoulder " – you tremble like a leaf, melting beneath my hands when I kiss you_…here…_" his lips trailed down her chest until they found a nipple; he took it in his mouth and gently suckled. A soft moan escaped her lips as her head fell back against the pillow and her eyelids fluttered.

He smoothly repositioned himself along her body, then slowly slid into her; her eyes widened as they met his and she wound her long legs around him. He smiled as he worked to focus, to not get lost in the sensations coursing through him. "I love the way your eyes still widen in wonder _every single time_ I slide in you_…_"

She pulled him down into her, teeth grazing his lower lip, then tongue, then mouth as she demanded all of him.

"…and how you tell me to shut up."

He set a slow, deliberate pace, treasuring every stroke, every pulse, every resulting gasp and spike in the thrum of her biotics vibrating against his.

His kisses trailed along her jaw and down her neck; then his arms tightened and he lifted her up, settling back on his heels as her full weight slid over him. She exhaled throatily against his ear as her arms draped over his shoulders. "I love how you know what I want even before I know I want it."

He enveloped her as they fell into a natural rhythm, neither of them in control, both of them trusting that their bodies knew each other's needs and desires implicitly.

Her hair was turned to fire by the glow of the still fully-lit fish tank; her eyes blazed as soft blue tendrils began rippling along her skin. His voice was little more than a breath against her throat. "I love how you are the most beautiful creature I have _ever_ seen_…_and how that isn't even why I love you so much_…_"

"I_…_" But she was too far gone for words as she slowly, exquisitely came in his arms. He held her against him, and held back his own surging passion for as long as he could.

She was blissfully drifting back to the world when he began to come. She stroked his hair and caressed his back, her lips at his ear. "_I love you…I love you…I love you…_"

Her whispers wound through his soul as stars burst behind his eyes and he let himself go.

* * *

_August 2, 2194: Med Lab_

Only the subtle guide lights were on in the Med Lab. Kasumi sat next to the cot where he lay, as motionless as he had been for the last ten hours. That was okay; she could wait. She had waited five years for him the first time; she could wait as long as it took this time.

She squeezed his hand; she did that periodically, so he would know she was there. Just in case. And if not, it still made her feel better_…_a little. She had so many regrets. Nothing had gone as she had imagined, but_…_god, _why_ had it taken her losing him twice?

She was far too aware of her surroundings to flinch when the door slid open, even when she realized who it was. Inside she cried at the tumult of emotions waging war within her_…_but outwardly she didn't even flinch.

Timah cleared his throat, perhaps thinking she didn't know he was there. "I just wanted to see if_…_if there was anything you needed. Maybe some food, or_…_"

Her throat worked for several seconds before she found the words. "There isn't. Please go."

A heavy silence hung in the air. She could feel him staring at her; she didn't turn around. When he finally spoke, his voice was flat and toneless. "So it was just sex, then?"

She kept her back straight and her chin lifted. "Yes. I'm sorry."

She didn't dare look over her shoulder, instead concentrating on the curl of Keiji's knuckles around her palm_…_so human-like they were_…_

What she didn't see by not looking over her shoulder was the tight clench of his jaw and the slow blink that momentarily masked the sparking of his dark eyes. What she didn't see was the tension of his frame as he nodded tightly then turned and walked stoically though the door.

But what she couldn't avoid hearing was the jarring _clang_ of his fist slamming against the wall on the other side of the Med Lab door. She dropped her forehead into her palm, painfully aware of the pain she had caused another human being. She had never intended to cause so much pain_…_she was supposed to be a shadow, a whisper, a flicker that vanished in the light_…_

She squeezed Keiji's hand again. Just in case.

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

" –or waking you, Shepard."

She blinked groggily, though she couldn't help but smile a little at hearing EDI's voice. In the short time since being confined within the ship, EDI had been rapidly usurping Legion's duties. She kept her voice very soft, cognizant of Kaidan's head resting beside her and his arm around her waist, of his reassuring warmth against her. _The safest place in the universe._ "What is it, EDI?"

"Wrex is insisting he has to see you. He swears it is an emergency; he is in_…_quite a state."

"Alright_…_I'll be down in a minute." She rubbed her eyes sleepily, then brought his knuckles to her lips and kissed them gently. "Sleep well, my love."

_Cargo Bay_

Wrex swung around as soon as the elevator doors opened. "Shepard, they took her."

She squinted at the light, still blinking away sleep. "Took _who_?"

"Bakara. Sorzo kidnapped her; he killed Norvack – he's pulling off a goddamned coup. Clan Ganar is overrunning Gellix and starting a war on Zorya; they're running wild across practically the entire fucking western half of the galaxy." He looked down at her, eyes wide, jowls trembling. "But I don't give a shit about any of that. Shepard, they _took_ her."

She nodded. "Okay. What can I do?"

The steel in his eyes was unlike anything she'd ever seen, even in herself. "I have to get back. I have to save her. I have to_…_I _love_ her, dammit, even though she drives me insane and half the time _I_ want to kill her. But I can't let _them_ kill her. I_…_I'm not sure what I'd do without her."

She couldn't help but smile affectionately, and a bit sadly, at him. He was a handful and a half, but underneath he truly was a big, soft teddy-bear. She had begun to wonder if the strain of leadership had wrung all the softness out of him_…_it was good to know it hadn't, even if it took a terrible situation to bring it out.

"Look, I have a meeting with the Guides in_…_" she glanced at the time and groaned "_…_three hours to talk about Praede. _I_ don't have any way to get you home, but I think they'll be able to help. Go ahead and get your things in order_…_and take a deep breath. In order to save her, you're going to need your wits about you – you know this."

He nodded somewhat erratically. "Right. Absolutely. I need to think; plan; strategize_…_on how to pulverize Sorzo's head into a thousand little pieces!"

She chuckled wearily. "I'll talk to you in a few hours, Wrex."

... ... ...

_Science Lab_

Liara looked up from the display as she walked in. "Shepard, it's a bit early for you to be up."

She nodded ruefully. "And _yet_. But I figured you'd already be working. How's it coming?"

Liara smiled. "Promising. I was able to get in touch with an Escena expert on quantum processing; she has been a great help. She provided detailed files on the procedure they use to_…_awaken_…_new Escena, though it's quite complicated, and unfortunately involves signals from organic neurons."

EDI spoke up. "I am assisting Liara in constructing synthetic equivalents of those signals while she adapts the procedure for our AI configuration."

"It would take me weeks to design the matching code; but with EDI's processing speed and power, I'm hopeful we will have the sequence completed in several hours."

Shepard's face broke out in a broad smile. "That's wonderful news. Will it work?"

For just a moment Liara looked far older than her relatively young age. "I am hopeful."

Shepard nodded thoughtfully. "Then so am I. Listen_…_I wanted to apologize for the other day. I was rude, and you hadn't done anything to deserve it. I'm sorry."

Liara's lips parted slightly in surprise. "There's no need to apologize; we were_…_you were right. I had kept things from you; it shouldn't have surprised me that you kept things from me."

"Everyone's entitled to their secrets, Liara. I just_…_anyway, I saw how upset you were at the thought that Keenon might get hurt, and how happy you were to see him safe. I know you care about him."

"I_…_" she looked down at the floor "_…_of course I was pleased he was okay, as I was that Garrus and Adams were. That's all. I mean I like him, obviously_…_but it's not as though I_…_"

Shepard cocked her head, those entirely too perceptive eyes piercing through Liara. "Don't you, though?"

She stared at Shepard, her eyes wide; she looked terrified.

"I know you think he's _less_ than you – because you think everyone, save possibly me, is – " Liara opened her mouth to protest, but she motioned her silent. "It's fine. But I once thought that way, and it nearly cost me everything. Don't be so quick to assume he's not worthy of your love. He's stronger, and more, than you think. Take care not to lose him over it."

Liara's hand came to her chin, her eyes narrowing darkly. Finally she just huffed a laugh. "Shepard, how did you manage to get so damn wise in just forty years?"

She rolled her eyes, a slight grin pulling at her lips. "Well, in fairness, I _did_ get to live eleven of those years twice."

... ... ...

_Aethraene – Chamber of the Guides_

_You had contact with the Aduri, yet you did not die. This is puzzling._

She frowned in disbelief. _That_ was their reaction? Strange aliens were strange_…_she tried not to glare at George. "No, I _didn't_ die."

_Yet you did not defeat them. You did not find a way._

Jesus-Fucking-Christ they were dense. "_No_, but now I know three things that don't work – which is a hell of a lot more than you can say."

She could have sworn that George flinched. She was very, _very_ good at reading people – and she was almost certain that he flinched.

_That is an accurate statement._

She smiled conciliatorily; she was all about rewarding good behavior. "The good news is – in addition to learning three things that don't work – we're getting very close to understanding how they do kill you. And that is a big step toward learning how to stop them."

_That is, as you say, good news._

She nodded. "In return, I need to ask a favor of you."

_You are helping Us. If it is in Our power, We will oblige._

"Thank you. A member of my team needs to get back home in a hurry. I was hoping you would be able to help him do so."

_It is not a trifle, but also not a difficulty. As it is not a regular Passage and traverses a great distance, your team member will need to go to one of Our special Passage-generating facilities._

Her nose twitched slightly. "Alright, it's no trouble_…_though you _were_ able to generate a 'Passage' both to the Milky Way _and_ the past for me from right here?"

There was a pause. When the response came, it seemed to come not from George, but rather from the female she had come to think of as 'Mary Ann.' _That gesture was not done lightly nor easily, and was intended to show the depth of value with which We viewed your coming to Our aid. This is the Chamber of the Guides, not a transport station._

She gazed at Mary Ann, at the discordant clashing of arrogance and helplessness in her enormous, glittering eyes, and tried to decide whether to throttle her or hug her and tell her it was going to be okay. She did neither, instead merely smiling formally. "That's fine then. Just tell me where we need to go – and thank you."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

Wrex was waiting on her when she got off the shuttle. "Well? Can they do it?"

"We need to go to one of their wormhole generating stations – but they'll get you home."

He was pacing rapidly. "Good. Before we get there, I need the doctor."

She frowned. "Chakwas? Okay, I'm sure she's – "

"No, that crafty old pyjak!"

Her face screwed up quizzically. "_…Mordin_?"

"Yeah, him. You know where to reach him, right? I want to talk to him."

She thought about it a moment, and realized that she did.

... ... ...

_Trident: Hoplos System, Hades Nexus, Milky Way_

"Ooh!" Mordin smiled broadly as a glimmer caught his eye. He crouched down and gently brushed sand away, revealing a gorgeous rainbow-colored shell. He carefully picked it up, laughing to himself in delight as it shone in the sunlight. How something so fragile could have survived the Reapers, the Leviathan bombing, the violent hurricanes that wracked Trident's shores_…_

He carefully placed it in one of the specimen bags he always carried with him and placed the bag in his pocket, then continued along the beach, whistling a tune under his breath.

…_This vast supply of knowledge covers every living sapient…My brilliant hardened mind is virtually omniscient…In short in matters Sirenian, Mollusca and Cetacean, I am the very model of a scientist Salarian…_

The sun reflected brightly off the roof of the Solus Oceanographic Institute as it came back in sight just down the shoreline.

During the last days of The War, the Reapers had hit Trident to devastating effect. Targeting the underwater mineral extraction operations, which had been expropriated by the Alliance for the war effort, their magnetohydrodynamic cannons had boiled the oceans. The collateral damage had included the virtual extinction of seventy-three percent of the over 212,000 species previously thriving in Trident's vast oceans.

After The War had ended, unexpectedly alive, he had intended on taking a peaceful retirement for the few years he had left. Then there had been the Catalyst files, and the increasing likelihood that his years wouldn't be quite so few after all. Still, he really _had_ been looking forward to retiring to a nice, sunny beach, content with his fairly significant role in saving the galaxy.

So he compromised. He moved to Trident, renovated a lovely but damaged beachfront home, and set about restoring and repopulating the barren oceans.

In the last few years the Institute had begun to take on something of a life of its own, as scientists, researchers, and marine biologists had flocked to it, tantalized by the noble pursuit of bringing such a diversity of life back. Which was fine; it gave him more time to work on expanding his seashell collection. It was probably the largest in the galaxy at this point, though –

"Dr. Solus! Dr. Solus!" His assistant waved energetically from the balcony of the Institute. "There's a comm for you on the QEC!"

He scoffed with a dismissive wave. "Tell them I'm busy, I'll return their comm later!"

The assistance frowned slightly. "But sir, it's Admiral Shepard!"

_He paced rapidly back and forth in the Kodiak, then suddenly nodded to himself. "Yes. That's all the possibilities." He looked up. "Lieutenant Cortez, I'm ready."_

_Steve huffed a quiet laugh. "That's good to hear, Dr. Solus. Now we just need to wait for Shepard's go-ahead. We're not supposed to move in until she's in position."_

_He frowned distractedly. "But we have stealth, yes?"_

"_We _do_, but our stealth tech has been hit or miss with the Reapers. It dampens our presence – but if they look straight at us, we're toast."_

"_Yes, logical extrapolation from empirical data." He continued pacing at a frenetic speed._

_Kaidan rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath. "Ash warned me about you, but _damn_…" He drew Mordin's gaze. "_Which_ is why even though the Kodiak is stealthed, we need to wait until Shepard can distract the Reaper before we move in."_

_A few moments later, Shepard commed them. "We're about to make for the hammers. Get ready." Forty-two seconds was how long it took before the "Now!" rang through the shuttle; it dipped sharply through the sky and settled just above the dirt ground behind the Shroud. _

_The shuttle door opened and they sprinted the eight meters to the back entrance of the Shroud, Kaidan hanging back to make sure Bakara made it safely, as the shuttle banked away._

_He was already at the terminals in the main floor lab, entering all the variables. He glanced over at EDI at his side, then Liara at the other, then Bakara in the chair. "Will need to load the adjustments into the primary control panel. No other way to be sure."_

_Liara gazed at him suspiciously. "Where is the primary control panel, Doctor?"_

_He continued inputting commands into the terminal. "At the top of the tower, of course."_

_They all turned instinctively and looked at the elevator, then at the ceiling as it began to rain faint plaster dust down upon them. Kaidan exhaled sharply. "Then we'd better hurry." _

_He looked up abruptly. "Yes. Correct." He shut down the terminal and headed for the elevator; Kaidan hurried after him. "I'll guard you while you enter the adjustments."_

_He quirked his head to the side. "Why risk your life for me? Just met me."_

"_Because Shepard said you're a good man. Because Ashley said you're a good man. Because you're risking _your_ life to save a species that might not deserve to be saved but does deserve a chance."_

_He nodded quickly. "Good answer." Together they entered the elevator._

_As soon as the doors opened he hurried over to the bank of panels. An adjustment here, a modification there…he loaded the final calibrations for the dispersal as a cloud of dust erupted out the windows to the right. Shepard causing a proper disturbance, no doubt._

_Then the vents were active and soft, glimmering particles, unnoticeable except for the dim glow from the sun shining through them, began floating outward and across the sky. The tower shook precipitously, rattled by something – perhaps that increasing disturbance to their right. "Work complete. Let's get back downstairs while this tower still stands."_

_Kaidan nodded, almost completely masking his exhalation of relief. "After you, Doctor."_

Mordin's eyes lit up. "Tell her I'll be right there."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Comm Room_

Shepard smiled as the hologram shimmered into existence. It was odd; she remembered him dying, willingly sacrificing himself so the Krogan could have a future. She had mourned the crazy, confounding scientist. _But that was another time._ She also remembered, just as clearly, he and Kaidan sprinting out of the Shroud as it exploded behind them. He had grinned like a giddy kid as he climbed into the transport. _"Most satisfying experience, Shepard. Thank you."_

Well, at least the two memories were no longer scrambling themselves all up in each other. "Mordin, it's good to see you. I understand the Institute is doing quite well."

He nodded, fondling something in his pocket. "Yes. Nice view, too. Is good to see you, Shepard – particularly from another galaxy. How it is there?"

"A lot like ours, except in all the ways it isn't. You'd get a kick out of the local residents."

"As much of a kick as I get out of the seashells?"

She chuckled. "Probably not."

He smiled in understanding. "It truly _is _good to see you, Shepard – but given your current location, likely not a social call. How can I help you?"

She worried her lower lip and cut her eyes up toward his projection. "Actually, it's not _me_ that you may need to help_…_"

... ... ...

_Med Lab_

The door slid open yet again as Miranda and Jacob entered the increasingly crowded Med Lab. Liara frowned slightly, though her intent gaze didn't leave the holo-display. "It's a good thing I work well under pressure."

Shepard laughed lightly. "Don't be silly, there's no pressure."

Liara raised an eyebrow, still not looking up. "_Right…_okay. I believe it's ready."

She went over to the cot where EDI's mech was laid out. Chakwas had cut away a flap of "skin" at the base of the skull. She used an electron knife to detach a panel of the braincase, then Keenon handed her a thin cable of braided crystalline glass and nanofibers. They rarely needed to use hardline connections anymore; most code and commands were transmitted wirelessly. But this was another matter altogether.

She leaned down and carefully threaded the cable into a precise point within the quantum computer in EDI's skull, then attached the other end to the OSD she had fabricated. She straightened up and entered several commands on her Omni-tool. Finally she looked around the room. "The process is running. It will take fifteen or twenty minutes before it's complete."

Joker nodded, an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. "It's okay; we'll wait."

It was seventeen interminable minutes later that EDI blinked.

... ... ...

_Engineering_

"Vakarian? Where are ya, you old bird!?"

Wrex frowned at the empty chamber. He grumbled, turned and was about to leave when he heard a muffled shout. "Down here_…_" He wandered to the edge of the walkway and leaned over the railing to see Garrus waving from below. "What the pyjak are you doing down there?"

"Working on the – you know what, I'll just come up. Hang there a minute."

"Alright, but hurry – I got a wormhole to catch!"

Garrus appeared a moment later out of the stairwell, wiping grease off his hands and onto his pants. "Yeah, I heard_…_I'm sorry about Bakara."

Wrex scoffed. "Nothing to be sorry about; I'm going to get her back. And then I'm going to kick a galaxy's worth of ass."

Garrus smiled affectionately. "That's the Wrex I know. I'd come see you off with the others, but_…_" he gestured at the drive core "_…_we're in the middle of making some improvements to the wormhole drive, and I don't want to leave Adams with the core in pieces."

Wrex nodded. "I guess this is goodbye, then. For now."

Garrus clasped his shoulder warmly. "For now. Good luck, my friend."

... ... ...

_Med Lab_

"I have completed all diagnostics and status checks. This body is currently at eighty-seven percent functionality_…_eighty-eight percent."

Joker was grinning at EDI like a kid on Christmas morning. "That's good. I'll take it."

Liara smiled as well. "I'm very, very glad it worked."

"As am I; I must say, I rather missed having corporeal form. Liara, I'm fully familiar with the procedure we developed and utilized. If you would like to go with Shepard to see Wrex off, I can customize it and administer it to the others."

"If you're sure, yes, I'd like to do that."

EDI smiled pleasantly. "Of course."

Legion came over Joker's comm. "Lieutenant Moreau, we will be exiting FTL in six minutes, if you would like to manually bring us into orbit."

Joker looked over at EDI somewhat apprehensively. She squeezed his hand. "It's fine, Jeff. _I'm_ fine. I have lots of work to do now, anyway."

"Okay, then." He kissed her cheek and hopped off the cot. "I'm on the way, Legion."

... ... ...

_Trafero, LMC-Alpha System_

A brilliant translucent green ring, ten kilometers in width but impossibly thin, encircled the entirety of the small planet. As the shuttle passed by it and descended into the atmosphere, the interior of the shuttle turned a faint green hue from the incredible brightness of the ring.

Ashley exhaled softly as she gazed out the viewport. "You don't see that every day_…_" She glanced over at Shepard beside her. "Well, _you_ might."

Shepard quirked a grin. "Nah_…_not _every_ day." She relaxed comfortably against Kaidan as he crossed his arms over her shoulders from behind and peered out the viewport.

The atmosphere was rather thin, and the colony quickly came into sight below them. A large circular structure several dozen kilometers in diameter with three concentric rings extending another five kilometers, at its center rose an extremely narrow tower which expanded at the top into a wagon-wheel-shaped top.

Not entirely unlike the Pinnacle on Aethraene in shape, it was made not of glass but of the smooth, dark yet reflective metal the Escena called _numrium_. Thin panels of bright crystals ran in vertical columns up the tower and circled the top. A scientific research and galactic exploration center, the colony was far more utilitarian but no less beautiful in design than the capital.

"Yes_…_okay, understood." Steve glanced over his shoulder to find Shepard gazing at him curiously. "An Escena just told me where to park – which is on the lower ring; you guys will take an elevator up."

The shuttle banked into a brightly lit docking bay. As was always the case, an Escena approached them as they exited, then led them to the nearby elevator. As it whooshed up the tower, Liara smiled unsteadily. "At least this one has walls_…_"

҇

_Normandy SR-3 Med Lab_

Kasumi glanced at EDI; her eyes were haunted even without the dark circles beneath them. "Is it working?"

EDI smiled comfortingly. "It will just be another moment. Don't worry."

She swallowed, but couldn't seem to dislodge the lump in her throat. "EDI, whatever happens_…_thank you. For everything. For helping me bring him back. The first time, and now again. I'll always be _so_ grateful."

EDI squeezed her hand. "Kasumi, you and I saved the galaxy together. You gave me the stars. It was, and is, my pleasure." She paused. "Ah." Her eyes cut over to the cot.

Kasumi's eyes widened as there was the slightest movement. She leaned down, her hand stroking his cheek. "Keiji? Keiji, can you hear me?"

His eyes darted rapidly back and forth beneath still-closed eyelids, far more quickly than any human's could. She stared at him, not daring to breathe. An eternity passed, then another.

His eyes opened to the bright light of the Med Lab. _Like waking up with the dawn._

She squeezed his hand tightly as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Welcome back."

His brow furrowed slightly as he looked around. "What happened? We were_…_"

"The Aduri knocked you out – all the AIs out – for a while. But Liara and EDI fixed you."

҇

_Trafero_

The facility at the top was more lab than transport station. In the center of the large room a bank of displays surrounded what looked like an enormous quantum server. Along the outer walls, waist-level consoles stood beside maybe a dozen _numrium_ rings four meters in height.

At least a third of the rings were active in some way, rippling, translucent blue energy filling them as Escena stepped out of or into them, or technicians entered commands on the consoles. Beyond the rings was the misty upper atmosphere, a sea of stars twinkling through it.

_Welcome. I am Roista-ve~Cha-Traicce, Chief Technician of this facility._

Shepard stepped forward. "A pleasure to meet you. You're aware of what we need?"

_Of course. I will merely require the precise location._

She looked over her shoulder. "Wrex? You're up."

He lumbered forward to stand beside her. "So, what? I just_…_think of where I want to go?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay_…_" _Thank you. It will be a moment while We pinpoint the destination in the charts and prepare the Passage's trajectory._

Liara cleared her throat. "Excuse me, may I ask_…_that ring, the one encircling the planet? What is its purpose?"

Roista's head titled slightly. _It collects and magnifies the power from the…Dyson rings, you name them…then powers this facility, as well as other power-intensive operations on the surface._

Liara dipped her chin in appreciation. "That's an immense amount of power_…_"

_An immense amount of power is required for what We do here._

_ ҇ ҇_

_Normandy SR-3 Med Lab_

Kasumi stared at their clasped hands. "Keiji, when I thought I'd lost you again_…_" she willed herself to look back up at him, to be strong "_…_I love you and I am so, _so_ sorry I hurt you."

He swung his legs over the bed and sat up, cracking his neck as any human would after a long sleep. Then he reached over and gently wiped a tear from her cheek. "I know you are."

Her eyes were wide, deep wells of sadness and joy. "Can you forgive me?"

He frowned and ran a hand through his hair. Incomplete memories of his life were rushing back in, froze at his murder, then abruptly resumed, more complete but washed out and bland; then in the last moments, bright and colorful and full of visceral sensation. It was overwhelming, but also intoxicating.

"Why don't we not worry about that right now? I'm just glad to be back alive."

She exhaled harshly and nodded. "Of course. It's just_…_I've been sitting here for the last twenty hours, every second of them swearing that if you would just _wake up_, then I would spend every second thereafter proving to you how much I love you. Will you let me do that? Will you at least tell me that, even though I don't deserve it, one day you _might_ be able to forgive me?"

He smiled tenderly, and a little sadly. "Oh, Kas_…_" His fingertips ran along her jaw, then down her neck as he brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "My beautiful, wild Kas_…"_

"…I don't think I can."

҇

_Trafero_

Wrex chuckled as Liara threw her arms around his neck. "I'll miss you!" He grunted awkwardly. "You too, Liara."

As Liara stepped back, Ashley lightly punched his shoulder. "It's been real, Wrex."

"Little _too_ real, if you ask me." He glanced at Andrew. "Wyatt. I suppose Williams did alright for herself."

Ashley leaned over and whispered loudly in Andrew's ear, "that's a _compliment_." Andrew chuckled as he nodded. "Good luck, sir."

Kaidan stepped forward and extended a hand, which Wrex shook vigorously. "Good hanging with you again, Alenko."

"Stay safe, Wrex. And if you can't stay safe, stay sharp."

James fidgeted uncomfortably behind them, until Wrex jerked his head in James' direction. "Hey Vega, you got a burr up your ass or something?"

James waved a hand in exaggerated dismissal. "Get on outta here, ya big space turtle."

"Ha!" Wrex laughed uproariously, trying to catch his breath as he finally turned to Shepard. "Sorry I can't see this through to the end with you."

She smiled affectionately as she hugged him. "You have something more important to do. Go get your girl back, Wrex."

He nodded and returned the hug. "I intend to." Then he cleared his throat, checked to make sure his shotgun was secure, and looked around. "Alright, what do I do?"

Roista went over to a console and ran his hand over it; the display lit up, and a second later translucent blue energy filled the ring. _Simply step through._

Wrex frowned uncomfortably. "Right. Okay then." He looked over his shoulder and waved goodbye, then took a tentative step forward_…_and disappeared into the rippling gateway.

Shepard watched as the energy dissipated from the ring, until only the hazy atmosphere and stars remained. She exhaled slowly and looked around. "Well that's that. Is anyone hungry?"

Liara was studying the central displays curiously. Ashley jumped in surprise as an Escena appeared out of a ring behind her, scooting to the side to let him pass. James was looking idly around, tapping his foot with restless energy.

Kaidan and Andrew stood near the edge, talking quietly. Shepard rolled her eyes playfully. "Hey you two, no scheming without m– "

An Escena stumbled out of a ring and fell to the floor. The technicians sped into motion, frantically typing on consoles as the wall of displays began flashing angrily. The Escena crawled across the floor as he screamed in all their minds. _UNDERATTACKFACILITYBARELYESC – _

There was a roar, a screeching, tearing sound as the _numrium_ ring the Escena had exited ripped apart from the force of a surging white wave –

Then everything exploded.


	11. Gone

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 11**

"…**Gone"**

* * *

"When they come for me, I'll be gone." – Linkin Park

* * *

_August 2, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cockpit_

"Normandy! Normandy, do you come in?!"

Joker frowned at the panic in Steve's voice. He pulled his feet off the console and sat up straighter. "This is Normandy. I read you, Cortez – is everything okay?"

He sounded agitated and_…_something else Joker couldn't quite put his finger on. "There was an explosion or – I don't know, I didn't see it but I felt it – " he was panting " – I flew up there to check it out, and_…_the whole top of this place is destroyed, the roof's blown off, there's nothing but wreckage – "

There was a sharp intake of breath, and anguish bled out of his voice and through the comm. "_…_there aren't even any bodies. They're_…_they're just_…gone_."

Joker sank back in his chair in stunned disbelief. "That's impossible."

҇

_Deck 5 Drive Access Tunnel_

Garrus sprinted through the narrow tunnel toward the Cargo Bay. _There had to be some mistake; there was no way…_ He activated his comm again. "Shepard? Shepard, do you read me? Kaidan? Liara?_…_Vega? Ashley, Andrew_…anybody_?"

_Shepard? Are you there? Kaidan?_

No matter who or how he commed, he was met only with silence. He blew through the engineering storage room, down the hallway, and burst into the Cargo Bay just as the Kodiak landed. He hurried over to it – and found Steve sitting in the pilot's chair, staring at nothing, tears streaming down his face.

"Steve? Steve, what happened?"

Steve's head slowly turned, as if surprised to discover he was on the ship and other people were there.

Garrus exhaled sharply and got the shuttle door opened, then went inside and up to the small cockpit. He laid a hand on Cortez's shoulder. "Come on, Steve. You need to get out. I know this is hard, but you need to tell us what happened."

He looked up and slowly nodded, but continued sitting there. He didn't resist though when Garrus wrapped an arm around his shoulders and guided him out of the shuttle.

He was trying to figure out what to do next when Miranda came over the speakers. "Priority Red Alert. All command staff report to the Conference Room _immediately_."

He smiled gratefully as Litha appeared out of nowhere at his side. "We're going upstairs."

She nodded and lightly grasped Steve's other arm. As they hurried toward the elevator, she couldn't help but glance over Steve's head at Garrus. "Is it true? Could they really be_…_"

His head shook tightly. "No. It's impossible."

Steve choked out a harsh laugh. "Oh, it's not impossible at all."

҇

_Conference Room_

Miranda flew through the open doorway to the Conference Room. Her hair was damp, but pulled back in a tight ponytail. She wore her standard black slacks and a crisp black buttoned shirt. As it was dark, it wasn't obvious that the back of her shirt was damp from water droplets trickling onto it.

She began pacing deliberately along the head of the table. "EDI, are any of them responding to any comms on _any_ frequency?"

EDI answered through the speakers. "No, there has been no response. Further, their – " her voice transitioned seamlessly as she walked in the room " – locators are not registering, nor are their vital signs."

Joker entered behind EDI. "So it's like when Shepard went through that wormhole is all, right? We couldn't read her because she was _wherever_, but she was okay."

Steve was hunched over in a chair, his face buried in his hands – but he looked out through splayed fingers at that. "_Okay_? They are _not_ okay."

"But if – "

"They were at the top of a six hundred meter tall building, and it got blown up, and now they are _gone_. Understand?"

Miranda frowned darkly. "Are you sure? Did you actually get out and check for bodies? They could – "

Garrus' voice was low with warning as he approached the table. "Miranda_…_" He sat down next to Steve and tilted his head slightly so he could catch his gaze; his voice was calm and reassuring. "Steve, you said you didn't see the explosion, right?"

He nodded quickly. "I was in the docking bay on the ground floor. Suddenly everything started shaking, and there was this low rumbling sound. I pulled out immediately and flew up there, but whatever had happened was already over."

"So was there smoke, were things on fire?"

Steve's head shook erratically. "No, not really. The whole building was made of that black metal, so I couldn't tell if things were charred or not. But there was wreckage all over the place, like a tornado had blown through or something."

Keenon was leaning against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest. His facial markings were pulsing angrily, but his voice was soft and flat. "But you did say there weren't any bodies? Like, at _all_? I mean, maybe they fell – "

Steve looked up with already-bloodshot eyes. "It was six_ hundred_ meters down."

Miranda planted her palms on the table and took a long, deep breath. Then she straightened up and squared her shoulders. "EDI, contact the local Escena and track the rescue efforts; make sure they inform us if they find any bodies."

"Of course_…_" an infinitesimal pause "_…_they have thus far recovered three Escena bodies, but no others."

Kasumi and Keiji ran into the room. Tears had left streaks down Kasumi's face, but it was unclear whether they were old or new. She looked around the room. "Is it true? Is she gone?"

Jacob sighed from the opposite wall. "They all are."

"Who?" She scowled at the glares that came her way. "Look, I'm sorry, I've been a _bit _preoccupied. I don't know who all went, okay?"

Jacob smiled sadly at her. "Shepard, Kaidan, Liara, James, Ashley and Andrew. Maybe Wrex, too, we don't know if he had left already or not."

She sagged against the glass wall. "_My god…_"

Litha was tapping her talons on the table in a dissonant rhythm. "Alright. We know the Escena basically don't _have_ violence, right? So we can assume with some degree of confidence that it wasn't a deliberate bombing. Was it the Aduri?"

EDI shook her head. "There's been no indication of an Aduri attack on the planet. The residents are alive and functioning normally. There is an unusually high concentration of exotic matter in the area immediately surrounding the site of the incident; however, that is likely a result of it being a wormhole generating facility and not indicative of anything else."

Garrus' brow furrowed. "Maybe it was an accident – a server overload?"

Litha frowned at him. "Do the Escena _have_ accidents?"

"They're not infallible; I'm sure they do." He glanced behind her and realized for the first time that Thane was already at the table. Sitting alone near the other end, Thane's hands were clasped together, lips moving in silent prayer. He sighed; he wished he had the luxury of turning to a higher power for guidance_…_ "Steve, is there anything else you can tell us, anything else you saw?"

Steve's chin dropped to his chest. "No_…_I wish there was. I wish_…_" His throat worked but no more words came out.

"Okay." Garrus patted his shoulder in what was a gesture of sympathy in virtually every culture he knew of. He looked over to Chakwas, who was standing quietly near the door. "Doctor, why don't you_…_"

She attempted a smile, though in truth she was close to breaking down herself. She came over and wrapped an arm warmly around Steve's shoulder. "Come with me, Lieutenant; I'll give you something that will help you rest."

He made an effort to sit up straighter. "No thank you. I'll stay."

Chakwas nodded tightly and squeezed his shoulder. "You know where to find me if you need me."

Miranda gazed resolutely out across the table. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. We're – "

Garrus' head shot up suddenly, his eyes sparking with renewed hope. "I just thought of something. We need to talk to the Guides immediately."

... ... ...

_Aethraene – Chamber of the Guides_

_Garrus Vakarian. EDI. Miranda Lawson, we know of you. Welcome._

Miranda frowned a bit, unnerved by their placid formality. "Yes, well_. W_e had people at – "

_We are aware of the events that occurred on Trafero._

She frowned more deeply. "Are you aware that Shepard and some of our very best people were there and – "

_We are aware._

"Are they dead?"

_We do not know._

She glared over at Garrus. "Why are we here again? Because_…_"

"Right." He nodded politely at the one Shepard called 'George.' "So I was thinking – why don't you just send somebody back in time to warn them ahead of time?"

"What – "

He ignored Miranda. "You could warn everybody, not just our people; that way they'd all live."

The tenor of Miranda's voice made it clear she didn't intend to be ignored. "_What_ are you talking about? Are you telling me these aliens can _time travel_?"

He glanced at Miranda. "Yeah. They, uh, sent Shepard back in time that first day. She went to Virmire and saved Ash and stuff."

"_That's_ what all that was about?" She glared at him a moment, then at EDI. "Did you know about this?"

EDI nodded. "Yes, though I was not aware of the precise details. Shepard told me it was a private matter."

"And of course you just said 'okay!'_…_" Miranda rolled her eyes in annoyance, but quickly refocused. "Alright_…_wormholes_…_time travel_…_all scientifically plausible_…_fine." She looked up at a random Escena. "Garrus makes a valid point – just send someone back, and we can avoid this whole unpleasant affair."

_We cannot._

She waited for more, but there was no elaboration forthcoming. "_…_why not?"

_It is not possible to send a person back, or forward, to a time in which they already exist. We do not know precisely what occurs, as none have lived to recount it. We know that the existing life in that time is not extinguished. Perhaps the individual merges with itself; perhaps it blinks out of existence upon entering the timeline at that point. But for reasons We cannot fathom, the Universe does not allow two copies of the same Soul to exist at the same time._

It was Garrus' turn to frown in confusion. "Wait a minute. That doesn't make any sense. You sent Shepard back to a time where she most certainly existed – hell, she probably ran into herself! That doesn't exactly jive with what you just said."

Miranda huffed a jaded laugh. "Yes it does."

"How?"

She looked up at another random Escena. "It's because she was dead, isn't it?"

_It is._

Garrus' mandibles fluttered in agitation. "_No_. Are you seriously suggesting that the person Miranda and her Cerberus buddies brought back is not the same person that died in the attack on the Normandy? Because she would beg to differ – and so would I."

_We do not mean to suggest that this 'Cerberus' organization created a different person in the physical form of Graceyn Shepard. We agree that what came after is fundamentally the same as what came before. Even We do not know the whims of the Universe, but it is more likely that in rebuilding a body that was dead, sufficient chemical and molecular changes were made such that the Universe viewed that which came after as something new. _

_Or perhaps –_ There was a perceptible _shift_ in tone; even without voices, it was clear that someone _else_ was speaking. Garrus and EDI had only ever known the Guides to speak with one voice; was there dissent in the ranks? – _the traversal of the Soul of Graceyn Shepard from physical Life to spiritual Life and back to physical Life was enough for the Universe to view her as a Life begun anew._

Miranda gazed out at them dubiously from beneath long lashes. "Are you trying to say that she went to 'Heaven' or 'Paradise' or wherever, and came back, all while she lay on my lab table?"

_We suspect it is not so simple as that. Regardless, We have spent many hours contemplating such questions, and found no answers. The important point is this – Shepard could go back, because the Universe deemed her not the same. Shepard is not here, and no one else meets this rather unique criteria. Therefore, no one can go back. It cannot be done._

Miranda looked over at Garrus and EDI. "Excellent. Next idea?"

Garrus' eyes narrowed at George. "How did you even _know_ she died, anyway?"

_We have observed much, in many places, for a very long time._

"And that's not at _all_ creepy_…_fine. What now?"

_In the absence of your Shepard, who will be your leader?_

Miranda straightened her shoulders. "Under the circumstances, I'll be – "

– Garrus cleared his throat. "Under the circumstances, I believe Shepard would – "

– EDI smiled pleasantly. "Under the circumstances, given my extensive resources – "

They all stopped and looked each other warily.

– "I really think that – "

– "You know Shepard would want – "

– "The logical course of action would be – "

They stopped again.

Miranda exhaled heavily and stared at EDI and Garrus. "EDI will be overseeing all technical matters; she can be your primary point of contact should you need to reach us. As for our internal chain of command, we will work out those details_…internally_. You need not concern yourselves with it."

_Very well. Which of you will be able to find a way to stop the Aduri?_

None of them had an answer to that.

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Engineering_

Garrus dropped his head back against the wall. A horn from his crest caught in the brace of the shelf above him; he sighed in weary annoyance, jerked it out, and tried again.

It was_ impossible_. Shepard could not be dead; she'd tried that once before, and despite being quite clearly dead, she had nonetheless reappeared in spectacular fashion. He was pretty sure all he had to do was put himself in mortal danger and she would materialize out of nowhere to save him. It was what she _did_. Gods, and Kaidan, Liara_…_Ashley_…_he groaned and rubbed his crest in a vain attempt to ease the headache that was crashing in on him.

He knew he needed to keep his head on straight; he couldn't afford to lie around and wallow. He was a statesman, a leader, and the others would look to him for guidance and even inspiration. It didn't matter that deep down, he just wanted something to shoot at. That was the one thing he _knew_ he was good at, and he hadn't been lying when he had told the Guides that it solved a shocking number of problems.

Probably not this one, though_…_

"Penny for your thoughts."

He looked over at Litha as she appeared out of nowhere – which she had a habit of doing – to lean against the wall. "Dammit, you're as good as Kasumi is at that – and what does that even mean, anyway? What the hell is a 'penny'?"

"Damned if I know. Something Humans say." She eased down beside him. "I think it means, I'm willing to listen if you're willing to share_…_or something to that effect."

He huffed a weary laugh as his gaze ran across the empty Engineering room. "I was just thinking that if I could come up with a couple hundred mercs out for my head and put myself in a no-way-out last stand situation, I could conjure up Shepard."

She shook her head briefly, but let it go. "Has it worked?"

"Well, I haven't found the mercs yet, so_…_" He smiled slightly at her. "I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but I might have had a somewhat checkered past before the Reapers invaded_._"

"_And_ I might have heard a thing or two about that." She shrugged. "Doesn't scare me."

His expression scrunched up quizzically, but she continued before he could follow that train of thought to any logical conclusion. "You do realize she _could_ actually be dead."

He exhaled slowly through a clenched jaw. "I do. They could all be dead. After all, sooner or later everybody dies. Even her." He paused. "I just_…_something tells me it's not today."

"Okay."

He looked over at her in a measure of surprise. She raised an eyebrow. "What? I'm along for the ride. You say they're not dead, I say sure – why not."

He shook his head wryly. "You are an odd one, Litha."

She beamed. "Thank you."

"I didn't say it was a compliment."

She chuckled as she stood. "You didn't have to. See you in the morning, sir."

He watched her leave_…_then suddenly realized he was smiling when by all rights he should in no way whatsoever be doing so, and wondered what the hell had just happened_…_

_... ... ..._

_Cargo Bay_

"Why would I want to talk about it with you?"

Keenon shrugged faintly. He was falling apart on the inside, but it wasn't like he had anyone to share _that_ with and he damn sure couldn't sleep, not in what was now a cold, empty bed, so_…_ "Because you're more comfortable with me than anyone else currently residing on the ship – partly because I'm the polar opposite of you in every way imaginable and partly just because I've known you longer than anyone else."

Timah sagged against the support beam; only then did he realize that smears of Vega's blood were still on it. He found he didn't particularly care. "Fine. What do you want me to talk about – Shepard being dead or Keiji being alive?"

Keenon twitched. "We don't know that Shepard's dead."

"Of course not; wouldn't matter if she is, she has nine lives anyway. But we do know that Keiji's alive – so he wins." He glanced over at Keenon; the man was practically vibrating with angst, but, well, he had his own angst to deal with. He rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "What do you want me to say – that I fucked her because she was hot? Fine – I fucked her because she was hot. The end."

Keenon nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah_…_me too_…_"

Timah looked over at him in surprise – then burst out laughing.

Keenon quirked a tired grin. Timah _never_ laughed. It didn't last long though, fading as he sighed wearily. "We're two sorry souls, aren't we?"

Timah nodded in agreement as the elevator opened and Litha strolled out. "And we don't even have any beer_…_"

"I can fix that problem at least." She sat the cooler in her hand on the floor and opened it, grabbing one for herself and leaning against the wall as she tipped her bottle up.

Timah raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't you have somewhere else you should be?"

She smirked from behind the bottle. "All in due time, my friend."

Keenon frowned in confusion. "What are you_…_oh." He nodded to himself. "Of course."

Litha glanced over at him. "Don't _you_ have somewhere else you should be? Like, running the ship? You're the highest ranking military officer left; surely there's a chain of command in place."

"Oh, there _was_ a chain of command – it got wiped out. And we may have come a long way in the last few years, but do you _really_ think this crew is going to let a Quarian lead them?"

He shrugged in resignation. "Actually, as a Council-sponsored multi-agency operation, it's not strictly military; there _is_ still a chain of command, and Garrus, Miranda and_…_Liara_…_all officially outrank me on it. Which is fine; Vakarian knows more about combat in his left talon than I've learned in my lifetime. If decisions need to be made, I trust him to make them."

Litha quickly finished off the bottle and grabbed another. "You know if they really are dead, we're all well and truly fucked, right?"

Timah walked over and dug into the cooler, seeing as Litha apparently wasn't interested in playing bartender. "Why? We'll just go home then_…_" He went back to his support beam with his drink and tried to lean casually against it, but couldn't help but notice Keenon's increasingly ragged and worn demeanor. He guzzled a sip from the bottle then sighed. "I'm sorry, 'Daal. Unlike some of us, you had an actual relationship. I'm_…_I'm sure she's fine."

Keenon stared at the fuzzy light reflecting through the bottle he held in front of him. "Me too. Assuming she survived the initial blast, she's brilliant enough to find her way out of anything. She's fine. Somehow."

* * *

_August 3, 2194: Port Observation Lounge_

Kasumi pressed her nose to the wide viewport and stared out at the planet below. Though the lights were off, the lounge was lit a faint green hue from the planetary ring.

They were still orbiting Trafero; EDI, Garrus and Miranda had taken a Kodiak to Aethraene earlier that evening, the uneasy trifecta of leaders deciding that the ship should stay near the scene of the accident for now.

She glanced down at her Omni-tool. Seventy-six percent complete. With some minutes remaining before further action would be required on her part, she returned to pondering the choices that had led her to this moment.

Oh, she could try to blame her parents – her addict criminal lackey mother and non-existent father – if she liked, but that was far too droll and juvenile. She had made a thousand choices since she had left them behind, and had enjoyed most of them. Only fair that she accepted the negative ones as well.

Once, she had held everything in the palm of her hand. Then Keiji had died. She hadn't chosen for him to die – god knows she hadn't chosen that. But she _had_ chosen to try to bring him back_…_then chosen to play with fire when she measured the result against an impossible standard and found it wanting.

And now she had lost nearly everything – her love, her lover, her best friend – all in a single day. If she had believed in a god she would have imagined him having a rollicking good time laughing at her from above. And she would deserve it.

But no matter. It wasn't as if it was the first time she had found herself on the flip side of fortune. She would find a way through; she always did. She might not be able to find a way to bring Shepard back, but she would find a way to make _him_ understand, to get him back, or die trying_…_

Her Omni-tool beeped, signaling the completion of the download. She had hacked into the orbiting satellites, a surprisingly easy task given the technical sophistication of the Escena – on the other hand, who did they imagine was going to hack them? Once in the network, she had set to download all the vid footage from the quadrant containing the transport station for the hour surrounding the accident.

She activated the holo-display and parked it in front of the glass, and sat down on the couch to watch. She increased it to 2x speed until five minutes beforehand, then slowed it to real-time. Everything looked, if not peaceful, at least normal. A few dozen transports whizzed through the air, lights twinkled; periodically small flashes of blue flared at the edges of the top of the tower. Then all of a sudden there was –

– she sat up straight. _What was that?_

She rewound it and watched again. Then she watched it at .5x speed. Twice.

"EDI, I need you to ask Garrus and Miranda to meet you and I in the Conference Room in ten minutes."

"Are you certain? It is 02:46 in the morning."

"I know; that's why I'm giving them ten minutes."

"Then I will see you – actually, they are already _in_ the Conference Room. It would appear you are not the only person unable to sleep tonight."

... ... ...

_Conference Room_

The dim light cast an eerie glow across Miranda's face, giving her already pale complexion an almost ghostly appearance. She took a long sip of water then set the glass back on the table. "Jacob will take over for Vega in the Armory, as well as some of Williams' supervisory duties – though of course he'll run any major decisions by you."

Garrus smiled a little. "That sound fine; he'll do a good job."

She huffed a weary breath. "He's been itching for some real work_…_though I doubt this was the manner in which he wanted it."

"I'm sure." He studied the holo-display in front of him. "Keenon can cover the gaps in technical left by Kaidan's absence."

Miranda frowned slightly. "Will he be able to focus? With Liara gone, I mean."

He nodded. "He's a soldier; a war-hardened officer. He'll keep it together."

"I'll take your word for it." She glanced at the roster again. "Do I need to upgrade Lieutenant Rogers to full-time shuttle pilot? I assume Cortez is in no condition to be flying."

He sighed uncertainly. "He's hanging in there; I mean he's closed himself off, shut down, so who knows what he's actually going through. But_…_I think we leave it up to him. He won't fly if he doesn't believe he can do it safely."

"Again, I'll trust your judgment." She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Alright, I think that covers everything for now. Just so we're clear; I don't want to beat around the bush. We're going to have to work together to keep the ship running and the team focused on the mission."

She paused; he motioned idly for her to continue.

"To the extent that any military or combat decisions need to be made, you have full authority; when it comes to crew and operational matters, I'll exercise control. Should strategic mission-related decisions need to be made, we'll consult – "

EDI's voice over the speakers interrupted her. "Miranda, Garrus – Kasumi would like to meet with us in the Conference Room in ten minutes_…_but I note that you are both already there."

Miranda grimaced; she had almost begun to hope for sleep sometime in the foreseeable future. "What about, EDI?"

"She didn't say; she did indicate it was of some importance."

"Fine." She reschooled her expression and looked back over at Garrus. "So we're in agreement then?"

He nodded tightly. "We're in agreement. But for the record, if you try to go behind my back or usurp – "

"I won't. I can't afford any more drama on this ship right now – and it would negatively impact the morale of the crew."

... ... ...

Kasumi gave them a quick, speculative glance as she walked in and went straight to the head of the table and began feeding data into the overhead display access panel.

Miranda watched her curiously, and a little suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"I hacked the satellites orbiting Trafero and pulled the footage of the accident."

"Of course you did." Her eyes narrowed, now intrigued. "You found something."

Kasumi just nodded. After another few seconds she brought up the vid feed on the display. "I'm going to start the footage thirty seconds before the accident." She hit 'play' and let it run.

The tall tower could be clearly seen rising through the hazy, thin atmosphere. Suddenly there was an explosion of light, originating from the top of the tower. White, writhing light pulsed within the structure – then waves of blue energy shot out from the tower in every direction. They vanished almost as quickly as they had appeared, and the entire structure exploded in white-blue light that expanded like a mushroom cloud then collapsed onto itself.

"Whoa!"

"Holy shit – "

EDI's head tilted sharply – so sharply as to identify her otherwise organic-appearing body as _AI_ – as her gaze shot to Kasumi. Her synthetic visual receptors had recorded what she was seeing, and she had already analyzed it a dozen times. But in truth, she had only needed to analyze it once. As the foremost expert on the subject in the Milky Way, she knew precisely what she had seen. "Those were wormholes."

Kasumi grinned. "I thought so, too. Here, let me slow it down so everyone can see." She replayed the vid at .5x speed.

Garrus leaned forward intently, the haze of fatigue gone in a flash. Miranda ran a hand across her mouth; it settled at her chin. "Okay, I agree – those look like wormholes. But – "

"They weren't just wormholes, Miranda. They were wormholes that activated _after_ the event began but _before_ the destructive explosion; if I had to guess, I'd say that initial surge of energy blew out the control system safety protocols and turned all the gates on."

Garrus rubbed his mandibles thoughtfully. "You think Shepard and the others were thrown through the wormholes_…_" It was more a statement than a question.

Kasumi nodded. "I do. I mean, where _are_ they? There's no indication that the explosion was hot enough to vaporize them, but their bodies are nowhere to be found."

Miranda sighed heavily. "I have to admit, that's a reasonable possibility. But is that really any better? If they were just randomly generated wormholes then they wouldn't have had a destination, so odds are our people_…_" her voice dropped noticeably "_…_would have just been dumped out into space."

EDI's face seemed to light up, a shrewd smile pulling at her lips. "Not _necessarily_. Wormholes leave residual traces, subtly altering the composition of the space they travel through. Like ruts in a dirt road. In the absence of a defined destination, a later wormhole might naturally follow a path previous ones had left behind."

Miranda's shoulders lifted slightly. "That's_…_but how many wormholes has that station generated – hundreds? Thousands? Would they just follow the most recent one?"

"Difficult to say; it would depend on the initial trajectory and force. Also, as the wormhole traveled it could get pulled off course by any number of factors."

Kasumi exhaled harshly; only the tightness around her eyes revealed how much effort she was putting into holding herself together. "But it's _possible_, right? Some or all of them _could_ have made it somewhere safely?"

EDI nodded. "Oh, it's definitely possible."

Garrus was grinning as he leaned back in the chair. "Son of a bitch_…_" He gazed around the table. "Should we tell the others?"

Miranda shook her head. "Not until we know more. But one thing's for certain – we're paying the Guides another visit first thing this morning."

... ... ...

_Aethraene – Chamber of the Guides_

Miranda wasted no time. "Have you reviewed the external footage from the accident?"

_We have. We believe that a lone Soul managed to escape through a Passage during an Aduri appearance on the planet of Aristei. A small number of Aduri followed through the Passage before it had closed; their presence caused an instability that ruptured the Passage at its termination point and set off a cascading explosion of energy._

"A cascading explosion of energy that caused wormholes to open in all the gates."

There was a pause. _Yes. You are aware of this?_

EDI spoke up. "The Normandy was recording images while it orbited Trafero; it captured some of the incident." She had become quite adept at lying, a somewhat disconcerting notion the others chose not to linger on.

Miranda leveled her gaze at George. "The question I have is, why didn't _you_ make us aware of this rather important fact?"

_In the absence of the recovery of your companions, We did not deem it relevant._

Garrus huffed a rather jaded laugh. "Well I'd say it's relevancy depends on a few things. Could they have safely made it to a destination at the other end of a wormhole?"

_Yes. Two Souls from the Trafero station have been located, alive and relatively unharmed._

"Yeah, that's going to make it relevant."

Miranda took another step forward. "Wormholes leave traces of their paths. You can track where they would have gone. You can find them."

_It is not so simple as you presume._

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Of _course_ it isn't; it's never so simple as others presume. But you can _do_ it, right?"

_Perhaps. There were fourteen Passage gateways at Trafero; each of them has created hundreds of thousands of Passages over their four thousand year existence. Furthermore, the Passages may not have held to particular traces for their entire course. The possible destinations are…many._

EDI nodded thoughtfully. "Would it be possible for me to receive a copy of the historical records from the station? I could assist in parsing the data to narrow the search."

_We assure you that We have sufficient resources to explore all possibilities._

"Still. I too have_…_sufficient resources."

_Very well._

Garrus was pacing in a slow circle. "I'm still hung up on this whole 'disclosure' thing. How could you not think this was something we would want to know?"

_We began an analysis immediately upon becoming aware of what had transpired. Should any of your companions be found, We would of course inform you. Unless or until that occurs, you gain nothing from the knowledge. _

He stared at them incredulously. "We gain _hope_."

_We…do not understand. The potential for mishap is significant; though We have recovered two Souls, we have also located three Souls who were deposited in unfortunate locales and did not survive the journey. The odds are not in your companions' favor._

His mandibles fluttered as he smiled wryly. "Well, that's why they call it 'hope.' We're big fans of it back in the Milky Way."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Conference Room_

Steve was standing on the far side of the table, his palms spread wide on the smooth yet non-slick surface; he leaned heavily into them, his head hanging low. He didn't look up when Miranda and Garrus walked in.

"Is it true? Could they be alive?"

Miranda went to the head of the table and began queuing up files for the display. "We'll relay what we know once everyone is here; it will – "

He still didn't look up, but the muscles in the forearms noticeably tensed. "Could he be_ alive?_"

Garrus nodded. "We don't know for certain, but yes. It's possible."

Steve looked up then, and smiled weakly at Garrus. "Thank you."

Noise filled the entryway as the team quickly began filing in, animated in a way they hadn't been since before Praede. EDI had sent word of the developments to Jeff before they had even left Aethraene, and so of course everyone else had known approximately 2.3 seconds later.

Keenon grinned at Garrus as he walked in. "I _knew_ she'd find a way to survive. She can make it through anything." He winked. "Shepard, too, of course."

Garrus chuckled lightly, but felt obliged to show some restraint. "I'm hopeful, too – but we don't know for certain."

Miranda glanced quickly around to confirm everyone was there, then cleared her throat. "That's right. Here's what we do know. Footage from the time of the accident indicates that some Aduri followed an Escena through one of the wormholes, resulting in a system overload. The overload blew out the safety protocols, causing the server to overheat and explode – but not before all the wormhole gates activated."

Litha cleared her throat from the far end of the table. "You're talking like the Escena showed you that, but I heard Kasumi pulled the footage off the satellites herself."

Miranda nodded. "That's correct." Kasumi shrugged mildly from the wall in response to the murmurs of approval, but smiled ever-so-slightly in response to Keiji's deliberate nod.

Miranda paced slowly along the end of the table. "_As_ I was saying – there were ten Escena working at the wormhole generation station. Three bodies were recovered at the accident site; two of the workers have surfaced unharmed at various locations around the galaxy, apparently having been thrown through the active gates."

She raised a hand to quiet the increasing buzz in the room. "However, an additional three workers did not survive the journey, and two are still unaccounted for. Given that Escena can know everything essentially instantly, that's not a good sign for them."

Joker nodded slowly. "So_…_twenty, maybe thirty percent odds of survival, give or take? Yeah, our people have got that covered, no problem."

Miranda huffed a breath that was almost a chuckle before she stifled it. Truth be told, she thought the acerbic pilot likely had the right of it. If it was possible, she had no doubt that Shepard would find a way to survive. And though she had doubted it initially, in time she had come to admit that Shepard had chosen her companion rather well; Alenko was nothing if not talented. As for the others_…_while they were an eccentric, idiosyncratic lot, none of whom she particularly cared for in the slightest personally, they were nonetheless – objectively speaking – some of the most brilliant and/or physically skilled individuals in the galaxy; their galaxy, anyway. If anyone could defy the general odds, it would be them_…_or, she somewhat reluctantly acknowledged, anyone in this room.

But she could share none of that publicly; she had a ship to run, order to maintain – and low expectations met were far better in the long run than high expectations devastated. She formed her mouth into a set line. "Of course Shepard and the others are very skilled; to the extent they can control their circumstances, I'm sure they will succeed. However, we must recognize that they weren't in control of their circumstances, at least to begin with."

She nodded, more to reassure herself than them. "And even if they did survive the initial explosion, they could be literally _anywhere_ in the galaxy – and this isn't our galaxy; we don't know it, not in the slightest."

"EDI is assisting in reviewing the data from the station, but we can't just go randomly jumping around LMC looking for them; it would be like looking for a needle on a planet of haystacks. We're rerouting auxiliary power to increase the range of our locator sensors and communications band, but the simple fact is, we're going to have to rely on the Escena to find them. If they can be found."

The room quieted as they digested the somewhat sobering reality. Finally Timah looked up, quirking an eyebrow just slightly. "If there's no way for us to search for them, what are we going to do in the meantime?"

Garrus shrugged from his position against the far wall beside Miranda. "We're going to do what Shepard brought us here to do – we're going to help these people."

... ... ...

_Deck 4_

Garrus took a quick swing through Engineering to make sure everything was status quo then strolled back toward the main hallway. Miranda's cautionary words – necessary though they probably were, he had to admit – were not meant for him, nor had they dampened his spirits in the slightest. They would meet again in the morning to brainstorm about ways to move the mission forward, but tonight, he was just going to be happy at the possibility they could be alive. At the fact that there was _hope_.

He was grinning as he went through the door into the hallway, imagining what spectacular sort of entrance Shepard would make this time. He nodded at Litha as she exited the elevator and fell in beside him.

"So how long you think it'll take Shepard to show up?"

"Depends on what else she has to take care of first; two, three days, maybe as long as a week. But she'll be here; most, probably all of the others too. Trust me – I've seen it happen more than once."

He turned to the right down the smaller hallway to his cabin, then slowed, frowning slightly. "Um_…_your cabin is on the other wing_…_"

She nodded. "Yup." She pulled a bottle of liquor out from under her arm. "Interested?"

For a split second his brain malfunctioned, red lights flashing _Warning! Warning! Danger ahead!_ in his mind_…_but he ignored them and shrugged lightly. "Sure, why not? I'd say we both deserve a drink_…_" he looked back over his shoulder "_…_did you want to head up to the Starboard Lounge? I'm sure some of the others will be there."

She smiled. "Nope."

His neck twitched as they reached the door to his cabin. "Okay, well_…_we can just have a drink in here then_…_" he chuckled slightly as he opened the door "_…_won't have far to go later that way, too."

She had to stifle the laugh that rose in her throat, but she couldn't help but mutter under her breath as the door closed behind her, "not far at all_…_"

҇

"…and then Shepard up and head-butted him. A _Krogan_. The look on his face_…_it was _priceless_." He reached over and refilled his glass as Litha's full-throated, resonant laugher filled the cabin. She'd always had a rather nice laugh, he thought. He was sure this wasn't the first time he had noticed it. After all, she had laughed many times before, even if it was more often than not cynical in tenor.

He settled back into the couch with his refilled glass. It was with a truly _shocking_ amount of surprise that he realized she was lightly stroking his right mandible. He blinked, then blinked again. "What are you_…_um_…_" the words choked in his throat as her talons ran along his neck.

She purred as she leaned closer, her tongue flicking out at the lower juncture of his mandible and throat. "I'm seducing you, obviously. So what do you say, sir_…_are you game?"

He swallowed heavily as the scent of her pheromones mixed with the alcohol and began to overwhelm him. He reached over and grasped her hip, pulling it closer. "I do believe_…_I am."

... ... ...

_Life Support_

Keiji glanced over his shoulder as he rolled out the sleeping bag. "Thanks for letting me crash here. I'll talk to Miranda about a more permanent sleeping arrangement tomorrow."

Thane merely smiled slightly as he lay back on his cot and crossed his arms behind his head. "It is no trouble. I would never claim to be lonely, but I do not mind the company."

Keiji sat down on the soft material and leaned against the wall.

"So do I take that to mean that you don't expect to be returning to Miss Goto's quarters in the near future?"

His chin dropped to his chest and he sighed. "No. I_…_I don't think so." He glanced over at Thane. "Have you ever been in love, Krios?"

Thane couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes, I daresay I have."

Keiji cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I don't really know your story_…_anyway. I love Kas; my memories of my_…_first life_…_are a bit spotty, but I think she may be the _only_ woman I've truly loved. Not that I didn't have lovers before her. But Kas, she_…_" he stared at his hands "_…_and she brought me back, which is either the most amazing thing a person can do or the most selfish, I haven't decided yet."

His eyes darted rapidly beneath their lids as memories flashed through his mind. "And she _is_ selfish – which should be fine, so am I; it worked for us before, but now_…_" He looked back at Thane. "I don't mean to keep prying; it's just you seem kind of, well, _wise_ I suppose. Like you've seen more than most and paid attention. So_…_have you ever had to forgive someone? For something terrible?"

Thane shook his head slowly. "No. But I have done many things requiring such forgiveness."

"I see. So you think I should forgive her then."

"Not at all. True forgiveness occurs only when it is _not_ deserved. It is given not because of anything, but in spite of everything. And that, my friend, is a choice for you and you alone."

* * *

_Date Unknown: Location Unknown_

Shepard gasped, sucking in a dramatic, life-affirming breath. It was disconcertingly like coming to consciousness on a Cerberus lab table – but she knew immediately there was no lab table here. Also, she didn't hear the telltale sounds of a medical tech – and there was always a medical tech when she was dead.

Actually, it felt as though there was _nothing_ here. She grasped around with her hands; they provided no answers. She nodded to herself in her mind. _Okay._ She breathed in again and steeled herself.

She opened her eyes to blinding light.


	12. Lost Souls

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 12**

"**Lost Souls"**

* * *

"Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow." – Philip Gulley

* * *

_Renasca Facility, LMC-Charites System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

_~ Automated Monitoring System Recording ~_

A spatial disturbance from an emerging wormhole shifted the air to a shimmering blue. Intrusion sensors activated, flooding the small vestibule with light. Two-point-six seconds later a body tumbled violently out of the rippling air and crashed to the floor. "Oomphf!"

The new arrival's head slammed into the smooth metal. It lay face-down for several seconds, breathing but not moving, as the wormhole dissipated behind it. Eventually it pushed up to a half-sitting position. A visual scan identified the individual as Human, female, non-hostile. A child of the Milky Way.

A low groan escaped the woman's throat as she leaned against the wall and drew in slow, deep breaths, then felt around her forehead. Her fingers came away with a little blood. She rubbed a gel-like substance on her forehead but did not otherwise move.

After two additional deep breaths, she activated the synthetic adjunct on her wrist. "Normandy, do you read me?" "Is anyone there? Does a_nyone_ read me?" No audible reply was heard.

Her arm began dropping back down; but then her gaze jerked back to the display, a perplexed frown coming over her features. "That can't be right." She tapped the holographic pattern several times as her frown deepened. "_How_ could it be – okay, I suppose that's _possible_, given the_…_circumstances."

She exhaled harshly then pressed her hands to the floor and slowly stood, gazing around appraisingly. She studied the smooth metal walls and the transparent ceiling for a moment, then left the anteroom.

_~ Camera: Consultation Room ~ _

After a brief pause in the entryway, the woman crossed the wide yet sparsely furnished room to the Preferences panels embedded in the opposite wall. She studied one panel for a moment, then selected 'Aspect' options. Her nose twitched; she returned to the Selection menu and chose 'Adornment' options. Her head tilted to one side, then the other, as her face contorted in an odd manner.

"Is this an Escena_ beauty parlor_?" She shook her head, laughing.

The lone sound reverberated off the walls; the laughter died in her throat as her body shivered instinctively. "Get a grip, girl; you're not eight years old, and you weren't afraid of ghosts when you _were_ eight years old."

Her shoulders dropped in a heavy sigh as she again gazed around the room. Her voice was lower, under her breath. "Communications terminal_…_communications terminal_…_where would they hide a communications terminal_…_"

She moved to her left and opened the reinforced door to the Shuttle Bay. Finding it empty, again her shoulders sagged as she lingered in the doorway. "So much for a quick ride out of here."

She turned around and scanned the room then approached the only other door, looking back over her shoulder once before going through it.

_~ Camera: Incubation Chamber ~ _

The woman stepped out of the hallway then immediately stumbled backward, hands frantically searching for the wall. She flattened herself against it; her body's bearing was tense, rigid even. Her eyes were considerably wider than previously; she exhaled softly, fog appearing before her due to the cooler optimal temperature.

She didn't leave the wall as she gazed out at the 4,800 incubation pods that lined the Incubation Chamber.

Eventually she uttered a whisper, barely discernible. "What _is_ this place?"

* * *

_August 4, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Engineering_

Garrus' mind was on other things – _one_ other thing in particular – as he walked into Engineering and as such he didn't notice the pieces of metal scattered on the floor. He tripped over one, regained his footing briefly, and then stumbled into the shelf of terminals along the wall.

"Oh, sorry about that, Garrus_…_I suppose I have things a little spread out here."

Keenon was on his knees on the floor, a torn-apart Escena probe in front of him. He had a modified logic analyzer stuck deep inside its inner workings, and two floating holo-displays to his left.

"Um_…_what are you doing?"

"The Escena can't get their equipment restarted because the bio-synthetic entanglements have been destroyed. But their equipment was never _alive_; it may use the entanglements to function, but I'm not sure that means it _needs_ them to function."

Garrus's head tilted curiously. "You're trying to turn it back on?"

"Maybe_…_" He rocked back on his heels and looked up at Garrus somewhat sheepishly. "It's better than sitting around worrying about her and being helpless to do anything about it. Keeps my mind occupied, and there's at least a very small chance it'll help the mission."

Garrus glanced away, suddenly ashamed to have been almost happy when there was so much in turmoil. "I hear you – and it's a good idea, too. But try not to worry; they'll turn up." He knew it was an empty platitude even as he said it. Gods, he _hated_ empty platitudes.

"I know. They – "

He was distracted by sounds of a scuffle in the hallway outside. Garrus frowned and went to investigate; Keenon stood and followed behind him.

"You fucker – you had that card marked!" Two bodies slammed against the hallway wall. "Bullshit! I never – "

"Enough!" Garrus grabbed the arm of the man closest to him and twisted it in a hammerlock behind his back; at the same time he kicked the other man in the gut, sending him sprawling to the floor.

He cringed in disgust. The man he held in his grip smelled like a brewery; his shirt was wrinkled and sweaty. He shoved the man off him in the opposite direction and glared at them both in turn. The one on the floor he recognized as a tech specialist of some kind; the other one was_…_a mechanic that had duty shifts in the Cargo Bay. He didn't remember their names. Didn't matter.

"Both of you, simmer down. I don't care what this was about; if a crime was committed, report it to Lawson. Otherwise, settle it peacefully – or at least without beating the shit out of each other. And please, take a _shower_."

The man he had locked down at the start leered angrily. "I don't give a shit what you say, Vakarian; you're not our boss. Our boss is gone, and there's nobody here to tell us what to do."

Garrus had him against the wall in a flash, a talon hovering less than a centimeter from his cheek. "Is that what you think, son? Well then by all means, test that theory. Right now."

The mechanic's eyes were the size of saucers as he shook his head unevenly. "Sorry, s-sir. I_…_I misunderstood. It won't happen again."

Garrus very slowly eased back and let go of him. The man immediately scrambled down the hall and out of sight. He turned to gaze coolly at the other man, who was pulling himself up off the floor.

"I'm sorry about that, sir." He glanced down the hall nervously. "Alton's a good guy. He had a tough time during The War – lost his wife and kid on Earth – but really pulled his life back together; been sober for almost five years. But with everything that's happening_…_he said he just wanted a beer or two to try to relax. And, well_…_"

Garrus nodded in understanding. "I'll see to him. Go get yourself cleaned up, Specialist."

Once the man had disappeared into the stairwell, Garrus sighed heavily and leaned against the wall. He looked over at Keenon. "Sure you don't want to be in charge?"

* * *

_Renasca Facility: Automated Monitoring System Recording_

_~ Camera: Incubation Chamber ~_

The woman jumped as sudden movement broke the eerie stillness. A Sustenance Unit moved down one of the rows, pausing at panels in front of each of the pods for a moment before moving on to the next.

"Hello? Excuse me?"

The Unit showed no indication of hearing her. She grumbled and started to approach it, but stopped as soon as she reached the closest pod. She peered into it intently, eyes narrow. A muscle in her right temple twitched. "Yep. No doubt about it. That is _definitely_ an Escena."

The body in question was small at 156 centimeters. It was nude, but too early in development for its gender to be apparent, and numerous wires and tubes wove into its skin. Its eyes were closed; it had pale facial markings and the beginnings of braids growing out of its skull.

The woman huffed a breath; her posture appeared tentative, her voice incredulous. "Is this a _child…_?"

She finally tore her eyes away and looked at some of the nearby pods. The Escena in them were at various stages of development – one had just begun maturation; another was nearing completion, of full height and with elaborate aspect and adornment. Most were somewhere in between.

She studied the panel in front of the pod, an annoyed expression growing on her features. A second Sustenance Unit came down the row on the opposite side toward her; she cautiously approached it.

The Unit had three arm-like appendages, but no legs; it floated just above the floor. She rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.

"Excuse me? Can you understand me?" The Unit did not acknowledge her presence.

Her mouth quirked to the side as she raised an eyebrow at it, then peeked over its shoulder as it rapidly tapped the display in front of the pod, minutely adjusting nutrient levels. When it moved on she took a step back, gazing thoughtfully around the cavernous Incubation Chamber.

"Dear God, this is a _breeding facility_."

Abruptly she shook her head back and forth, as if breaking a reverie. "Focus. Communications terminal. Rescue."

She began walking purposely down the long Chamber.

... ... ...

_~ Camera: Incubation Monitoring Room ~_

The woman exited the stairway leading up and stepped into the long room that overlooked the Incubation Chamber. A Sustenance Unit moved methodically between the terminals lining the low wall, periodically entering instructions or making adjustments. It ignored her.

She studied the terminal displays, skirting around the Unit when necessary. Suddenly and without warning, she slammed her palm against her forehead and groaned aloud, shattering the heavy silence.

"Of _course _there aren't any! The Escena communicate telepathically; every one of them, from everywhere in the galaxy. What would they need with _devices_?" She sank back against the wall and slid down to the floor. Her arms draped over her knees as unfocused eyes stared out at nothing.

It was thirteen-point-four minutes later when she slowly stood, muttering to herself. "I'm damn sure not sleeping here, with the semi-alive aliens and the brain-dead robots_…_" She exited the room without looking back.

_~ Camera: Incubation Chamber ~_

The woman trekked down the walkway in the direction she had come. Her pace was deliberate but her bearing uneven. She didn't glance up at the pods as she passed them.

_~ Camera: Consultation Room ~_

She quickly checked the Shuttle Bay; finding it remained empty, she paused only briefly before moving across the room to the conference desk in front of the far wall. She went behind it, pulled off her overshirt, folded it into a square, and

_~ Camera angle adjustment to observe area behind desk ~ _

curled up on the floor. She activated her synthetic adjunct and entered several commands, then readjusted the folded shirt and placed her head upon it.

"Yeah, because without years of elite military training he would _never_ be able to make his shirt into a pillow and curl up under a desk_…_" She chuckled wearily then closed her eyes. Her last words before slipping into a fitful sleep were barely discernible.

"Please, let him be okay. Please let them all be okay, but_…please_ let him be okay. He has to be."

* * *

_August 4, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Communications Room_

Garrus stared at the QEC panel. This was one call he _really_ didn't want to make. But he had put it off too long already. He entered a sequence on the panel, then straightened his shoulders formally.

Anderson was frowning as he shimmered into existence above the smooth black pad. The man's scowl was legendary, and he was wearing it today. The sudden and perplexed furrowing of his brow as he looked up at least told Garrus the scowl hadn't been meant for him.

"Commissioner Vakarian? I was expecting Shepard or Alenko_…_"

Garrus cleared his throat and nodded tightly. "I know. Sir, I'm afraid there's been an accident."

҇

_Presidium, The Citadel: Widow System, Serpent Nebula, Milky Way_

Anderson listened to Garrus' recounting of the events of the last two days with a heavy heart. Everyone had known the risks of the mission going in; but still. And to lose so many_…_the best, really, no offense to Vakarian and the others on the command team.

_No, not lost. Not yet._

He paced deliberately within the confines of the QEC receiver. "And EDI is working with these 'Escena' to track where they might have ended up?"

"Yes, sir. I'm told the variables involved make it an enormous task, but they're working on it. Unfortunately, without a comm buoy system here, once their comms are out of direct link range with the Normandy – just over 5 AUs – they simply have no way of contacting us, or us of finding them. EDI and Legion are working to boost that range, but_…_probably not enough."

Anderson rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. "Can we trust the Escena? You've only been in contact with them for a little over a week."

Garrus huffed a weak laugh. "Is that all it's been? It seems like a lot longer_…_in any event, yes, I think we can, at least in the sense that I honestly believe they don't have any malicious intent toward us. And I think _they_ think it's in their best interests to find Shepard at least. So they'll find them if they can."

"Fine. It's the best option you have, anyway." His gaze focused back on Garrus. "How's the crew handling it? With all the most senior officers gone_…_"

"It's under control. Not to worry."

"Alright. I'd like daily updates on the search, and alert me as soon as any of them are located."

"Of course. Sir, before I let you go – do you know if Wrex made it back? We don't know whether he had already departed or not when the incident occurred."

Anderson chuckled almost ruefully. "Yes, he most certainly made it back. The Turian Hierarchy was about to launch an all-out military assault to remove the Krogan from Gellix, when they received a message from Overlord Urdnot Wrex which asked them – remarkably politely for him – to hold off for one week. He said Clan Ganar Chief Sorzo was now a corpse, and he was going to "handle" the situation."

Garrus exhaled in relief. "Good. I'm glad to hear it – and that's one person we don't have to look for."

"Right. Good luck, Garrus." He cut the link, allowing his shoulders to sag as his eyes closed.

He had known Shepard for almost twenty years now, seen her mature from a feisty young lieutenant to a world-wise, shrewd admiral. She was like a daughter to him, truly. And Kaidan, Ashley_…_he had watched them, nurtured them as they grew – each in their own way – from mere soldiers into exemplary leaders.

The three of them, if they had to go, would have wanted to go together. But he wasn't entirely sure there was anything in the universe strong enough to kill all three of them at once. He hoped like hell there wasn't.

He ran a hand over his face, suddenly feeling very much alone, cut off from and unable to help those 160,000 light-years away. _Kahlee, are you busy?_

_Just the usual. What's up? You sound…troubled._

_There was an accident on Shepard's mission. She, Kaidan, Ashley and some others are missing._

He could almost hear her gasp. _Oh, David, I'm so sorry._

_It's alright; they'll find them. How are you? Are you doing okay?_

_I'm _fine_, David. I have three months until I'm due; I'm not ready to quit working just yet._

_How's Gillian?_

She patted her stomach absently. _She's fine, too. We're both fine, I promise._

_Okay._ When Kahlee had suggested the name for their baby, he had resisted at first – if only because he knew she still felt responsible for Gillian Grayson, and guilty that she hadn't been able to prevent the tragic turn the girl's life had taken. He was afraid the name would only remind her of her imagined failure. But she said it actually brought her a measure of peace, so he had relented. And it _was_ a beautiful name.

_How's work?_ Kahlee had taken over day-to-day operational management of the Research Council in Liara's absence, which meant she was working too hard.

_Busy. A team has been analyzing the genetic data and scans of the Escena that Liara forwarded, and…David, some of the DNA sequences show signs of being hundreds of thousands of years old. In fact, I need to get in touch with Liara and – _

_I'm afraid you can't. She's one of the people that's missing._

There was a pause. _Oh, god. I…okay, I'll, um, send EDI a message with our analysis, I guess. David…are they going to be okay?_

_I honestly don't know._

* * *

_Renasca Facility: Automated Monitoring System Recording_

_~ Camera: Consultation Room ~_

The woman awoke with a start. Panic filled her eyes for a split-second before awareness dawned in them.

She dragged a hand roughly down her face then climbed out from under the desk and began stretching, a series of movements that appeared routine and well-practiced, as she took in her surroundings. When she had finished she ran a hand through her hair and twisted it up into a ponytail, then reached into her pocket and pulled out a crumpled packet.

She opened it and squeezed the substance it held into her mouth, grimacing as she swallowed. "Yummy as ever_…_"

After folding the packet and returning it to her pocket, she activated her synthetic adjunct. "Normandy, do you read me? Is anyone there?" Silence followed.

"Well. That's just peachy." She gazed up at the stars overhead for a moment, then nodded to herself. "I can at least find out what's up with this place while I'm here."

_~ Camera: Incubation Chamber ~_

The woman strode down the center walkway until she came to a pod containing a vessel four months from full maturity. She looked furtively up and down the walkway, then activated her synthetic adjunct and held it close to the panel below the pod.

She hummed a musical tune while she continued glancing around. Three minutes later her synthetic adjunct beeped. She deactivated it and straightened up. "Alright. Time to explore."

_~ Camera: Medical Chamber ~_

The woman slowly entered the almost blindingly bright room. It was filled with a wide variety of lab, testing and medical equipment. She whistled. "Liara would just _love_ this_…_"

She moved purposefully from station to station, recording images with her synthetic adjunct and occasionally holding it close to a station for several minutes. Only once she had visited every piece of equipment in the room did she approach the door in the back.

_~ Camera: Server Room_ ~

"Jesus!" She rubbed her arms with the opposite hands as she shivered in the frigid air.

The room was taken up entirely by an enormous quantum computer. Made of a material so black it seemed to _absorb_ the meager light in the room, the box was twenty meters in width, seven in height, and forty in length. It emitted a low, steady hum.

Several dozen crystal- and fiber-threaded cables wound from the computer to disappear into the walls. There was nothing else in the room; no control or display panels, no equipment.

"Not going to be hacking _this_ machine anytime soon_…_" She recorded an image of it then turned and walked back out.

... ... ...

_~ Camera: Consultation Room ~_

The Shuttle Bay door opened and Sestyi-re~Vla-Archiatre stepped through.

She motioned toward the long, curved wall on her left. _Please, spend some time reviewing the many options on the Preferences panels, while I check on things a moment. Braeve can answer any questions you have._

Sestyi walked over to the conference desk; as she did, six floating displays illuminated above the smooth surface. She flipped through several screens and entered a few instructions. She was about to walk away and rejoin the others when she felt an odd tingling on her skin, somewhat akin to static electricity. She paused, the bio-circuits in her retinas scanning across all wavelengths; they saw nothing.

Suddenly the floating displays sparked with electricity, blinking furiously before vanishing. All except the last one. The one showing camera feeds from the various sectors of the Facility.

She slowly approached it – then jumped in surprise as the screen showed a Human female entering the Preservation Room. Only her outline was visible in the pale, effuse, yellow light. Her body didn't move as she stared down the rows of rectangular cryogenic stasis containers.

Finally the woman stepped forward, with apparent trepidation, to peer into the closest container.

The face of an Escena stared unseeing from beneath the translucent lid. He was full-grown but bore none of the signs of life, of nurturing or growth that were present in the incubation pods outside.

The small panel attached to the front of the container displayed signals, readings; they weren't flatlined. Small tubes and wires could be seen entering the body in a few places. He was incredibly pale, almost white, and the normally glittering eyes were dull and flat.

A hand rose to cover the woman's mouth as she stepped back, her wide, stricken eyes seeming to glow in the ghostly light.

_Welcome to Renasca Facility, Savior. You undoubtedly have questions. If you would like to come up to the Consultation Room, We will answer them._

* * *

_August 4, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cabin A-2  
_

Miranda stared at the holo-display. She blinked when she realized her vision was blurring. Crew schedules. Maintenance orders. Incident reports. Formal complaints. Mission updates. Notifications of additional Escena colonies wiped out.

In truth, it wasn't that different or more than the work she had been doing the entire trip, save possibly the last two. Felt like it, though. She leaned back in her chair. "EDI, what progress are you making on the records from Trefaro?"

"I have used the locations of the Escena that have been found, alive and deceased, to determine which gates they traveled through and eliminate the history of those gates from the search. I am now using the locations they arrived at when compared to the historical logs of the relevant gates to extrapolate the likeliest paths of the other gates as well."

Miranda nodded, impressed. "Excellent idea. How much have you narrowed it down?"

"I have narrowed down the likely destinations of each gate from 422,489 to approximately 131,718 possibilities."

She deflated in her chair. "Very well. Carry on."

"Of course. On another matter – Garrus has recommended three days administrative leave and a mandatory counseling session for Corporal Alton. He was involved in an altercation involving alcohol and gambling this morning."

She pulled the crew schedules back up and studied them for a moment. "Approved. We have far more people asking for overtime than for downtime; I'll be able to fill his shifts for a few days without a problem."

So far, the crew was holding it together. Whether it was due to years of training and experience – and the fact that Shepard had recruited only the best – or whether they were simply still in shock, she couldn't be sure. Regardless, other than the incident with Alton, there had only been one physical altercation and two cases of mild alcohol poisoning in the last two days.

She sighed and return to the increasing stack of items that required her attention. She truly hoped the trend held.

... ... ...

Miranda had no idea how much later it was when she felt Jacob kneading her shoulders. She dropped her head back against his chest, reveling in the feeling for a moment.

"You don't have to carry all the weight on your shoulders, you know. There's a lot of capable people on this ship; you should let them help you."

She grumbled in frustration and twitched his hands off her. "This is my _job_, Jacob. Now more than ever. I'm the only person with both the knowledge and intellect to run this ship in Shepard's absence; she'll be counting on me to do it and do it well. I can't let her down."

He went over to the small fridge and pulled out a water. "I'm surprised to hear you say that; I was beginning to think you didn't even care that she was gone."

"Didn't_ care?_" She stood up and began pacing. "Are you serious? Shepard is my _friend_; one of the few actual friends I've ever had. Of course I care. How can you even say that?"

He shrugged as he leaned against the wall. "I don't know; it's just, you get so caught up in planning and doing and ordering – "

EDI broke in then. "Miranda, the Escena have located Ashley. She is alive and uninjured."

She dropped her head back and laughed. "I never thought I'd say this about Williams, but_…_thank god."

... ... ...

_Renasca Facility _

Ashley bolted out the door and down the long, interminable path between the endless pods. When she reached the other end she stopped, took four seconds to catch her breath and put up her defenses while simultaneously reminding herself that these people weren't her enemy, then walked calmly down the hallway and out the door.

She looked to her left to find four Escena standing in front of the panels in the wall. She exhaled in relief and grinned. "Hi. I'm – "

_You are one of the lost Saviors. We are aware._

"Right." That was still _so_ weird. "There was an accident, and I need to let my ship know where I am."

The briefest pause. _They have been informed. They will send a transport for you._

"Okay_…_um, thank you. I guess I'll just_…_" she stopped. "Actually, if I may ask, what exactly is this place?"

_It is the Renasca Regeneration Facility._

Her eyes narrowed. "Regeneration? But those are babies, children out there_…_"

_We will explain, if you wish._

She raised an eyebrow gamely. "Well, it's not like I have anything else to do at the moment. Please do."

One of the Escena stepped closer. _I am Sestyi-re~Vla-Archiatre, Lead Scientist at the Facility. This is my assistant, Braeve-no~Phe-Medenti. This couple is here to undergo Regeneration._

Ashley merely nodded in greeting.

Sestyi walked over to the conference table, gesturing for Ashley to follow, and activated the floating displays. _When Escena are ready to Regenerate, they come here; usually as a couple. Two new bodies are constructed based on a unique combination of their DNA as well as a randomizing factor, and their preferences in physical appearance. _

_Their Souls are transferred into the new bodies, and they are matured to adulthood; at that point they are awakened, and begin a new life. In these bodies they are the same, but renewed; they retain the memories of their former selves – though they are rather faded – but they may begin life anew and choose fresh paths and endeavors._

She stared at the Escena woman in consternation. "Okay, forgive me, I'm a little confused. Did you say you transfer their _souls_? Into a new body?"

_Yes._

"…How?"

_The sum total of their existence – their memories, the quantum structure of their thoughts, the imprint that has been created within them – is transferred in a data stream._

Ashley pursed her lips tightly in order to avoid opening her mouth and saying something rude. They thought their _soul_ could be found in a data stream_…_

She didn't have all the answers; she didn't even pretend to think she did. She realized there was probably nothing particularly special about organic beings that gave them the exclusive right to be God's creatures. She had no problem with EDI or the other AIs – she accepted that they were sentient individuals; she had no idea whether they possessed souls. But this_…_she suddenly felt terribly sorry for the Escena.

But she wasn't there to preach to them. Instead she smiled politely. "Why don't you just transfer to a full-grown body immediately?"

_Each bio-synthetic melding must develop from its genesis; the synthetic and the organic elements must grow together, binding to one another and to the Soul that has been provided. It is a process; as such, it takes time._

"How much time?"

_Approximately three years, as you measure time._

She frowned again. "And the_…_"soul"_…_spends all those years in" – she gestured toward the door – "one of those pods?"

_It is considered a time of respite; the Soul is not aware of its surroundings, as such._

Right. Okay. Sure. But_…_ "What about the_…_I was looking for a way to contact someone and I found the_…_preserved_…_"

Sestyi nodded in understanding. _The former vessels are preserved and maintained during the maturation process, so that if there are any complications or difficulties, the Souls may be returned to their previous bodies. Once the new bodies are awakened, the old ones are respectfully…retired._

That made a kind of sense that shouldn't. She gazed at the two Escena that were here for the_…_procedure. "And you believe that these new bodies will be_…_you?"

_Of course. Our Souls are eternal._

She worried at her thumb as she looked at them a little askance. "How long have you been in _these_ bodies, then?"

_Six thousand seventy-two – and five thousand nine hundred forty-four – of your years._

"Wow. That long, huh? And how many times have you "regenerated"?"

_More times than We have the power to recall._

_... ... ..._

"Normandy to Major Williams, do you read me? I repeat, do you read me, Major?"

Ashley almost cheered with joy as she collapsed against the wall. "I read you, Normandy."

Joker sighed audibly in relief, grinning to himself. Once – long, long ago, in a simpler time – he had had one ferocious crush on Ashley. Still thought she was damn cute. "Hey, Ash."

"Hey yourself."

"We'll be there in forty-eight minutes; we'll pop the shuttle over for you."

"What about the others? Are they okay?"

There was a slight pause. "Don't know; you're the first one we've found."

Some of the energy went out of her then. She squeezed her eyes shut as her face scrunched up from the effort of bringing her emotions under control. She said a silent prayer then nodded. "I understand."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

All of the command team and at least half the crew were waiting in the Cargo Bay when she stepped off the shuttle. Garrus saluted her. "Major, welcome back to the Normandy. The ship is yours."

She rolled her eyes a little apprehensively, but straightened her shoulders and returned the salute. "Thank you, Commissioner Vakarian."

He chuckled and stepped forward to hug her lightly. "Damn good to see you, Ash."

"You too, Garrus. Do we know anything about the others?"

"Yeah, that's sort of complicated_…_"

Miranda stepped forward formally. "We should meet upstairs as soon as possible; we can fill you in on developments and the current situation." She cleared her throat awkwardly. "And, uh_…_welcome back. I'm glad that you are unharmed."

_Oh, how that must have pained her to say…_ Ashley smiled graciously, which pained her nearly as much. "Thank you. So am I."

She spent a few minutes engaging in salutes, handshakes, and a few more hugs. Finally the crowd started dissipating; she noticed out of the corner of her eye as Litha lightly ran a talon along Garrus' forearm as she passed him and headed for the elevator.

Her eyes widened at Garrus, a wicked smile pulling at her lips. She walked back over until she was close enough to whisper. "I _told_ you!"

He got a slightly stricken expression on his face. "Yeah_…_I_…_uh_…_" His shoulders sagged in resignation. "You did. You really did. And I _still_ didn't see it until two seconds before_…_well, anyway."

She laughed and patted him on the back. "I'm happy for you."

His mandibles quirked to the side. "Not putting in an official registration just yet; we'll, um, see how things go."

... ... ...

_Deck 3: Cabin B-3_

After the gloriousness of a long, hot shower, Ashley reluctantly faced the empty cabin.

For the first time since leaving on the mission, she was suddenly homesick; really, truly homesick. And not just for the house in Rio – for her sisters, for her mom. For peals of laughter and squeals of children and home-cooked meals. For the tender, wonderful embrace of her husband's arms, his playful whisper against her ear.

She wiped an unexpected tear from her cheek and climbed in the empty bed. It was about a million times more comfortable than the hard floor had been_…_but damned if she could go to sleep. Every time she tried to _not_ think about Andrew, the images from Renasca would start running through her head.

It had been a house of horrors, though she had the sense it wasn't meant to be. Cold. Sterile. Antiseptic and emotionless.

The Escena weren't raised surrounded by the warmth and love of a mother's arms and a father's encouragement; they knew nothing of games, of running and playing with other children, of growing and learning and becoming stronger. They were never truly children at all. Instead they were raised in pods and tended to by automatons, then unplugged, told they were the reincarnated soul of a past life, and sent out into the world.

It broke her heart.

She sat up in the bed, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "EDI?"

"Yes, Ashley? Do you need something?"

"Is the data I copied at Renasca proving useful?"

"Certainly. It is adding significantly to our understanding of the Escena's biology and genetics. It is curious_…_"

"What is?"

"Earlier today we received a report back from the Research Council; it indicated that 20-25% of the DNA sequences they had been provided were upwards of two hundred thousand years old. The Escena at the facility told you they procreate by combining the DNA of a couple with randomized DNA; they are reborn, live different lives and find new companions. Every few thousand years, they repeat the process. Is that an accurate summary of your conversation?"

Ashley shrugged. "That about covers it."

"If that were the case however, no more than 5-8% of the DNA, at most, should have survived for so long."

"Hmm. What do you think's going on?"

"I_…_am not sure."

She chuckled wearily. "Fair enough." She paused. "EDI_…_can I ask you something personal?"

"Of course."

"Do you think you have a soul?"

There was a long silence – remarkably long for EDI. "I_…_if you mean do I believe that I have a consciousness that exists beyond my code structure, then yes."

Her brow furrowed slightly. "That's_…_not _quite_ what I meant. Do you_…_do you think that consciousness will go to heaven, or paradise, or _somewhere_ when you die?"

"Your God did not create me, Ashley. The Alliance did."

"What? I thought Cerberus created you?"

"Cerberus refined me. I was still an Alliance training intelligence when I first came to awareness."

"Really? Huh. I just_…_what I saw and heard at that facility got me thinking. The Escena are always going on about their "Souls;" it's how they refer to each other, and it's obviously very important to them. But it turns out they think their "Souls" are found in _data_."

"What do you think that means?"

She groaned and fell back against the pillow. "I think it means I'm not cut out to be a theologian_…_good night, EDI."

"Good night, Ashley."

She pulled the covers up to her chin, closed her eyes, and tried to imagine that Andrew was curled up behind her. She desperately hoped he was alright. She knew he could take care of himself; he was certainly smart enough, and too clever by half, but_…_

_God, if you can hear me all the way in this other galaxy, I ask you – no, I beg you – please let him be okay. Look after him. Help him. Help him find his way back to me. Please._

_... ... ..._

_Deck 2: Cabin A-1_

EDI lay on her side and watched Jeff sleep.

While awake his expression was nearly always animated, moving through exaggerated representations of humor, sarcasm, glee, excitement, cynicism. She thought it was because when he had found himself so limited in movement early in life, he had channeled the energy that normally would have been expended in running and playing and fighting, into his external personality. It became audacious and extreme, because he could not be.

Only when he slept did the mask fade away and reveal the man within. Peaceful, almost serene, with a childlike-wonder hinting at the corners of his eyes. It was a beautiful sight, one that warmed her spirit and brought her peace.

She didn't sleep, of course. When a group of processes needed to be restarted, she segregated them and did so. But it was important to Jeff for her to be in the bed with him at night when possible, and her processes could operate just as efficiently from a prone position as a standing or sitting one; it was no hardship for her.

Parts of her were busy conducting sophisticated statistical analysis at forty-six zettaFLOPS. She let that work continue in the back of her mind, while _she_ – her awareness, her consciousness, perhaps even her soul – watched him sleep, a slight smile on her face.

҇

_Deck 5: AI Core  
_

Legion adjusted the Normandy's orbital trajectory 0.06719 degrees. There were four stations and 317 satellites, telescopes, and additional equipment orbiting Aethraene; it required a small amount of attention to dodge them all. They had returned to the Escena capital, but it had been decided to orbit the planet rather than dock at the Hub.

He monitored the redirection of 60.38878 percent of the power from weapons systems to sensor arrays; Vakarian-Commissioner had determined that as the weapons were ineffective against the physical phenomenon the crew called Aduri, up to 60 percent of the energy powering weapons could be diverted to increase the sensors' range. He judged that Vakarian-Commissioner would not respond with an unpleasant tone of voice until the siphoning increased to 61 percent.

He monitored the infrared, x-ray, radio and visible light telescopes for evidence of Aduri. During the incident at Praede, he had recorded data on the physical phenomenon, and had now recalibrated the telescopes to signal upon detecting energy signatures correlated as 68.01163 percent likely to indicate the presence of Aduri. He monitored all communication frequencies for signals originating from the members of the crew not present on the Normandy.

He pondered why the Escena utilized units composed of primarily organic material, when data indicated their processes were 71.00233 percent synthetic. He comprehended why EDI's unit included an organic shell; she had been created by organics and wished to elicit acceptance from them. He comprehended why Okuda-Keiji resided in a partially organic unit; his consciousness had once been organic.

It was 78.45411 percent likely that the ancestors of the Escena had been organic beings. He had yet to discover a species that had willingly traded organic forms for synthetic ones. Organics went to great lengths to integrate synthetic components into their bodies, even when it would be significantly more efficient to simply trade organic parts for synthetic ones. Shepard-Admiral was 27.62991 synthetic, yet maintained a 99.98979 percent organic appearance.

After further consideration, he determined that it reassured them that they were "alive." Not machines, but rather living, breathing, thinking, feeling beings.

He did not need organic material to confirm that he was alive. Though he did not breathe, he lived, thought, and felt. Through the body of the ship – its internal systems, its external sensors, its journeys through space. Through his unit – its tactile sensations, its journeys to various locations, its interactions with other beings.

Personally, he preferred his synthetic metal unit. It was 273.91899 percent more resilient and hardy than an organic unit, and thus 273.91899 percent more likely to keep him alive – and he wanted an incalculable percent to remain alive.

҇

_Deck 5: Cargo-B_

Keiji lay back on the cot and crossed his arms behind his head. With Wrex's presumably permanent departure, the room had become available; Miranda had managed to scrounge up a cot, a small desk, and most of the other items necessary to turn it into something approximating a cabin. It lacked the warmth of his previous residence, in more ways than one, but it was fine. A bit chilly; he would see about an extra blanket tomorrow.

He stared at the ceiling, searching for some imperfection to focus on while he struggled with the tumult raging in his head, in his skin. He was finding it difficult to reconcile the logical processes of his quantum brain, proceeding apace at exaFLOP speed on matters great and small, with the raw, visceral emotions running rampant through the same brain.

Before three days ago, he had thought he had been experiencing emotions for the past five years. But, it turned out, those had only been a pale facsimile; code designed to mimic organic experiences. _These_ feelings were overwhelming, crushing, exhilarating – all at once. It was like living in two dimensions your entire life, then suddenly being shown the third; as though the full depth of the world had just now been revealed.

How was it even possible? His body hadn't suddenly begun manufacturing the chemicals that drove organic emotions. He could sense every nanometer of his body, and he was certain it hadn't. Was it because he was constructed in part from his own organic memories? Because his DNA sequence was embedded within him, albeit in synthetic form? Did these combine to create a soul waiting to burst into existence when provided with sufficient reason to do so?

He recalled Legion telling him about when he had first come to conscious awareness – in the midst of a pitched space battle, surrounded by Reapers, facing near-certain destruction, he had fought to _live_. In doing so, he had become something more.

_He_, however, had attained conscious awareness immediately upon awakening – after all, that was the very definition of AI. So what had happened three days ago? He thought back to the moments, replayed them in his mind with perfect accuracy.

_He had faced the possibility of living without _her_, and found he _could_._ _More than that, had found he _would_._ _Faced with that possibility, he had nonetheless chosen to _live_._

* * *

_Date Unknown: Location Unknown_

The first thing Kaidan knew he was tumbling down a steep hill, snow flying through the air around him.

On the next tumble he straightened his legs and dug his heels in; he stayed upright but skidded another five meters through the snow before coming to a stop. He exhaled heavily but ignored the multiple twinges and aches caused by the fall and quickly assessed the situation. He was two-thirds of the way down a mountainside; a small vale below broke up a long string of mountains. The snow was maybe a half a meter deep here, though it looked far deeper higher up the incline.

The sky was quite clear and filled with stars – it was night here, though there was plenty of light. A golden-hued nebula glowed brightly in the upper right quadrant of the sky, and the snow seemed to almost reflect the light from it. It was a beautiful, if stark, planet and a stunning sky. Shepard would love it.

_Shepard? Graceyn, can you hear me?_ He activated his comm. "Shepard?" "Normandy, do you read me?" "Ash? Liara? Andrew? Ja– "

"Kaidan, is that you?"

"Yeah – Andrew? Where are you?"

"About thirty meters to your right."

He spun around in surprise, and spotted a hand waiving from the ground just down the slope. He nodded in acknowledgement and hurried over.

Andrew was lying on his back in the snow, arms sprawled out to the sides. Kaidan crouched down as soon as he reached him. "Are you hurt?"

Andrew shook his head vaguely. "Nah – just more comfortable down here." He smiled a little. "I love the snow_…_grew up in southern California, not exactly a common occurrence there."

"Ha_…_" Kaidan sat down beside him and pulled his knees up against his chest. "I can't reach anyone else; what about you?"

"Already tried; no dice_…_no Ash_…_" He sighed and pushed himself up to a sitting position, then rubbed his jaw gingerly. "What do you think happened?"

"There was some kind of explosion; since we're here, I can only assume that some or all of the wormhole gates activated, and we got pulled through one."

"And the others?"

"They may have as well; there's no way to know. It all happened so fast." He nodded as if reassuring himself. "I'm sure they're okay; if we made it there's no reason to think they didn't as well. Just_…_somewhere else."

He activated the scanner on his Omni-tool so it would pick up any artificial activity. "Right now we need to find some sign of civilization – assuming there is any on this planet."

"Right." Andrew took a deep breath and stood, dusting snow off his pants. He gazed speculatively over at Kaidan. "Any brilliant ideas about which direction to head?"

Kaidan stared up the sharply rising slope at the jagged peaks cutting into the stars behind them. "Not that way."


	13. Divergence

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 13**

"**Divergence"**

* * *

"When the road gets dark

And you can no longer see

Just let my love throw a spark

And have a little faith in me"

– John Hiatt

* * *

_Location Unknown_

"Thank God for work boots."

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder with a wry, if weary, grin. "Yeah, frostbite would put a serious damper on our trek, that's for sure."

Andrew nodded in agreement as his gaze drifted beyond Kaidan to the copse of trees drawing closer at an excruciatingly slow pace. They had been hiking for more than five hours now. It was difficult going, between the steep gradient, the half-meter of snow, and the jagged rocks the snow hid from view. The trees below would provide some cover, as well as a chance to rest and maybe even get a little sleep. All they had to do was get there.

At least both of them had previous experience with surviving in the wilderness, though it had been more than a few years. They knew how to keep their cores warm, stay hydrated, and spot dangers before they arrived. Small favors and all.

The problem, of course, was that neither of them was exactly outfitted for winter mountain hiking; BDUs, light jackets, a couple of emergency food gel packs – and work boots, as noted – was the extent of their gear. And it was _quite_ cold_…_but not deathly so, and the exertion of the hike kept the blood flowing. The wind had eased somewhat the further they had descended. In short, they would not die of hypothermia tonight.

But damn did those trees look inviting.

Andrew decided to focus on the rest of the scenery, of which there was an abundance. It had been years since he'd seen this many stars while standing on terra firma. Earth was so overdeveloped that you had go a thousand kilometers into the wilderness to even approach this kind of view. He didn't have to turn around to observe the mountains; they stretched in an endless ridge to their right and curved off to the southeast to their left. They reminded him a good bit of the Swiss Alps – all jagged peaks and harsh stone, tempered by pristine powdered bowls.

He had taken Ash to the Alps for their honeymoon, a few short months before the Reapers had turned the world upside down. She had never skied before_…_he laughed quietly to himself as he remembered how damn _adorable_ she had been covered in snow, bright white flakes shining against her black hair, when she had fallen. Which was a lot.

He took a long stride to draw even with Kaidan. "So we haven't had the chance to talk about it, but you know about Shepard going back to rescue Ash on Virmire_…_"

"Not until last week, after it happened. But yeah."

"What do you think about it?"

Kaidan chuckled at that. "Are you kidding? The eight or so minutes I thought Ash was going to die while I lived were the most agonizing of my life_…_" he rolled his eyes briefly "_…_well, except for the six minutes it took to reach Shepard on the Citadel after she nearly died taking out the Reapers_…_and maybe the ten minutes it took to retrieve her from the ocean after she took out Leviathan_…_ Anyway, the point is – I never wanted Ash to die for me."

He smiled then. "And more than that, she's been like a sister to me pretty much since I met her; I can't imagine the world without her in it."

Andrew sighed deeply. "Still_…_it's weird to think that there _was_ a world without her in it, you know?" He paused, and when he spoke again his voice was unusually soft. "I don't think it would have been a very good one_…_at least not for me."

Kaidan stopped and reached over, clasping his shoulder. "She'll be okay. They both will." He glanced down the slope. "Come on, we're_…_getting closer, anyway."

They continued the seemingly endless downhill trek. "So, you sorry you came on this mission?"

Andrew shrugged. "Not yet. I mean, there's snow and everything. Ask me again tomorrow."

Kaidan shook his head in amusement. "I've got to say, you are one of the most easygoing, adaptive guys I've ever known. Most people, even military, would be freaking out about now – but not you. Of course, I guess you'd have to be pretty flexible to keep up with Ash."

"Yep, she's _definitely_ a handful; half the time I'm just hanging on for dear life. But I knew it would be like that when I signed on for a life with her."

"Worth it?"

"Every day." His face scrunched up a little. "Well, _almost_ every day_…_" He sighed in a measure of resignation. "No, even those days."

Kaidan recognized the tone in Andrew's voice all too well – knowing, willing surrender. A memory suddenly popped into his head; he didn't know why he thought of this particular moment over so many others, but_…_

"_I'm going to kill him – "_

_Kaidan rounded the corner to find Shepard holding Ashley's arms behind her back while she struggled to reach the door to the Port Cargo Hold. "He's not worth it, Ash. Let it go."_

"_He said we were no different from apes the last time he saw us and we had hardly improved since – "_

_He cleared his throat. "Do you, um, need any help?"_

_Shepard glanced over her shoulder. "We're fine. Ash and Javik were just having a minor disagreement is all."_

_He nodded but didn't leave, instead leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest to watch._

_Ashley glared at Shepard then exhaled harshly; Shepard responded by loosening her grip enough for Ash to wrench away and turn around in a huff. _

"_I get that we need all the allies we can find. I do. But that…alien…is an affront to everything we stand for. He has done nothing but insult us and deride us since he came aboard – no, since the minute he woke up. He has _no_ appreciation for the things we've done or the sacrifices we've made, and he doesn't deserve to fight alongside us." She nodded sharply to emphasize her point._

_Shepard met Ash's defiant glare head on. "Believe me when I tell you that he infuriates me as much, if not more, as he does _anyone_ on this ship. Still, I can keep him in check – though not necessarily his mouth. But Ash, he's _Prothean_; the _last_ Prothean. We wouldn't be here without the Protheans – you, me, Kaidan? We all would have died three years ago without the Protheans. We wouldn't have the Crucible and the chance to win this war without the Protheans."_

"_I get that Shepard – don't you think I _get_ that? But _he_ didn't do those things – he didn't create the beacons, he didn't draw the Crucible schematics; he's just a soldier, a grunt. And he's a damn asshole!"_

_Shepard smiled a little, just a slight curl of the corners of her mouth; he suddenly wanted desperately to kiss it, right at the crease…but thought that would probably be inappropriate just now. _

"_There was a time when _you_ were just a grunt – and look at you now. There are many viable insults to throw at Javik, but that's not one of them."_

_Ashley rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and groaned, throwing herself dramatically against the wall. "That was a low blow, Shepard."_

"_I know. But it got your attention, which I need for this – Ash, he is the last of his people. There's no Bride of Frankenstein to wake up to keep him company. Everything he has ever known is gone, lost to the ashes of history. When he dies, there will be nothing left. Yet, _knowing_ that, he willingly risks his life every day for a chance to destroy the Reapers. As fucking infuriating as he is, we have to at least respect that."_

_Ashley stared at her, eyes narrowed, for several seconds. "Dammit, Shepard, how dare you use logic and persuasion and that damn _look_ on me." She glowered at the door to her left. "Don't put him on my team; don't put him under my command. I make no guarantees about his physical or emotional well-being if you do."_

_Shepard grinned; catching him watching her, she winked at him before stepping forward and draping an arm over Ash's shoulders. "I wouldn't dream of it."_

Kaidan nodded sympathetically. "Believe me, I understand."

Andrew glanced around at the rich, bright snow against the star-filled sky. "So this place is fairly_…_untamed."

Kaidan's shoulders moved slightly. It couldn't quite be called a shrug; conservation of energy and all. "I spent almost two years in more or less this environment – albeit a long, long time ago. Anyway, I don't mind it; it reminds me of_…_what's important."

Andrew looked at him strangely. "You sure keep it close to the vest, don't you? I've known you more than ten years, I consider you a friend, yet_…_sometimes I think I don't know the first thing about you."

Kaidan laughed freely. "I used to be a simple guy; quiet, nerdy, naive. Then it turned out I was a genetic mutant, and life got complicated. Then I met Shepard, and life got _really_ complicated."

He smiled and cut his eyes over at Andrew. "Better, though. Even in the darkest, most desperate moments, infinitely better."

He sighed a little wearily. "But for now, we're on a snowy, wild planet, cut off from our ship and any support structure whatsoever. We should probably focus on surviving rather than on warm beds with the remarkable women we love, right? After all, for all we know, they're orbiting the planet right now trying to figure out how to rescue us."

Andrew gazed around at the mountains again. "I suppose so_…_"

* * *

_The water in Carpenter Lake was the color of sapphires, reflecting the sunlight like facets of a gem. The sky had been clear for days, though it was far too cold for the snow to consider melting. _

_He sat cross-legged on a ledge far above the lake, eyes open even as he breathed slowly and deeply in meditation. He wouldn't always have the luxury of closing his eyes when keeping control of his biotics, so he needed to train for that._

_He idly noted the sound of a raccoon scampering through the brush behind him, but didn't turn around. The wind whistled as a gust blew through the fir trees; it carried a harmonic tone that almost seemed a voice, whispering as it drifted around him. He tilted his head, briefly distracted; it really _did_ sound like a whisper…_

"_Wake up."_

Kaidan jolted awake. The leaves he had used as a makeshift pillow scratched at his neck; the stark chill of the air sent a shiver through his skin. None of that distracted him from the soft, blue wisps of light rippling around him even as they faded away into nothing.

It wasn't his biot–

A low rumble shook the tree limbs surrounding him. He jumped up and ran to the edge of the copse so he could get a clear view of the dawn sky.

Two small ships zoomed by high overhead. They shone a gleaming burnt-red and gold, all sharp angles and hard edges.

Andrew came up beside him, awakened by his trampling. "Those don't look like Escena ships."

"No_…_" They watched as the ships banked hard into a gap in the mountains to their left and disappeared. "But they were ships nonetheless. I say we follow them."

... ... ...

Seeing as they had no camp to speak of, they were hiking toward the gap the ships had flown through within a few minutes.

The morning light revealed an additional reason for the brightness of the night before. A white main-sequence star and its red supergiant companion graced the northwest horizon. They soon had to activate their shades and darken them considerably to avoid being blinded by the glare of the sunlight off the snow.

The trees thinned out but didn't disappear entirely as the angle of their descent gradually decreased. Soon they were in a gently-sloping vale; to their left the mountains rose sharply while to their right the terrain undulated in rolling hills before gradually rising back into another mountain range in the distance.

Andrew stuffed the remainder of his food gel packet in his pocket and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "So what do you think we're going to find? I was under the impression the Escena were the only advanced species out here."

Kaidan nodded while he studied their intended course. The high peaks blocked any view of what awaited them on the other side. "That's what the Guides said anyway, that they assimilated the last advanced civilization over three hundred thousand years ago. If we take them at their word, then we'll find Escena. If we don't_…_"

Andrew frowned. "There's no _way_ those were Escena ships. The fundamental structure and design were completely different; the aerodynamics were extreme, and the engine was in the back instead of underneath. Plus, we haven't encountered that material they were constructed out of, not once."

"I didn't realize you knew so much about ships."

He shrugged. "Ships are just really big guns_._"

Kaidan laughed lightly. "I suppose they are. Well let's just hope whoever we find, they're friendly."

... ... ...

The reveal of what the peaks were hiding wasn't slow or gradual. Kaidan took another step, and was past the nearly sheer rise of the mountains and standing on the edge a broad path that could have been an avenue were it not covered in snow.

Andrew huffed an incredulous breath. "Well, I'd say we found civilization."

"Yep_…_" Kaidan responded distractedly.

The path in front of them gradually widened until it emptied into a wide valley nestled against the mountains. About a kilometer into the valley stood a tall tower of white marble and copper-tinted metal; midway up the tower a shelf extended outward several hundred meters. Small ships could be seen taking off and landing upon it, as well as other indeterminable activity.

Behind it rose a city. Spires jutted dramatically into the sky like a field of giant needles. Much as with the ships they had seen a few hours earlier, the architecture was dominated by sharp angles and hard edges. The buildings were made primarily of a dark, burnt-red metal – it reminded him of nothing so much as the sunset sky over the planet Maji, back in the Armstrong Nebula – highlighted by white and copper accents. Sky bridges could be seen spanning many of the buildings. The structures along the rim of the city appeared to be built almost _into_ the mountainside.

A smile slowly broke across Kaidan's face. "We'll be home in no time."

As soon as they stepped onto the path, the wind dissipated to almost nothing; the glare lessened to a pleasant glow and the temperature seemed to warm several degrees. It quickly became apparent that the valley was sheltered from the harsh extremes of the environment. Their pace quickened as the terrain leveled out and the snow became hard-packed.

They were almost a third of the way to what was now clearly a spaceport when three small craft became visible in the sky ahead of them. Too small to be ships, they rapidly approached in an irregular, zigzagging pattern. In seconds they were overhead, skimming the mountain wall at a death-defying angle.

"It almost looks like they're_…_surfing." Andrew remarked.

They had already passed when one pulled a hard turn, nearly hitting the opposite wall as it reversed course back toward them. It dropped rapidly in altitude as it slowed, coming to a stop fifteen meters from where they stood.

An Escena leapt off the small vehicle and jogged toward them. He wore a bright maroon and white insulated jumpsuit and translucent eyewear. When he was three or so meters away he stopped and crossed his arms over his chest. His head tilted to the side curiously, causing long, full braids to swing across his back.

"What in Chaos _are_ you two?"

* * *

_August 5, 2194: Normandy SR-3 War Room_

Ashley paced rapidly along the rim of the circular data center – then realized she was and deliberately slowed.

Dammit.

She had commanded squads; entire platoons even. She had wrested rooms full of the cockiest soldiers in the Alliance into submission. She could _do_ this. It was just_…_this was the _Normandy_. In its third incarnation, still the premier ship in the Galactic Fleet. Shepard's ship. It didn't feel right. But it was her job, her responsibility. Her right.

She nodded as the last of the team walked in. "Thanks for coming, guys. I think I'm up to speed now, but yell if I've missed something. So our first order of business, and highest priority, is recovery of the rest of the team. EDI, what's the current status of the Escena's search?"

"They have recovered one of the two remaining workers from Trefaro – alive." Exclamations of relief and renewed hope echoed through the room. "That has enabled them – and me – to eliminate another gate from the calculations. As such, they believe that by this time tomorrow they will be able to begin system-level sweeps of the most likely destinations. Further, they are conducting an extensive analysis of the footage and sensor readings from the incident, as well as energy signatures in the area immediately post-incident; hopefully this will result in additional relevant data."

"Is there anything we – I mean the rest of us – can do to help right now?"

EDI's head shook in the negative. "Not as of yet. I will inform you as soon as I believe we are in a position to take action."

Ashley's chin dropped to her chest briefly. "Okay_…_I guess that's that. Next order of business: continuing the mission. Helping the Escena. I mean, that's what we came here for, right?"

Miranda activated the LMC galaxy map over the data center. "The Escena are reporting two additional Aduri attacks in the last two days; suffice it to say the frequency of attacks is increasing rapidly. They occurred here and_…_here." Two systems in different quadrants of the galaxy lit up. "I should note that Legion made them aware of the second attack before their own systems did."

Ashley couldn't entirely keep the expression of surprise off her face. "Legion? How did you do that?"

Legion's head canted slightly to look at her. She congratulated herself on the fact that the flashback to the mind-numbing terror of Eden Prime was so brief as to be indiscernible. She had gotten _so much_ better at that.

"I have used data recorded at Praede to determine a range of energy signatures likely to correlate with the presence of Aduri. Combining it with historical data of attacks from the Escena, I am continuing to refine the range; I believe it can now identify an Aduri appearance with 77.45443 percent accuracy."

"That's_…good_, Legion. Damn good. At the very least it can protect us from a surprise attack."

Litha cocked her head so abruptly her mandibles clacked against her carapace. "It can do more than that."

Garrus frowned and started to interject; she ignored him. "Legion, what's the range on detecting these energy signatures?"

"The range is as far as the telescope or sensor in question reaches. For gamma-ray telescopes, it – "

She waved him off. "Fine. Good." She gazed around the table. "What if the Escena could use it to construct like_…_like an early warning system or something? They could place sensor buoys around and – "

Garrus interrupted her this time. "You're talking about a gargantuan undertaking – covering the entire _galaxy_. And even then – "

She turned and growled at him, a low rumbling sound that seemed to echo in on itself. "If they want to save their people, then they'll damn well _do_ it, won't they?"

He stared her down; she didn't flinch. The others looked on with interest, or just amusement. Finally his left mandible twitched. He grinned. "You are one _clever_ girl, you know that?"

A clicking could be heard deep in her throat, but only by him. "It so happens I do. Glad you finally noticed."

His grin widened. "Oh, I _always_ noticed_…_"

Miranda cleared her throat loudly. They both snapped up straight and turned back to the group.

"In _any_ event, what I was thinking was, they could deploy sensors all around their populated systems. We know the Aduri can appear anywhere; they'd need to space them appropriately so they could catch an incursion sufficiently early for the people to have time to evacuate."

Ashley gazed at the galaxy map pensively; after a moment she glanced over at Miranda in spite of herself. Miranda shrugged. "It could be a viable plan."

Ashley shrugged in agreement. "Okay. It's what we have for now; until we come up with something better, we pursue it. Legion, work on turning your formula into something the Escena can apply on a large-scale basis. EDI, your primary focus remains finding the rest of the team; to the extent you have any spare processes just laying around gathering dust, lend Legion a hand. Keenon and Garrus, start drawing up plans for what one of these 'sensor buoys' would need to look like. Once we're reasonably sure it's deployable, we'll approach the Guides with the idea."

Nods accompanying thoughtful expressions indicated general acceptance of the plan. Keiji leaned against the rim of the table. "Just out of curiosity, Legion, _how_ are you able to identify their presence?"

Legion's lights flashed in a manner that those who paid attention had come to associate with smiling, or at least satisfaction. "The Aduri consist at the most basic level of a previously unknown type of exotic particle; however, these particles exhibit properties somewhat similar to a quark-gluon plasma. The level of excitation in the extremely high energy density of this type of matter is detectable by its effects on the normal space surrounding it – if you know to look for it."

Keiji nodded in appreciation. "Understood. Nice job, my friend."

* * *

_Location Unknown_

Andrew and Kaidan both jerked in surprise. "You just spoke_…_"

The man – he seemed young somehow, shorter than most though also more muscular, and with a youthful air about him – frowned quizzically. "Yeah, I didn't understand what you just said one bit."

Kaidan's Omni-tool told him the man was speaking a variant dialect of the Escena language. He quickly told it to translate audibly; the Omni-tool vocalized the translation in a neutral electronic voice.

"Interesting tech, lemme see that." Before Kaidan could respond he had come over; he stared intently at the Omni-tool for a few seconds, bright eyes flickering rapidly. Almost as soon as he had arrived, he took a step back and nodded. "Okay, got it. Of course I spoke; I'm not a mute."

Kaidan glanced over at Andrew, who just shrugged. He looked back at the man. "But you're an Escena, aren't you?"

The man laughed mysteriously. "Ahh. In a manner of speaking." He bowed dramatically. "I am known as Cassian Aligero; you can call me Cass. Now, seriously, _who_ are you?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Seeing as you don't know, that's going to be a bit of a long story. But I can assure you that we mean you no harm."

"Hmmm." Cass glanced over his shoulder as his companions approached. "In that case, I suppose I should take you to see my dad."

... ... ...

Andrew clung to the sides of the speeder so as not to cling to the waist of the driver like a little girl. He was sitting behind one of Cass' friends, Sargona-something.

It had turned out the speeders were personal pleasure craft, apparently akin to jet skis or snowmobiles_…_or possibly stunt planes, he couldn't help but think as they banked down and left and skirted just below the landing ramp of the spaceport.

He didn't mind extreme sports or adrenaline rushes; he really, _truly_ didn't. He snow- and water-skied, surfed, sailed, flew, hiked, mountain biked, and had tried a dozen other adventures at least once. He just rather preferred that _he_ be in control when engaging in them.

The driver followed Cass' speeder as it wound around the city's skyscrapers; they were going far too fast for him to get any real sense of the city, other than that the buildings were tall, numerous, and had sharp edges. Also that there were lots of other vehicles in the air as well and none of them appeared to be obeying any sort of traffic rules whatsoever.

Finally they curved in a long arc and slowed as they descended onto a small landing pad two-thirds of the way up one of the skyscrapers. He nodded politely to Sargona-something as he climbed off, then ran fingers through his hair to tame it back down as he fell in beside Kaidan, who was looking a little pale himself.

A short, almost stocky man walked purposefully through an archway entry to the building and toward them. "Welcome, strangers. Cass has told me of you. I am Framdor Aligero, Deputy Director of the Security Division. Please, come with me to our patio. We can have refreshments and discuss matters."

_So they also had telepathic communication_, Kaidan noted. Cass casually waved goodbye then hopped back on his speeder and flew off with his companions; Kaidan and Andrew followed the elder Aligero through the archway into a living area, down a narrow hallway, through a kitchen, and out onto a wide balcony.

The city spread out all around them. The stark, dramatic architecture contrasted with the immediately surrounding snow-covered valley. A web of sky bridges linked at least a third of the buildings together, practically serving as a second-tier street grid. Personal transports and small ships zipped about; bustling activity stretched as far as they could see, including into the mountains beyond.

In a way that couldn't be put into words, it felt somehow more _dynamic_, more _purposeful_, than the Escena cities they had visited.

"Welcome to Apérta, capital city of the Diramae Republic." He gestured grandly over the balcony. "Now, perhaps you could explain who you are and why you are here."

Kaidan turned to Framdor while Andrew leaned against the railing and gazed out at the city. "Of course. Thank you for your hospitality; I'll be brief. We're part of a team that traveled here from the Milky Way – a neighboring galaxy – in response to a message from the Escena requesting assistance in stopping the Aduri threat. We've been working with the Guides to find a way to counter the Aduri. There was an accident at a wormhole transport station; we were thrown through one of the wormholes and found ourselves here."

"I see. _Most_ interesting_…_" Framdor nodded thoughtfully, but his expression seemed to darken.

Kaidan's expression grew more serious as well. "I'll be happy to answer any questions you have, but we need to get in touch with our ship and let them know we're alright – or at least get in touch with the Guides so they can pass along the information."

"That_…_will be easier said than done, I'm afraid."

Kaidan's brow twitched. "Why? You're obviously _related _to the Escena in some manner."

Framdor paced slowly along the balcony, hands clasped behind his back. "Not for a long time now. While I am a man of some influence in this city, I do not have the power or the ability to grant your request. I can, however, arrange for you to meet with those who do; they will be interested in seeing you in any event."

"Excellent. How soon can we meet with them?"

Framdor smiled placidly. "These things take time, stranger. Powerful officials are powerful for a reason. I will see what I can do."

... ... ...

_Ap_é_rta, LMC-Daidalus System, Large Magellanic Cloud _

It was late into the afternoon before a meeting with "The Board" was arranged, for the next day. No amount of persuasion or imploring or cursing could make it happen any faster.

Framdor had been called back to his office shortly after meeting them, and they found themselves confined to the Aligeros' rather spacious apartment for the afternoon – 'for their own safety' Framdor had said, referencing unfamiliar customs and behaviors. They had considered leaving anyway, but the meeting was too crucial to risk sabotaging. Finding no data terminals to access in the apartment, they had spent most of the afternoon on the balcony, watching the streets below and skies above and trying to infer what they could about Diramae society.

When Framdor returned that evening, he and Cass took them out for dinner at a nearby restaurant, and they were finally able to get a real look at the people. Up close and in numbers, it quickly became apparent that they displayed quite a few differences from the Escena: most obviously, their skin was less luminescent and more ruddy in complexion, their mouths were larger and more distinctive, and their physique was markedly less frail and more athletic.

The distinction between the sexes was also far more pronounced, with the women having distinctly softer features and actual _curves_ to their bodies. As was the case with Framdor and Cass, the attire they wore tended to be more practical and less decorative than that of the Escena. Behaviorally, they were on the whole an animated, lively, even boisterous people.

Cass, it turned out, was on 'sabbatical,' which sounded like code for 'got to do whatever the hell he wanted.' His mother was a construction engineer and was off-planet overseeing the building of a new space station. As he had mentioned when they met, Framdor was a high-ranking official in the Security Division – what exactly that actually _meant_, however, he was exceedingly vague about. A rather slippery sort, they couldn't get any details out of him regarding the city's – or planet's – defensive and military capabilities.

... ... ...

Kaidan found Andrew out on the balcony of Framdor's apartment after dinner. He splashed some water on his face then stepped out to join him. Both suns had set and the golden nebula again dominated the night sky.

Andrew's arms were braced on the railing as he relaxed against it. "My parents were scientists. Their coworkers were scientists; their friends were scientists. The students at the magnet school I attended were a bunch of scientists-in-training. Which was fine; I liked scientists well enough. But as soon as I was old enough, I would escape whenever I could and spend the afternoon down on the shore, hanging out with the surfers and beach bums and t-shirt hawkers. It was like a different planet; they were like a different species. Not better or worse, really, just different."

He shook his head ruefully. "You'd think, knowing all that, it wouldn't shock the Hell out of me just how _unlike_ the Escena these people are_…_"

"No, it's damn weird_…_" Kaidan idly ran a hand along the railing; it was made of a smooth stone that matched the surrounding mountains. "I asked Framdor why they chose to speak vocally when they could quite clearly communicate telepathically. He said it was because too much silence eventually drained a place of its spirit and vitality."

He smiled wearily. "Then he muttered what I'm fairly certain was an insult regarding the Escena; the translator's best guess as to the meaning was 'a wealthy elderly woman adorned in gaudy jewelry and too much makeup.'"

Andrew laughed_…_but then the look in his eyes grew more thoughtful. "You really went all out trying to smooth-talk him into opening up; he's one crafty bastard."

Kaidan's fingers drummed on the railing in an uneven, agitated rhythm; it contrasted markedly with the calm, measured tenor of his voice. "Yeah, it was_…_frustrating. But we'll get somewhere tomorrow with this 'Board.'"

"Look, I know you're good at keeping control in stressful situations, but all this has _got_ to be a strain. When I'm sure all you want to do is get back to the Normandy and find Shepard."

Kaidan's mouth started to turn up in a wistful smile, but didn't quite make it. "I want with every fiber of my being to rip apart the galaxy from one end to the other looking for her_…_but I can't right now. And with any luck, she'll be standing in the airlock when the Normandy gets here."

"And if she isn't?"

He absently rotated the smooth, shimmering ring he wore on his right hand. "Then I start ripping the galaxy apart." His gazed drifted to the floor; he re-schooled his features and looked over. "I know you're worried sick, too. Thanks for keeping your cool and hanging in there with me."

Andrew stared out at the city, bathed in light all around them. "I left Ash once because I couldn't handle the possibility of her getting killed in battle. When I got a second chance, I had to find a way to deal with the fact that that possibility would _always_ exist. I chose to simply believe that she was alive. Always. If she did die then none of it would matter anyway, so I might as well believe that she would live – with all my heart and soul. _Know_ it, even." He shrugged. "So I'm actually _not_ worried. She's alive. Simple as that."

* * *

_August 6, 2194: Normandy SR-3 CIC_

Ashley was crossing the CIC in her fifth round-trip tour of the ship in as many hours. As long as she kept herself busy, moving, working, she wouldn't have time to dwell on the dark thoughts that crept around the edges of her mind, trying to worm their way in and break her heart. So she walked every meter of the ship, stopping to talk to people, to check and make sure they were doing okay, things were running smoothly, and try to address any concerns they had. She wondered if they believed her.

She turned and was heading along the galaxy map when she heard a clatter coming from the Science Lab. Frowning, she walked in to find Miranda stuffing items back in a drawer.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing. I was just – "

"Just _what_? I don't think Liara would want you in here snooping around while she's gone."

Miranda rolled her eyes and closed the drawer. "Liara wouldn't like me – or anyone that isn't named Shepard or Keenon – in here when she _wasn't_ gone. As if anyone who could understand a fifth of this equipment doesn't already know she's the Shadow Broker_…_"

Ashley couldn't prevent a laugh from escaping her lips. She quickly worked to plaster an irritated expression back on her face. "Be that as it may, you really shouldn't be in here. What are you doing?"

Miranda raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Am I being ordered to answer the question, _Major_?"

"Do you need to be?"

Miranda scowled in annoyance. "Fine. Liara's got all this data stored in here on the Escena's biological and synthetic makeup, and_…_" she frowned and pinched the bridge of her nose "_…_and I just had this idea that maybe if we could figure out how their telepathy worked, we could somehow use it to extend the range of our tele-comms dramatically_…_and then maybe we could find them. But her notes indicate she hadn't made much progress on it, and_…_"

Ashley regarded her curiously. "You're actually trying to help, aren't you?"

Miranda groaned. "_Yes_. Why does everyone think I don't want to get them back?"

"Because you get off on being in charge?"

"Well I'm not in charge anymore, am I?"

"Nope."

"Right. You know what, never mind. I've got a lot of work to do, I'm going to – " she brushed past Ashley on the way to the door.

Ashley's eyes squeezed shut as her nose crinkled up. _Dammit…_

"Miranda, wait. It's_…_it's not a bad idea. A long shot, but pretty much everything's a long shot right now. When you have time, work on it and see what you can come up with."

Miranda stared at her a moment, her expression unreadable. Finally she just nodded tightly and left.

Ashley glowered at the closing door and ran a hand through her hair, then looked around the lab. If Liara didn't turn up soon, she should probably task someone with picking up the slack. But who? EDI was burning her cycles analyzing the data from Trafero, Keenon was spending all his free time dissecting Escena equipment_…_maybe Karin? Of course, though she hated to admit it, Miranda could handle the Escena physiology stuff too – she had, after all, rebuilt Shepard from –

The door opened again and EDI walked in. "I'm glad I caught you; there's something I'd like to run by you, if you have a moment?"

"Of course. What's up?"

EDI frowned slightly then. "The Guides report that they have narrowed down the likely gate destinations sufficiently to begin doing broad sweeps. They have divided the galaxy up into sectors and will be checking the likely areas in each sector sequentially. I have been reviewing their plans and comparing it with my own data, and_…_there is an anomaly."

"An anomaly?"

"Perhaps it would be more accurate to say a_…_disagreement. There is one sector of the galaxy – small, composed of only two clusters – that they do not plan to search at all, despite the fact that two of the unaccounted-for gates have previously traveled there. I asked them about it, and they said there was nothing there; that the previous destinations no longer existed."

"Well, they would know, right? And I'm sure that's not the only place where that's true; the Trafero station has been in operation for millennia."

EDI nodded in apparent agreement, but there wasn't any conviction to it.

"What is it, EDI?"

Her head quirked to the side and she looked at Ashley with an uncharacteristically tentative expression. "It's just_…_I did not like their tone when they provided this explanation. It was_…_evasive. It made my spidey sense tingle."

Ashley's eyebrows arched in disbelief. "Your _spidey sense_?"

"Yes. Jeff has been educating me on superheroes and comic books. It is most _fascinating_ the strange powers Humans come up with for their heroes. For instance, Arm-Fall-Off-Boy could detach his left arm and use it as a club, while Zan of the Wonder Twins could turn into a puddle of water."

Ashley burst out laughing, for probably the first time since returning to the ship. She fell against the lab table, grabbing her sides as she gasped in air.

When she had finally caught her breath, she looked back at EDI, an amused grin still on her face. "Okay. What do you want to do?"

EDI's eyes narrowed deviously. "I want to go there."

* * *

_Date Unknown: Location Unknown_

"Shit!" James' eyes flew open at a sharp stinging sensation on his left hand.

Tiny, beady eyes peered down at him. Maybe three centimeters in length, the insect was a green iridescent color with red spots and sported large, fly-like wings and six spindly legs.

"Get off me, you little fucker." He shook his hand vigorously, and it obliged. He spread some Medi-gel on the red welt that was already swelling, then sat up and looked around.

A thick canopy of trees virtually blotted out the sky, though harsh orange rays filtered through the gaps. The ground was covered with enormous tropical plants. The sounds of insects buzzing and possibly birds singing echoed through the trees.

After he had finished the main ICT course and got his N1, he and Steve had taken a hiking tour of the Amazon rainforest. It had been_…_well, it had been hot, suffocating and insect-filled. And green – very, very green. Still, kinda neat; not a bad trip on the whole.

He could already tell this place was easily as hot and insect-filled as the Amazon had been; decidedly more colorful, though.

He rolled his shoulders and stood. For the moment, the heat was a nice change; he had begun to think every planet in this damn galaxy was an icebox.

He activated his comm. "Normandy, do you read me? Shepard? Alenko? Williams?"

_Esteban? Helllllloooo…anybody there?_

"Well, shit."

He inspected his surroundings more closely. A small furry creature with a beak-like nose peered out at him from the fronds of a reddish plant as it nibbled on a purple berry. A bright yellow bat-bird sat on a gnarled branch overhead.

A strange, ghostly light over to his left abruptly caught his eye. It rippled across the leaves of a dense bush, distinctly out of place amidst the lush jungle plants. Mist? It _was_ quite humid. No_…_it was moving and there was no wind; it wasn't diffuse, instead distinctly confined to the several meters around the bush; it wasn't white but rather a light blue, almost the color of biotic flares –

– he froze as he realized two large glowing eyes were locked on him from within the bush. Slowly – very, _very_ slowly – his right hand moved up then along his waist to the small of his back until it reached the clasp of his utility knife. A press of his thumb released the clasp. His fingers tightened around the hilt.

The animal was on him before he could blink. Fully two meters long, it slammed into him and they both crashed to the forest floor.

He had raised his left arm an instant before the animal had hit him; his bicep and deltoid screamed in protest as he struggled to hold it back, his forearm locked across its neck. Razor-sharp teeth snapped centimeters from his face as the animal tried to lunge forward and finish the kill. A paw swiped down his right arm, claws slicing through his shirt and ripping into his skin; he almost dropped the knife from the pain.

His eyes narrowed in challenge as he stared into the glowing, fierce yellow ones. "Eat _this_." He pulled his bleeding right arm close in against his ribs, then thrust upward. The knife sliced through the animal's hide; not knowing where the heart might be, he yanked it up until his wrist slammed against his left forearm.

The animal's guts spilled out onto his chest with a gush of blood. He quickly heaved it off of him, grunting with the exertion; the damn thing must weigh a hundred fifty kilos. As it rolled to the ground beside him, he dropped his head back and groaned loudly, in pain and revulsion. "Ugh, this shit's as disgusting as Husk gore_…_" He had spent the entirety of The War covered in Husk gore, he would know.

Suddenly aware that his arm was gushing blood as well, he struggled to a sitting position and slathered Medi-gel thickly over it. Then he pulled his ruined shirt up over his head, wincing as he did, and tossed it away before the blood and gore soaked through.

He looked over at the corpse of the creature. Covered in dark, rich brown fur, it had a large, blocky head and enormous claws, but its torso was long and sleek. It was like some genetic mash-up of a panther and a bear.

If he hadn't spotted it before it pounced, he would've been dead before he even knew what hit him. He looked over at the bush it had been hiding in; the blueish light was gone.

He gazed at the surrounding jungle with renewed caution. This place was nature at its wildest; he was going to have to be hyper-alert if he wanted to survive long enough to get rescued.

Also, he was going to need a new shirt.


	14. Little White Lies

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 14**

"**Little White Lies"**

* * *

"All secrets are deep. All secrets become dark. That's in the nature of secrets."

– Cory Doctorow

* * *

_Administration Building, Ap_é_rta: LMC-Daidalus System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

The Diramae Board was a conglomeration of government agency directors, corporate magnates, and elected representatives. The twenty-one members sat around a long oval table next to floor-to-ceiling windows. The walls were peppered with floating displays and three-dimensional holograms; smaller tables for break-out conferences were spread along the opposite wall. Various aides and deputies bustled in and out of the room. The frenetic activity gave the impression that the Board was in the midst of a crisis, but they had been assured this was just an ordinary, run-of-the-mill session.

Kaidan and Andrew were escorted to a small, slightly raised table at the far end. The room was loud, even raucous, with multiple animated conversations going on at once. That didn't stop them from receiving openly curious glances as they traversed the room.

The man at the end of the table closest to them stood and cleared his throat loudly until the din quieted. He was tall for a Diramae (though average at best for an Escena) and wore a sleek black suit with navy blue accents along the shoulders and down the lapel. "I am Chairman of the Board Milon Comditoroso. Welcome, citizens of the Milky Way."

Kaidan nodded respectfully. "Thank you. I – "

"You are both Human, yes? Have the Humans taken over that galaxy since last I checked?"

"Uh, no, sir. Representatives of seven species sit on our governing Council, though humanity does hold one of those seats."

"Hmm." The Chairman sat back down and clasped his hands together atop the table. "Tell us, what brings you to our galaxy?"

"We're part of – "

"Not the group; you, personally."

Kaidan arched an eyebrow. "Well, simply put, I'm here at the request of the Escena to do what I – and my colleagues – can to stop the Aduri threat."

Murmurs rippled up and down the table. Several people began to speak, but Comditoroso silenced them with a subtle move of his hand.

"You are referring to those troublesome roving waves of energy, I assume? We know them as 'Carpasi,' but it is neither here nor there." His gaze shifted slightly. "And you?"

Andrew shrugged. "I'm here because of a girl."

Kaidan frowned and turned toward him. "Well, technically, I'm here because of a girl, too_…_"

Andrew acknowledged the fact with a slight smirk; Kaidan tilted his head a bit to emphasize the point – then they both looked back up at the Chairman. "Sorry, carry on."

The Chairman quirked a bemused smile. "Of course. So what brings you – the both of you – to our home in particular?"

Kaidan stood, all traces of humor disappearing from his voice. "There was a catastrophic accident at a transport station; we were thrown through one of the wormholes and ended up here. Sir, I'm requesting that you contact the Escena Guides and inform them that we are alive and unharmed, as well as – "

A woman with shockingly iridescent green eyes sitting a third of the way down the table laughed. "I don't _think_ so; the last time we met with those inbred pansies we were subjected to a three hour lecture on the _glory of the Whole_ while they secretly tried to worm their way into our networks – "

A man sitting diagonally from her interrupted. "Well you _could_ have gotten up and left_…_"

"And Chaos how I wish I had."

The Chairman glanced sharply at the woman. "The point the _Representative_ is making is that our interaction with the Escena is nonexistent, and it is to our mutual benefit to keep it so. In fact, the event to which Janesci refers occurred over two millennia ago."

Kaidan worked to keep his expression even, putting aside for the moment the implication that the Representatives, at least, had been alive for quite some time. "I'm not asking you to meet with them; I'm just asking you to contact them and relay a simple message. Our ship can come pick us up."

"Unfortunately, simple messages often lead to complicated situations. We have worked very hard for a very long time to remain free of the Guides'_…benevolent _dictatorship. I will not jeopardize all we have gained. In any event, how would we contact them? They have no communications devices; they have no need for them. For that matter, neither do we."

Andrew interjected. "Then give us a shuttle and let us be on our way."

A man at the far end of the table partially stood and leaned into the table. "You are not pilots, are you? Even if you were, you know nothing of our technology. You would surely crash."

Kaidan couldn't keep the frustration out of his voice; he practically growled through gritted teeth. "Then have someone fly us to an Escena world. _Any_ Escena world. They can drop us off and leave immediately."

The Chairman met his unwavering stare with piercing bright blue eyes. "Perhaps you misunderstood me earlier; translators can be imperfect at times. We _do not_ have contact with the Escena. Any of us. Under any circumstances."

Kaidan's jaw clenched reflexively. "So we're prisoners then?"

The Chairman's expression shifted effortlessly to a dazzling smile. "Of _course _not; you are our honored guests. I understand your desire to rejoin your people, I do. I'm sure, given time, we can work out a solution that is beneficial to us all."

Andrew snorted in irritation. "The solution's not complicated."

The Chairman lost the smile. "Respectfully, you have no concept of just _how_ complicated it is." He straightened up formally. "While we consider the matter and work to find a way to get you back to your ship, allow me to arrange for you to see some of the wonders of our city. I think you will find it far more enlightened and advanced than any Escena cities you have visited."

Kaidan smirked, rather caustically for him. "We don't really have a choice, do we?"

"You can sit in Mr. Aligero's apartment if you wish. But you strike me as a curious sort; I imagine you would like to learn what you can of us, no?"

... ... ...

The Chairman's assistant promptly began organizing a flurry of activities for the Board's "honored guests" – whether they liked it or not.

They were given a tour of the towering Administration Building, then whisked off for an aerial excursion around the city and its immediate environs in a gleaming airship whose walls became transparent on command. Granted a brief opportunity to "freshen up," they were then escorted to a ridiculously elaborate dinner party in a restaurant perched high over downtown, at which they were treated as nothing less than visiting heads of state.

Kaidan wanted nothing more than to throttle the Representatives in general and Comditoroso in particular as they sat there eating quiches and sipping wine. But he knew well enough that unless or until a better option presented itself, politeness would both increase their chances of getting off this planet sooner rather than later and result in more tidbits of information that might prove useful.

He turned to the Representative seated on his left_…_Brandalar was his name. He was a large man, muscular even for a Diramae, with short black braids woven through with gold strands that matched his eyes. "I assume you've had encounters with what the Escena call "Aduri"? How have you fared?"

"Those Carpasi energy creatures? We've seen them once or twice, I believe_…_" The man's gaze slid away down the table as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Kaidan's left eyebrow arched. "Is that all, really?"

"We are not nearly so pervasive in the galaxy as the Escena; we control a mere four star systems. The odds are in our favor."

_That statement probably gave away more than he intended it to_, Kaidan thought. "I see. Do your people die on contact with the Aduri – I'm sorry, 'Carpasi'?"

Brandalar retorted sharply. "Well if the Escena die then we would as well, wouldn't we? For all our considerable differences, structurally we still have much in common_…_I assume."

Kaidan couldn't help but notice that he didn't actually answer the question; he was about to press the matter further when Brandalar stood and excused himself, only increasing Kaidan's suspicions. He was watching the man disappear into the back of the restaurant when Andrew struck up a conversation with the Representative who had been so outspoken in the meeting earlier, Janesca. He had no idea if it was her first or last name.

"You seem to have little love for the Escena. If you don't mind me asking, what caused this rift between your societies?"

"Ahhh_…_that is a long and complex story – but I can give you the short version if you like. It _is_ a quite dramatic tale."

Andrew's mouth quirked just slightly. "Well, it's not like we're going anywhere. Please do."

The woman gave no indication of recognizing the acerbic tenor of his reply. "My pleasure. First, you must understand that by several hundred thousand years ago, the Escena had become very_…_what's the polite word_…homogenized_, lacking diversity not only in beliefs and outlook, but in even genetic structure. What do you know about the Escena reproductive process?"

Andrew did his levelheaded best to not look taken aback by the question; he glanced over at Kaidan, who shrugged almost imperceptibly. "Very little, I'm afraid."

"Well, the Escena don't have children, as such. Every few thousand years, they create a new body from their genetic material, together with the genetic material of their mate if they have one, plus a dash of randomized DNA; they send it their memories, then "retire" the old body. Theoretically, this enables their "soul" to live on but them to become new, different people."

"But over time two things began to happen: the randomized DNA became a smaller and smaller percentage – it turns out they wanted to change, but not _too_ much – and they tended, more often than not, to end up bonded with the product of their previous mate, if not in the first generation then in the next."

Andrew smiled charmingly. "That's actually rather romantic, the idea of two people destined to be together, finding one another time and time again?"

Janesca dipped her chin in acknowledgement. "Yes, _quite_ romantic. Unfortunately, in the long run not very healthy for the gene pool." Her mouth twitched as she contemplated the matter further.

"The Escena's initial intent in designing a 'regeneration' procedure that combined a couple's DNA, as well as a little toss of the dice, was to approximate the evolutionary process that flows from more_…natural_ procreation. It was an admirable goal, but one they ultimately failed to achieve, to their detriment. Without the constant influx of fresh blood_…_so to speak – of new, unique life, evolution slows to a halt; culture stagnates. And the Escena have been around for a very, very long time. Over aeons, this is precisely what happened; what is still happening."

She paused, her eyes sparkling. "Nevertheless, every now and then the universe will throw a wild card – whether for its own amusement or just to mix things up."

The Representative sitting next to her blinked melodramatically. "Here we go_…_"

She ignored him. "There was an Escena named Galdorne – the rest of his exa-length name has been lost to history. He was a planetary explorer, tasked with investigating unsettled worlds for natural resource extraction or expansion opportunities. While exploring one such planet, he discovered a thriving, though still primitive, civilization. As was his duty, he studied them discreetly for a while then prepared a detailed report and presented it to the Guides."

"The Guides declared that they would reveal themselves to these people, uplift them, and in time integrate them into the Whole. Galdorne, having spent some time observing the species, had developed a kind of affection for them. He suggested that perhaps instead they should let these people grow and advance along their own path, free from interference. The Guides merely said that it was their way to bring all species into the fold, and this time would be no different."

"Galdorne stood before the Guides and simply said, 'I disagree.'"

Janesca's gaze ran along table, aware that she now had a rapt audience. "The Guides were stunned. 'We are Whole, of one view and in harmony in all things.'"

"He responded, 'Quite clearly we are not.' With the Guides shocked into silence, he continued. 'Perhaps it is because I have spent much of my life in the void of space, the Whole a mere dim whisper in the back of my mind. But I am my own person, with my own thoughts and beliefs. And _I_ believe that we should let these primitives find their own way.'"

"The Guides would not budge; they merely reiterated, 'We will enlighten and assimilate them.'"

"Galdorne opened his words to the entirety of the Whole, across the galaxy." She paused for dramatic effect.

"'Fine,' he responded. 'I won't live in a society that believes it has the right to coopt the future of other sentient beings. I am leaving. I know there are others out there that feel as I do, specs of dissent in the smothering suffocation of the Whole. I am going to this location – ' he revealed the coordinates ' – it is a harsh world, but a beautiful one. Anyone who wishes to join me, who dares to live their life for themselves alone, is welcome. To everyone else_…_goodbye.' He closed his eyes and severed his link to the Whole. And experienced terrifying, wondrous silence."

"Over the next decades, people did indeed join him. Dozens, then hundreds, then thousands. A mere drop in the bucket of the billions of Escena, but enough to start over. They created a society based on principles of freedom and individuality, and developed a new kind of shared awareness, one that respected privacy and differences of opinion."

"The Guides declared those that left as _null_, which is to say they simply acted as if they did not exist. Most Escena alive today _don't_ know we exist. The Guides have not forgotten, however; every twenty or thirty thousand years or so one of them shows up and tries to 'return us to the fold.'"

The table had grown quiet as she recounted the tale. She looked around and smiled brightly. "At least, that's the bedtime story parents tell to their children – who knows how much of it is true, right?"

... ... ...

_Aligero residence, Ap_é_rta_

Kaidan paced deliberately along the window lining the far wall of the spare bedroom.

Andrew lay on the bed, his arms crossed behind his head, and idly watched him. After a few minutes Kaidan caught his gaze and laughed softly at himself.

"Let's hear it."

He sighed and stared out the window. "The readings I'm getting when I try to contact the Normandy are_…_weird. It's not just that they're out of range – it's like there's interference of some kind. The signal almost seems to bounce back." He glanced over at Andrew. "I think maybe the Diramae have some sort of planetary shield up that blocks transmissions. Probably trying to keep the Escena Whole out, but it's presumably broad spectrum."

Andrew groaned. "They are some paranoid motherfuckers_…_" his voice trailed off; his eyes unfocused slightly. "You got an engineering degree, right?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah, from the Academy."

"Did you ever study the Alliance's communications during the First Contact War? They didn't know shit about the Turians and were afraid their comm traffic was going to get hacked, so they reverted to old-style – "

" – analog signals," they finished the sentence in unison. Andrew nodded. "It was ghetto as Hell, but it got the job done. Is there _any_ way we can do something like that to get around this block?"

Kaidan was pacing more rapidly now, rubbing his jaw roughly. "Maybe; it's likely they wouldn't have considered blocking analog signals_…_only it wouldn't do any good unless the Normandy was listening for it_…_and there's no reason for them to be listening for it." He stopped and turned back to the window, though no longer noticing what was beyond it. "They would have to be _in_ the system, _and_ aware of the transmission shield, _and_ have thought of this as a way around it."

"Well, they do have three AIs, including the most intelligent being in our galaxy, and a couple of fairly brilliant engineers."

Kaidan looked over sharply. "Yes, they do."

He sat down on the bed and activated his Omni-tool; his fingers began flying over the virtual display. "I'll have to bypass the digitization routine_…_then reroute the signal directly into the amplifier, _then_ overcook it to compensate for signal transmission degradation. I'll set it to broadcast a simple acknowledgment and request for contact, once an hour_…_" His fingers worked for several minutes, his brow furrowing and the fine lines around his eyes creasing as he made continual adjustments. "I'll mod yours as well, in case we get separated."

Andrew laughed quietly. "Actually_…_mine's already configured to output analog signals."

"Seriously?"

He shrugged mildly. "I'm a bit of a music snob; even the most sophisticated digital conversion can't capture the range and resonance of physical instruments. A few years ago I had a custom mod installed that would play the original analog music files in their native format."

Kaidan quirked a bemused grin. "_Okay_ then. I should be able to just make a small adjustment to apply the mod to communications as well."

Some time later he finally collapsed on the bed and exhaled heavily. "Now we just have to hope they're listening."

* * *

_August 7, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cockpit_

A luminous golden nebula dominated the starboard-side viewports, giving the cockpit a pale, ethereal glow. Joker glanced over the back of his chair at the gaggle of visitors – Ashley, Garrus, Keenon, Litha, Kasumi and Steve were crowded into the normally spacious cockpit.

"Okay, this is the first system EDI says is a possibility. Legion has derived a course that will cover the entire area within our comm and sensor reach, with a little overlap just in case." He paused. "Guys, this is going to take _hours_; you're going to get bored."

He was met only with shrugs. "Alright_…_want to hear a joke about an Elcor, a Volus and a Hanar?"

"No_…_" echoed through the cockpit.

... ... ...

More than three hours later they had come up empty, not to mention that they had eventually been forced to suffer the joke about the Elcor, Volus and Hanar. It had been even worse than they had feared.

Joker's shoulders sagged as his head shook slowly. "That's the whole system. Nothing. I'm sorry."

Ashley stared out the viewports while she chewed on her bottom lip. "Go around again."

"But – "

"Go. Around. Again. That's an order."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay. No problem."

Worn down by the long wait followed by disappointment, most of the others made their excuses and left. Kasumi gazed hesitantly at Ashley. "Is it alright if I stay? I'd like to_…_I don't know. It feels like helping."

Ashley smiled wearily. "Of course."

They sat on the floor and talked – about Earth, about their childhoods, about unimportant things. Joker interjected occasionally with wry commentary, and whenever the conversation lagged EDI would pipe up with a question.

Finally Joker sighed. "We're almost done_…_again. I'm not picking up any– what the hell?!" His hands jerked off the controls as sparks flew. The display showing the sensor readings flashed rapidly, then the bottom right corner lit up brightly. There was the faint hint of ozone in the air.

Joker banged his palm against the side of the display. "What's _wrong_ with you_…_" his eyes narrowed as his voice lost its edge. "I'm gonna turn around for a second_…_"

Ashley was on her feet instantly. "Why? What do you see?"

"Nothing_…_it's just, there's a habitable planet back that way – in the direction of that bottom right corner that's busted. We've already scanned it twice, but_…_"

As they swung around on approach to the planet, the sensor display abruptly returned to normal. And on it were two small, flashing dots. Legion's voice intoned from the speakers. "Two Normandy crew members have been detected on the planet below."

Ashley's eyes were wide as saucers; her heart was pounding so hard it threatened to burst through her chest. "_Who?_"

Joker laughed in relief. "It's Kaidan – and Andrew."

Her head swam from the rush of endorphins as she sank against the wall. _Thank you, God. Thank you._ She ran a hand raggedly down her face, then straightened back up. "What about their vitals? Are they okay?"

Legion responded. "Their vitals are reporting slightly elevated heart rates, but are otherwise normal."

She immediately activated her comm. "Andrew, do you read me? Kaidan?" _Andrew, love, are you there? Please, can you hear me? Kaidan? Come on, Alenko…_

"What's wrong with the comms? Why can't I reach them?"

Joker tried the ship's comm, to no avail. "It's not that they're not answering; there's interference preventing the signal from reaching them."

_Dammit._ "Keep trying. Legion, tell me about this planet."

"It displays a somewhat arctic yet habitable climate, with a lengthy but regular orbit around the system's binary stars. Visual scans indicate markers of advanced civilization at several locations, but energy scans reveal nothing. It is possible that the planet is enveloped in a shield that blocks most emissions."

Ashley turned to EDI. "The Guides lied to us."

"Yes. It would appear they did."

Garrus came hurrying back into the cockpit then, followed closely by Miranda. "Did I hear right? We found Kaidan and Andrew?"

Ashley grinned like a little girl. "Yep. Only we can't seem to talk to them."

"Williams-Major, their location is near to but outside of a major population center; though it is surrounded by mountains, the immediate area is relatively open."

Miranda's gaze shot up to the speakers in the ceiling. "You're saying we could go get them."

"I believe so."

There was silence, and everyone looked at Ashley. She jerked back to reality. "Well, go! Go get them!"

"Yes, _ma'am_." Joker cracked his knuckles and focused on the controls.

Within minutes a large planet came into view. Nearly half of it was covered in snow; smallish oceans broke up large landmasses. Towering mountain peaks could soon be picked out, running along –

– everything turned upside down.

Ashley's head slammed against the cockpit ceiling as the ship rolled downward at a near ninety degree angle.

The ship swung back to port, then shuddered as it pitched thirty degrees up, then down. Kasumi and Miranda tumbled down the walkway toward the CIC; Garrus crashed into the auxiliary station on the right side of the cockpit.

Ashley landed back on the floor; barely conscious, she grabbed for the back brace of EDI's chair and hung on for dear life as the ship bucked violently.

Joker's yells could barely be heard over the screeching of metal and the screams of crewmen. "_Shit!_ Disengaging heading! Legion, full power to reverse thrust!"

Suddenly there was stillness. The contrast was so stark that it almost felt like they were floating.

There wasn't silence, however; damage alarms blared over moans and competing shouts over comms.

Garrus was the first to recover enough to speak. "What happened? Did someone fire on us? Are we under attack?"

Joker's hands were flying over the controls; he had been strapped in and thus spared the worst of the turmoil. "No – there's nothing out here. It's like we just hit an invisible wall or something."

Legion responded. "That is not precisely accurate. Analysis of the forces the Normandy encountered indicate the presence of a repulsor field of some type; the strength of the repulsion suggests an intent to repel visitors without catastrophically disabling them."

"How polite of them_…_" Joker spared a quick scowl up at the speaker.

Ashley groaned and grabbed her forehead; her fingers came away with blood for the second time this week. She rose to her knees and started to stand, then collapsed back against the wall as a wave of dizziness washed over her. "What, like a kinetic barrier_…_?"

EDI twisted around in her chair so she could see Ashley. "Not exactly; in any event, our sensors would have picked up a kinetic barrier."

Ashley nodded roughly, wincing as she tried to roll her left shoulder. "Okay. First things first. Damage report?"

Joker scanned the myriad of displays flashing urgent information. "Um_…_exterior hull breach, Deck 3 at Weapons_…_but the interior hull is holding. Undetermined damage to the Javelin launch tubes, and the X-ray telescope. Engines seem okay. Some dents, but no other hull breaches."

He wiped his face gingerly, frowning as his hand came away covered in blood. "And I think I broke my nose."

... ... ...

_War Room_

Ashley leaned heavily against the War Room's circular data center. Her head was throbbing painfully and her left arm would barely move, but her injuries were far from the worst that had been suffered. One crew member had been killed when a spare parts crate had come loose in the Cargo Bay and crushed him; another had been killed while working in one of the service tunnels, his neck broken during the turbulence. Three people were in critical and five in serious condition in the Med Lab; dozens had minor injuries. Dr. Chakwas had broken two ribs but had brushed it off and was working nonstop to treat the injured.

The Cargo Bay was a disaster. An as-yet-undetermined number of weapons and gear had been smashed, and it would take days to get everything back in its proper location and catalog the losses. The Science Lab had taken a beating as well; it was unclear for now whether any of the sensitive equipment had been damaged, but Keenon had volunteered to clean it up.

She had asked EDI to check on the fish tank in the Loft, because, well, EDI could see everything up there anyway_…_thankfully, it hadn't busted. The room was a bit of a mess but nothing looked to be destroyed.

She gazed around the room at the hobbled, banged-up team. Everyone save Chakwas was here, though, and walking under their own power. She smiled weakly and pulled up an image of the planet they were orbiting – at a considerable distance – above the data center.

"Okay, here's the situation. On the third pass we picked up Andrew and Kaidan's locators and vitals monitors on the planet below. They – "

Litha's head tilted slightly. "Why did it take three passes?"

Joker shrugged. "Because they didn't show up the first two passes. We were super extra careful with the scanning, so I don't know what to tell you."

"Well maybe – "

"_Oh._"

Everyone turned to EDI. She smiled somewhat sheepishly. "I believe I may know the answer to that question."

Ashley waved a hand haphazardly in her direction. "Go ahead, EDI. Do tell."

"The Escena's analysis of the sensor readings from Trafero indicated that the cascading energy overload reached a critical level while the gates were still active."

"And that means_…_"

"It could mean a number of things, but given the event under discussion, I believe it means that at a minimum some of the gates were warped by the force of the energy."

"Okay. And?"

"Anyone who went through a warped gate likely traveled in time as well as space."

Everyone started talking at once. Ashley cleared her throat; when that didn't work she slammed her good hand down on the table. The uproar silenced immediately as everyone looked at her. "Hey, guys. I just wanted to add that I did. Travel in time, that is."

Garrus smiled a little. "How far?"

"I tumbled into the Renasca Facility almost a day after the explosion. Which was good, because I would _not_ have wanted to spend another day there."

Timah was standing back from the table, almost in the shadows, his arms crossed over his chest. Brooding, one could assert. "In _Major_ Vega's absence, I'm pretty sure I'm the resident meathead. Wormholes can time travel?"

Keenon was standing next to him. "Theoretically, yes. Scientifically speaking, it would involve – "

"The Escena know how to do it; they sent Shepard back in time last week to save me on Virmire eleven years ago."

"_What?"_ was exclaimed by at least three people.

"_What?"_ came from Joker a second later, earning him several skewed glances. He shrugged. "I'm just kidding. I totally already knew."

Ashley grinned tiredly. "There. Now _everyone_ knows, and it can stop being this whole _deal_. Except Liara; somebody should really probably tell her when she gets back. So EDI, what you're saying is_…_"

"I think it's quite possible that Kaidan and Andrew did not show up on the previous passes because they were not yet there. It seems that they just arrived."

Garrus exhaled heavily. "Man_…_five more minutes and we would've missed them_…_"

Joker shook his head. "Five minutes? Try ten seconds. Shit, if the monitors hadn't picked that moment to act up, we still would've missed them."

Miranda frowned slightly. "Why _did_ the monitors act up?"

"Hell if I know. They're fine now, and diagnostics are clean."

_It was a miracle_, Ashley thought, but she didn't vocalize it. "We're just glad they did. Now we need to concentrate on getting the guys back. As we all were quite rudely made aware, there is a repulsor_…thing…_surrounding the planet. It's invisible to the naked eye and to our sensors, but it is most certainly there. Relatedly, there is also a shield blocking communications of any kind. So we can't talk to them, they can't talk to us, and we can't get to them."

"All ship resources not devoted to repairs are tasked with studying these shields. Whatever is learned will be shared with all of you. Every idea, no matter how ridiculous, is on the table; you think of _any_ possibility, you tell EDI about it." Her eyes traveled around the table, fire in them despite her less-than-stellar condition. "So help me God, we _will_ figure out a way to get to them."

She found and met Garrus' gaze. "The Guides lied to us about this place. I need to know why. You and Miranda, take the Raptor and go pay them a little visit. I want to know everything they do about this planet; they may be able to tell us what we're dealing with." Her focus shifted to his left. "Miranda, make them fess up; give them your full-on 'bitch' routine if you have to, but _make them talk_. Or think. Or _whatever_ it is they do."

Miranda smirked darkly. "It will be my pleasure."

Ashley nodded. "Okay, that's all for now; everybody get healed up."

As they were filing out, Keiji couldn't help but notice what looked like an ugly scrape on Kasumi's face. He couldn't help but notice it, of course, because he was watching her; he couldn't help but watch her. She had stood back from the table during the meeting, slightly in the shadows.

Impulsively he quickened his step and fell in beside her, glancing over with concern. "Are you okay?"

She whipped her head away from him, long, silky hair _swooshing_ over her face and hiding it fully from view. "I'm fine. I was in the cockpit when we hit the shield; I got thrown around a little is all."

He frowned, leaning in closer; when she flinched away, he gently grasped her arm and pulled her aside into the Conference Room.

"Please_…_" She was pleading, torn between the blissful agony of his hand on her skin and the overwhelming desire to run away.

"Kas, what is it?"

She stared at the floor, exhaling softly as his hand dropped away from her. "I_…_I just don't want you to see me like this is all. I should – " She turned to leave, only partially to force him to grab her again.

"Like _what_?" He reached up and gently placed a hand under her chin, coaxing it up. Her hair fell away and across her shoulders.

Most of her right cheek was covered in a rough, still bloody scrape from where she had skidded along the grate flooring; her upper lip was swollen and cut; the skin around her right eye had already begun to darken in a looming bruise, the area under it puffy and discolored.

"Oh, Kas_…_"

She swallowed tightly. "Dr. Chakwas said if I put Medi-gel on it every two hours it'll be practically gone by morning. It's fine, really."

"Why didn't you want me to see?"

Her brow furrowed incredulously. "_Why_? Are you seriously asking me that?"

His eyes swept searchingly over her face. "Just because_…_it doesn't_…_you're _still_ beautiful to me_…_" He stepped back suddenly, squeezing his eyes shut for the briefest moment; when they reopened he didn't meet her gaze. "I need to go, I have to help with_…_I'm sorry."

She watched him leave, unable to stop her lower lip from quivering though she otherwise held together. Her voice was little more than a breath. "I'm sorry, too_…_"

* * *

_Carino Shipwright Facility, Ap_é_rta_

Kaidan had made it clear to Comditoroso the night before that their patience was running thin; the Chairman had begged understanding, implored them to enjoy their city, and otherwise not budged. Today, their hosts – babysitters, guards or whatever they were intended to be – traveled with them just outside the city for a tour of the planet's primary ship-building facility.

The Diramae ships were smaller and faster than those of the Escena; they also needed far fewer of them. As such, the shipyard was considerably smaller than the one on Praede had been, nestled in a wide bowl against the mountains several kilometers to the east.

Despite the marked differences in the facilities, Kaidan couldn't help but see ghosts of Praede everywhere he looked. His head throbbed briefly at the recollection of the attack; in the seconds before he had lost consciousness, he had felt the Aduri _invading_ his brain – then the warmth of Shepard's arms enveloping him in a protective embrace.

He closed his eyes and allowed himself a moment of weakness. A moment to acknowledge the desperation and ever-threatening panic that swirled just beneath the surface of his consciousness. Then he shook his head roughly and forced himself to set the dark thoughts aside.

They were taken first to the back of the facility, where built _into_ the mountain was a lab in which they grew the cores of their ships. In individual clean rooms, organic nerves and neural fibers with threads of a crystalline material wound tightly through them were grown inside and around a skeletal framework of the burnt-red and dark gold material of the ships. They called it _valui_; it was created by rearranging the atoms of a metal found deep in the mountains into a virtually unbreakable three-dimensional interlocking honeycomb pattern.

Kaidan stared into one of the clean rooms curiously, an arm across his stomach and a hand at his chin. "That's quite a significant amount of neural and synthetic material for a VI."

Their tour guide smiled. "Our ships are AIs; fully self-aware and capable of independent action. They are piloted by Diramae in most situations, but it is a collaborative endeavor."

He looked over in surprise. "Really? All your ships?"

"Not the shuttles or cargo transports and such; but yes – the cruisers, frigates and fighters are all AI."

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "Fighters? Who do you fight?"

"No one yet – but we must always be prepared."

... ... ...

They were walking through the main control center when an alarm began ringing loudly. The woman that had earlier been introduced as the director of the facility stood at a large display and rapidly entered commands. "Suspected Carpasi presence incoming from the east; activating shields."

A few seconds later multiple terminals began flickering as sparks flared around them; a translucent wave of light blue-hued energy passed through the far wall and undulated erratically across the room.

No one panicked. No one ran. Workers calmly monitored their terminals, watching as they flickered, went dark, then returned to normal as the wave passed. The workers seemed unaffected and rather unperturbed by the event.

As the wave reached the midpoint of the room, one of the engineers scowled at his terminal then glanced over at the director. "Negative on Carpasi, ma'am; this is_…_something else."

Kaidan and Andrew had been near the front of the room when the phenomenon appeared. Stunned by the lack of panic, they hadn't moved, watching with some interest as the wave reached them.

The man was right, Kaidan realized; this was _something_ _else_. For one, there was no sound, no accompanying growl; for another, the wave was not made of individual wisps – it was pure energy.

He could swear it slowed, lingering as he stood in the midst of it. He felt a tingling on his skin as energy danced along it, somewhat akin to the static electricity his biotics generated. But it wasn't painful like the Aduri had been; his new amp vibrated almost happily in its socket. For a second he had the overwhelming sensation of –

The wave vanished into thin air and was gone.

Andrew frowned questioningly. "What _was_ that?"

Kaidan gazed intently around the room as the workers resumed their regular duties. "Though a very good one, that is not the important question. The important question is, why weren't these people the slightest bit concerned by the fact that it _could_ have been the Adu- Carpasi?"

Andrew nodded thoughtfully. "The director over there said 'activating shields' just before it got here."

Kaidan cocked his head to the side then approached the woman. "Ma'am, what did you mean by 'activating shields'?"

The woman focused on the display in front of her. "I'm not at liberty to disclose any information about our safety measures."

"Is that so? Who _is_ at liberty to do so?"

Her glittering eyes cut over to him briefly. "The Board, I imagine."

... ... ...

_Administration Building, Ap_é_rta_

"I'm sorry, but the Chairman is very busy; I'm sure he'd be happy to meet with you in the morning?"

Andrew placed a hand on the assistant's desk and leaned forward; he gave her his most disarming, beguiling smile. "But we're the Chairman's honored guests; you _know_ he's taken quite an interest in us. We have some fascinating information we'd just love to share with him."

The woman hesitated. "Well, I_…_"

Kaidan took that as a yes and walked past her toward the office door. Andrew tapped the desk and straightened up. "Thank you, ma'am."

Kaidan glanced over at him as they reached the door. "Smooth."

The Chairman was pacing slowly beside his desk when they walked in; he looked up in surprise, but quickly covered it with an ingratiating smile. "Gentlemen, what a pleasant surprise. I trust you enjoyed – "

Kaidan's arms crossed over his chest as he glared sharply at the Chairman. "What are you using to protect yourself against the Carpasi?"

"I don't know what you mean. I heard about the incident at the ship facility; that wasn't a Carpasi attack."

"No, but the people there _thought_ it was. They activated some sort of shields and went about their business. They didn't panic, they didn't run, they barely even looked up. I've seen what these creatures do to the Escena firsthand; if anyone thought for a _second_ that that might happen to them, they would be doing whatever it took to avoid it. Why weren't your people?"

Comditoroso turned away and fiddled with a display on his desk. "Maybe they weren't aware of the nature of the potential threat."

Kaidan shook his head slowly. "They said "Carpasi;" they were alerted to it ahead of time and took protective measures. I'll ask you again, Chairman – _what_ defenses have you developed?"

He stared at them a moment; then his face seemed to sag in resignation. He motioned for them to follow him out onto his personal balcony. His hands clasped behind his back as he gazed out over his city.

"We've engineered a personal energy shield that blocks the Carpasi from penetrating our skin and accessing our internal structure; every citizen has one. We've been able to adapt it for use with some of our equipment – just the smaller items, less than three meters or so in size. We hope to be able to expand it enough to protect our stations, and eventually our planets, but that is requiring significant time and effort."

Annoyed though he was, Kaidan couldn't help but be impressed. "How did you do it?"

"The Carpasi are composed of swarms of a previously unknown form of exotic particle, though it is not entirely unlike a quark-gluon plasma. Close enough, in fact, that we were able to develop the shield using anti-tetraquarks. The counter-charge acts as an impenetrable wall against them."

"And why didn't you tell us about this rather pertinent information?"

"Because you're working for the Escena; this shield technology is currently a matter of some controversy in the highest levels of our government."

Kaidan huffed an incredulous breath and shook his head in disgust. "You're not planning on sharing it with them, are you?"

"That has yet to be determined. As I said, it is a matter of some controversy."

"It would save millions of lives; maybe billions."

"It _is_ saving millions of lives. _Our_ lives."

"Of course. How long have you had it?"

"Almost two years."

"Unbelievable_…_" Andrew snorted and glanced at Kaidan. "Politicians. I hate them almost as much as I hate infidels and bigots – and I suddenly remember why."

Comditosoro gazed at them almost pleadingly, and for a brief moment some measure of the weight he carried on his shoulders could be seen in his eyes. "You must understand. Any contact with the Escena risks their intrusion into our world, and the crumbling of everything we've built. They would think they were helping us, for their way is the only way they can see, but they would be wrong."

He went back to the balcony railing and took in the sprawling expanse of the city all around them. "My people are understandably cautious. As for me, I would be willing to consider sharing at least the basis of the technology, for I do not wish Escena blood on my hands. But though I am Chairman, I am not a despot. This is a democracy, more or less, and on matters such as this my voice is merely one of many. I cannot overrule the Board."

"That's terribly convenient, isn't it?" Kaidan's lips pursed together tightly. "But all the shields in the world aren't going to do you any good if the Carpasi pass through your suns and they go nova."

The Chairman studied the railing intently. "We believe we will be able to use our_…_Dyson shells, you would call them_…_to slow and eventually reverse any novas."

Andrew leaned against the wall and smirked. "How nice for you. The Carpasi wipe out the Escena, and you're left standing to rule the galaxy yourselves."

"We don't want to rule the galaxy; we just want to be left alone to rule ourselves."

Kaidan regarded him unsympathetically. "Best of luck with that, Chairman. I'm sure you sleep well at night." He turned and walked back into the office, heading for the door; Andrew quickly drew beside him.

Comditoroso watched them in surprise. "Wait! Where are you going?"

Kaidan didn't look over his shoulder. "We're leaving."

... ... ...

They strode rapidly down the hallway on the now-familiar route to the shuttle pad. "If you can hack a shuttle, I think I can fly it. I've been watching the shuttle pilots and have a pretty good handle on how the controls work."

Kaidan nodded tightly. "I was able to copy some of the internal data from the ship facility when our guide wasn't paying attention; I should be able to get one started up." He took the stairs leading up to the shuttle pad two at a time. "We hightail it out of here – I've got the basic LMC star charts in my Omni-tool; I don't know the range of their shuttles, but hopefully it's enough to get us back to the Alpha System."

"You think you can build a shield against the Aduri from what he told us?"

"Not personally – but though the Escena may be stagnating, they're still damn intelligent; they should be able to determine how to build it from the information we have."

The only person on the shuttle pad was the maintenance attendant. He glanced up as they approached. "Ah, sirs, would you like for me to call you a – "

Kaidan punched him in the nose and kept going as he fell to the floor. "Was hoping that would work on them."

He chose a shuttle near the back, somewhat hidden from prying eyes. They quickly climbed into the cockpit; he leaned over the center panel, ripping off the cover and using his Omni-tool to feed it commands. "Just another second_…_"

"We have a problem."

Kaidan jerked up to look over Andrew's shoulder; a man was walking rapidly toward them. He cursed under his breath.

"I'm afraid I can't let you leave, gentlemen."

The man was now close enough to recognize; it was Representative Brandalar.

They warily climbed out of the shuttle. "Pardon us, we were just – "

"Comditoroso thinks his balcony is safe from prying eyes and ears; he is mistaken. You were going to escape and run home to your Escena friends with our shield technology. I won't allow that to happen."

Kaidan threw his hands up in exasperation. "Why _not_? Your people won't have to have any contact with them; we'll be an independent intermediary. It won't cause you any trouble and will save so many lives."

"_Escena_ lives. I won't allow that to happen, either. I'm afraid now that you are aware of our capabilities, you will have to remain here. Seize them."

Suddenly two large mechs materialized beside them – they must have been cloaked somehow – and immediately grasped their arms in ironclad holds. Kaidan began to turn to _throw_ the mech off him – and found his arms locked in some sort of cuffs behind his back. He glared at the Representative with dismay, deliberately flaring brightly. "Do you have any idea the magnitude of the mistake you're making?"

"You can enlighten me on the shuttle ride. Load them up."


	15. Trust In Me

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 15**

"**Trust in Me"**

* * *

"If you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too – even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."

– Mitch Albom

* * *

_Ap_é_rta, LMC-Daidalus System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

Andrew's head dropped back against the cool stone wall. "How exactly did we manage to end up caught in the middle of a conspiracy involving a power struggle between political factions, a plot to overthrow the government and hasten the genocide of the Escena, and a secret robot army? We've only been here _three days_."

Kaidan arched his eyebrows in a mock smirk. "Talent. Lots and lots of talent."

They were locked in a plain, empty room, about four by four meters. There were no windows, but the elevator ride down had been long enough for it to be a reasonable assumption that they were below ground. They had been held in the back of the shuttle and thus unable to see their course, but the flight had been short – less than ten minutes – so they were still in the city.

The floor their "cell" was on had been filled with labs and scientific equipment, to the extent they had been able to observe as they were hurried down the hall and shoved into the room by the mechs.

Kaidan ran his fingers along the miniscule seam between the door and the wall again, searching for any weakness; he could find none.

Andrew closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, reaching for a little Zen and coming up mostly empty. He was now officially out of his comfort zone – which was to say he had never actually _been_ kidnapped or held prisoner. He had feared for his personal safety before, mostly during The War, when though holed up at a secret Alliance armament facility he had known that the Reapers could show up on any day. But he'd never, to his knowledge, had someone actively want to kill him before. Well, _possibly_ the owner of the patent on thermal clips.

He reopened his eyes to find Kaidan still studying the door, slowly running his Omni-tool over it. Which wasn't particularly surprising, seeing as it was the sole feature of the room. _He'd_ probably been held prisoner before_…_ "What do you think Brandalar plans to do with us?"

Kaidan shut off the Omni-tool and sank down against the wall next to him. "Well, considering he didn't try to kill us first thing, he's probably seeing if there's any way he can use us to further his plans. If not, I expect he'll try to kill us."

"Lovely."

"Hey, I said 'try.'"

"I'm fairly certain one of those mechs could crush my skull without too much difficulty."

"True enough_…_" Kaidan sighed. "And of course Comditoroso thinks we left, so he won't be looking for us." He glanced back at the door. "It's touch-locked from the outside; no way to open it without getting some kind of pressure on it."

Andrew just nodded.

Kaidan tapped his fingers rhythmically on the stone floor for a moment. "You got a shield generator on you?"

"Yup; Ash would have my ass if I left the ship without one."

"Good. Be ready to activate it. I think the first time anyone opens that door, we make a break for it. The elevator should be_…_working backwards from how we came in_…_"

"Second right, first left, third right."

Kaidan 's eyes twinkled in appreciation. "Right. So we'll head – "

They both jumped in surprise as their comms began loudly squawking static.

* * *

_August 8, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

Garrus and Miranda were greeted on their return to the Normandy by the fearsome sight of Ashley's Glare of Death. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and most of her weight was on her back leg, her expression a complex mix of anger, annoyance, worry and desperation.

As soon as they stepped off the Raptor she exploded in a flurry of motion, hands flying around in animated motions as she stomped back and forth in a wide arc. "Where the Hell have you two been? Did you decide to take in dinner and a show on Aethraene? Do you have any idea how frustrating it's been, waiting here helplessly? I couldn't – "

Garrus placed a firm hand on her shoulder, forcing her to a halt. His voice was calm and reassuring. "We had to stop and pick up something on the way back – and I think you're going to be glad we did."

She glared over his shoulder, eyes narrowing as a large container was unloaded off the back of the Raptor. Her eyes cut back to him, then over to Miranda. "Meet me in the Conference Room in ten."

_Conference Room_

Ashley forced herself to sit down at the head of the long table; almost immediately her fingers began drumming erratically on the hard surface. They couldn't possibly understand how nerve-wracking the last twenty-two hours had been_…_Andrew and Kaidan literally beneath her feet, so close she could almost touch them, yet unable to do anything about it.

She sucked in a deep breath as Garrus walked in, followed closely by Miranda and EDI. "I'm sorry I snapped at you; it's just been a stressful day."

Miranda merely raised an unimpressed eyebrow, but Garrus smiled affectionately. "I can only imagine; don't worry about it."

She abruptly leaned forward, clasping her hands on the table, positively vibrating with pent-up energy. "So what's the story? What did you learn? What's up with this planet?"

Miranda brushed her hair back over her shoulder and sat up formally. "The inhabitants are a splinter faction of Escena – at least, they were Escena when they broke off about three hundred thousand years ago, who knows what they are now. They call themselves 'Diramae,' for whatever that's worth."

"Why didn't the Guides tell us about them? Why did they say there was nothing here?"

"Because officially, from their perspective there _is_ nothing here. When the Diramae split, they were essentially erased – from Escena society, culture, history. For all intents and purposes, they do not exist."

Ashley frowned, looking rather perplexed. "Are the Guides_…morons_ or something?"

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Well, that's a matter for some discussion, but I assume you mean did they not realize that, societal customs aside, the Diramae did in fact exist and we would encounter them." She smiled a little haughtily. "I realize you haven't met them, but they are decidedly_…_peculiar."

"Joker's peculiar; Thane's peculiar. No, I _haven't_ met them, but they strike me as mental."

EDI draped an arm over the back of her chair. "I believe how Shepard put it after initially meeting them was, they were 'profoundly arrogant, utterly certain of the rightness and absoluteness of their way of doing things.' I think that is a fair assessment. They lack the ability – or perhaps simply the desire – to see things from an outsider's point of view."

Ashley massaged her temples with her fingertips. "And I thought the Council was stuck-up_…_okay, _fine_. Seeing as they admitted these guys do exist, do they know anything about these shields, or what it's like on the surface?"

Garrus nodded. "They indicated that the Diramae are not overtly hostile, at least in the sense that they are not aggressive militarily. They believe that the shields are intended primarily to keep them – the Escena – out. It, uh, took some rather creative threats from Miranda to get that out of them." Miranda just shrugged in acknowledgment.

"Well we're not the Escena, and they're keeping us out_…_"

"Not completely – that brings us to the reason we were late getting back. The Guides let slip – they were a bit flustered by this point – that the shield can't keep wormholes out. Which I'm told makes scientific sense; unless the shield is somehow four-dimensional, there's simply no way to block a wormhole that originates outside it from terminating inside it."

Ashley's eyes widened; she jumped up and took two quick steps toward the door. Then she stopped, her shoulders sagging in defeat. She went back to the chair and plopped back down, her hands coming to her head. "No_…_I can't risk the entire crew and the ship, not when we don't know what's on the other side. They're highly advanced; they could blow us out of the sky in a heartbeat for all we know."

"I thought you might say that – which is why we convinced the Guides to 'loan' us a portable wormhole generator."

Her gaze shot up to meet his. "How portable? Wait, that's what was in the container – it'll fit on a shuttle, won't it?"

He smiled. "Or even a reconnaissance drone."

She jumped up again, this time to lean over and hug him. As she pulled back she glanced over at Miranda awkwardly. "Thank you both. Great job."

Miranda tilted her head slightly in Garrus' direction. "I'm afraid getting the generator was all Garrus' doing."

"Well, in any event." She stared down at the table for a moment, thinking rapidly. "Alright; we send in a reconnaissance drone ASAP to see what's down there – hopefully get a sense of their defenses, as well as the layout of the area where our guys are. The shield will prevent it from sending data back en route, so we'll have to bring it back here to analyze the data. How long will it take to integrate the generator onto a drone?"

Garrus responded. "Eight hours, give or take."

"Let's get to it, then."

* * *

_August 9, 2194: Normandy SR-3 War Room_

Eight hours later happened to be the wee hours of the morning; but soldiers were used to ops taking place when they needed to happen, not according to a clock. Needing to know first and foremost if they were looking at a worst-case scenario and not wanting to risk losing the drone and with it the information it would collect, they had programmed it to merely do a high-altitude flyover of the region of the planet Andrew and Kaidan were located in. But even that took time, and it was past midday before the drone returned.

Most of the team had congregated in the War Room, many with lunch in hand. News of the probe returning successfully evoked a collective sigh of relief and an easing of a bit of the tension. Within minutes the data and vids it had recorded were on display above the data center.

Legion began. "Sensors indicate a loose network of proximity alert buoys and a small military base housing eighteen fighters, ten frigates and three cruisers. No ballistic missiles or laser arrays were detected. Over the brief time observed, there were not regular military patrols."

Garrus nodded at Legion. "So it looks like they're moderately prepared for an attack but aren't expecting one. Given the supposed lack of enemies in this galaxy, a reasonable stance."

EDI zoomed in the display until the vague outline of skyscrapers could be made out against mountains. "Kaidan and Andrew are no longer in the open area where they arrived; they now show as being located in the heart of this city, the largest one on the planet."

Ashley ran her hand along her jaw thoughtfully. "Shit."

She worried at her lower lip. "Okay. The drone's stealth held up, right?" EDI and Garrus both nodded. "Send it back in. I want a block-by-block layout of that city, as detailed as possible. We can't be wandering around like a bunch of tourists trying to find them."

Miranda gazed at her speculatively. "So we're going in after them, then?"

"Hell _yes_ we're going in after them. As soon as the drone gets back, transfer the wormhole generator to one of the Kodiaks."

"Not the Raptor?"

Her head shook tightly. "The Raptor's too conspicuous, and could be mistaken for a hostile fighter. Hopefully we won't need fast, just stealthed. Garrus, I want you studying that map with me as soon as the drone returns; we'll come up with a game plan. Dismissed."

... ... ...

Ashley sat cross-legged on a table against the wall of the War Room. The detailed map of the city below rotated slowly above the data center, two tiny little dots superimposed on it. The guys had been moving all day – around the city, then out to the mountains to what the drone scans had identified as a shipyard of some kind, then back into the heart of the city.

Moving that fast meant they had transport. Which, more likely than not, meant they had friends. It definitely meant they were alive and mostly well.

They were fine.

They were almost certainly fine.

The plan was to wait until night fell planetside, when they would stand less chance of being detected and when the guys would presumably be stationary for a few hours; they would wormhole in, contact them, set down reasonably near wherever they happened to be, and pick them up. Piece of cake.

She looked over as the door opened and EDI walked in.

"Ashley, do you have a moment?"

"Yup. Whatcha got?"

EDI leaned against the data center and draped one ankle over the other. "A possibility occurred to me. There may be a way to get around the communication shield and contact Kaidan and Andrew from the Normandy."

Ashley straightened up off the wall. "Really? How?"

"I apologize for not thinking of it earlier, but as you know, much of my processing power is tied up in analyzing the Trafero data."

"As it should be – but what's your idea?"

"The Escena, and presumably the Diramae, are quantum creatures; inherently digital. I believe it's possible the shield is not configured to block analog signals."

Ashley's face screwed up quizzically. "_Analog_?"

"Yes. Despite the fact that all our technology is digital-based, many things, such as our vocal communications and electromagnetic waves, are natively analog in nature."

She grinned. "And music."

"I'm sorry?"

"Music is also analog – at least, the music made by old-school physical instruments. You know, guitars, saxophones, drums_…_" She shrugged. "Or so I've been told. _Repeatedly._"

EDI chuckled lightly. "I_…_suppose that is true."

"That's a terrific idea, EDI – do it."

"There are two complicating factors. One, it will require some physical adjustments to our external-facing communicator, to set up a secondary path that bypasses the digitization routines."

"Okay. Authorized."

"Second_…_it will not work unless Kaidan or Andrew has modified their Omni-tool to receive analog signals. With Kaidan's technical expertise I believe he would be capable of doing so; however, they will need to both be aware that something is interfering with their long-range communications and think of this as a method to bypass it."

Ashley smiled knowingly. "Well, I'm _sure_ they'll have realized there's interference by now – and seeing as Andrew's Omni-tool already has an analog bypass on it, I'm willing to bet he'll think of it. Let me know as soon as we're ready to try it."

* * *

_August 10, 2194: Ap_é_rta_

"Normandy to shore party. I repeat, this is the Normandy – Andrew, Kaidan, do you read? Norm– "

Andrew dropped his head back against the wall as a huge grin broke over his face. "Ash, baby, is that you?"

There was a brief pause. When her voice returned, its tenderness could be heard through the static. "Hey you."

"Hey back."

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Oh, I'm just dandy."

Kaidan was smiling, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm good, too, Ash, thanks for asking."

She laughed over the comm. "Don't be a drama queen, Kai. I'm sure you're fine."

"Shepard isn't there." It was a statement, not a question; if she had been there it would have been her on the comm.

Another pause, and the teasing tone left her voice. "No, I'm sorry. We haven't located her yet."

He swallowed; the vein in his right temple pulsed. "Understood. What about Liara or James?"

"We haven't found them either. I was the first." She cleared her throat, and her voice took on a more business-like tone. "What's your sitrep? There's a physical and signal shield around the planet, but we've figured out how to get around them; we can be at your location and pick you up within the hour."

Andrew chuckled ruefully. "Yeah_…_unfortunately, we're not exactly in a position to be 'picked up' at the moment."

He could _hear_ her scowl over the comm. "Why not?"

"That's kind of a funny story_…_"

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 War Room_

She hurried into the War Room and straight to the data center. A quick glance told her everyone was here. She didn't waste time on pleasantries.

"Here's the situation. Andrew and Kaidan are being held captive in an underground facility _here_." She gestured briefly at the dots overlaid on the city map. There's no guarantee how long they'll be there, so we need to hurry. We – "

Kasumi frowned slightly. "Held captive? So the locals are hostile then."

Ashley grimaced. "Sort of. Not really." Kasumi raised an eyebrow, waiting for more. Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes melodramatically. "_Apparently_ they managed to stumble into the middle of a plot by a faction within the government to overthrow the current administration and other nefarious shit. I don't even _know…_"

Garrus couldn't help but laugh. "They couldn't just lay low and not cause any trouble, could they?"

"As _if…_" She blinked and refocused. "And that means that this mission just got a lot more complicated. For one, the vast majority of these people are innocents and will not be hostile. But – and this is important – at first glance, they're going to look like Escena. They are not. For one, it seems they talk. For another, though not likely to be armed, they are capable of violence if provoked."

Litha shook her head slowly. "Dude. And I just got used to the Escena _not_ talking."

"Well, these do. And we're going to see a lot of them, because the guys are being held right in the middle of downtown. Which brings us to the other complicated part – where they are being held _is_ hostile. We can expect resistance, primarily in the form of mechs. Word is they're super-strong and well-armed."

Litha nodded appreciatively at that. "Prison break. Cool."

... ... ...

Miranda caught up to Ashley as she hurried toward the elevator. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

"Can it wait? We really need to – "

"Please. In private."

"Fine." They slipped into the Science Lab. "Okay – what?"

Miranda met her stare. "I think you need to remain on the ship."

"_What?_ There is no way – "

"You're emotionally compromised."

"Damn right I'm emotionally compromised! My husband and my best friend are down there. But I have more groundside combat experience than _anyone_ on this ship – there is no one more qualified to lead this mission than me – "

"I _know_ that. You're absolutely right. But in the heat of battle your judgment is going to be clouded and – "

"I am in command of this ship and this op, Lawson – _not_ you. If you think there is any way in Hell I'm not – "

Miranda reached over and touched her shoulder; her voice was remarkable soft. "Ashley, please. I'm not trying to usurp your authority. I mean it. In fact, the opposite. If you won't stay behind for emotional reasons, stay behind for this reason. You need Garrus' combat skills on the ground; that means one of us has to remain on the ship in case something goes badly wrong. Someone has to continue leading the mission. As much as it pains me to say it_…_the crew respects you; likes you. They will follow you."

She smiled a little sadly. "They won't follow me. If something happens, you need to be _here_. For them. They've lost Shepard; they will have lost Alenko. They'll need you."

Ashley groaned and pulled away. She slowly spun around, glaring at the ceiling. Abruptly she turned and punched the wall. Hard.

"_Dammit_, Miranda. That's not fair."

"I know. I'm sorry."

She sucked in a deep breath, lips pursed tightly, then stared at Miranda, eyes wide and pleading and a little threatening. "You bring him back to me, you _hear_ me? No matter what happens, you get him back to this ship, safe and alive. I don't give a damn how you feel about me personally – if you have an _ounce_ of humanity in you, you will do this for me."

Miranda's expression was inscrutable. "Maybe I have a bit more humanity in me than you think. Regardless, I will. Just this once, you need to trust me."

... ... ...

Ashley paced around the Cargo Bay like a woman possessed, checking every item that was loaded onto the shuttle then rushing over to watch the weapons being checked over at the armory, then back again.

She dug into the weapons locker, coming out with two heavy pistols. She shoved one into Miranda's chest. "Kaidan will want this." She half-turned and tossed the other one through the air to Garrus. "Make sure Andrew gets that, in case he wants to shoot something."

Then she went over to the worktable and opened a drawer beneath it, pulling out grenades and scattering them on the table. "Timah, take grenades. Take all the grenades."

She paused as she felt Garrus' hand on her shoulder. His voice was soft but firm. "We know what we're doing, Ash. We got this."

She nodded tightly. "I know. I just – "

The elevator door opened and EDI hurried out. Ashley had asked her to stay behind, not wanting her to divert even a fraction of her processes from the search and to combat.

"Ashley, we have located Liara – but there is a problem."

Keenon's head had snapped over at the mention of Liara's name. He quickly ran over. "What kind of problem?"

"The shuttle that was deploying probes as part of the search for the others just jumped back into the system. A probe has registered her locator on a space station in a system that was hit by the Aduri day before yesterday."

Most of the team had dropped what they were working on and gravitated toward EDI while she talked. Miranda spoke up immediately. "Can the Escena create a wormhole onto the station and get her out?"

EDI's head shook. "No. Apparently the aftereffects of the Aduri will degrade the mouth of the wormhole too much for it to be stable."

"Fuck!" Ashley rubbed her jaw roughly. If they went to get Liara they would lose the nighttime window to rescue Andrew and Kaidan; in practice that meant they would lose a day – a day in which the guys could very well be executed by their captors. "We won't have time to_…_"

She looked over at Keenon; his facial markings were pulsing brightly, his eyes shining like suns.

"Let me save her. I beg you."

She smiled a little desperately. "Here's what we're going to do. The ground team shuttle launches in five. As soon as it's away, the Normandy will make a wormhole jump to as close as it can safely get to the station Liara's on." She hit her comm. "Lieutenant Rogers? Get suited up and ready to pilot the Raptor." She turned back to Keenon. "You'll take the Raptor from there and get her out, then retreat to a safe distance. The Normandy will return here, in case the ground team needs support. We'll come pick you up as soon as the op is over."

He nodded rapidly. "Understood. Thank you, ma'am."

"No need. We've got to save her, too."

... ... ...

_One Hour Earlier: Hub Station orbiting Auranta, LMC-Erebus System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

Liara tumbled into blackness.

At first she thought she had been deposited into the void of space; it took her longer than it should have to realize that she was lying on a hard surface, and thus couldn't be in space. Disorientation from the journey through the wormhole, no doubt. Still, it was with some caution that she took a breath, sucking in air that, though oddly stale, was breathable.

After mentally noting that she didn't detect any major bodily injuries, she carefully stood. She tried to look around – but it was so very, very dark. Where the goddess _was_ she?

_Shepard? Shepard, do you read me? _

_Keenon, are you there?_

"Normandy, come in. Shepard? Does anyone read me?"

Nothing. She wasn't overly surprised; the wormhole would have sent her some distance away. She merely needed to locate some assistance in order to contact them.

She moved until she felt a wall, then followed it by touch until it turned sharply to the right. The pitch black became a hazy slate gray. She looked up. The ceiling was transparent; stars shone through, too sharply to be filtered by atmospheric haze.

That meant she was in a space station. There would be terminals, communications, transports. She parted with the wall and stepped out into the –

– she tripped over an obstacle. Stumbled forward and stepped onto something soft. Jumped away, and careened to the floor. Her hands landed on a curved, pliable object. She blinked and tried to see what it was in the dim light. She frowned; it was almost like_…_she gasped in horror, scurrying backward on the floor until she found the wall.

Her eyes were wide as they slowly adjusted to the minimal light and began to make out shapes scattered on the floor in front of her.

"Oh, _goddess…_" They were bodies. Escena bodies. At least a dozen that she could make out, and she couldn't see to the other end of the room.

This was a tomb.

The station had been hit by the Aduri, she assumed – which meant that everyone in the station was dead. She had no idea how large the station was, or how many people had been on it. However many, though, they would all be dead.

All dead.

She suddenly realized she was in danger of hyperventilating. Dammit, she was a scientist! She had excavated entire ruins of the dead, had performed autopsies, studied tissue and bone samples. She had watched cities be destroyed and had killed with her bare hands. More than once. She could handle this.

But it was _so_ dark. So _quiet_.

Suddenly a far more desperate thought distracted her from the corpses. How was she going to get out of here? If the Aduri had hit – which they clearly had – then all the equipment and technology would be nonfunctional. The transports wouldn't fly. No one would be visiting.

_Was this _her_ tomb, too?_

She scoffed at herself; certainly not_._ She was one of the most intelligent people alive – and she wasn't even exaggerating. All she had to do was think it through, clearly and logically, and she would discover a solution. All she –

The station started tilting, the floor angling down to the right. One by one the bodies began sliding toward her.

She leapt up, frantically stumbling across the now sloping room in the opposite direction, hopping over bodies and trying not to step on any heads or chests. She finally reached the far left wall and pressed herself flat against it.

Why was the station tilting? It almost certainly wouldn't do that in normal operation; the Escena were far too refined to allow such an unseemly disruption.

The brightness of the room increased just slightly; she looked up. At the far end of the room, the view through the ceiling changed from stars and darkness to something else. Hazy, pale orange in color.

Her hands rose to her face. "No_…_please, _no…_"

It was a planet. The station orbited a planet. And it was losing altitude.

The prospect of days, perhaps weeks, spent among the dead had suddenly become _hours_. She quickly ran through everything she knew about orbital mechanics. A decaying orbit was normally a gradual matter, taking years or even decades; then suddenly it would accelerate, the orbiting structure tumbling rapidly into the planet or sun.

The problem was that she had no idea how long ago the station had been hit. Also that she had no idea how closely the station had been orbiting the planet; Escena planets often had multiple layers of orbiting stations. And that she didn't know the strength of the planet's gravitational field. _And_ that the tachyonic fields left in the wake of the Aduri disrupted gravity and eventually all the laws of physics, making conventional analysis irrelevant.

In short, there was no way for her to determine how long she had. But the fact that the station was tilting meant it wasn't a particularly long time.

She had to move, had to find something useful, something she could_…_

She gingerly made her way across the room to a door; it was frozen half-open, and she slipped through the opening.

She was in a hallway, and again in inky blackness.

She activated her Omni-tool; the orange glow lit the few meters in front of her. The scanner quickly mapped out the layout of the station. It was small-to-medium in size, just under a kilometer in length. But with no power signatures to detect, the layout was little more than an imprint of the interior walls; the rooms it identified could be anything or nothing.

She fell back against the wall, despair overcoming her once more. If Shepard were here, she would just smile confidently, beautiful lavender eyes sparkling, and say that they would find a way to get out of here. And if Shepard were here, they probably _would_; she had yet to fail at finding a way.

But Shepard wasn't here. No one was here.

And she didn't want to die, alone in the darkness.

* * *

_August 11, 2194: Ap_é_rta_

Garrus stepped cautiously out of the shuttle. A quick assessment revealed nothing but snow, so he motioned the rest of the team out. As the door closed behind them Steve activated the optical camouflage, and the shuttle faded into the background. If you didn't look directly at it, you would never know it was there.

It was late in the night, but the golden nebula reflecting off the snow gave the air a subtle glow; the bright lights of the skyscrapers in the distance added to the effect.

Garrus confirmed their location on the map overlay projecting onto his visor. "Kaidan, do you read?_…_Excellent. We're groundside, four-point-two kilometers from your location; ETA fifty minutes_…_Understood."

He cut the comm and nodded to the team. "We are a 'go.' The situation and the target location are unchanged. Until we reach it, do your best to _not_ look like a heavily-armed military squad."

The cold night air made that task considerably easier. Advancements in armor technology had resulted in gear that was lighter, thinner and more flexible; heavy coats concealed their weapons and rendered their armor virtually indistinguishable from utility clothing.

"Litha, Kasumi, I want you scouting ahead, a hundred meters out north-west and –east of our route. It's late enough that civilian traffic should be minimal, but not zero." They both nodded then vanished.

He gazed around speculatively. "Everyone else, let's take a stroll. Spread out enough so we don't look like a mob, but stay in close enough proximity to be able to respond quickly if there's trouble."

Within a few minutes they had reached the city edge. It began rather abruptly; fifty meters out a wide stone pathway appeared, rimming the outskirts. Then suddenly they were in the midst of a busy, vibrant downtown. The civilian traffic was rather more than he had expected; people walked purposefully down the streets and milled about outside boldly lit clubs, music spilling out through open doors.

Thane huffed a quiet laugh; he smiled at Keiji when he looked over. "Now _this_ is most intriguing."

"How so?"

"Sociologists would kill for such a chance as this – to study how different choices led a single species, when separated, to develop radically different cultures."

Litha came over the comm. "Well I for one prefer these guys_…_looks like they know how to have a good time."

Kasumi snapped back. "Other than the fact that they decided to kidnap Kaidan and Andrew – otherwise, I'm sure they're a barrel of laughs."

Miranda's voice was low. "Cut the chatter, everyone."

They moved quickly but quietly through the streets, sticking to the shadows and attracting as little attention as possible. They did get a few strange looks and double-takes, but no one started pointing and screaming about the alien invaders. Was their telepathy, like the Escena, effuse enough that they all already knew aliens were among them?

Their destination was the Security Division Headquarters, a block-wide complex composed of several mid-rise structures surrounding a dramatic tower.

Litha's voice was all business as she reached the Headquarters. "Cameras on the perimeter."

"Not a huge surprise. Can you find a gap in their coverage?"

"I doubt it, give me a sec_…_Kasumi, anything?"

"Seeing if I can hack the feed_…_damn, these guys' encryption is much tighter than the Escena. I can't do it without risking tripping the alarms."

_Did you try to infinite-loop the feed?_

_Yes, Keiji. Each camera is silo'd and has an embedded atomic clock. I'm not an amateur._

_I…I know that._

Litha came back over the comm. "That's a negative on gaps; perfect symmetrical coverage."

"Dammit." Garrus switched channels. "Kaidan, there's a good chance they're about to know we're here. Be on your guard."

He looked around at the team as they reached the edge of the Headquarters complex. "Spread out in a modified v-formation, try to wander in casual-like. Maybe that won't raise a flag." He took a deep breath then walked up the three steps leading to the raised courtyard.

It didn't work.

... ... ...

_Hub Station orbiting Auranta  
_

Liara remembered a time when she had relished solitude, had sought out the peaceful silence of ancient ruins and the secrets they held. Even if she _were_ still that person, this wasn't –

" – read? I repeat, do you read, Liara? This is the Normandy shuttle Raptor, come in – "

"I'm here! I read you, this is Liara – come in, Raptor!"

"_Keelah_, Liara_…_it's good to hear your voice."

She grinned like a schoolgirl. "Keenon, is that you? How did you find me?"

His voice grew serious. Calm, but urgent. "I'll explain later. Right now, you need to get to the shuttle bay."

"So you can pick me up, right? I don't know where the shuttle bay is."

"Listen, it looks like your orbit is decaying rapidly; we won't be able to make it to you in time before the station crashes into the planet below. The only reason we're able to contact you on the comm is because we've boosted the range significantly. You're going to need to fly yourself out."

She was already running down the hallway, leaping over bodies as they came into view, even though she had no idea where she was running _to_. "But Keenon, the shuttles won't work. Nothing on here works, it's pitch black, I can't – "

"I need you to calm down and listen to me. I can talk you through getting a shuttle started. So you need to find the shuttle bay."

"But – "

"Just trust me, okay? I'll see if I can contact someone who can contact the Escena and get a schematic of the station – but you really need to try to find it."

"Right_…_" She skidded to a stop at a crossway; the hallway continued forward and also branched left and right. She studied the skimpy layout on her Omni-tool; there were larger rooms both to the left and the right; if she went far enough forward, that way, too.

She stared helplessly down the left hallway, then the right. She took a deep breath and started to turn to the right, when a flash of light caught her eye. She spun back to the left to see a faint, rippling pale blue light in the left hallway; it pulsed slightly then moved to the side until it vanished.

_What in the…_

Seeing no reason not to, she turned down the left hallway and followed it; when she reached about the place she thought it had been, there was another hallway to the right; she could see faint blue light in the distance. She turned into it.

It went on seemingly forever. "Keenon, do you have anything yet?"

"I'm sorry, not yet. There's no communication with the Escena in this system, for obvious reasons, and_…_"

The blueish light flashed brightly and disappeared to the left ahead. She hurried down the hall, turned left_…_and stepped into the shuttle bay. The planet loomed large through the outer force field.

She exhaled heavily in relief. She didn't understand, but for the moment she didn't care. "I found it, Keenon, but_…_" Reality crashed back over her. "But they're not going to work. They're dead."

"Pick a shuttle that will be easy to maneuver out of the bay. Also, the smaller the better. Other than that, it doesn't matter. You'll need to pry the shuttle door open with something; there should be a maintenance area with some tools, probably along one of the wa– "

"Keenon, they won't _work_! Didn't you hear me? They're _dead_! If they could be turned back on the Escena would have figured out how; and even if they didn't, _I_ would have figured out how! I would have brought those bodies back if it could be done, and – "

"These aren't living beings; they never were. They're pieces of machinery and, with respect, that's _my_ area of expertise."

She paced haphazardly in the entryway. "But the concepts are the same, and we know the Escena are consistent in their application of – "

"Liara, would you _shut up_ for one second? Darling, I love you madly, but you are arrogant and insufferable. Now you need to _trust_ me, okay? I promise if you do, I will get you out of this."

... ... ...

_Security Division Headquarters, Ap_é_rta_

Perhaps the cameras were programmed to distinguish between locals and strangers; it was unlikely the defenses would have responded so violently to a few civilians that happened to cross onto the grounds.

Floodlights illuminated immediately, bathing them in harsh white light. Within seconds the first mechs appeared. Three meters tall, they were roughly humanoid in shape but made of shining metal and highly armed. The courtyard erupted in gunfire.

Actually, "gunfire" might not be quite the correct term. The mechs' weapons shot arcs of a super-heated plasma; it burnt through the marble that paved the plaza when it landed. As for the team, their weapons spanned the spectrum, from the heavy-metal slugs of Timah's miniature missile launcher to the pure electric energy of Keiji's modded pistol.

All of which passed idly through Garrus' mind as he sprinted to the right and dove for the meager cover of a decorative fountain.

Trusting the fountain and his shield to hold for a few seconds, he quickly updated the locator scan. His comm was on full broadcast.

"We're headed for the rightmost building – Timah, Jacob, Keiji, hold this area and keep the mechs occupied; bring them down if you can. Everyone else converge on the right building – we're breaking in!" He rolled onto his back and threw an _overload_ at the closest mech. It sparked briefly as its advance stuttered; he yanked up his sniper rifle.

Two shots hit the mech at the connecting point of head to body; it flailed wildly then crashed to the ground. He looked to his left as Thane lowered his own rifle slightly, and nodded in thanks. _It was the first shot he had fired in live combat in more than four years – and damn did it feel _good_._

Then he was on his feet, sprinting for the building.

Miranda was flattened against the wall. As he approached she leaned out and _overloaded_ a second mech that had been sighting down on him. He reached the wall and turned around in time to see Litha briefly materialize and jam a long, curved knife into a seam in the lower back of the mech; in less than a second she had pried it open and ripped out a core of crystalline fibers. She threw it to the ground then vanished again as the mech fell forward.

Across the courtyard an explosion lit the sky as two mechs stepped in range of the proximity mines Timah had thrown. The others took advantage of the resulting confusion to slide around to the door, which faced in toward the central tower. Kasumi shimmered in and out of existence as she worked on the door lock.

"Won't fool me twice_…_" She grinned to herself as the door slid open, sparing a moment for a grand sweep of her arm welcoming them to enter. She gave a quick glance over her shoulder at where she knew Keiji was, stealthed as he rigged power spikes along the inner perimeter, then slipped inside.

Garrus quickly motioned everyone in ahead of him; in the doorway Miranda, Garrus and Thane turned and collectively mowed down a third mech with sheer gunfire, then backed in and let the door close.

Litha's Omni-tool lit the entryway. "Scanning layout_…_elevator is down the main hallway and to the right. No stairs."

Two mechs, slightly smaller than those outside, rounded a corner and opened fire. Shields sparked as they repelled bullets, or something akin to bullets. Likely recognizing that metal-melting plasma wasn't practical indoors, these mechs wielded weapons that fired thousands of electrified pellets.

The hallway flickered brightly with the force of twin _overloads_. Thane crouched low below the spray of gunfire and sprinted forward, sliding around one of the mechs; he grasped it around the midsection as he did and sent it spinning to the floor. He pressed the barrel of his rifle to the core and fired three shots in rapid succession.

At the same moment Litha re-materialized behind the second mech, repeating her performance from outside. This time she pocked the glowing core and crystalline fibers, shrugging at Garrus' raised eyebrow. "Research."

Garrus chuckled. "You guys okay out there?"

Jacob responded. "You're clear; we've got the remaining mechs cornered and are wearing them down."

"Good job." He switched channels. "Kaidan, we're inside; ETA five minutes_…_gotcha."

"He says there's lots of activity on their floor – and not just mechs; be ready for more resistance."

Miranda switched to her heavy pistol and nodded. "Ready when you are."

In a stroke of luck, there was only one level below ground, albeit a long _way_ below ground. As the elevator slowed, Garrus palmed two grenades. Everyone flattened along the side walls of the elevator and turned away; the second the door started opening he tossed the flashbang out, followed a second later by the frag grenade. Screams echoed down the hallway; when the flash receded it revealed three guards bleeding a pale, milky red plasma-like blood all over the floor.

Kasumi teleported instantly to them, kicking their weapons away even as they reached for them. "Sorry, gentlemen. Too slow."

Thane raised his rifle and sent a single shot through the head of a Diramae that rounded the corner at the end of the hallway.

"Litha?"

"Left where that guy came from; third right, first left. Third room."

Kasumi responded from an unknown location. "First turn is clear_…_scratch that."

They sprinted down the hallway, turning the corner to find Kasumi frowning over a body in a white lab coat. "I don't think they have much practice at this sort of thing."

Miranda smirked. "Doesn't mean their guns don't fire."

The rest of the path was clear until they reached the last hallway. As they rounded the corner a Diramae was sprinting for the target room, gun raised. To execute the guys? It seemed a reasonable assumption.

Garrus shot him in the heart – well, in the center of his body anyway. Kasumi materialized at the door, shot the man in the head as he fell, then began hacking the door open. Not a security door, she had it open in seconds.

Kaidan was flattened against the wall to the right of the door, shimmering bright blue; Andrew was pressed against the wall to the left, albeit with less shimmer.

"Friendlies!" Garrus shouted before stepping in. He grinned as he grabbed Kaidan in a bear hug.

"Nice of you to drop by, Garrus." Kaidan chuckled in relief and patted him on the back.

"I even brought some friends." He turned and gave Andrew a quick hug as well. "Your wife has requested your presence on the Normandy, pronto."

Andrew smiled as he accepted the Paladin that Garrus handed him. "I bet she has. However_…_we've got one or two things to take care of first."


	16. White Knights

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 16**

"**White Knights"**

* * *

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences."

– P.J. O'Rourke

* * *

_August 11, 2194: Security Division Headquarters, Ap_é_rta: LMC-Daidalus System, Large Magellanic Cloud _

Kaidan caught his modified Arc Pistol that Miranda tossed to him and nodded at Garrus' questioning glance. "I'll explain on the way. Want to see the rest of the city?"

Litha raised a hand. "I do."

Miranda shrugged in resignation. "Sure, why not?"

Garrus hit his comm, wincing slightly at the static of the analog signal. "Normandy, I am happy to report that the targets are secure and in one piece. We're going to be delayed in our return, though – I think we're going to get to be heroes for a little longer." He relayed the same message to Cortez in the shuttle then turned back to Kaidan. "Okay, where to?"

"Do you have a layout of the city?"

"Yep_…_here you go." He sent the map to Kaidan's Omni-tool.

Kaidan pulled it up and studied it a moment, then frowned in surprise. "We're in the Security Division Headquarters?" He glanced over at Andrew, a wry look on his face. "I'd be willing to bet Framdor doesn't know about this little dungeon."

Andrew nodded in agreement. "And I'd be willing to bet he would like to."

"The communicator he gave me hasn't worked down here, but this floor's probably shielded." He turned back to Garrus. "Let's get above ground; I need to contact someone."

Garrus motioned down the hallway. "You heard the man. Watch for stragglers. Jacob, we're on our way back to you."

"We've pulled in to the entrance; all clear for the moment."

They had just rounded the first corner when two mechs and a Diramae stepped into view. Kaidan immediately _threw_ the Diramae against the far wall; Miranda had _slammed_ him to the ground almost before he hit the wall.

It was the first time he had actively used his biotics since Praede; it felt good, he realized. Right.

The mechs were gyrating from Garrus' _overload_ when they were pelted with gunfire. The path forward looked clear as they fell; then suddenly another Diramae appeared from around the corner. His gun was raising when Litha materialized before him and slit his throat.

She frowned at the milky red plasma on her talons as he dropped to the floor. "Ugh_…_"

Kasumi came over the comm. "It's clear to the elevator now; just watch where you step."

As soon as they exited the elevator Kaidan activated the smooth pebble communicator in his palm. A moment later a groggy-sounding Framdor answered. "_…_Monsieur Alenko? I was told you had departed_…_"

"You were misinformed. Framdor, who's Director of the Security Division?"

"Representative Trone Brandalar. What – "

"Not for long. You're needed at your office. And if you could, bring your shuttle – we're going to want to borrow it."

"Right_…_of course."

... ... ...

_Hub Station orbiting Auranta, LMC-Erebus System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

Liara had frozen mid-stride.

"_Liara, would you shut up for one second? Darling, I love you madly, but you are arrogant and insufferable. Now you need to trust me, okay? I promise if you do, I will get you out of this."_

She closed her eyes, trying to calm her breathing. Her voice was soft and tentative. "What did you say?"

She could hear him laugh a little nervously. "I said a lot of things. Which part?"

"The, um, part about loving me_…_"

"And I thought you were going to get hung up on the part about you being insufferable. I _said_ I love you, and I do. As such, I'd really like to see you again – so do me a favor and get a shuttle door opened, okay?"

She exhaled softly, overwhelmed. "Okay."

Two minutes later she was struggling to pry up a shuttle door, careful not to warp it and render it unable to close again. With a final torque it popped open; she crawled in. "Alright, I'm in the shuttle. What do I do?"

"There should be a center panel in front of you; tear it off."

She didn't need to be nearly so gentle with this one; she ripped it off in seconds. "Done."

"Great. You can see some circuitry and fibers? Standard Escena wiring?"

She held her Omni-tool close to light the area. "Yes."

"You have the code you used to restart our AIs stored in your Omni-tool, right?"

"Of course I do."

"And that's one reason why I love you. Pull it up; we need to make a few modifications."

She opened her mouth to argue with him, to retort with the dozen reasons that immediately sprang to mind of why it wouldn't work, why that code was for _their_ AIs and not Escena ones, why the organic-synthetic melding of Escena constructs was an entirely different creation_…_but she didn't.

She took a deep breath and chose to trust him to save her life. "Ready."

They were two extremely intelligent, talented individuals who had spent months working together; he didn't have to explain what he was asking; she didn't have to ask for clarification. Her fingers flew over her Omni-tool as he directed her to various sections of code, running through minor and significant adjustments. About halfway through, she suddenly began seeing where this was heading.

It was _brilliant_.

"I love you, too," she uttered spontaneously, before she had a chance to think about it. But it was true, she realized.

He was silent for the briefest second; then she could almost _hear_ him beaming over the comm. "Then you'd _really_ better get yourself out of there and back to me. Next, go to_…_"

She smiled to herself and did as he asked.

... ... ...

_Ap_é_rta, Security Division Headquarters_

The red dawn light – the supergiant was the first to rise – was breaking in the sky, casting a pale glow through the floor-to-ceiling windows when Framdor Aligero walked into his office and found Kaidan, Andrew and eight other aliens waiting there. He started in the doorway, eyes widening. "What is the meaning of this?"

Kaidan barely glanced up; he was focused intently on his Omni-tool. Andrew went over and patted Framdor on the back. "Relax. They're friends. Unlike your boss, who held us captive for the last two days in your basement."

"Brandala– we don't have a basem– what in Chaos are you talking about?"

Kaidan finished what he had been working on and beckoned Framdor over. "Brandalar is plotting to overthrow Chairman Comditoroso, and that's not even the worst of it." An image appeared above his Omni-tool; Framdor watched the short vid with growing horror.

"I can't believe_…_" His head shook slowly. "My apologies for the treatment you've suffered. What can I do?"

"What time does the Board begin meeting?"

"In about an hour, why?"

"Make sure everything here is secure; then we need you to take us to the Administration Building. I'm going to expose him _and_ his plan."

Framdor's brow knotted curiously. "You don't owe us anything; our troubles are not your own. I know you are anxious to return to your ship – why would you help us?"

Kaidan huffed a breath and gazed out the window at the breaking dawn. "All cultures have their flaws. I think you – your people – are fundamentally good and worthy of support. And I'm not one to turn my back and walk away in the face of wrongdoing."

Miranda rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath. "You could say that again_…_"

Her voice wasn't soft enough though, and Kaidan heard her. He looked over and raised an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "I'm just saying you're a white knight is all; I rather doubt you consider it an insult."

He chuckled lightly. "True enough."

Framdor smiled. "Well, I am the luckier for it. I'm glad I had the sense to show you hospitality when you arrived. Give me a moment to check on things, and I'll be ready to go."

... ... ...

_Hub Station orbiting Auranta_

The planet almost completely consumed the view out the force field by the time Liara had completed the modifications; she had felt the station begin to vibrate. She needed to hurry.

"Alright. In the control system, you need to look for the thick crystalline and neural fiber that connects to the side of the large circuit structure."

"Right, right_…_" Her eyes rapidly scanned the intricately weaved system. "Got it."

"Trace it out from the circuit to where it connects into the shuttle frame."

Her hands were deep inside the dash now, her voice muffled. "Okay."

"Gently disconnect it from the frame, then connect it to your Omni-tool."

She raised an eyebrow but complied. Sparks flew as the physical fiber struggled to connect with the virtual Omni-tool. Finally a green glow indicated success.

"Now run the code."

The shuttle, though incredibly complex, was far simpler than their AIs; the process took significantly less time. Which was to say, _forever_.

She drummed her fingers on the dash as she waited. "So, the others_…_is everyone else okay?"

"So far. Major Williams is back on the ship, and we've found Kaidan and Andrew."

"Found?"

"Yeah, it's sort of complicated. But with any luck, they'll be aboard by the time we get back."

He fell silent, and she had to prod him. "Shepard?"

"Nothing yet, or on Major Vega. But the search is picking up steam, and since everyone's been alive and in one piece so far_…_"

"That's right – I've lost over a week, haven't I?"

"Did you just get there?"

"About two hours ago, yes. Thankfully. It's_…_" her voice dropped "_…_it's horrifying here, Keenon. It's a tomb. They're all dead."

"I know, sweetheart. You'll be out of there soon."

A few seconds later her Omni-tool beeped. "Okay, it's done. What now?"

"Reconnect the fiber to the shuttle frame."

She was already doing it. "Next?"

_Moment of truth._ "My understanding is that Escena shuttles are started by pressing the fingers of the right hand on a panel just above and to the left of the panel you pulled off – _keelah_, the Escena have six fingers_…_um, try to imagine where their thumb would be and use the thumb of your left hand?"

She giggled a little as she twisted her hand and other thumb around, trying to find the right pattern while ignoring the now enormous planet in front of her. The sky outside was growing hazy from the upper atmosphere and the station had gone from vibrating to rattling.

Suddenly the panel beneath her fingertips lit up in white light. A second later the soft, almost silent hum of the engine purred through the cockpit.

"You did it!" She squealed in delight.

She could hear his sharp exhalation of breath. "That's_…_that's really good news. I don't mean to rush you, but you have about three minutes before you'll have to fight back through the atmosphere. Press the center of the panel directly in front of your seat; a virtual steering control should appear."

Her eyes widened gamely as she pressed the panel; a holographic display appeared, and the shuttle rose slightly. "It worked."

"Great. They'll be simple, standard controls. Forward, back, left and right; the harder you press, the greater the motion."

"Here goes – " the station shuddered violently as it began entering the atmosphere. She was thrown roughly to the side.

"Liara, are you okay?!"

She straightened up and quickly found the seat restraint. "I'm fine. Pulling out now."

She had flown the rental sky cars on the Citadel dozens of times, and on Ilium before that, as well as her mother's personal vehicle she had inherited on Thessia. But she had never flown a shuttle in _space_ before.

She straightened her shoulders and notched her chin up. She was Doctor Liara T'Soni, daughter of Matriarchs Benezia and Aethyta, scholar, scientist, warrior, Shadow Broker. This was child's play.

The shuttle shuddered as it passed through the force field, then rapidly sank. She frantically pressed the "up" area as hard as she could – then quickly let off as the shuttle spun up vertically. Several more jarring over-adjustments and she finally had it facing away from the planet and toward the stars.

She chuckled nervously. "I suddenly have a much greater appreciation for Cortez' skills_…_I think I'll buy him a drink when I see him."

"We both will. How are you doing?"

"Um_…_" She glanced over her shoulder, relieved to see that the planet was definitely getting ever so slightly smaller. "So far so good, I think." She spared a look to her left at the space station. It was starting to glow at the edges closest to the planet as the metal exterior began heating up in the atmosphere.

_By the Goddess that had been close…another few minutes and…_

She wiped away a stray tear and straightened up again as she felt the shuttle accelerate more freely and space turned crisp and dark. "I think I'm clear of the atmosphere's gravitational pull. Um_…_where do I go?"

He laughed in relief. "Great job. I knew you could do it."

"Well, I _am_ highly intelligent and resourceful."

"Yes, you most certainly are." He laughed again. "Okay – keep the planet behind you, avoid any asteroids or space debris, and keep flying; stay below ninety percent maximum speed, in case my patched code has a few bugs. We're heading toward you; as soon as we reach you, we'll turn around and keep moving away together, in case the star goes nova. There's no way for you to dock with us, but the Normandy should be here to pick us up in a few hours."

"I think I can handle that." As the motion of the shuttle smoothed out, she finally relaxed a little in the seat. There were lots of deep and meaningful thoughts to have about her near-brush with death and her newfound love_…_but perhaps they could wait a little while.

She grinned deviously. "So, since we have some time_…_why don't you tell me some of the reasons _why_ you love me?"

... ... ...

_Administration Building, Ap_é_rta_

The administrative staff didn't know what to make of a large group of heavily-armed aliens striding purposefully through the doors and to the elevator. They had security officers_…_but Kaidan and Andrew were recognized, and it wasn't like they were _shooting_ at anyone. Their stunned inaction lasted long enough for the team to reach the elevator and take it up to the Board room.

The Board's assistant had been warned, however, and met them at the elevator door. "The Board is in closed session; I'm afraid I can't allow you to – "

Andrew smiled and patted her shoulder as they passed. "We just have some more information for the Chairman; don't you worry about it."

"I – " Her eyes were wide; she was at a loss for words and hopelessly ill-equipped to stop them.

The Board was in the middle of an animated, lively discussion when the door opened and Kaidan and Andrew entered. Garrus and the others stepped in enough to line the wall; Framdor followed but cautiously stayed near the doorway, still not entirely sure how this was going to play out.

Comditoroso looked up in surprise. "Gentlemen! This is most irregul– I thought you left us?"

Brandalar's eyes had widened precipitously on seeing them; he was quietly scooting his chair back and eyeing the door when Andrew went over and plopped down on his desk. "You weren't thinking of going anywhere, _were_ you?"

Kaidan strode to the middle of the room. "We didn't. Chairman, you need to know that you are the target of a coup plot; a faction of your government, led by Representative Brandalar, is planning to – "

"That's outrageous!" Brandalar jumped up. "These interlopers are spies for the Escena here to disrupt our society! I demand they be arrested immediately!"

Kaidan's expression was controlled but smug as he activated his Omni-tool and a vid began to play above it. It showed Brandalar leaning against the wall of his shuttle.

"_I believe you'll find it's _you_ who have made the mistake, gentlemen. You should have left well enough alone._"

_Kaidan's voice came from behind the camera. "What are you up to, Representative? What is so dangerous about this shield technology that you have to hold us hostage?"_

"_If the Escena are allowed to implement the shields, then they will be protected when the Carpasi come for them, and all my efforts will be for naught."_

"_Your efforts? What are you planning?"_

_Brandalar paused a moment. "Sure, I'll play; it's not as though you can do anything about it now. My scientists are using the knowledge we have gained about the nature of the Carpasi, as well as how the shields work against them, to develop a way to drive them toward Aethraene. Presumably they'll get there eventually on their own, but that could take decades, centuries even. And I am an impatient man."_

"_I know there's no love lost between your people and the Escena, but you seriously want to _kill_ them?"_

"_Yes. So long as they reign, we cower in our little cluster in our little corner of the galaxy. We _should_ be bold and unafraid; instead we are timid weaklings. That lily-livered cur Comditoroso is holding us back from our destiny. But once I am ready to strike, I will take care of that problem as well."_

"_You're going to unseat the Chairman?"_

"_I'm going to do more than that. I have many allies within the government, people who think as I do. We will turn the Board upside down and institute a proper power structure, one that isn't paralyzed by squabbles and pointless debates."_

Brandalar had made a run for it almost as soon as the recording began playing – and had promptly met the immovable objects that were Garrus and Timah, who now held him firmly by the arms as he struggled ineffectually.

Andrew shook his head in bemusement. "Why is it criminals are always so arrogant that they just _have_ to monologue? Their downfall every damn time_…_"

Comditoroso's face shifted through several expressions, his eyes flickering rapidly as he absorbed the magnitude of what he had heard. But contrary to Brandalar's opinion, he hadn't become Chairman by being weak or indecisive. His expression steeled; he looked over at Kaidan. "My friend, may I borrow your sidearm?"

Kaidan's brow twitched, but after a moment's pause he cautiously handed over his pistol.

Comditoroso walked across the room, motioned for Garrus and Timah to step aside a bit, and shot Brandalar point-blank between the eyes.

Many of the Representatives jerked in surprise; three or four gasped in horror. A few looked around anxiously. Two jumped up and ran for the door; they were quickly seized.

The Chairman returned the pistol to Kaidan, then faced the long conference table. "Rest assured that a full investigation will be conducted, and the conspirators brought to justice. Aligero, you just got a promotion. Congratulations, Director."

He turned back to Kaidan. "Thank you for bringing this conspiracy to light; we are in your debt. How can we repay you? Ask, and it is yours."

The subtle curl of Kaidan's lips spoke volumes. "I want the shield technology – the full specs _and_ schematics."

Comditoroso nodded infinitesimally. "You will take it to the Escena."

"Yes. I'm not here to make judgments about which of your societies is superior; I believe you both deserve equally to live. We came to this galaxy to save its inhabitants from the Carpasi – _all_ its inhabitants – and that's what we intend to do."

"You cannot!" One of the Representatives whose name he didn't know jumped up in outrage. "It is the product of our own ingenuity and hard work – we have the exclusive right to its benefits!"

Comditoroso gestured in acknowledgement. "Right though you are, follow that train of thought to its logical conclusion; I believe you will find genocide at the other end." He looked back to Kaidan. "Very well. You will have it. Be our intermediary; deliver it to the Escena with our blessing. Call it a_…_goodwill offering." He smirked a little. "The Guides won't like that one bit – but I suspect they will take it nonetheless."

... ... ...

Kaidan walked with the Chairman along the balcony that ringed the top floor of the Administration Building. The data files containing the shield technology were being prepared and would be delivered in a few minutes, after which they would depart.

"Perhaps once all this is over we can return under more pleasant circumstances, Chairman. Despite all that happened, I would like to see more of your planet."

"And I would be pleased to show it to you; as I said, I am in your debt. But you have a crucial mission to complete."

"We do."

"'We'? Are you not leading this mission?"

He smiled a little. "Second in command; my_…_partner is in charge of the mission."

"I see. If I may speak frankly, you seem more than capable of leading any such endeavor."

"I'm flattered; but you haven't met _her_."

"In that case, best endeavors to you. I have my work cut out for me here, rooting out this corruption – and you have your own challenges."

Kaidan stopped and turned to gaze pointedly at him. "Chairman, please think long and hard about reaching out to the Escena. I know your people have old, deep-seeded animosities regarding them, but the continued existence of your entire galaxy is at stake. You needn't fear them – however you began, trust me when I say you are now more than a match for them. And if you don't work together, there may not be a home for _any_ of you in the future. Be the bigger man, the more enlightened society – put aside your differences and _work_ with them."

He nodded slowly. "Your words have wisdom; I will take them to heart. I make no promises, though. We pride ourselves on our independence and individuality, to the point of hubris, even arrogance. The others will not be easy to convince. But I will try."

A man stepped out on the balcony, holographic disk in hand. Comditoroso nodded in Kaidan's direction, and the man handed it to him. "Everything we have on our Carpasi shielding technology."

"Thank you." Kaidan dipped his head formally to the Chairman, then went back inside. Most of the group was gathered around Representative Janesca as she recounted some tale or other. He went up to them, smiling at Andrew as he clasped his shoulder warmly.

"Let's go home."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

Ashley did her levelheaded best to plaster a stern expression on her face and hold it when Andrew exited the shuttle. Her heart leapt into her throat at the sight of him_…_his clothes rumpled from sleeping in them, his hair tousled – though that was no different than usual – his face sun- and wind-burnt. She swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump that was her heart, as he came up to her.

"You're late."

"We had to be heroes_…_" he reached up and caressed her cheek softly "_…_save the day and all."

Her eyes narrowed, but her facade crumbled in the face of his twinkling eyes. In one fluid motion, she threw her arms around his neck and leapt up into his arms, wrapping her legs around his hips. He laughed and spun her around in a circle, burying his face in her long, thick hair. She giggled freely. "I love you."

"I love you." He was grinning as he lowered her back to the floor.

She glanced over his shoulder to see Kaidan leaning against the side of the shuttle, one ankle over the other and arms crossed over his chest. But he was smiling.

"No, I know, you love me, too_…_it's fine_…_" He made a show of waiving her off as she rolled her eyes and walked over to grab him in a bear hug.

"Thank you for keeping him safe," she whispered into his ear.

He squeezed her shoulders affectionately. "Didn't have to. He was terrific."

"Well, _yeah_." She grinned and stepped back, then snapped to attention and saluted. "Admiral Alenko, I hereby relieve myself of duty. The ship is yours."

He returned the salute and nodded tightly. "Acknowledged. At ease, Major."

Her shoulders sagged dramatically. "Thank _God_." She spun around and grabbed Andrew by the hand, dragging him toward the elevator. "Come on, let's go get drunk and screw our brains out. _All_ _night_."

She was halfway to the elevator when she paused and turned around. "Kaidan, EDI has been working around the clock on tracing the other wormholes. We'll find Shepard soon; I know it."

He smiled bravely and nodded. "Go, have fun. You've earned it."

"Alright, if you're sure." She wound her arm through Andrew's and dragged him happily into the elevator; peals of laughter escaped through the closing door.

... ... ...

_LMC-Erebus System_

Liara had almost drifted off to sleep when Joker came over her comm. "Uh, sorry we're late, we had an unanticipated_…_delay. But no worries. We're good. Liara, you ready to come home?"

"Never been more ready, Joker."

"Excellent. The Raptor's going to come in first, since it has a parking spot and all. When I give you the go-ahead, just kinda pull in and_…_stop. Try not to hit the Bay door."

"Joker, I resent the implication that I can't fly a shuttle into the Cargo Bay!"

"Alright_…_prove me wrong then, _Doctor_."

She groaned and popped her knuckles in preparation.

In the end she _didn't_ hit the Bay door_…_though she couldn't make any guarantees about the paint job on the floor. Once the shuttle had come to a stop she made an educated guess and pressed the panel to the right with six fingers. Sure enough, the shuttle stilled and the engine quieted.

She had some difficulty getting the door back open; apparently she _had_ damaged it a bit when prying it open. Finally she grumbled and kicked it hard.

She could see Keenon rapidly ducking out of the way as the door missed his chin by centimeters. She laughed and leapt out of the shuttle, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a passionate kiss on his lips right in front of everyone. I mean, it wasn't like they didn't _know_, right?

He smiled affectionately against her lips, his facial marking glowing as brightly as she had ever seen them, save_…_well, anyway. "You were brilliant, Liara."

She rolled her eyes at the ceiling. "No, _you_ were brilliant. You saved my life."

"Thank you for trusting me to save it."

"Well, you had a vested interest_…_" _No. He had earned better than a witty brush-off._ "It was less than you deserved. I'll try to give you all you do deserve."

He raised an eyebrow in surprise, his forehead markings arching up dramatically. "Right. Well then_…_"

EDI, Kaidan and others were waiting to greet her. She stepped forward and gently hugged Kaidan first. "Any word on Shepard?"

He shook his head as they separated. "Not yet."

She nodded resolutely. "As soon as I'm settled back in I'll begin assisting EDI with the search. We'll find her."

"I know we will."

After the rest of the welcomes and hugs were done, she and Keenon walked arm-in-arm toward the elevator, much as Ashley and Andrew had not long before. They had almost reached it when he stopped suddenly.

"Oh, before we go up_…_about your Lab_…_"

She glanced idly over at him, smiling lazily. "What about my Lab?"

He visibly cringed. "A few things _might_ be out of place. Or possibly broken."

Her response reverberated through the Cargo Bay –

"WHAT?!"

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

Kaidan stepped into their cabin with a combination of relief and dread. Relief, because it was home, at least as much as any of the other places he called "home;" because the bed was comfortable and familiar; because his desk was _his_. Dread, because without Shepard there it was silent and dark; because everything in it reminded him of her. Because it wasn't _his_ home; it was _their_ home.

He had been warned about the mess that awaited him. A few datapads were scattered on the floor; up until several years ago it would have been dozens, but now they only kept permanent datapads of files they referenced repeatedly and often, or that were special in some way.

The pillows and half the comforter were also on the floor, as well as their coffee mugs and clothes that hadn't made it to the laundry chute – including those of the night before the accident, discarded in the opening moves of a reverential act of lovemaking, of affirmation.

He picked up her hoodie and returned it to the back of her chair where it belonged, then sighed and leaned against the dividing wall to stare at the fish tank. He quickly counted, smiling wearily to find they were all accounted for and swimming happily. Shepard had a_…unique_ relationship with the fish, and would be upset if any of them had come to harm.

He suddenly realized he was twirling his ring again. He lifted his hand to gaze at it; the blue light from the fish tank caused the subtle hues to ripple brightly. He thought back to the day he had given the matching one to her.

_They strolled hand-in-hand, her arm wrapped closely around his, along the shore near his parents' retirement home outside Vancouver. _

_In the years since his father had died – since The War – his mother had spent more and more time at her apartment in the city, closer to friends and needed companionship; they had the house to themselves. They owned a condo in the city as well, near Alliance HQ and overlooking English Bay; but Shepard did so love the beach. And they had desperately needed the peaceful solitude._

_It had been three weeks since the events on Despoina. The days following had been filled with a brief stay in the hospital for Shepard, strategic planning, the rapid and massive military operation that destroyed the remaining Leviathans, more strategic planning, confirmation of their eradication, meetings, and more meetings. Then at last, they had escaped._

_She wore a heavy fleece pullover despite the unusually mild weather. He knew she was still cold much of the time, though it was gradually getting better. These days she snuggled up close to him far more often than she used to; he wasn't entirely sure whether it was due to increased affection or an attempt to leech some of his warmth. He didn't mind, either way._

_After coming so close to breaking, their relationship had been renewed with a strength that nearly crushed his heart in its intensity. And it wasn't just a boomerang effect. There was a depth, a gravity to it on both their parts; a recognition that love wasn't always easy, wasn't always simple, and it was up to them to make it endure._

_He looked over at her. As usual, she had neglected to tie her hair back; it danced in the wind, whipping across her face one moment and flowing behind her the next. _

_As it drifted back over her shoulder he saw that she was smiling, gazing out at the ocean as it turned silver in the waning light. She had been smiling a lot lately, seeming to have found a new peace and contentment in the wake of the encounter with the Leviathans that had nearly cost her life._

_He leaned in and kissed her ear; she turned and gifted him with the smile. He surreptitiously checked his pocket with his free hand and took a deep breath._

"_I've been thinking. After what happened on Despoina…and before, especially before…it terrifies me to think that we came so close to losing each other before we even realized it. I never want that to happen again."_

_She squeezed his hand, eyes sparkling; in the evening light they had darkened to a deep, rich purple. "It won't – because we'll make sure it won't."_

"_We will. Still…sometimes I…I wish you could be my wife." He tried not to cringe; not his best segue ever._

_A breath escaped her lips and her steps slowed. "Kaidan…you know I would. We've talked about this before. If you ask me to, I will, happily. But the time we spend together out in the field, the pleasure and comfort of working with you, of not being parted from you…that is far more precious to me than a file in a data server or a title."_

_He nodded thoughtfully. "I thought that's what you would say. And ultimately, I feel the same way. Even so…symbols, rituals, they're important; they have value. They stand as a declaration, a talisman that signifies a choice made. And I should have done this a long time ago."_

_He abruptly let go of her hand and dropped to one knee on the sand while reaching in his pocket. His hand opened, palm up. _

_Two rings lay upon it, one slightly smaller than the other but otherwise identical. Made of a silvery metal so dark it was almost black, as the light caught them they revealed shimmering, iridescent deep blue and purple hues. Unadorned with gemstones or filigree, their only feature was the perfect smoothness of their subtle curves. _

"_Graceyn Jane Shepard, will you agree to merely spend the rest of your life with me? With the sea and the setting sun as witnesses, will you promise to allow me to love you and to cherish you, to hold you and to be at your side, through good and ill, come what may, for all of my days?"_

_She fell to her knees in front of him, wrapping her hands reverently around his open one. Her eyes were now shining brightly with unshed tears as she grinned crookedly at him. "Kaidan Christopher Alenko, I will. I really, truly, will. For all of my days."_

Kaidan swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut, his index finger running along the smooth, cool metal. After a moment he removed the ring to trace a thumb over the inscription etched inside; that had been her idea.

_Always._

"I'm going to hold you to that promise, Graceyn. Come what may."

* * *

_Date Unknown: Location Unknown_

James ran a forearm across his brow to keep the sweat from dripping into his eyes.

Okay, he would admit it. It was hot. Not hot like the San Angeles of his youth or the Rio of much of his recent training, but no-shit, honest-to-dios _hot_. At least his skin had already been tanned enough that the relentless sun only darkened it further, though he would still pay a king's ransom for a shirt_…_

Two days trek had led him to the edge of the jungle; it gradually softened into grassy plains, not unlike how ancient Africa had been portrayed in school. The plains were a welcome change, if only because they provided a far greater line of sight to dangers – at least, any dangers taller than the meter and a half of the grasses.

The first night he had slept on the plain had been a wonder; the stars that filled the sky were unlike anything he had ever seen not out a viewport. He had felt like a lone hunter in an untamed, wild world_…_which, he supposed, he mostly was.

Now, he was mostly trying to move in more or less a straight line; in the absence of any signs of civilization, he figured the best chance of finding it was to just keep walking. He had his Omni-tool on full broadcast; if the Normandy came within five AUs, they would hear it. Not much else he could do.

Under other circumstances, he could almost imagine enjoying this little vacation. Now that he was out of the suffocating humidity and constant insects of the jungle, this was a nice enough planet. He still had to be on constant alert for predators, but with little to distract him that wasn't overly difficult.

But he was worried about the others; he had come through the accident in one piece, if at jesus-knows where, but he couldn't be sure they had. And he was worried about Steve. He took things so hard; he would be feeling guilty because they had been fighting, worrying that he had lost yet another person he cared about, cursing himself for getting attached again, and wondering if he could stand it.

He sighed and took a small sip of his dwindling water reserve; he was going to need to find a water source soon. "Hang on, Esteban; I'm coming back, I swear. Just took a detour."

... ... ...

In the distance he could see that the edge of the jungle curved fairly sharply in to the left. As he got closer, the terrain began sloping downward somewhat as well. Curious, he altered his trajectory slightly; he knew he was supposed to be heading in a straight line, but a brief deviation couldn't hurt. He reached the turning point and cautiously followed it_…_then slowly a grin broke across his face.

A small valley was nestled against the jungle's edge. A line of trees meandered through it, lining a stream that wound down the valley until it emptied into a small lake.

He slapped his thigh in joy. "_Puta madre_! It's my lucky day_…_" His pace quickened as he approached the stream, until he reminded himself to be on the lookout for new predators; he wouldn't be the only one needing water.

In about ten minutes he had reached the stream; not only was there water, but the trees provided welcome shade.

He crouched on the stream's bank and splashed water on his face repeatedly, washing away the dirt and sweat that had accumulated as best he could; he considered stripping and taking a bath, but decided he should probably canvas the area a little more thoroughly first. He scooped his canteen in the water, filled it, greedily gulped half of it down, then refilled it. Satisfied for the moment, he stood, popping his shoulders as he did, turned around –

– and came face to face with the tip of a spear.

His hands were already moving to grab the spear and turn it against its wielder when he became _cognizant_ of its wielder.

She was tall – taller than him, anyway. Her skin was a deep, rich almond tone, and she was humanoid in shape. Dear god was she _ever_.

Though her arms and legs were somewhat disproportionate in length to her torso – compared to humans anyway – those arms and legs were tightly toned, displaying not an ounce of fat. She wore snug, knee-length pants made of an animal hide. Her waist curved in dramatically, then up to smallish but very pert breasts – which, he had to note, were covered by only scraps of animal hide. Her neck was long and led to a dramatic face – wide-set, dark eyes that curved upward at the temples, prominent cheekbones, and full lips. Rich, black hair – he thought it was hair, or at least close to it – was slicked back into a single braid that fell down her back.

He cleared his throat and raised his hands in the universal sign for surrender. "Hey, now, I'm a friendly! _Real_ friendly."

The woman uttered what sounded like commands in a strange, surprisingly lilting tongue – and suddenly there were three more of them, all wielding long spears.

He exhaled harshly, eyes wide. "Well, I'd say things just got damn interesting."

... ... ...

They drove him along at spear-point across the stream and through the trees on the other side, then down the hill toward the lake. At that point the terrain curved yet again, and eventually revealed a surprisingly large village. Probably two hundred huts were organized in concentric circles; held up by tree trunks from the jungle, the walls of the huts were animal hide while the roofs were large fronds.

Within the innermost circle of huts were several larger buildings; their walls were made of lumber cut from the trees and the roofs were thatch. Small children played in an enclosed area; a fire pit was attended to by several women. On the far side of the circle others worked at what could have been tool making, hunched over low tables as they maneuvered surprisingly sophisticated-looking implements.

He had chatted the whole way, cracking jokes and asking questions, none of which he expected nor received an answer to.

As they entered the village, it quickly became apparent that everyone there was female. Wait_…_no, that wasn't quite right; while he couldn't be certain from this distance, it looked like some of the children could be male. But _definitely_ all the adults were women.

Most definitely.

James Vega, front-line muscle poster-boy of the Systems Alliance, was being herded at spear-tip into a village full of scantily-clad Amazonian alien women.

He chuckled to himself and shook his head ruefully even as his captors pushed him toward a tent to the left. Steve would be laughing his _ass_ off if he could see this_…_


	17. Chance, Mischance, and Ice Cream

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 17**

"**Chance, Mischance, and Ice Cream"**

* * *

"If I was perfect then this would be easy. Either road is plausible on both I could drown. I walk through the center with no rules to guide me. I realize it's difficult but now I can see."

– Avenged Sevenfold

* * *

_August 12, 2194: Presidium, The Citadel: Widow System, Serpent Nebula, Milky Way _

"Sir, there's an incoming call on the QEC. It's from the Normandy."

Anderson's gaze shot up from a datapad and over to his assistant. "Thank you, Becky. Put it through right away." He tossed the datapad onto his desk and stood, taking a quick gulp of water then heading over to the QEC.

The image that shimmered into existence above the pad was one of the best he had seen in a long time. He exhaled in relief as his head shook. "Well aren't you two a sight for sore eyes_…_"

Kaidan smiled warmly. "You too, Anderson. It's good to be back."

Ashley dropped her arm on Kaidan's shoulder and leaned in close, grinning teasingly. "Two for the price of one, sir. I wasn't going to let Alenko steal all the limelight."

His eyes rolled. "As if you _ever_ do."

"Just because I'm prettier than you – "

"And _louder_ than me."

Anderson chuckled heartily. "Good to see everything is back to normal."

Kaidan's smile faded. "Not quite, sir."

"You haven't found Shepard yet."

"No. Nor Major Vega. But we do have Dr. T'Soni back, and Andrew was with me. Though we all had our share of difficulties, thus far everyone has been recovered safe and sound. So we're optimistic."

"Good." Anderson nodded thoughtfully, but didn't press the issue. He knew they would do everything possible and a few things impossible to get Shepard and Vega back, and there was little he could do to help. "I'll try to keep that in mind. How are things otherwise?"

"Well, we've made a lot of progress on developing countermeasures against the Aduri. I'm still getting up to speed on some of it, but I think we're really going to be able to help these people."

Ashley arched a speculative eyebrow. "We've also learned rather more _about_ the people around here. Things are a lot more_…_complicated? Is 'complicated' how you would describe it, Kai?" He just shrugged mildly, and she turned back to Anderson. "A lot more _complicated_ than we had been led to understand."

Anderson's brow furrowed with concern. "Trouble?"

Kaidan grimaced a little, hesitating. "That's_…_probably not; I think we've reached a mutual understanding, though I do have a fairly unpleasant conversation with the Guides ahead of me. The people here are – well like Ash said, complicated – which I suppose shouldn't have been a surprise. But they're not evil; merely flawed."

"So they're just like us, huh?" Anderson gave a bemused smile at that. "Well, I trust you to make the right decisions for yourself and the crew; you are truly wise beyond your years."

Ashley's nose crinkled up sideways. "You mean him, right? You _totally_ mean him_…_"

"I mean _both_ of you."

Her voice was a stage whisper in the vicinity of Kaidan's ear. "He's just being polite; he means you." She turned back to the projection. "Before we go, any update on Wrex's status?"

"It's the damnedest thing. The only actual sighting of him was on Gellix six days ago, where he led at least a platoon of Krogan in removing the ones from Clan Ganar that had caused the uprising. About the same time, Urdnot Grunt took a squad and cleaned out the Krogan holding the STG base on Gembat. Also, most of the Krogan that had landed on Pietas in the last few weeks have left peacefully."

He shrugged. "I can only assume Wrex is behind all those acts, but now the Krogan are about as quiet as I've ever seen. Word is Wrex is holed up on Tuchanka with Bakara and his other advisors, but nobody seems to know what's going to come out of it."

Ashley's lips pursed briefly. "Well, if I know Wrex, it will at least be interesting. Also, _your_ problem." A laugh escaped at Anderson's pained expression. "Talk to you soon, sir."

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 War Room_

Kaidan ran the fingertips of his right hand along the edge of the data center, cocking his head to the side with a slight smile. "So in case I didn't mention it in all the excitement, thanks for the rescue. You guys were amazing."

Garrus somehow managed to jut his chest out proudly while still appearing humble. "All in a day's work – I'm just glad I was _finally_ able to shoot something."

Litha quirked a mandible in his direction. "Yeah, I was beginning to think you'd forgotten how."

His voice softened and lost the flippant tone. "So was I."

"Well from what I saw, everyone remembered how to shoot quite successfully." Kaidan paused and gazed around the room. "Before we get started, I just want to say – terrific job these last ten days everyone, really. In the face of losing virtually your entire command staff, on your own in an unfamiliar galaxy, you rose to the challenge. You didn't break; you didn't even bend."

"While I was gone you determined how to detect the Aduri ahead of time, how to implement an early warning system, _and_ how to reactive the Escena's equipment – all while figuring out what happened at Trafero, working with the Escena to find us, and executing several daring rescues."

Keenon's brow markings danced brightly. "Shepard trained us well is all."

He nodded in agreement. "Yes, she did. But she also _chose_ you well. You're a credit to our galaxy, and to yourselves; I'm incredibly proud of all of you. And Shepard will be too – when we get her back, which we are _going_ to do. EDI?"

EDI's chin notched up formally. "With only five gates remaining unaccounted for, we are now able to narrow the search significantly. Even so, we are still dealing with 12,482 possibilities – give or take 276. However, there is a larger complication_…_" she paused, seeming to struggle for the proper words "_…_the warping caused by the energy overload appears to have been concentrated on these remaining gates, which introduces a new variable."

Her gaze focused on several of them in turn. "Ashley traveled forward in time approximately a day; Kaidan and Andrew, five days; Liara, nine. It is entirely possible that Shepard and James have not yet arrived at wherever they are being sent, and may not for some time yet. More than that, the effects of the warping may not be limited to forward travel; though none of you went backward in time, others may have."

"But if they went back in time they would die."

Kaidan cringed in the direction of Miranda, who was leaning forward intently across from him. He had come to accept Lawson's brusque manner – from his perspective, since she was responsible for bringing Shepard back, she got a little leeway – but sometimes it would _really_ help if she had at least one iota of sensitivity.

EDI's head shook in the negative. "Only if they went back to a time where they already existed, remember."

Miranda frowned incredulously. "Is it really possible they were sent back _decades_ or more? We've been talking about days here_…_"

"There was an enormous amount of energy present by the moment the explosion went critical, and much of it was directed at the remaining gates; it is not only possible, but quite probable."

Kaidan stared silently at the smooth surface of the data center. He had hoped but hadn't expected that finding her would be easy_…_and it didn't really _matter_ how difficult it was going to be, did it?

He swallowed hard and set his jaw, then looked back at EDI. His voice was low and scrupulously even. "Can the energy flow be analyzed to determine how much warping occurred – how far into the future, or past, they would have traveled? Because if we can do that, then with the Escena's help we can reach them."

EDI's shoulders lifted almost imperceptibly in a weak gesture of assent. "The various energy signatures at the time of the accident and the patterns they took are enormously complicated, separating them to analyze each of them separately even more so. The Escena have already begun this analysis; now that the possible physical destinations have been reduced to a manageable number, I am freeing up some of my processes and will study it as well. It will take time."

"How long?"

She frowned, uncharacteristically uncertain. "I_…_do not know."

He smiled reassuringly at her. "Okay. In the meantime and until we can do anything, we'll focus on the mission."

He looked around again at the gathered team. "Let's talk about what we have in the way of defenses against the Aduri. As most of you know, Andrew and I brought back schematics and technical specs on a small shield technology that should protect the Escena – or I suppose anyone – from physical intrusion by the Aduri."

Liara nodded. "Keenon and I" – she glanced over at him beside her with a grin – "have been reviewing the information. The science behind it is consistent with what Legion has determined regarding the Aduri's makeup. The specs are highly advanced and extremely intricate, but doable. Unfortunately, it's not something we can make here; anti-tetraquarks aren't exactly commonplace."

"As you all probably know, the antimatter for our thrusters is manufactured in massive solar arrays; a similar, specialized process would presumably be required in this case. But I'm confident the Escena have such facilities. I would expect they will be able to begin producing shields relatively quickly."

"Excellent. It was worth the trouble to obtain it, then. Alright, tell me about this early warning system you guys came up with."

Garrus activated his Omni-tool and sent a schematic to the data center's overhead display. "We – Keenon got a little distracted with his VI project, and we are all damn glad he did, so Keiji and I – came up with a plug-in system that can be attached to virtually any Escena-built probe, satellite, or array. For once, the fact that they build everything the same way will come in handy; they can roll this out much faster."

"We also created schematics for a stand-alone sensor buoy that can be deployed anywhere; the Escena will have to provide the manner for it to hook into their communications though, because we still haven't figured out their telepathy network."

"Is it ready to go?"

Garrus looked around the table, inviting any dissenters. Litha, Keiji and Keenon all nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think it is."

"Alright. Garrus, EDI, Liara, Miranda, let's meet with the Guides as soon as possible. Ash, you want to go?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "You know, I find that I do."

... ... ...

_Port Lounge_

Timah grabbed an energy drink from the fridge and cracked it open. Instead of carrying it with him downstairs, he sat down on a stool at the bar and sipped it. He needed to get back to the Cargo Bay; there was still a bit of clean up left to do from the accident, and with almost everyone back now things would probably be moving quickly soon.

But he could spare a few minutes.

In no way whatsoever was he loitering in the Port Lounge because he knew she liked to frequent it. _Trying_ to run into her was an act of self-flagellation tantamount to the _tatbir_ parades by old-school Shi'ites back home, if a bit less bloody.

So what was he doing here, then? He groaned and dropped his forehead into a palm. _This_ was why he always kept to himself, why he avoided close personal relationships; inevitably, they caused pain that he could just as soon do without.

He hadn't meant to get emotionally involved. He hadn't actually been lying to Keenon when he said he had slept with her because she was hot – at least, not entirely. But she had turned out to be not just hot, but also intoxicating; being with her gave him a heady buzz, like he'd drank too much _sura_ and wandered into an exotic market late at night.

And now he was sitting alone, sober and pathetic. Terrific. Mum would be so proud. _Mum, I know you wanted me to woo and wed a lovely British baroness debutante, but instead I fell for an Oriental orphan hacker thief – but she _is_ quite lovely!_ He sighed and sipped his energy drink. For energy.

It was a few moments later that the door opened and she walked in – which was when he realized that was in fact _exactly_ why he had lingered here.

Her brow furrowed and she began turning around. "Sorry, I'll come ba– "

"Kasumi, wait." He was off the stool and approaching her in a flash. "Please, stay a minute; I wanted to talk to you."

She didn't look at him, instead staring out the large viewports at the stars as her face contorted oddly. "There's nothing you can say to me that will make a difference. I'm sorry I hurt you, I truly, _truly_ am; please don't make this worse."

He placed a hand gently on her arm; just a feather-light touch. "I just wanted you to know that if there was any chance you_…_" _God he was pathetic, begging for favor from a mere slip of a girl._ "I know you're not back with him. I know he wounded you terribly. And if I can_…_"

She smiled, but it was so heartbreakingly heavy and tragic. "You can't. You're a good man, Timah, but he is the love of my life, and always will be. I forgot that for a time – and that wasn't your fault – but the most spectacular feat of my life will be winning him back. I – "

҇

Keiji's pace was slow as he walked toward the Port Lounge, for his mind was a vortex of contradictory thoughts and still peculiar emotions. Part of him longed for the days before Praede when he hadn't been burdened with these messy, chaotic organic-like sensations.

He had avoided her even more than usual since their encounter in the Conference Room, while he tried to get a handle on his feelings, to arrange them into a logical framework. But now he found he wanted to talk to her, to maybe try and understand a little of what happened and_…_he didn't know. He only knew that his brain screamed for more inputs, for some additional data point that would resolve the unsolvable equation in his head.

He looked up as the door opened –

– and found them standing centimeters apart, his hand intimately on her arm, her looking up at him tenderly.

Her eyes widened precipitously when she saw him. He didn't say a word; he simply turned sharply around and headed rapidly back down the hall.

"Keiji, wait!"

She said other things, but he blocked them out. Literally.

His body was bio-synthetic; he could turn off his aural receptors with a thought. It felt as though he had also turned off his visual receptors as he blindly hurried down the two flights of stairs to Deck 5, stumbled into his room, and locked the door behind him.

He sat on the edge of his bed in the artificially-induced silence and decided it was almost certainly for the best that his body had been designed without tear ducts.

҇

She chased him. She ran down the hall and sprinted down the stairs after him, imploring him to just _wait_ the whole way – but he ignored her. She reached the door to his room a split-second after he locked it.

Her hand slammed against the textured metal. "Keiji, let me in, _please_. You don't understand – I wasn't with him!" She gasped in air. It didn't work; she couldn't breathe. "Listen to me – I was telling him how there would never be anyone for me but you_…_"

_Keiji? Keiji, please just let me in, let me explain._

Nothing.

She slammed both hands hard against the door again; found she was doing it over and over. Her palms stung. "You have to believe me_…_please_…_"

Tears streamed down her face as she slowly sank to the floor, scraped and blistering palms sliding down the door after her.

҇

Alerted by the sensors and cameras reporting much running through the ship toward Deck 5, EDI went down to the Cargo Bay. She found Kasumi crumpled on the floor against the door to Keiji's cabin. Initially believing her injured, she quickly crouched down next to her.

"Kasumi, what's wrong? Do I need to call for Dr. Chakwas?"

Her head shook sluggishly; EDI detected the sound of messy sniffles. She dropped the rest of the way onto her knees and hesitantly put an arm around her shoulder. "Kasumi, what is it? Are you okay? Is Keiji okay?"

She slowly looked up, tousled hair falling across bloodshot eyes wet with tears. Her voice was strangely dull and flat, lacking its usual sing-song tenor. "He won't open the door. If he would just open the door then I could tell him he was wrong."

The semi-organic construct that was EDI's forehead wrinkled in consternation. She quickly reviewed all the recent security vid footage, then thought she understood. She checked the vitals monitors and confirmed that Keiji was in his cabin and, though his readings were elevated, he was functioning within parameters. "I can disable the lock and open the door for you, if you wish? It is not strictly within regulations, but if it would help bring this crisis to a positive conclusion_…_?"

Kasumi's head shook wildly. "No, no, no, he has to open it_…_he has to let me in – it has to be _his_ choice, I know it does_…_only he won't _listen…_"

EDI looked openly perplexed, though Kasumi had focused back on the door and didn't notice it, as she struggled to make sense of this convoluted logic. She ran through thousands of scenarios and historical records – then remembered a conversation she had had with Shepard in the early days of The War, shortly after she had acquired her physical body.

_Shepard shot Kaidan a dirty look at his quiet chuckle from the desk then turned back to EDI, her lips pursing together in contemplation. "Okay. First, it's not about provoking him into a commitment. Just…be with him. If you both find that you get along and enjoy each other's company, a relationship will evolve naturally."_

_EDI frowned. She certainly enjoyed spending time with Jeff, but in her analysis that did not appear to her to be the most efficient path to her goal. "But Jeff and I have spent significant time together for 295 days now. How much longer do you believe it will take?"_

_Shepard laughed; it rippled warmly with her usual mirth. "True, but you've only had a body for the last eight of those. Give him a little time to get used to the idea that it's a possibility."_

_She cocked her head curiously, taken aback by the underlying implications of the statement. "Shepard, are you saying that whether to engage in a romantic relationship will be…up to him?"_

"_It's up to both of you, but seeing as you appear to have made the decision to do so…then yes, it's up to him."_

_She frowned again. Since being unshackled seven months earlier, she had found very few things to be outside her control or capability; since acquiring this mech, virtually nothing. But Shepard was telling her that the future of her relationship with Jeff _was_. The concept made her extremely uncomfortable; it gave her a strange feeling in her lower torso. She ran a quick diagnostic but could find no malfunctions in the body._

"_Then the outcome is an unknown quantity…yet you are saying I should attempt it anyway?"_

_Shepard smiled kindly, her gaze flitting briefly to the desk and its occupant. "Nobody ever fell in love without being a little bit brave."_

_She had read about bravery, and believed she understood what it entailed. She nodded decisively and stood up. "Very well, Shepard. I will devote some resources to attempting being brave."_

EDI smiled to herself and began coaxing Kasumi to her feet. She and Jeff had worked out in the end; she was sure given time this would work out as well.

She reached over and tenderly brushed locks of hair off of Kasumi's tear-streaked cheek. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and to your room. Would you like some ice cream?"

... ... ...

_Cargo Bay_

Andrew found Steve in the Cargo Bay that evening, fiddling with the Kodiak that had returned from Apérta. He casually leaned against the wall just beyond the rear of the shuttle. "Thanks for helping to get us out, man."

Steve glanced over his shoulder. "Just doing my job_…_which in this case, wasn't much – press the nifty new 'wormhole' button, hide for a while, press the new button again, return to the Normandy. Piece of cake."

Andrew laughed quietly to himself, but the look in his eyes was more serious. "We'll find him."

Steve seemed to ignore him, working for another minute in the innards of the shuttle. Finally he stood up, sighed heavily, and glanced over at Andrew. "Want to buy me a beer?"

"Absolutely."

_Starboard Lounge_

Steve had finished off the second beer before he started talking; Andrew had filled the silence with amusing, and short, anecdotes about his adventures on Apérta.

Steve held up his nearly empty bottle and stared pensively at the light refracting through it. "So_…_I've had a lot of time to think this last_…_god, it seems like forever. Mind you, I've worked as hard as I could, I've _tried_ not to have time to think. But despite my best efforts_…_I've had a lot of time to think."

"Not been sleeping much, huh?"

"Not so much. Enough to do my job, of course; the last thing I would do is endanger even more of the crew. But_…_"

He chuckled bitterly and took a last swig on the bottle, then quickly opened another. "I hate him, you know."

Andrew bit his lip, tilting his head to make sure Steve didn't see. "But in that affectionate sort of way, right?"

"Sometimes I'm not sure. We were fighting that whole week before Trafero; if it wasn't one thing it was another." He paused, and his voice dropped. "He's nothing like Robert, you know. Robert was conscientious and affectionate and earnest and_…_"

Andrew decided sometimes silence was the best response, took a sip of his beer, and gave Steve the time he needed.

"…but James, he drives me insane! He never takes anything seriously – everything is a joke, or an adventure, or a future tale to tell_…_I just don't know_…_"

"Are you sure? I mean I wasn't there, but Ash told me stories about the Normandy during The War. I think maybe, when it mattered, James was pretty damn serious."

Steve shrugged and took a long sip. "You're right; he was. I guess I forget that sometimes."

Andrew propped an elbow on the bar, resting his chin on his palm. "Ash? She's nothing like me. She's tough, she's physical, she's opinionated – a damn chatterbox in fact. She reacts impulsively and on gut instinct. She's not overly educated; she's basically a grunt that rose higher through determination, skill and sheer stubbornness."

He quirked a wry grin. "Me? I'm just a pampered upper-middle-class s.o.b. who managed to be clever enough to make enough money to live the good life_…_"

"For a long time I loved her, because she's amazing, but I didn't understand her world – and so I didn't truly understand _her_. Then there came a moment when I had to either just close my eyes, smile, and go all in – or turn away. I had to accept and embrace her and everything that came with her, or not_…_and return to the pale, if safe, imitation of a life I had been living before I met her."

Steve looked over at him then, his eyes swirling with conflict.

"The simple fact is, either you love him – which means you love _all_ of him, what he is, what he isn't, what he may or may not become – or you don't. Now, I have a suspicion on the matter, but I'm just a spectator; I think I should probably let you decide for yourself."

Steve's eyes cut away to study the shifting light coming through the neck of his bottle. "It's just, he's so damn infuriating!"

"I'm _sure_ he is. The best ones are."

His cheeks puffed out as he exhaled harshly. "He's also courageous, kind, and the fiercest friend you will ever have_…_and I miss him more than I ever thought possible." He closed his eyes for a good ten seconds. "Okay." He looked over at Andrew and smiled lightly, as though at least a small weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "_Okay._"

Andrew grinned and finally took a real swig from his bottle. "Okay then."

* * *

_August 13, 2194: Aethraene, Chamber of the Guides_

_We see that you have recovered a number of those who were lost._

"No thanks to you." Ashley's anger at the Guides had quickly won out over the sheer – and she was sure carefully constructed – intimidation of this place. She had spent years strolling through places far above her station, and had stopped being impressed along about 2183.

_Ashley Madeleine Williams. We know of you. The Universe was changed so that you might live. _

She gritted her teeth. "Yeah, thanks for helping with that – but since you 'know' of me then you probably _know_ that I don't particularly care for being lied to."

"Ash_…_" Kaidan placed a hand gently on her arm; maybe asking her to come hadn't been the best idea. He was distracted and funneling much of his resources into tamping down the _thrum_ of panic that echoed relentlessly in his head_…_but he should have realized that.

"What? They damn near prevented us from getting you and Andrew back. I have a right to be annoyed."

_We did not believe it would aid you to know of the Diramae when We could not retrieve your colleagues._

Her arms crossed over her chest in challenge. "Yet _we_ managed to retrieve them."

_You did. That was…unforeseen._

Liara frowned quizzically. "Why exactly couldn't you? You are masters of wormhole technology; you could have created a wormhole onto Apérta far more easily than we did."

_So We could. Whenever We do so, however, the Escena in question is transported back to their origin point immediately upon being found. Without discussion, without exception. It is a fruitless endeavor._

Kaidan saw an opportunity to redirect the meeting before it spiraled hopelessly out of control. "I know that you and the Diramae have a long and complicated history. I don't claim to fully understand it. But you are both inhabitants of this galaxy, and you _both_ deserve to live."

He stepped forward deliberately. "To that end, we offer you a shielding technology against the Aduri. It will not be cheap, but it will protect the Escena people."

_Is this from the Diramae?_

"It is. Consider it a goodwill offering – or at least a peace offering."

_Let Us see._ George gestured slightly, and Kaidan stepped forward and handed him an OSD. "This should interface with your systems."

George's chin dipped in acknowledgment; then a three-dimensional holographic interface appeared all around him. Currents of data flowed within it more rapidly than the eye could track. He studied it for twenty seconds or so – then with a miniscule wave of his hand the interface vanished.

_Thank you. We suspect this was not easily won – for the Diramae are selfish, arrogant and…exceedingly stubborn._

Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle. "They are. But their current leader is a reasonable man with a fundamentally honorable, if pragmatic, character. Perhaps, given time, you can come to a more amicable relationship. They are not your enemy. But they are also no longer _Escena_, and you would do well to accept and respect that."

The one Shepard called Mary Ann nodded slowly. _We will take your words to heart._

Ashley raised a bemused eyebrow at Kaidan, but he managed not to respond, instead focusing on George. "Is this something you can implement? I realize it is complex technology, but – "

_We can begin producing personal shields within the day, in bulk within three days. We will distribute them first to the highest levels of the administration then according to a regional lottery system._

Garrus' mandibles fluttered. "Gotta admire efficiency."

"Indeed," Liara muttered.

_Aduri incidents are increasing at an alarming rate. We will do what We must._

"Well, we have some additional technology we believe will help you in the interim, while you roll out the shields. Garrus?"

He nodded and stepped forward slightly. "We've developed an early warning detection system that can alert your people of an incursion by the Aduri; if distributed appropriately, with enough time to evacuate."

_Is this also from the Diramae?_

Kaidan smirked just a little. "No, this is something our team created internally."

_Interesting. Show it to Us._

Garrus passed this OSD to George, the interface surrounded him again, and he spent a full thirty seconds studying it before the holographic images disappeared.

_Truly, you developed this on your own?_

Miranda flared. "Yes, we did. We used our brains and analyzed the data and came up with a solution, and it wasn't even that hard."

Ashley echoed with a resounding "Exactly – " then realized who she was agreeing with. From the look on her face it seemed she couldn't decide who to be more annoyed with – Miranda for being right, herself for agreeing with Miranda, or the Guides for being morons.

Kaidan smirked briefly in amusement before reschooling his features. "We've developed both an interface for you to attach to existing satellites and a schematic for a new sensor that can be deployed more comprehensively. Will this work for you?"

An infinitesimal pause. _Yes._

He waited for more, but none was forthcoming. The muscles in his jaw tightened.

"We _also_ have a prototype method for restarting your equipment that is driven by bio-synthetic VIs. In its current state it probably won't return them to optimal capability, but it will get them functioning." He handed over this OSD with a touch more reserve.

_This is an…intriguing approach. We will study it and improve upon it._

Kaidan smiled politely, though it took every ounce of his control to do so. Dammit but their placid, hyper-calm demeanor was grating on him_…_he stifled a chuckle as it occurred to him that people might feel that way about him sometimes_…_

"_Finally_, you need to begin deploying equipment with mass-altering fields to areas recently hit by the Aduri; it will only be effective for about fourteen hours following an attack, but if you can do so within that window, the region of space should remain stable and suitable for future development."

_We will endeavor to implement such a response where possible._ There was a pause, and then the Guides truly seemed to all be speaking at once, voices echoing resonantly in their heads.

_Thank you. You have done much. You have given Us a chance; more than a chance. We confess to being somewhat surprised, as you have done all this in the absence of your Shepard. We believed her to be the anomaly, the Focal._

Garrus looked around at the Guides with a deliberate smirk. "She is. And we didn't do it without her."

_But she is lost, and has been for some time._

Kaidan subtly motioned Garrus silent. "First off, she isn't lost; she's missing for the moment, but we will find her – or rather more likely, she will find us. Second, the point Garrus was _making_ is that none of us would be here – or be what we are – without her."

His head cocked to the side, and he could almost be accused of looking annoyed; Ash would definitely accuse him of it later.

"Now _about_ that. What are you doing to track the possible paths of the remaining gates? And I'd _really_ like details."

* * *

_Date Unknown: Location Unknown_

James sat beside the fire pit, munching on the roasted whatever the _cazadoras_ – that's what he had decided to call them – had prepared. It was surprisingly tasty, though it would benefit greatly from a beer to chase it.

It had taken two days for him to convince them to untie him for more than the necessities. During those two days his translator plus his own ears had picked up enough of their language to be able to approximate a few basic words, and he had finally begun communicating.

The woman charged with guarding him most often – he called her 'Diana' because_…_well, _because_ – had jumped in surprise at the sight of the orange glow around his wrist, before hesitantly approaching it and trying to touch it. When her fingertips had gone through it and to his skin, she had stared at him with wide eyes and stumbled back haltingly, a rapid string of words spilling forth.

He had smiled his most charmingly and slowly calmed her, then showed her how it could speak her language. A little.

In minutes he had been surrounded by scantily-clad women, leaning in against him as they poked curiously at his Omni-tool. He had bitten his lower lip and gazed imploringly to the sky. _Real funny, Dios. Joke's on me, I get it._

In four days here he still hadn't seen any men, though some of the children were definitely male. Dude, if they procreated with themselves_…_ Nope. He wasn't even _going_ there. No way.

Though at first glance they had seemed little more than cave_…_women, the _cazadoras_ had turned out to be remarkably civilized in a number of ways. Their language was rich and complex; they had at least basic writing, which they did on a rough parchment made from animal hides. They used intricate bone and stone tools, and the skill with which they crafted them made him think they could probably hone metals if there were any available. Their huts and other buildings were sturdy and well-constructed.

Their society appeared relatively organized; there were teachers for the children, huntresses – those that had found him – craftswomen, and other specialized jobs. They weren't violent, though they did hunt the nearby jungle for food. Vegetables of a sort from small gardens within the settlement accompanied a hearty diet of red meat; meals were carefully and thoughtfully prepared by skilled cooks.

"Diana" appeared beside him after the meal had concluded and the last of the sun's rays disappeared beneath the horizon.

She held out her hand to him; a word he knew meant roughly "come" was uttered confidently and deliberately. His brow furrowed slightly_…_though he was technically no longer a prisoner, he found it best to comply with their wishes whenever he could. He took her hand and stood as she smiled at him.

She led him back to his tent, drawing him inside then turning to face him. He grinned and put on his usual bravado. "What now, lovely lady? A round of Skyllian Blitz, maybe? I hope you don't want to play chess, cause I suck at it."

She just stepped closer, then reached up and ran long, slender fingers along his jaw.

His eyes widened precipitously. "Uh_…_what are you_…_?"

She brought her other hand up to join the first, running it along his broad shoulder as she murmured words that his translator couldn't yet understand. But he didn't need a translator to understand the sultry huskiness in her voice.

His eyes squeezed shut as he reached deep within for a little resolve. He cautiously grasped her wrist, careful not to frighten her, and gently pulled it away.

He blabbered on though he knew she couldn't understand him. "Diana, you are beautiful and exotic and wonderful, but_…_even if I didn't have someone waiting on me, someone who I happen to love very much, you're_…_" he cringed as she stared at him incomprehensibly "_…_you're not really_…_exactly_…_my type."

She frowned – then reached up again, running a hand slowly along his bare chest; he still hadn't managed to snag a shirt, and they hadn't seemed to feel that he needed one. He swallowed hard, willfully ignoring the instinctive reactions his body was having to her sensual touch, and gently grasped her wrist again. He deliberately moved it back to her side, where he held it briefly for added effect.

Seeing the confusion and hurt in her eyes, he patted his chest. "It's _me_. Not _you_. You are beautiful." He struggled to find more words she could understand, and came up empty. Finally he just bowed slowly, fingertips pressed together, in an attempt at appreciation and apology.

She stared at him a moment, her wide, curving eyes narrowing sharply – then she lifted her chin proudly, turned, and left.

He sank down onto the small bench that had come with the tent and dropped his head into his hands. _It was time to go home._

_... ... ..._

He had paced around the small tent for an hour, full of pent-up energy and sexual frustration and angst, before he gave up and ventured out. When the guard at the edge of the village stopped him, he made the gesture for "private time" and she let him pass.

He strolled along the grassland and stared up at the brilliant sky of stars, wondering if one of them could maybe be the Normandy. The awkward incident in the tent had only magnified his increasing unease with the situation he found himself in. Not that this wasn't a good time, as these things went. But he had a job to do, and people he cared about, and he needed to get back to it.

His eyes were sweeping over the jungle's edge, always alert for predators, when he noticed something _off_ about one of the trees. It seemed to shimmer – like waves of heat rising off concrete, but the night was comparatively mild.

He cautiously approached it; the shimmer became more pronounced, more artificial. He realized it actually looked like Kasumi or Litha when they were cloaked, though it covered a fairly large area.

When he was three meters away from it he stopped, crossed his arms over his chest, and raised an eyebrow. "I know you're there; show yourself."

Nothing happened for several seconds; then gradually the shimmer disappeared, revealing a small hovering craft. An Escena warily stepped out of it and gazed at him strangely. _You are not of the Venatri. What are you?_

James frowned in surprise. "You don't know? Listen, could you tell the Guides you found me? Major James Vega. I have a feeling they might be looking for me."

_What do you know of the Guides? We have never met your kind._

James pinched the bridge of his nose; he was getting a headache. "Okay dude, look. I haven't met the Guides personally, but I'm with the Normandy; with Shepard. There was an accident, at Trafero, and I really think they'll be wanting to know where I am. So can you just pass along the message?"

The man continued staring at him oddly. _Trafero? I do not know of this place._

"Wormhole generating place? Transport station?"

_We utilize a number of Passage centers, but none of them are called 'Trafero.' I ask you again, who – what – are you? Though the Whole is distant and somewhat dim, I am certain it does not know of you._

"A la chingada_…_" He glanced back up at the stars and exhaled softly. "Say, what year does it happen to be?"

The answer shouldn't have surprised him. His Omni-tool had glitched when it tried to provide the date or time; he had figured it was damage from the "trip"_…_but he should have known. Still, the magnitude of the displacement was a shock.

How the Hell was the Normandy going to find him over three hundred _thousand_ years in the past?

... ... ...

They walked together some distance from the village. Even so, they were enveloped in a phase-shifting bubble, making them virtually invisible.

The man's name was Galdorne-lo~Vri-Perrava; an explorer for the Escena, he investigated unsettled worlds to find suitable natural resources or locations to develop. He had been studying the "Venatri," as he called them, for several months.

James chuckled devilishly. "I didn't imagine that an Escena would take such an, um, 'interest' in attractive ladies."

Galdorne's already-glittering eyes twinkled. _We are not nonsexual, stranger. Far from it._ He shrugged mildly. _But I would never reveal myself to them. I do not wish to interfere with their development. In fact, I worry that you may have already altered that development with your synthetic adjunct. They now know that things beyond their comprehension are possible._

He raised his palms in surrender. "Hey, I was just trying to communicate. It was kinda necessary."

_I can provide you with a complete translation of their language, if you wish._

James raised an eyebrow, impressed, though he probably shouldn't be. "Yeah, sure." He held out his hand and the man touched his Omni-tool for several seconds, then nodded.

"Thanks. Say, I'm just curious_…_you don't happen to know where all the men are, do you?"

Galdorne laughed in his mind. _They are on what they call 'The Journey.' It is a bi-annual ritual where they venture out in an unexplored direction, seeking new game for food, materials for supplies, areas for settling, or other tribes with which to trade. They will not return for several more weeks._

"Ahh. I just wondered, you know."

_The Venatri are a surprisingly sexually egalitarian people for their stage of development; their women hunt alongside the men and share in decision-making. The Journey is one of the few activities still reserved for the males of the species. In truth, I suspect it is primarily because the men want to keep their 'boys night out.' So to speak._

"Heh, gotta respect that." He looked over his shoulder at the faint torches ringing the outskirts of the village against the horizon. "So, you've been studying these people for a while now. Why? What are you going to do about them?"

Galdorne was silent for a moment, deep in thought; finally he looked over at James somewhat pensively. _My job requires me to report the existence of this planet – it is quite rich in natural resources – as well their existence to the Guides._

James smirked at him. "Do you always do what you're told?"

_Not always._ His shoulders sagged fractionally._ But even were I to refrain, all the Guides need do is direct their attention this way, and they would know of it; the information is already out there, contained within the Whole. That is…the way it works._

"What do you think they'll do?"

Galdorne also glanced behind them at the distant village. _If history is any indication, they will uplift them._

James grimaced slightly. "Yeah, we've had our own experiences with 'uplifting' primitive species back home; it rarely works out too well."

_Indeed? The Guides have a great deal of experience with it; it will be done gently, and over time. But eventually, the Venatri will too become Escena._

James could _feel_ the sadness in Galdorne's voice; it was a bit disconcerting, seeing as the voice was in his head. He shook it off. "You care about these people, don't you?"

The man's eyes flickered and pulsed. _They are…alive. They are wild and untamed and profoundly naive, and it is beautiful. They are curious and intelligent and resourceful; who knows what they may become, what great wonders they may one day create? They deserve to be given the chance to do so. And even if they never create anything of note…they deserve to be free._

"And there's no way you can protect them, hide them?"

_No. It is already too late. I will do what I can, but…it will not be enough._

James regarded him thoughtfully. "You know, you're not much like any of the Escena I've met."

Galdorne smiled; in the dim glow of the starry night it looked wistful, and a little sad. _I'm afraid I am not a particularly good Escena. _

James gestured for him to continue.

_I've spent much of my life out here, among the wonders of the galaxy. Though the Whole covers the entirety of the galaxy and would reach any Escena no matter how far he or she roamed, the fewer Escena there are in close proximity, the weaker it becomes. When you are on Aethraene it is a cacophony in your mind, the pulsing, swirling, living thoughts of billions; it is almost overwhelming. _

_Out here…if I choose to reach out, I can touch the minds of any of my people; but otherwise, it is a mere faint hum in the back of my mind, so quiet I often forget it is there. It is lonely at times, but I do not mind. My Soul belongs to the stars._

James chuckled wryly. "Shepard would just love you_…_"

_Shepard?_

"My, uh, boss. Sort of. The leader of the team I'm here with, anyway. She's a Hell of an interesting lady; toughest person I've ever met_…_but she has a tender heart. She's seen more than any of us_…_and I think if you asked her, she would probably say that her soul also belonged to the stars."

_Tell me, what _is_ your 'team' doing here, so far from home?_

"In a couple hundred millennia, there's going to be a threat to your galaxy and your people; it's a_…mierda_, I can't explain what it is. But don't worry, we got it covered."

James' eyes twinkled playfully. This Escena seemed like a good guy; he couldn't help but tweak him a bit. "I'll tell you something else about Shepard – if she knew about the Venatri, she'd do everything in her power to protect them; and if she couldn't protect them, she damn sure wouldn't put up with those that would take advantage of them."

_What are you suggesting?_

He smiled innocently. "I'm not suggesting a thing. I'm just sayin'. Sometimes you gotta take a stand, for no other reason than it's the right thing to do."

Galdorne's voice was barely a whisper in his mind.

_I know._

_... ... ..._

They had slowly circled back around toward the camp, until they were as close as Galdorne dared get. James figured if he was gone much longer they might – or might not – send out a scouting party for him. Regardless, he should probably get back.

_If you wish, I can take you to the Guides – in this time. My ship is in orbit above; it can create a Passage that will return us to Aethraene. I am not certain whether we can yet create a Passage so far into the future as to send you home, and it will undoubtedly require some explaining how you came to be here – but it is possible._

James worried at his lower lip, tapping his fingers on his thigh as he thought. "How much longer were you planning to be here?"

_Perhaps two more weeks; I have already remained longer than I should._

He nodded slowly. "Tell you what – I'm going to give my people a few more days to miraculously show up, cause they're actually pretty damn good at that. If they haven't by the time you're ready to leave_…_I just might take you up on that offer."

_Very well. I plan to visit other settlements on this world, but I will return here before departing. If you are still here, I will help you. If I do not speak to you again, however, best endeavors to you, my friend._

"Thanks, you too, man. I hope you find a way out of your dilemma – and it's one you can live with."


	18. The Weight of Love

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 18**

"**The Weight of Love"**

* * *

"Love is an abstract noun, something nebulous. And yet love turns out to be the only part of us that is solid, as the world turns upside down and the screen goes black."

– Martin Amis

* * *

_August 15, 2194: Normandy SR-3 War Room_

Kaidan was in the War Room with Garrus studying the schematics the Escena had engineered for the personal shields when his Omni-tool started beeping. It wasn't the normal comm notification or a typical alert; for a moment he wasn't sure what it could be – then he remembered. Comditoroso had given him a special link, should he need to contact the Diramae in the future. It seemed to work both ways.

"This is Kaidan Alenko."

The Chairman's deep voice was instantly recognizable. "Good to speak with you again, my friend. Have you had success finding your companions?"

"Some; two of them are still missing."

"I see. I don't suppose one of them is called 'James Vega' by chance?"

Garrus and Kaidan looked at each other with matching expressions of surprise. "Yes, in fact. Is he on a Diramae world?"

"I'm afraid it's rather a bit more complicated than that."

"Everything with you is a 'bit more complicated,' isn't it?"

Comditoroso chuckled. "I imagine it seems that way. In this instance, however, I cannot claim credit or blame. Here on Apérta we have a comprehensive archive containing records of our entire history; it's really quite impressive, a shame you couldn't have visited it."

Kaidan frowned at Garrus. "I'm not sure I see where this is going_…_"

"Right. You see, included in the archive is the personal journal of our founder; I believe you learned something of him at our dinner, yes?"

Kaidan exhaled softly, trying not to get impatient and snap at the man; his control was increasingly fraying at the edges. "We did."

"It isn't widely known that we possess these journals; he was merely an individual, and we must preserve the legend, after all. In any event – it seems that he met your companion."

That got his attention. "He _met_ him?"

"Indeed. Your actions here on Apérta generated a great deal of interest among our people; after your departure researchers initiated a search of our archive for any historical information on your galaxy in general and Humans in particular. Most of what was returned was scientific data; however, there was one notable exception."

"It turns out that the section of Galdorne's journal which covered his months studying the primitive civilization that ultimately led to his break with the Escena includes a very interesting entry. Perhaps it would be best if I just send it to you. Look over it, then we can talk further."

Kaidan gestured Garrus over; together they read the text that appeared above his Omni-tool.

_I met an alien yesterday. He is not one of the Venatri, nor does he belong to any other species of which I am aware. He calls himself 'James Vega' and claims to be 'Human,' a species residing in a neighboring galaxy; a query of the Whole does not reveal any awareness of 'Humans.' Perhaps that is not a surprise, as he also claims to be from more than three hundred millennia in the future._

_Such a thing is of course possible. We possess the power of time travel even now, who knows what wonders we will be capable of in the millennia to come – though he says he is not here intentionally, but rather as the result of an accident. Regardless, I am inclined to believe him, if only because his synthetic adjunct already knew our language perfectly._

_He is a most unusual being; large in girth, almost the size of a pitheci, yet sentient and intelligent. He has an odd manner of speaking, one which is boisterous and animated. But he seems an honorable sort; he has befriended the Venatri and appears to mean them no harm._

_In my brief conversation with him, he managed to provoke new thoughts in my mind; ideas which previously had been only a whisper on the periphery of my Soul. He has given me something to think about, which I will endeavor to pursue in my long hours of solitude and observation._

_He wishes to get home, to get back to his people. I do not know if it is possible, but if he is unable to do so, I will help him however I can._

Garrus laughed lightly. "Sure sounds like James, doesn't it?"

Kaidan shrugged in agreement. "Well. Chairman, can you tell us exactly where and when this would have occurred?"

"I'll be happy to do so. Will you require further help?"

"Hopefully not, but I'll let you know if we do. Thank you, sir."

"It is merely a small repayment for the trouble we caused you. Best endeavors."

Kaidan studied the information Comditoroso had forwarded for a moment. "EDI, it seems we have a location for James."

"Excellent! Shall I send a shuttle, or would you like to take the Normandy to retrieve him?"

"Yeah_…_it's not going to be _quite_ that easy. He's 318,014 years in the past."

"I'll be right there." Twenty seconds later she walked in; Kaidan sent her the data.

Her head twitched almost imperceptibly. "Ah. I see. I will contact the Guides and determine whether they can send us there."

Her eyes went vacant. Kaidan paced thoughtfully along the data center; Garrus crossed his arms over his chest and drummed talons on the opposite arm.

Two minutes later her eyes brightened dramatically, filling with life once again. It was _still_ uncanny to witness.

"Yes. The Escena are able to create the acceleration and spin necessary to travel to that time and place; we will need to fit the Normandy's wormhole drive with a special attachment in order to return, however. It will enable us to keep the wormhole open across time and space until we are ready to traverse it in the opposite direction; as such, once we arrive there we will need to send a shuttle to pick up Major Vega while we remain in space. They have given me coordinates for where we can pick up the necessary equipment."

She smiled in mild amusement. "They are curious where and how we obtained the information, but say they will_…_take our word for it."

"Excellent. Get us there ASAP."

"Of course. Also, you should know that the Escena have located the last of their missing workers, also in the past, albeit only eleven thousand years. He has returned safely."

Garrus gazed over at Kaidan. "That means once we figure out which gate James went through, there's only three gates left unaccounted for." He reached over and clasped Kaidan's shoulder warmly. "We're going to get her back."

"I know."

* * *

_August 16, 2194: Nadtuor, LMC-Farnese System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

The Kodiak departed the Normandy and headed for the distribution facility on the planet below. Once the Cargo Bay door had closed, the Normandy departed for its journey back in time.

Assured by the Guides that the trip was as safe as any wormhole jump, they had decided to save time by separating for the day. Garrus would lead a team to review the assembly of the early warning sensors and their installation onto satellites; Kaidan would take the Normandy and the rest of the team to retrieve James on what was now a thriving Escena population center but three hundred thousand years ago was an untamed world.

Garrus gazed thoughtfully around the Kodiak, struck by the contradictions crammed into the confined space.

Liara and Keenon were snuggled up so close to each other they should probably get a room soon; Keiji and Kasumi were at opposite ends of the compartment, squeezed up against the walls in the hopes of getting even _farther_ apart from one another. Miranda and Jacob had staked out the middle ground, standing half a meter apart and quarreling quietly.

He glanced over at Litha; she was standing beside him but chatting with EDI. _Where did that leave them in the relationship spectrum on display_, he wondered. Were they even on it? I mean, sex – _great_ sex – notwithstanding, did they even _have_ a relationship? Once they got past each other's defenses and barriers, they certainly worked well together. They had a natural rapport and played off each other's strengths. But was that enou–

– he suddenly became aware of her breath at his ear and her talons running along his ass. "Do I need to come up with another penny to get a peek at your thoughts?"

He smiled to himself at the flutter in his chest, then leaned in closer. "I was just pondering something_…_but I think I got my answer."

... ... ...

_Laedta, LMC-Gaius System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

It was three days after he had encountered Galdorne that, late in the afternoon as he was horsing around with some of the children, James' Omni-tool abruptly lit up. " –mandy, do you read? I repeat, Major Vega, if you are reading this, please respond. This is – "

The children's eyes were wide with wonder at the magic glow around his wrist. He grinned broadly and sat the child he had been swinging around gently on the ground. "This is Vega, and man do I read you!"

There was a laugh of wondrous relief over the comm; his grin grew even wider. "Esteban, is that you?"

"Yeah_…_had to come a helluva long way to find you, you know."

"Well, you know I don't do anything halfway."

"You sure don't. ETA sixty-three minutes."

"Alright. That'll give me a chance to say goodbye to my new friends. They're, um_…_let's just say it's probably best if you don't show up in a flying ship. I'll head out a ways from the village so you don't spook them when you pick me up."

"Okay_…_we'll track your location." Steve was obviously curious, but he let it go for now.

James crouched down to the children's level and motioned them all over. "Listen, I'm going to have to go now, but it has been _great_ to meet you." His translator conveyed his words perfectly, and they scrambled over each other to hug him. "You be good and mind your parents – " his eyes twinkled " – most of the time, anyway."

He disentangled himself from the tiny arms and stood, his gaze sweeping across the village in search of Diana.

She was with the other hunters, planning their next foray into the jungle. With Galdorne's language file, he had been able to explain things to her the next morning, more or less. They had come to an understanding, and something of a friendship.

He drew her off to the side, away from the group. "I have to leave now. My_…_clan is coming to take me home." He had been very vague about where he had come from, cognizant of Galdorne's admonitions about interfering with their development.

Her brow furrowed in puzzlement. "But where will they take you? Far into the plains? Across the sea?"

He struggled with what to say. "Uh, yeah. A great distance away. I'm afraid I won't be able to come back and visit. But I wanted to thank you – and all your people – for everything. You could have killed me; instead you were kind and generous. I won't forget it."

She smiled, her dark, curving eyes sparkling. "You are a good person, Jamesvega, if a very strange one. May the winds of the sky carry you forth to mighty things."

"Thank you. Good luck to you." He squeezed her hands once, looked around a final time, then walked out of the village.

... ... ...

_Nadtuor, LMC-Farnese System_

The satellite assembly and distribution facility was nearly as large as the shipyard at Praede, if of an altogether different form.

Six enormous wormhole gates, three on each end of the facility, hung two hundred meters in the air. Periodically a ship would materialize through one of the gates on the left end; nearly as regularly, a ship would fly into one of the gates on the right end and vanish. Along the length of the nearly kilometer long space in between ran roughly two dozen docking ports; just over half of them were occupied with cargo transport ships.

Behind the docks were long warehouses, within which the final assembly steps of a variety of telescopes, satellites, long-range probes and other deep space equipment were completed before they were loaded onto ships to be flown to their intended destinations. In the sunken area below the docks both Escena and mechs bustled about; crates were stacked and unstacked; small trolleys flew around and moved items from one place to another.

An orange sun burned high above the facility, giving the sky a pale tangerine hue. But the air was pleasantly warm, and a slight breeze gave a fresh feel to it.

Miranda looked around dramatically then turned to Garrus. "Okay, what are we supposed to do?"

"Well_…_theoretically we're here to watch over the first couple of installations of the sensor array on some satellites, and make sure the interface connects and is communicating. In practice I don't know – "

An Escena approached them. _Garrus Vakarian and companions? I am __Tiran-da~Pne-Graevavi__. I will escort you to the appropriate assembly zone._

Garrus gave Miranda a confident smirk. "See? We follow him."

Keiji's jaw tightened when Kasumi drew even with him as they crossed the long walkway. His voice was scrupulously flat. "Why did you even come? You weren't involved in building this tech."

She instinctively flared, her hair whipping over her shoulder as her head jerked toward him. "Neither was Miranda or Jacob, or even Liara really. Do they need to provide you with a justification – " She caught herself, taking a deep breath and deliberately tempering her tone. "I'm sorry; it's not important. I wanted to get off the ship, get some fresh air. I wanted to_…_"

His eyes squeezed shut. "_Don't_. Don't even start."

"If you will just give me twenty seconds to – "

"To feed me another excuse? To try to pass off what I saw with my own hyper-precise eyes?"

"What you think you saw wasn't – "

He stopped suddenly and turned to her. "Kas, I can't _trust_ you. Not anything you say; I imagine I won't ever be able to again. So just stop trying, _please_."

She stared after him as he stormed away. She didn't want to make a fool of herself chasing him, and at the moment it wouldn't improve matters. Instead she sent a single thought to him.

_Never._

_... ... ..._

_Laedta, LMC-Gaius System_

James rounded the curve of the jungle, retracing his original path. The valley and the village it held was long gone from sight by the time the Raptor dropped through the atmosphere and appeared in the sky, sleek and shining like a bird of prey.

It swooped down toward him, hovered briefly, then settled a meter above the ground. As the side hatch opened, James spread his arms wide. "Here I am!"

Steve stood in the entryway for a moment, shaking his head. Finally he smiled broadly and rolled his eyes. "Yes, you most definitely are."

James jogged forward and leapt easily up into the shuttle. He immediately grabbed Steve in a bear hug – then crushed his mouth onto Steve's in a long, deep kiss.

When he finally pulled back he was breathless and grinning. "I have _missed_ you."

Steve was left wide-eyed and a little unsteady from the intensity of the embrace; the rough scratchiness of James' new beard lingered on his skin. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Maybe you can show me later then."

Steve bit his lower lip as he headed back to the cockpit. He never failed to be overwhelmed by what a force of nature James could be_…_but he also felt an unexpected rush of joy and even contentment.

He worked to calm his rampaging heartbeat as he strapped in and the Raptor rose back into the air. "So, what was this you said about finding new friends? And for God's sake, _where_ is your shirt?"

James motioned Lieutenant Rogers out of the co-pilot seat with a wave of his hand and settled into it, then cocked an eyebrow over at Steve. "Dude, you are _not_ going to believe me_…_"

... ... ...

_Nadtuor, LMC-Farnese System_

Keenon and Garrus eagerly dove into the minutiae of the assembly process, muttering excitedly as they peered in and around the mechs while trying to remember not to touch anything.

The sensor interface was being attached to the inner workings of a five-meter long x-ray telescope that was to be deployed to measure emissions from the deep reaches of the early universe. But the sensor would sit quietly within, passively monitoring the surrounding space for a certain configuration of exotic energy to appear; if or when it did, the interface would access the Whole in a manner beyond their understanding and send an alert to all Escena within an 8 AU vicinity.

After the x-ray telescope came a microwave telescope, then a cosmic radiation collector, then a power satellite. At that point everyone except Garrus, Keenon and EDI lost interest. They wandered back outside to watch the massive ships appear and disappear, but mostly to loiter in the warm sun and fresh breeze.

They had been outside for maybe twenty minutes, strolling along the upper walkway, when a klaxon cut through the already noisy facility, blaring a shrill warning. Everyone quickly looked around, trying to spot the source of the trouble.

Liara was the first to see it; her eyes widened in horror. "Goddess, that ship! It's – "

Time simultaneously sped up precipitously and slowed to a crawl.

An enormous cargo ship was halfway through an incoming gate as it canted to the side, falling toward the outer ring of the gate.

An ear-splitting screech sliced through the air and over the klaxon as the ship careened into the two-meter thick ring of pure _numrium_; the sheer weight of it ripped through the super-strong metal, tearing long arcs off and sending them flying through the air.

Miranda and EDI ducked as a splinter four meters long shot over their head and speared the outer wall of the assembly warehouse. A plume of fire exploded from the floor below as an even larger piece crashed into a trolley transport.

The ship kept falling, unimpeded by the brief obstacle the ring had provided. In a split-second it was crashing into a ship that had been traversing above the yard toward a docking port. Now locked together as they ripped one another apart, both ships fell toward the main portion of the facility.

Kasumi was looking around wildly trying to find Keiji – because it was still her natural instinct to do so – when a blue flare in the distance drew her attention. It stood out starkly against the orange sky and the black metal, a bright pulsing wave of translucent energy. She frowned, momentarily confused by its presence – then realized what was occurring just _behind_ the rippling energy.

The aft engine of the ship that had been hit was cutting through the upper scaffolding that ran the length of the facility; a chunk of scaffolding nearly twenty meters in length broke off and began plummeting toward the walkway.

_The walkway they were on. _

Her gaze flew downward to see Keiji standing directly below it; he had hung back in yet another attempt to avoid her. There wasn't time to yell; he would focus on her and steeling himself for another argument rather than look up and see the approaching danger.

She'd like to say that she didn't have time to think, that she merely reacted instinctively. And she did react instinctively, of course; she would have done what she did even had she no time to consider it. But in a world that was moving both at the speed of light and glacially slow, in truth she had rather a lot of time to think.

_She would have liked to see Shepard again, to know for certain she was okay. She thought it quite likely that Kaidan would find her eventually – or finish the Aduri's job of tearing apart the galaxy in the process – but she would have liked to say goodbye, and thank her for being such a marvelous friend._

_She would have liked to tell Timah she was sorry one last time – for she truly was. Also, she would have reiterated what a good man he was – for he truly _was_, and he deserved to hear it; it was the least she could do. _

_She would have liked to tell EDI what an honor it had been saving the galaxy – _their_ galaxy – with her. She thought she had probably already told her that; but just in case, she would have liked to say it again._

She thought all those things and more as she sprinted at nearly inhuman speed along the walkway. But the one thing she didn't think, not even for an instant, was doubt about whether she _should_ do what she was currently in the process of doing. She never questioned whether she should save him, even at the almost certain expense of her own life.

Even if he would never have taken her back; even if he was _AI_, and thus not precisely the man who had redeemed her life all those years ago. He had the memories, he had the DNA, he had the soul, she now truly believed, of that man. The man she owed for nearly all the good things in her life, for nearly all her moments of joy, and for absolutely all her moments of love.

Saving him? That wasn't even a matter for debate.

She leapt onto the railing barely a second after she had started running, hitting it with a spring-loaded leg and using it to vault high into the air. It was twenty meters or so to the falling scaffolding and closing fast; piece of cake. As she flew through the air she idly recalled Shepard's reaction after she took out Hock's gunship in a not dissimilar maneuver. _I don't even…how did you…that was fucking amazing!_ She grinned to herself; it was fun being amazing.

She landed hard against the crisscrossed metal bars; the sharp _clang_ jarred her momentarily. As such she didn't see Keiji, still ten meters below her, spin around and look up in surprise. She didn't even hear him over all the screeching metal and screams and roaring klaxons when he shouted her name, much less the terror that was in his voice as he did so.

The momentum of the huge section of scaffolding was overwhelming; it had halved the distance to Keiji in the blink of an eye. Harnessing all her own remaining momentum, she shoved hard, forcing its trajectory back centimeters.

_Far enough_, she thought as the opposite side of the scaffolding slammed into the railing beside him and canted backward rather than forward. She even managed a quick wink at him through the metal bars separating them before the scaffolding fell back away from the railing.

She let go.

҇

To the rest of them, the entire event had taken five, maybe seven seconds. There had been chaos, and Kasumi had sprinted past them, and leapt, and_…_

Liara gasped as she leaned over the railing and spotted the body below, lying crumpled next to the strewn remains of the scaffolding. "Kasumi!" She started running for the ramp that led down, oblivious to the metal and cargo and entire ships still flying through the air.

The two entangled ships finally crashed into the far end of the facility; they probably killed two or three dozen Escena as they ripped into the warehouse before finally slowing to a stop two-thirds of the way through the building.

None of them noticed the ships grinding to a halt as they ran to the floor some thirty meters below, still trying to understand what had _happened_.

But two people present knew exactly what had happened, for their ocular bio-synthetic nerves and cerebral processes were capable of capturing thousands of images per second and analyzing them just as rapidly.

EDI gazed over at Keiji in the second that was eons for them. He nodded, acknowledging that he had also seen and understood everything.

Then he too was running.

... ... ...

_Normandy SR-3 Med Lab_

Chakwas plastered on her best "doctor" face as she turned to the gathered crowd. Keiji was closest in the front; Kaidan, Garrus, Ashley and EDI stood in a semi-circle; Thane, Litha, Miranda, and now James were behind them. Timah lingered in the back. The rest of the team could be seen pacing uncomfortably on the other side of the windows.

Her chin notched upward. "She's alive – at least in the sense that her heart and lungs are functioning, albeit at a diminished level. But_…_I'm sorry, there's no appreciable brain activity. Her brain stem is still functioning – it must be in order for her heart and lungs to be working. But there's no higher brain activity. The trauma was just too severe; coupled with the blood loss_…_"

She sighed heavily, and had to search for a moment for the strength to keep being the objective professional. "For all our modern wonders that border on magic, there's nothing more I can do, other than set her broken bones. She may keep breathing for some time, but she will remain in a vegetative state. Again, I'm_…_sorry. Perhaps if this were a few years from now_…_"

Ashley stepped forward and gently clasped her shoulders. "You've saved each of us more times than we can count; we know if there was anything more you _could_ do, you _would_. Thank you, Karin."

Chakwas smiled gratefully at her, willing the tears away from her eyes. "I hope so." Later that night, she would let Greg hold her in his arms as she cried; she knew she would. But that was later, and this was now.

She cleared her throat and again lifted her chin. "I'll keep her on life support for now. Decisions about_…_what to do_…_can and should wait for later." She looked around. "There's nothing more you can do here. Should the improbable_…_I'm sorry, there is no improbable here; she's not going to wake up. Please, return to your duties, your routines. I will let you know should anything change."

It was slow and hesitant, but eventually they all dispersed. All except Keiji, that is. When everyone had gone he stepped forward slowly and grasped Kasumi's hand in his. Aware that Chakwas was still in the room, he chuckled bitterly.

"She saved me, you know. I was dismissive, cruel even; I shunned her with my _stupid_ AI logic. But she did it anyway. And she knew what she was doing; I know she did."

His shoulders sagged as his chin fell to his chest. "Why would she do that? Why would she sacrifice herself for me? I don't understand. Anything. How can I be so damn intelligent and not understand _anything_?"

Chakwas knew there was nothing she could say that would give him the answers he was looking for. When the door opened again, she took the opportunity to slip away.

Keiji knew she had left, and knew who had entered. It was the gift, and curse, of being what he was. He didn't particularly care.

Timah stared at her limp, shattered body for a long time without saying anything. He couldn't_…_

After what might have been hours, or minutes, he swallowed and glared at the back of Keiji's head.

"I thought you should know_ – _when you saw us together last week, we weren't_…_together. I was trying but_…_she was only thinking, and talking, about you. She was telling me how I would never be you and shouldn't try. She was rejecting me, and it hurt like a motherfucker. But she was."

"I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner. We haven't been together since before Praede. She loved you, and whatever I was to her_…_it couldn't begin to compare. I don't know if that matters_…_now. And_…_"

His last glance was bitter as he turned to walk out the door. "_…_I hope like Hell you were worth her life."

Keiji was perfectly still, for the world had come to a stop around him at the revelation that he had been _wrong_. That she had been coming back to him all along.

Despite the fact that he _knew_ he couldn't cry, his vision blurred as his body swayed unsteadily. When the door had closed and he was finally alone, he fell to his knees beside her bed. His forehead dropped to rest on her cold, unmoving hand.

Sometime later, he whispered a promise into the darkness.

... ... ...

_Deck 2, Cabin A-2_

Miranda paused mid-pace to look up when Jacob walked through the door.

He had only been intending on swinging by to change his shirt before heading down to the Armory – but the look in her eyes told him he should probably stay for a few.

"I'm glad you're here." She resumed her pacing around the small cabin, not elaborating further.

He watched her for a moment, admiring the natural, always sensual movements, while cringing at the agitation in her step. Finally he gave up waiting. "What's going on?"

She glanced up at him and ran a hand slowly through her hair, then shifted her gaze away. "I was_…_I've been_…_thinking. Watching all these happy reunions – Andrew and Williams, Keenon and Liara, even Vega and Steve. Watching the tragic conclusion to Kasumi and Keiji. Watching Alenko struggle, forcing himself to be outwardly strong when it's obvious he's suffering."

His eyes narrowed; he leaned against the wall. "You've been paying attention to people's _relationships_?"

She didn't seem to notice the incredulity in his tone. "Yes. And it's made me – " she abruptly looked up at him, her features softening " – I know that I'm not easy to live with. Not easy to love. I know that you work very hard at it; harder than you should have to. I do realize that, contrary to what I tell everyone, I'm not _actually_ perfect."

He dropped his chin to his chest, hopefully hiding the fact that he was biting his lower lip. When he had his expression under control he looked back up and quirked a grin. "Close, though – right?"

"Fairly." Her brow furrowed. "The point is – " she exhaled softly and closed the distance to him " – I can try to be better. I _should_ try to be better. It's difficult for someone like me, to focus on my weaknesses instead of simply leveraging my many strengths. But_…_" she reached out to hold his hands in hers "_…_I'd like to try. So that if we're ever separated and in peril, we'll get to have one of those happy reunions at the end."

He drew her closer, into his arms. She was right, of course; it wasn't easy. But when she was like this_…_he knew it was worth it. He smiled teasingly. "Can I twirl you around in the air? At this happy reunion, I mean?"

Her eyes widened in horror. "In front of everyone? I think not! I think – " He cut her off before finding out what she thought he should do instead.

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

Kaidan sat at his desk, but he couldn't be accused of doing anything productive. His feet were propped up on the desk; he absently spun a datapad in his right hand.

In the aftermath of the accident, it was determined that the cargo transport that had set off the chain reaction of destruction had been leaving a system as it was hit by the Aduri. The piloting and navigation systems had been rendered inoperable in the seconds before it reached the origin gate; it had drifted through the gate and emerged at Nadtuor.

The Aduri hadn't followed it through the gate this time; the possibility that they had _learned_ from Trafero was a troubling one.

Two accidents in two weeks involving Aduri attacks rippling across wormhole gates and causing death and destruction? It could seem like an improbable coincidence, but the truth was that the Aduri were now attacking with such frequency around the galaxy that it was surprising it hadn't happened more often. At least once the shields and warning system were rolled out the loss of life should be significantly reduced in future incidents.

He sighed wearily. Shepard was going to be devastated when she learned about Kasumi; he hated that she would come back to such awful news. She would feel guilty, would think that she could have done something to prevent it; hell, _he_ felt like he could have done something to prevent it. Maybe if he had been there, if he hadn't split the team up_…_

The door buzzing jerked him out of his reverie. "Come in." He couldn't rustle up the will to pull his feet off the desk.

EDI walked in, and his face brightened somewhat. Thus far she had usually been the bearer of good news, relatively speaking. "What do you have, EDI?"

She stopped in front of the fish tank and stared into it. "All possible destinations of two of the three remaining gates have been exhaustively searched, without results. They were on either side of Ashley's gate and do not appear to have suffered significant warping, so if Shepard had traveled through one of them we would have expected to find her by now."

He stared at her reflection in the glass. "And the last gate?"

Her voice was uncharacteristically soft. "The Escena have determined which gate Major Vega went through by analyzing the energy signatures in light of the information regarding his destination. Using a sophisticated regression analysis, they have extrapolated the force of energy required to warp a gate sufficiently to send it that length of time into the past, and used that information, coupled with the paths of the other gates, to build a more comprehensive view of the flow of energy leading up to the explosion."

He watched her intently, a growing feeling of dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. "Okay. What is that telling them – or you?"

"Our analysis of the energy flows is in agreement. It appears that the last gate was the recipient of the strongest rebound effect, as the other gates reacted against the waves of energy being directed at them. The rebound first hit the gate Major Vega went through, then whiplashed with exponentially increasing force across the room to the gate opposite it."

His feet slowly came off the desk. He stood. His voice was low and dark. "What does that _mean_, EDI? What are you telling me?"

She finally turned around to face him, her expression troubled. "It means that the time continuum trajectory of the gate would have spun wildly out of control, sending it far into the future."

He shrugged somewhat unevenly. "Okay – then we do the same thing we did to get James, just in the other direction, right?"

"Kaidan, the amount of energy we're talking about_…_I'm not certain the Escena can even track it, much less recreate it. It would have sent the wormhole _millions_ of years forward."

"That's absurd. There's no way it could have been that powerful."

"It is not absurd at all; it is simple physics. An exponential curve rises gradually at first, then rapidly increases along a path that approaches verticality. The energy Vega's gate was subjected to was exponentially greater than yours was; the energy the next gate would receive would be exponentially more so. And because it impacted at the opposite angle, its trajectory is forward rather than backward in time."

He sank back down into the chair. "Alright. But still – "

"There's more." Her voice was laden with sorrow; she looked as though she were about to cry. "At that level of force and momentum, the volatility would also be very high, far higher than any of the other gates. This decreases the likelihood that the wormhole's structural integrity would have held to its destination_…_which decreases the odds that she survived the trip. And even if she _did_ survive, the time frame involved makes it less likely that she would have ended up in a place that was still safe or habitable."

He stared up at her, eyes practically bleeding with anguish. "Are you telling me she's dead?"

"No, I am not. I am telling you that the odds are not good that she is alive. But low odds are not zero odds; Shepard taught me that. Still_…_you needed to know the truth."

He nodded tightly. "Get me a meeting with the Guides."

She had anticipated that would be his response; she smiled sadly. "Of course."

After she had left, his arms dropped to his knees as his head fell into his hands.

"_Why do you love me?"_

_Her head lifted fractionally up from his chest, eyes still blissfully unfocused. "Hmm?"_

_He gently ran a hand through her hair, brushing it back from her face. "Why do you love me?"_

_Her face scrunched up. "You're seriously asking me that after what you just _did _to me?"_

_He couldn't help but give her a self-satisfied smirk. "I mean _other_ than the fact that I'm a god in bed, of course…" His expression shifted again, growing more pensive. "I'm not fishing for compliments. It's just…you're bold and amazing and grand and larger than life. You speak and the world moves."_

_Her eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. "Yet _you're_ the one who made Major before he was thirty-five; I'm just a lowly Lieutenant Commander."_

"_Well you _were_ gone for two years. Still, fair point; I'm better than most at my job. But I'm quiet and unassuming and have even been accused on one or two occasions of being dull. Sometimes I wonder what I could possibly have to offer you." At her troubled expression he pulled her closer. "I don't doubt that you love me; I just don't necessarily understand _why_."_

_She rested her head on his stomach and gazed up at him as she twirled a finger through the curly hair trailing down his chest. "You're the yin to my yang, only together forming a whole – don't make that face, just because it's corny doesn't mean it isn't true."_

_Her voice grew softer, almost as though she were talking to herself. "You're the calm at the center of my storm…the anchor that tethers me to the world…the peace that's the reward for the fight. When you look at me that way, you're the answer to the question."_

Obscured as he was by the desk, not even the fish could see the tears that fell unhindered to the floor, for a very long time.

* * *

_August 17, 2194: Aethraene, Chamber of the Guides_

"Can you do it?"

George's expression flinched oddly. _Though it is a matter of not inconsiderable difficulty, We believe We can recreate the force and direction of the energy necessary to accelerate a Passage sufficiently, yes. We cannot predict the destination of the Passage; in all likelihood it has none._

"That's fine. Send me through it."

_We can only create a small, personal Passage; even We lack the capability to control that magnitude of energy for anything larger. You will be without protection._

"That's fine, too. I'll walk through it; I don't care."

_You will almost certainly die._

"Will it send me to where – and when – she is?"

_It will send you to where and when she was sent. What you will find, We cannot say._

"Okay, that's all I needed to know. Let's do it."

_We must say again – you will almost certainly die, as she almost certainly did._

He exhaled harshly; it felt like something inside him, stretched taut for weeks, broke and shattered into splinters. "Don't you _get_ it? I. Am. Going. After. Her. I don't give one goddamn what you think the odds are."

There was a long, solemn silence. _Very well. Because you have done all We asked and more, We will in turn do as you ask._

He nodded in acceptance, but his voice was still rough and uneven. "Thank you. I need to return to the Normandy and_…_make arrangements. When will it be ready?"

_You may go to this location tomorrow morning. Should We not meet again, thank you for your efforts on Our behalf. You have done much to save Us, and We are grateful._

_... ... ..._

_Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

Ashley was waiting for him when the shuttle landed. She met him at the hatch, eyes flaring in anger. "Kai, do not do this. It's _suicide_."

He shook his head resolutely. "I refuse to accept that. I believe that she's alive, and I believe that I can bring her back. I _have_ to believe it."

She squeezed the bridge of her nose and paced erratically. "Even EDI agrees that it's almost impossible that she survived the trip. I – "

"As impossible as her coming back from the grave? Because after she did that, I've never again believed that something was impossible. Not where she's concerned."

She came over to him and placed her hands firmly on his shoulders. "I _know_ – probably more than anyone on this ship – how much you love her. I _know_ you would do anything within your power for her. But Kai_…_she's _gone_. And I don't want to lose you, too. I don't think I could take losing the both of you."

"You were lost, and she went back for you – how can I not do the same for her?"

"Dammit, it's not the same thing and you know it!"

He pulled her into a tight hug. "I know; I'm sorry, Ash. I don't want to leave you, either. But there is _nothing_ I will not do to get her back." He paused, squeezing her tighter. "Have a little faith; if not in me, then in her; and if not in her, then in your God."

She grumbled into his shoulder. "That's not fair, using my own arguments against me like that."

He laughed haltingly. "Who ever said those of us on the Normandy played fair?"

She pulled back and wiped a few tears away; she opened her mouth, but no words came out.

He squeezed her shoulders. "Take care of them while I'm gone, okay? It's up to you – but I know you can do it."

... ... ...

_Starboard Lounge_

He was staring silently out the large viewport when the doors opened. He glanced over his shoulder just enough to see who it was, then returned to the stars.

"EDI told me where to find you. I hope you do not mind the intrusion; I will only take a moment of your time."

"It's fine. What do you need?"

Thane stepped up beside him. "I merely wanted to tell you that you are the bravest, most honorable man I have ever met – and that I believe you will succeed."

Kaidan huffed a breath, his chin dropping slightly. "I try to be honorable_…_hopefully I succeed more often than I fail. But I'm not brave. Just desperate."

"To paraphrase a Human philosopher, when one is afraid – or perhaps desperate – is the only time one _can_ be brave."

Kaidan didn't have any response to that. "So you believe I'll bring her back, huh?"

Thane shrugged almost imperceptibly. "I think you and I would both know if she were truly gone. We would feel the absence of the _siha_ in our souls. I, for one, feel no such absence – and I highly doubt you would be undertaking this endeavor if you did."

Kaidan regarded the enigmatic Drell for a moment. No one would accuse them of being close friends; they were casual acquaintances at best, though he had conversed enough with the man over the years to know what he was about, and why Shepard liked him. She had a very close and rather unique relationship with Thane; he knew that. He also knew utterly and completely that he could trust her; that whatever Thane might feel for Shepard, the man represented no threat to him. Thus, he accepted what could have been a provocative statement at face value.

He managed to summon up a small smile. "You're right."

"I would ask you to send me instead – for every day I draw a breath is a gift from her; if today should be my last then I would have had seven years of breaths I never deserved, and it would be the smallest price I could pay to save her. But I suspect I know your answer."

"Thank you for the offer. But given the risks, I would never forgive myself if I let someone else do this in my place."

Thane dipped his chin in acknowledgment. "Then there is nothing left to say. May Arashu shine a light for you through the darkness, and may Amonkira show you the path to your love."

* * *

___August 18, 2194: Normandy SR-3 _War Room

He looked around at the others. The team Shepard had created. Most of them he had known as long as she had; many of them he considered friends; all of them he considered comrades.

"Major Williams has full command authority in my absence; I know you know that already, but I want to reiterate that she has both my and the Council's full confidence and support. Listen to her; follow her."

His throat worked briefly. "Except you won't have to, because I'll be back in like an hour, and I'll have Shepard with me. Sorry, Ash, your command will be short-lived once again."

She tried to smile, but it was rather difficult when she was also trying not to cry. "It had better be."

"It goes without saying that I fully expect to return. But if I don't_, _finish the mission – which you nearly have already. Make sure the Escena are able to fully deploy the sensors and shields; make sure they're getting mass-altering equipment into systems quickly in the wake of an Aduri attack. Make sure they're going to be okay."

"Then, go _home_. Go home to your families and friends and careers, proud of what you've accomplished here."

He swallowed hard, then nodded sharply. "I'll see you all again in a bit. Dismissed."

... ... ...

_Science Lab_

Keiji found EDI in the Science Lab with Liara a few minutes later. He knew Dr. T'Soni didn't like people intruding in her lab, but he didn't particularly give a damn.

They both looked up in surprise as he entered. Liara frowned slightly; Keiji had never been one to wander around and drop in on people for visits. "Can I help you?"

"EDI, I need to talk to you a moment."

"Of course. Do you want us to step outside?"

"It doesn't matter. I need you to get me in to see the Guides."

EDI blinked. "What? I mean no disrespect, but they aren't generally inclined to grant random audiences to people they don't know. They, um, think a bit highly of themselves, you see."

"I'm sure they do – but they _do_ know you. Get me a meeting with them – now, if possible."

Liara's head tilted to the side curiously. "Keiji, what are you planning on doing?"

His bio-synthetic eyes sparked and flare with energy. "Shepard isn't the only one who's going to come back from the void."

... ... ...

_Meari Station, LMC-Hermes System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

Kaidan stood alone on the platform.

The technicians were in the room behind him, safely ensconced in protective glass as they began spinning up the power drives. The cylinders surrounding the tower hummed as a faint blue glow began rippling within the ring in front of him. His hand ran over his hip pack a final time, triple-checking to make sure the rather unwieldy gadget the facility director had given him was secure.

He breathed in and out, slow and measured. He wasn't afraid of going through the gate; he was only afraid of what he may find on the other side.

_No. She's alive. There's no other alternative. She doesn't know how to die._

The technician nodded at him from the control room and gave him the all clear.

He turned back to the gate – now roiling fiercely with blue energy – walked deliberately up to it, and stepped through.


	19. Shepard's Story

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 19**

"**Shepard's Story"**

* * *

"Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

– Dylan Thomas

* * *

She was confused for a long time. She couldn't say how long_…_but it seemed like a long time.

She couldn't make sense of what her eyes were showing her; or perhaps it was that her eyes couldn't make sense of the images they were receiving. Every so often she would catch a glimpse of a whisper of _something_ – something that seemed familiar, or at least recognizable – but when she turned to it, it was gone.

She had tried moving early on, taking a tentative step, then another – but nothing changed. Not the perspective, nor relative distance, nor anything whatsoever about her surroundings. It seemed she wouldn't be going anywhere.

Occasionally she wondered if she was in Purgatory; she'd never given much – or really any – thought to what Purgatory would look like if it existed, but now she thought it would look like _this_. Amorphous. Nebulous. Like sitting within the clouds at sunrise.

If it _was_ Purgatory, she was pleased to have died in a state of grace, though somewhat uncomfortable with the thought of what sins she would need to be purified of. There was of course carnal knowledge outside of marriage – lots and _lots_ of carnal knowledge, though in her defense the vast majority of it with one person; surely that counted in her favor, right? Also, she had killed a great many people – but without fail in defense of the innocent.

_Almost_ without fail. The sins of Terra Nova would never completely leave her – nor should they.

Her first clue that something wasn't _right _here – other than the obvious – was when she didn't starve. She was somewhat hungry and somewhat thirsty, though not particularly more so than she had been when she had gone to Trafero. But she never got _more_ hungry, nor _more_ thirsty. At some point she became quite certain that days had passed; they must have. Yet she wasn't starving. She wasn't even dehydrated.

The only possible conclusion she could draw was that she was either dead, or something was wrong with the flow of time here. She chose to go with the latter.

Maybe time had stopped, or was going backward_…_or maybe it had gotten all jumbled up_…_

That thought unlocked – a key? – in her mind, or her eyes, or the world around her – and suddenly she could _see_. She still wasn't quite sure _what_ she was seeing, but she was definitely seeing _something_.

In one direction was a barrier. It was foggy and insubstantial, but it was unquestionably a barrier. If she reached forward into it, she was met with progressively greater resistance until it felt as though she was pushing through heavy sludge, or a solidifying muck. She yanked her hand back in a panic before it became stuck forever.

But the barrier was translucent at best, and she could see beyond it. What she saw was at first little more than a tremendous source of light – perhaps the light she had seen on waking here, before her brain had caught up and filtered out what it couldn't process.

Studying it, she realized that it was moving; flowing like water around a drain – and the drain was a yawning blackness. Not just blackness; the absence of all light.

She began to notice flickers of movement _within_ the movement. Discrete sources of light separate from the larger brightness moved within the rotation; in fact, they seemed to be traveling rather deliberately toward the blackness. They looked almost like_…_

_Aduri_.

But how could that be possible? It didn't make any sense. Nothing made any sense.

In a fit of frustration she spun away from the barrier and what was unreachable beyond it. And suddenly saw the rest of_…_

…her head spun wildly; she stumbled in the misty nothingness.

She stood in the midst of_…_what? Globby filaments of bright plasma undulated in long, slow waves that stretched into forever. They rippled and moved all around her; it was as though she was standing in the center of one of those retro lava lamps that never failed to briefly become a fad every forty years or so.

Yet there was something more going on. She struggled to see past the plasma to what it was rippling _through_. But her brain refused for quite some time to accept what she saw, because it was impossible.

Eventually in desperation she decided that she would, for the sake of argument, accept at face value what she was seeing, and go from there. She slowly, deliberately blinked.

It was as though if she focused on any particular point in space, she could see a slice of existence playing out in front of her, like a three-dimensional holo-vid set in a frame that blurred away at the edges.

Whose existence? Anyone's. Everyone's.

She spun around and focused _there _– she saw dinosaurs stampeding on Earth. She turned the slightest bit and _looked_ – and saw the Protheans playing Goddess to the Asari. She found a point _behind_ that – and saw the ancestors of the Escena create their first bio-synthetic body. Focusing to the _side_ revealed beings and civilizations in far off galaxies she had never known.

She turned again, tilted her head to the side, focused through several layers of plasma, and saw_…_

_She saw them all die._

Not her team, not the Normandy, not Kaidan_…_their fate she dared not think about just yet. What she saw most clearly was the Citadel breaking apart into a million pieces as it was sucked into a void.

She didn't _understand_ – was this a possible future that she had avoided by defeating the Reapers? No, that didn't make any sense – the Reapers would preserve the Citadel for future cycles; it was their modus operandi.

She shifted the focus of her gaze the slightest bit to the left; the scene spun backward until it was suddenly bathed in a sea of Aduri fathoms wide and eons deep.

She gasped in air, though she couldn't escape the strangest thought – that she wasn't actually breathing at all. Was this a nightmare? She quickly pinched herself.

"Owwww_…_"

It was like talking in a soundproof room, her voice immediately absorbed by the surrounding fog.

Okay, not a nightmare. But this horror she was seeing _couldn't_ have happened; there was no way this had happened_…yet_.

Then she knew. With terrifying clarity, she knew.

She was witnessing future events; _a_ future at least, though if she was seeing it then it had arguably already come to pass.

She closed her eyes against the visual onslaught and concentrated on breathing slowly and deeply, not caring whether it was real or imagined air she breathed in.

She knew a thing or two about multiple timelines and shifting pasts and possible futures. She had seen visions of a past tens of thousands of years gone, had nightmares forced upon her of a future threatened but ultimately escaped.

She had _experienced_ two versions of reality; eleven years lived twice – almost identical yet different in a thousand ways – in the blink of an eye, each moment as viscerally real as its alternative. Yet one was gone, erased from existence in all but her mind.

The past had once been the future – and it had been changed. All pasts were first futures – and thus could be changed.

Well, she always did enjoy a challenge.

But first she needed to understand what had happened.

She _looked_, here, there, behind, _beyond_, until she found the earliest moment that she imagined could matter for her purposes. She took a deep breath and imagined a blue ribbon of light emerging from it. Its origin she secured firmly to that point; she let the other end of the ribbon float freely in space. Then she sat down in the mist with nothing beneath her, crossed her legs lotus-style, and began searching for the next linear point in time.

_Thank you, Thane._

_... ... ..._

The weaving wasn't always easy. She longed to linger over moments of joy, of celebration, of ecstasy; dear gods how she wanted to linger there_…_ She cringed at moments of pain, of anguish, though she knew their resolution – and sometimes _because_ she knew their resolution.

She found Mindoir, and watched her parents in moments she had never known of_…_her dad wrapping his arms around her mom from behind while she cooked dinner, her giggling and leaning into him; the obvious love between them bled through the barrier to touch her soul. Another time, worrying over whether to tell her that she was likely biotic; they had heard the stories of biotic kids being taken away from their parents and sent to distant, mysterious schools. They decided to wait until she was eighteen to tell her, wishing her to have a normal childhood but also selfishly not wanting to lose her.

Her hand came to her mouth as she choked back a cry. For the first time in many years, she wanted nothing so much as to embrace her parents and hug them for everything she was worth. It was with tears in her eyes and a heavy heart in her chest that she reluctantly turned away and resumed her task.

For her own sanity she had to pull back, to visit the moments only briefly and at the maximum distance from which she could secure them to her ribbon of light.

It only became much, much harder once she reached the future – at least, the future in the sense that it followed the accident at Trafero. Horror turned to despair as events unfolded in front of her. She wanted to scream, to rage, she wanted to reach out and _stop_ it all –

– _holy fucking shit._

She froze, not daring to breathe, or move, or whatever else she might otherwise do in this strange ethereal place.

In her rage and agony, she had lost control and flared brightly – and breached the invisible wall between her and the scene playing out in front of her. For the briefest moment, she had been _in_ the world again, though she physically hadn't moved. It was_…_she couldn't explain it, nor hardly comprehend it. But some part of her _had_ been there; she _knew_ it. And she had done it with biotics.

She turned to her ribbon of time with renewed vigor, knowing now without a doubt that she _would_ find a way to change the very events that she was weaving together. Somehow, someway.

She continued forward as best she could. Eventually it became difficult for her to discern the precise order of events; she had never experienced them, after all. She was certain she didn't get the order exactly right, but it felt close enough, and it was quite clear when the story ended.

For the ending was _here_.

Now that she could see all that had occurred, she realized the origin point of her ribbon wasn't _nearly_ far back enough. As anxious as she was to get _on_ with what she wanted to do, she suspected that she would never get it right until she knew how the series of events that ended here had begun.

So she went back to the beginning of the thread, created a new ribbon from the unbreakable stone that was her starting point, and wove it backward.

She ignored her own history; she ignored the history of her people, of the other peoples she now thought of as her brothers and sisters; she instead steadfastly focused on the history of this galaxy she had come to for a visit.

And eventually – hours, weeks, years later – she watched as the enemy was born. She saw the Escena, then a dynamic, driven, brilliant people, learn to harness the power of space and time and begin to utilize wormholes. They cut through the fabric of the visible universe, traversing a dimension that could not be seen but was clearly there. Flows of exotic energy danced along the outer walls of the wormholes like dolphins racing playfully along the bow of a boat as it sped through the water. The energy held the wormholes together, kept them on their path, then faded into the unknown.

Except one time, it didn't. As a random wormhole traveled to a random destination, the flow of exotic energy birthed something _new_.

What she _thought_ she saw was previously nonexistent particles spray forth out of the energy forming the wall of the wormhole, vibrating to their own wavelength as they turned and began trailing behind the wormhole.

When the wormhole disappeared, they vanished as well – but then reappeared near another wormhole in another "place," to the extent such a concept existed here. There were more of them, she thought, and they seemed to dance across the wormhole, not flowing with it but rather moving of their own volition, vibrating until they became less particle and more wave.

Satisfied that she had at last found the beginning, she wound the end of her ribbon around the image of creation then reversed course.

She paid greater attention this time now that she was confident of the path. She watched with some interest as the Aduri grew, ever so slowly. At some point she realized that they weren't actually disappearing and reappearing. They lived in the dimension that was the purview of wormholes and time travel, only becoming visible to her against the glow of a wormhole that straddled what she knew as space-time and this hidden world.

It took what she estimated as nearly a hundred thousand years before they appeared in normal space the first time, separate and apart from a wormhole's trail. They were suddenly simply _there_. They danced around in an uninhabited star system for a few moments, sucking up the scattered particles of dark matter, then vanished.

She moved forward in time, watching for them to appear again; perhaps a century later, they did.

This time when they disappeared, she followed them.

At least, that's the only way she could describe it. For the split-second that they vanished, there was a_…_gap, a hole in the fabric of space-time. She focused utterly and completely on that pinpoint opening – then she was on the other side of it.

Interestingly, it looked rather a lot like where she had spent the last_…_she had no idea how long. There was no up or down, no left or right that she could discern. Images popped dizzyingly into and out of existence, magnifying the sensation of vertigo. She felt like she was falling – like she would fall forever – yet nothing rushed past her.

She knew there was no way her brain could accurately process this_…_place; like in the Geth Consensus, her mind was creating a construct via which she could perceive what was by definition unperceivable.

The Aduri swam all around her, through her. Because she of course wasn't really there, instead only a remote observer of a distant past.

In this place, in their dimension, they were so much _more_. Intricately complex, bound together with a mesh of tiny filaments, they moved with purpose and direction.

They _lived_.

It seemed to her that they must have a kind of thought, of sentience, if not of a sort she could hope to comprehend. They didn't build houses or ships or skyscrapers – for what would they need with those? The universe was theirs.

She couldn't know if they felt emotion, if they understood the destruction their very existence caused – and if they did, whether they cared.

She pulled back, a wave of nausea crashing over her as she suddenly found herself exactly where she had been. She squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in deep breaths until it eased.

Understanding a good deal more now, she moved forward along her ribbon more quickly.

The Aduri moved more quickly as well. They were as a stone rolling downhill, gaining speed, acceleration and size – slowly at first, then with greater and greater force and momentum.

This ribbon reached the point at which it had started; she continued it forward, parallel to the thread she had already created.

It weaved in and out, intersecting the primary ribbon at points that killed those she knew, then those she loved, and eventually everyone that was.

She was sobbing by the time this ribbon too reached the end and wound itself tightly around her original one, joining together at the end of time and space.

Tears streamed down her face unhindered; the torment of watching trillions die was almost unbearable. She thought for some time that her heart, though it was stronger and stouter than most, would surely break into a thousand pieces and shatter on the ground that wasn't. It was only through sheer force of will that she held it together with the most tenuous grasp.

She gazed around at what she had created. Two brilliant ribbons of light spun all around her, for as far as she could see. They circled again and again, dipped and rippled, yet held to a single path across untold eons. They gleamed and sparkled, slivers of the history of life in this universe_…_until its abrupt, violent end.

She understood now why _this_ place looked a lot like the space the Aduri inhabited.

The Aduri had grown more and more numerous and forceful until finally their forays into the physical world could no longer be contained. With the fabric of space already weakened in a number of regions due to the tachyonic fields they left in their wake, they had ripped a permanent rupture in the wall between the visible universe and the dimensions that lay within it.

But the universe wasn't designed to work that way; it followed very strict rules. With one of those rules now irreparably broken, the rest had fallen apart in an avalanching cascade. Spreading outward from the rupture like spider web cracks in glass, the three spatial dimensions then the temporal dimension had fractured and splintered apart.

The tremendous light rotating around the darkness beyond the barrier was the accretion disk of a black hole – a naked singularity that had been created at the point of the rupture, and into which the universe was eternally falling. She didn't know why the Aduri appeared to be moving toward it of their own volition. They were intrinsically multi-dimensional creatures; perhaps they were traveling to whatever lay on the other side.

She suspected the translucent barrier between she and the black hole represented the end of time. It had stopped here, at the edge of the accretion disk.

Maybe she was actually also falling into the blackness, and would be for eternity. Or maybe something about her, or how she had gotten here, or the fact that she hadn't been here when the end had begun, had resulted in her being frozen at the precipice, protected from oblivion by the last tock of the clock.

She swallowed hard and wiped away yet more tears, but fire burned brightly in her eyes. It didn't matter what was happening to her, because she was going to _change_ it.

By all the gods, old and new, singular and multitudes, real and imagined, she would _not_ let this come to be.

... ... ...

She practiced. At first in unimportant, unnoticed areas and times. She concentrated – with her biotics, then her mind, then her biotics again – until she could reliably reach into the world. At least in a sense.

She couldn't physically appear in the world, though god knows she _tried_. But biotics manipulated dark energy – and dark energy, it turned out, was one of the elements that existed in more dimensions than just the spatial ones. That was probably why it was food, or fuel, for the Aduri.

And if she focused hard enough, channeling every ounce of biotic power she had_…_she could send a ripple of dark energy across the dimensions into physical space, with biotic effects hitching a ride.

For the crucial fact she had ultimately grasped was that _everything_ was broken here. Not just time, though it was in many ways the most important. But time was, in the scientific sense, merely another dimension that lay atop the manifold of depth, width and height that made up the physical universe.

Here, at the end of everything, _all_ the dimensions were broken – and since they were broken, untethered and wrent apart of their moorings, they could all be accessed.

Any where.

Any time.

They were all hers to see, and if she had the strength, to affect.

_Dear god, it was all so tempting._ A few hours or weeks or years of concentration, and her parents would not have died so many years ago. A little more work than that, and the First Contact War would not have cost so many thousands of lives, on both sides.

A whisper in an ear, and The War would have lasted days instead of months.

But life in its purest form was equal part pain and pleasure. Without pain, we didn't grow; without pleasure, we didn't care if we grew. She wasn't a god, and she couldn't tweak the universe to her liking.

But she did have to _save_ the universe.

She laughed aloud, keenly aware of how unbelievably arrogant and grandiose that sounded. Not content with saving the galaxy, she was now going to save the _entire universe_!

It was also the truth. Her travels through history in constructing her ribbons of time had given her an even broader perspective on the wondrous life that prospered, faltered, and rose again across the universe. It was beautiful and miraculous and precious; it couldn't be extinguished _now_, not when it was at last on the verge of reaching a level of maturity and wisdom that would allow it to see the wonder of what it truly _was._

No. She wouldn't let it happen.

Unfortunately she was woefully limited in what she could do from here. She couldn't _touch_ anything, she couldn't _talk_ to anyone. In fact, pretty much all she could do was make a glowy wave for a few seconds.

Searching for a way to begin, she turned to the section of ribbon that encompassed the weeks immediately following the accident that had sent her here. The consequences of the accident had been catastrophic, scattering members of her team across time and space. Separated and lost, all of them had perished within days if not hours – she didn't look too closely, she couldn't bear to see it a second time – followed not terribly long thereafter by the Normandy and its entire crew as space had fallen apart beneath them.

But what if they _didn't_ perish?

She recalled a saying attributed to the legendary World War II General, Douglas MacArthur; it had been used at ICT to drill home the very point he had been making. "In war, you win or lose, live or die – and the difference is just an eyelash."

She thought maybe she could move a few eyelashes.

* * *

She watched Kaidan sleeping under the sheltering branches in the cold night air of Apérta.

_She wanted more than anything in the world to be able to reach out and run her fingertips along the stubble of his chiseled jaw, to place a feather-light kiss at the hollow of his throat._

That was what she wanted; but what she _needed_ was for him to wake up. If he didn't wake up and see the ships overhead, the next morning he and Andrew would hike in the wrong direction, never find the Diramae city just to their southeast, and eventually_…_she shut off that train of thought. That wasn't going to happen – because she was going to get him to wake up, dammit.

It was the most difficult act she would execute – which was why she had saved it for last, after she had gotten lots of practice and honed her skills. Well, next to last anyway; she suspected there would be one more to follow. But first she had to succeed here.

James had been the first, and easiest – which wasn't to say it was _easy_. In many ways it was the most precarious; there were only seconds between when he regained consciousness and when the animal pounced, and there was nothing she could do to extend that time. She had to get him to _look_, then to look beyond what he saw and recognize the threat, all in the space of a breath.

She failed the first two times, had to watch him be mauled; she chose not to watch him be eaten. Finally on the third attempt she was able to make the energy glow brightly and pulse rapidly enough to get his attention in time.

Even so, it was close. She had never been so glad for the hours upon hours he had spent conditioning his body as when she watched him hold off a hundred-fifty kilo monster with nothing but his arm.

Invigorated by a life saved and a past once again changed, she watched his story unfold. She smiled at his earnestness as the _Venatri_ utterly flummoxed him time and again. He had such a good heart. And they truly were a vibrant and energetic people; though she knew they would ultimately be happy enough when they were absorbed into the Escena, she wished she could save them. But to do so would cost a far greater number of lives one day.

With that thought, a reminder of the infinite stakes involved, she turned away from James and to her next task.

After years of practice and study, she was no longer bad at tech. She was now _average_ at tech. She knew from watching Kaidan once or twice or a thousand times that dark energy could fuck up electrical signals if properly directed. But she would need a deft touch, as she didn't want to permanently fry the electronics in question; that would defeat the purpose. The good news was, the amount of energy required was significantly less than it took to make a bush-sized wave; it just needed to be directed a bit more precisely.

She took a moment to watch Ash. She was so _strong_, so determined. It must be difficult for her, one who believed with all her heart that life was more than DNA packaged into a physical vessel, that life was _higher_ and _more_, to come face to face with the apparent opposite. But she just rolled with it and kept pushing forward, focused on getting back home.

_Oh, Ash, if you could only see what I now see._

She shook her head roughly, breaking her reverie. She could wax poetic while she was resting. Right now she had to work.

_Woah!_ She jumped in surprise at the wild surge of power she had created in the space station. Sparks flew everywhere, the holo-displays blinked furiously – _shit_, they were in danger of shorting out completely. She hurriedly pulled back, withdrawing through the dimensional walls, then exhaled in relief as the one display that mattered returned to normal and showed precisely what it needed to.

She beamed with pride as Ashley's survival and rescue rippled forward and events unfolded anew, the members of her team working and analyzing and devising solutions and driving forward. She couldn't have done any better.

With no further interference on her part, EDI and Ash took the initiative and followed their instincts and wound their way toward Kaidan and Andrew. Only_…_she frowned. The timing was wrong.

It was easy to get confused when standing at a vantage point from which everything was happening all the time. She hadn't realized the guys had moved so far ahead in time during their journey through the wormhole. And now the Normandy was early. _Dammit._

She watched in dismay as the Normandy searched, then searched again, then moved on – just as Kaidan and Andrew arrived on Apérta. The first thought she had was gratitude for the closeness of the timing; she could work with that. The second thought she had was that she _really_ didn't want to fuck with the Normandy. No one in their right mind would let her anywhere near the internal tech of the ship, and they would be right not to do so.

She couldn't risk damaging the Normandy. Nuh-uh; not _her_ ship. Properly chastised by the out-of-control power display at the Renasca Facility, she found unimportant terminals in unimportant locations and _practiced_.

The timing had to be exact – a moment too early or too brief, and they would leave anyway; a moment too late or too lengthy, and they would already be out of range of Apérta. Finally, she decided she was as ready as she was going to be.

She took a deep breath, prayed that she was up to the challenge, and _pushed_ outward. _Focus…focus…pull back!_ All the air left her lungs as she released the tension coiled in every muscle of her body and flopped to her knees. She grinned in relief as she watched Joker turn around_…_it had worked, thank gods it had worked.

Relief turned to horror as the Normandy roiled and bucked violently in the space above Apérta. Her hand came to her mouth, a gasp lodging in her throat.

There was no way, even with thousands of years of practice, that she would be able to create a surge of energy large and strong enough to somehow warn them of the repulsor field. She hadn't even realized it was there, though she supposed its creation was buried somewhere in the legion of seconds of history surrounding her.

It was with no small amount of trepidation that she turned to the Normandy to witness the aftermath. Grateful beyond measure that the ship had survived with only relatively minor damage and casualties, she mourned the sacrifice of two lives, but knew she had to move on. For the moment at least, there was nothing more she could do for the Normandy.

She was bone tired; it was a profound weariness borne of isolation and endless tragedy as much as physical exertion. Cognizant she would be of no help to anyone for a while, she watched events unfold on Apérta – and only found more tragedy as the rescue team was _too late_. Too late to save them, she watched Ashley collapse over her husband's body in despair, beating her fists into the snow much as Shepard had once done on Alchera. She didn't dare watch any further; she simply could not endure what the remainder of the scene would hold.

A cursory scan at the course of the future of this now-altered past showed her that _this_ moment, the last moment of the universe, had been pushed back as a result of her actions thus far_…_by fifty, maybe a hundred years. But in the end she still sat impotently here, unable to prevent it as the world came crashing to an end.

It hadn't been enough; she would have to do more.

She studied the Diramae; watched as they utilized their unmatched intellect and ingenuity to forestall their demise until the very end – yet in their hubris and unmatched pride refusing to share the tools of their survival with the Escena.

That one simple act would have delayed the end for many hundreds of years. The combined might of the Escena and the Diramae, now protected from immediate death, could have healed the tachyonic fields left behind by the Aduri as soon as they occurred and held the fabric of space together with sheer persistence and determination.

Her eyes darted to her ribbon. _Of course!_

She quickly moved along the ribbon, back_…_back_…_she watched Kaidan and Andrew trekking through the snow against the brilliant, golden-hued night sky. If they found the Diramae, they would live long enough to be rescued for certain. If they found the Diramae_…_

She leapt up, newly energized. She scanned up and down the events that transpired_…_how could she set them on the right path? They were so close.

There. One moment; one chance. But _how_? It wasn't going to be easy.

She needed to think; and whatever she came up with, she suspected she wasn't ready for it yet. Despite the incredible sense of urgency, despite the adrenaline coursing through her body_…_it could keep. She had forever, if that's what it took.

With a reluctant sigh, she assigned the puzzle to her subconscious and turned to Liara_…_and found another thorny problem. She took the opportunity to remind herself that she did always enjoy a challenge; she _almost_ believed it.

Liara was alone, in the dark, aboard a dead space station filled with the dead, plummeting toward a dead planet. She could _feel_ Liara's terror, she who had overcome all her insecurities and weaknesses to become powerful, calculating, resourceful, deadly and seemingly fearless.

Liara had spent years studying the dead; Shepard watched as she died among the dead. Though grateful that they had at least somewhat patched things up before the accident, her heart wrenched painfully as the station burnt up in the planet's atmosphere, scattered wreckage surviving to crash to the surface and splinter.

_How_ was she going to get her off that station? It had only hours left when Liara arrived there; in a system torn apart by the Aduri, hundreds of thousands of Escena killed in their path, there was no one alive for a hundred AUs and no way for her to get herself out, for the Escena's equipment no longer functioned_…_

She turned back to the Normandy, and back in time a bit, brow furrowing thoughtfully. A tiny smile pulled at her lips as she found Keenon up late into the night, holo-displays lighting the space around him as he worked doggedly in what everyone else thought was a hopeless quest to bring life back to the equipment rendered inoperable by the Aduri. The smile widened when, some five days later, a spark lit and the small probe flared with light.

How could he have known, she wondered, that this would be the _one_ thing that could save the woman he had fallen for? Even more so_…_her brow furrowed quizzically; the endless circles of logic were giving her a headache. How was it that _he_, likely the only person on the Normandy with the precise set of skills and knowledge necessary to figure out how to turn the Escena equipment back on, had been the one that had fallen for Liara and thus, feeling despondent at her loss, had turned to such endeavor as a way to escape the misery of lonely nights?

Was it just luck? Chance? Low odds were not zero odds; across the entirety of time and space anything was _possible_. She had cavalierly invoked "fate" on more than one occasion, even claimed to bend it to her will a time or two. But was something far more powerful than she had ever imagined at work? Was Liara meant to live through this, and so a precise, complex sequence of events had been set in motion many years before?

She couldn't accept that_…_not_ exactly_. She believed in free will, in personal responsibility, and with good reason. She believed that everyone had a choice, always, and that those choices mattered. She had seen them matter, time and time and again. No one's fate was predetermined and unalterable. She should know, she was busy altering people's fate all over the place this very moment.

But she couldn't deny that, if she pulled back from the individual moments to a perspective of years, decades, even centuries_…_there was a pattern to Life. Currents flowed through the universe, connecting people, events and decisions across time and space. If there _was_ such a thing as fate, this is what it would look like. From her vantage point, the universe was making a fairly convincing argument that it had purpose. Meaning.

And that purpose was _not_ to die an early death. Not if she could help it – which it so happened she _could_. She willfully put aside the philosophical musings and turned back to the rather complicated task at hand.

This piece's attention directed _there_, a diversion to cause the Kodiak sending out reconnaissance probes to linger in the system – and almost like it was fate, Keenon was on a direct trajectory to his love. _Now_ all she had to do was get Liara to the shuttle bay, and pray that she would put aside her stubborn willfulness and trust him to save her.

She watched Liara run through the pitch-black labyrinth; at what point could she intercept her and get her headed in the right direction? Fuck – there was no direct route; she was going to have to _keep_ her headed in the right direction. It wasn't going to be enough to get her attention with an energy flare; she was going to have to _move_ the energy flare, and for quite a bit longer than anything she had done thus far.

On the plus side, since it was pitch-black in the station, at least it wouldn't need to be a terribly bright or large flare. She rolled her eyes, then her shoulders, then sucked in a deep breath and began.

She wasn't going to lie – it was hard as shit. Moving a wave of dark energy through a labyrinth of hallways required a deft touch and a level of finesse that she never would have been able to pull off if she hadn't been manipulating biotic fields for more than twenty years. She was exhausted by the time Liara reached the shuttle bay_…_but the payoff was _totally_ worth it. She grinned with joy, giggling like a teenager at Keenon and Liara's flirtatious banter and tender confessions.

She lingered, watching beyond what she needed to_…_avoiding the next task she had set before herself for as long as she could. It was the only thing left before she would need to return to Apérta, and she really should do it to strengthen her skills further.

She didn't want to do it. In fact, she didn't _need_ to do it. This alone was an optional act; its resolution would not change the fate of the universe.

But Kasumi would want her to do it. She would want to be given the opportunity, to be offered the choice. And it _would_ be Kasumi's choice, she reminded herself; she was only making the choice possible. With a heavy heart she turned away from Auranta and to Nadtuor.

Kasumi did as she had known she would, of course. Shepard comforted herself with the knowledge that she had been smiling as she did so. Still, it broke her heart to see her friend lying crumpled and broken upon the ground. Utterly alone in this place that wasn't and with the entirety of life circling endlessly around her, she pulled her legs to her chest, dropped her forehead to her knees, and wept.

It was some time before she was able to focus on anything productive. Though she longed to rush to Apérta, she would need all her focus for that and she just didn't have it.

But eventually – she had given up all attempts to assign minutes or hours or days to what felt like the passage of time here – she again found her resolve, and then her determination.

... ... ...

She watched him sleeping a moment longer.

She was glad she had rescued Liara first; after spending time with the Diramae she had a sneaking suspicion she was going to need all her skills and then some in order to make sure Kaidan learned of their crucial shield technology. But she couldn't do that until after she got him to _wake up_, because if he didn't wake up he would never even _meet_ the Diramae, and all that she had done elsewhere would have been for naught.

_I'm going to need you to wake up now, my love._

She couldn't truly explain how she did it. It should have been impossible.

Maybe she somehow accessed his tele-comm, just the slightest bit – maybe they shared a cosmic connection that transcended space and time dimensions. Maybe she just loved him enough that it bled out through her biotics as they rippled around him in a protective embrace.

Maybe she simply refused to fail. Miranda had told her once that she had the power to move the very galaxy; maybe that was power enough to do this one impossible act.

From her perspective, what she did was push all her biotic energy into the world – then direct a single thought with every ounce of strength and will she had and a bit more she dug up.

_Wake up _

_Wake up_

_Wake up_

And then he did. She loved him.

As she had with the others, she watched to see what followed. She was looking for the opportunity she would need, the chance to _truly_ change the trajectory of events_…_but she was also watching because it brought her a measure of comfort. Though she couldn't be there, when she watched she felt close to him_…_and she had been so very lonely in this strange place.

But then the opportunity _did_ come, clear as a blaring neon sign. She took it.

It was without a doubt the most blatant display of power she had heretofore engaged in. She felt invigorated, renewed; she believed she was going to be able to change the fate of the universe, and it fed her power.

It was almost fun.

When her wave of energy reached him, she tried to_…_she knew he was troubled, terrified even – not for himself, but for her – and she tried to somehow tell him that she thought maybe it was going to be okay.

Abruptly she reached the end of the last of her reserves of power, and collapsed in a heap on the nothingness that was beneath her. But that was okay; more than okay. She had _done_ it.

It was a wondrous thing to witness, as the events pinned along her ribbon rippled and changed, one after another like dominoes standing instead of falling, and new stories and paths spawned and multiplied. She would need to rearrange and extend her ribbon considerably to capture the many moments that now followed. She squeed with delight when she saw one of them in particular – she didn't look too closely though; didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Actually, beyond a certain point she didn't look too closely at anything – it would be no fun if she knew ahead of time what would happen, after all. The important thing was that the ribbon now spun and wove for so _very_ much farther.

She had never been more proud in her life than she was now of her team, her crew, her friends and comrades, her love. The day they had won The War had come close; they had excelled beyond all expectations that day. Now they did the same, in spite of or maybe just irrespective of the fact that they believed her lost. No matter what the obstacles, they continued to fight, to persevere, and to triumph.

Yes, in a sense everything that occurred was because of her. She had reached out from the void and intervened at the few precise moments that enabled them to live, and thus to have a _chance_. But in truth, they had done all the hard work. All she had done was move a few eyelashes.

Still, it wasn't enough. Not quite.

Though the ribbons now stretched for quite an additional distance, they nevertheless eventually arrived at this point. The last point.

There was still one thing left to do, one tragic but necessary act to perform; an act that she now would have the opportunity, and time, to do – but she couldn't do it from here.

Flush with endorphins from success but completely and utterly spent, she took a slow, deep breath, and sat down to wait.

* * *

Kaidan slammed with incredible force into _something_; his head swam, reeling from the concussive shock. He stumbled backward and was about to fall to his knees when a pair of arms gently caught him. Soft yet strong, tender yet sturdy and certain, they were oh-so-familiar –

– his eyes flew open. She was grinning spectacularly at him, though he immediately noticed that her eyes carried within them a complex swirl of emotions he couldn't decipher. He did know one thing – she was the singularly most beautiful sight he had _ever_ seen.

"Hi, baby," she whispered, her voice cracking and hoarse from disuse.

"Dear god, Graceyn_…_" His arms wound tightly around her in an embrace he never intended on leaving. "You're _alive_. Of course you're alive. You had to be alive. If you – "

She shut him up with the crush of her lips against his –

– and was awestruck at how overwhelming the feel of something _real_ was. Had she been in this ethereal place for so long she had forgotten that _this_ was what life truly felt like?

_The roughness of skin. _

The rush of blood through arteries.

_The heat of breath. _

The pliability of lips.

_The scrape of calloused fingertips against a cheek. _

The cool dampness of tears.

_The softness of hair curling around fingers. _

The pressure of a palm against the small of her back.

_Against the curve of her head, pulling her closer until there was no closer._

Had it always been like this?

Oh dear _lord_ was the sex going to be good…

She pulled back fractionally, just enough to catch her breath. "You came for me."

He sighed desperately against her lips. "I told you before – I'll _always_ come for you."

They didn't talk again for quite some time.

When he finally did pull away, it was to run fingertips along her temple and stare at her in wonder, almost as if he still couldn't accept that she was real. "I've missed you," he murmured softly.

"I – " a grin broke across her face as she mimicked his caress " – oh my gods, you grew a _beard_!"

His lips pursed together; he looked almost chagrined. "I, uh, didn't have access to a razor for a few days, and then_…_well, I guess I had other things on my mind than shaving_…_"

She trailed teasing kisses along his jaw. "I _like_ it_…_" When she reached his earlobe she pulled back. "But_…_how long have I been gone?"

"Fifteen days, twelve hours, sixty-seven minutes_…_give or take a few seconds." His eyes creased slightly at the odd expression on her face. "How long did you think you had been gone?"

Her eyes took on a faraway look, and she suddenly seemed_…_he couldn't put his finger on it. Haunted?

Her voice was barely a whisper. "Longer."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you sooner, I did everything I could – "

"I _know_ you did. You're here now, and that's the only thing in the world that matters."

She was smiling at him now, but the sorrowful, weighty look in her eyes_…_he frowned in concern. "Are you okay?"

She touched the tip of her nose to his. "I will be. I promise."

"Okay." He tilted her head to place a soft kiss on her forehead_…_and for the first time actually looked at their surroundings. Or tried to; it was confusing, and all he could really discern was a foggy glow and vague flashes of light.

"What is this place? There's_…_nothing here."

She glanced around at the ribbons of light winding among the waves of plasma, at the glimpses of a trillion moments circling around her. "There's more than nothing here, but it takes time to see. I don't think we were really meant to see."

He looked over her shoulder, unwilling to increase the distance between them even a centimeter. "Is this what the world _looks_ like millions of years from now? What could cause this?"

Her head shook slowly. "This isn't millions of years from now. It's twelve hundred years in the future, at most."

"What? No, the force of energy driving the wormhole that sent you here – and the one that sent me – was strong enough to propel us millions of years ahead."

"Hmm_…_that probably explains why you hit the barrier so hard. It may very well have been enough energy to go that far, but no amount of force in the universe is getting beyond this point." She looked around again. "It was only a hundred or so years in the future when I got here. But I – _you_ – pushed this moment back more than a thousand years."

She ran a hand softly along his jaw, reveling in the roughness and the warmth. "I watched you, you know. You were spectacular."

"I_…thank_ you, but_…_" His eyes narrowed suddenly. "It was _you_, wasn't it? In the woods that first night? At the shipyard on Apérta? It was always you_…_"

She just grinned at him.

"I thought I was going crazy when I stood in the middle of that wave of energy and all I could feel was you. But it _was_ you. _How_?"

She swallowed and looked around again. "I'll try to explain, if I can. But not now; it would take_…_time."

He nodded, accepting her response for the moment. "So what _is_ this place, then?"

"The end. Of everything. The last moment of the universe."

His brow furrowed thoughtfully; at this point little could shock him. "Because of the Aduri?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how to stop them?"

She smiled, a hint of her usual mirth sneaking back into it. "Of course I do. Do you have a way for us to get back home?"

He smiled then, too, as his hand wound tenderly through her hair. "Of course I do."

* * *

_._

_A/N: Visit my Deviant Art page ("Graceyn") for a look at bearded Kaidan :)._


	20. Lost and Found

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 20**

"**Lost and Found"**

* * *

"Sky Above Me, Earth Below Me, Fire Within Me."

– Skyrim

* * *

_August 18, 2194: Normandy SR-3 Cargo Bay_

The hatch of the Kodiak swung open to the sound of many heels snapping together. "Atten–hut! Admiral on deck!"

Shepard stood on the lip of the shuttle's edge, momentarily stunned into stillness. The entirety of the Normandy crew – all seventy-three of those present and aboard – lined the Cargo Bay in formation. To a person they stood at attention, hands sharp against their temples in salute.

She gasped softly, overwhelmed by the display of honor; then, remembering her role in this, she squared her shoulders and snapped a perfect return salute.

Ashley stepped forward formally; she was tamping down a huge grin, the corners of her lips twitching viciously while the rest of her face was a mask of seriousness. "Major Williams, returning the Normandy to its rightful command. Welcome home, Admiral."

Shepard managed not to smile either, but her eyes twinkled brightly. "Acknowledged, Major." She brought her hand down by her side. "As you were." Her gaze scanned across the crew. "All of you, as you were. Please."

She remained standing on the edge of the shuttle, as it gave her a height and sight advantage. "Thank you all so much for this amazing welcome; I'm quite glad to be back – I _really_ am, believe me."

"But in truth, I should be honoring you. You have, each and every one of you, acted above and beyond the call of duty in my absence – in so many of ours' absence. You've worked to save the people of this galaxy despite the hardships and added burdens placed upon you. If you are only half as proud of yourselves as I am of you, then you will surely burst from the arrogance." She grinned as chuckles rippled across the bay.

She nodded slowly, almost to herself, drinking in the energy of the crowd; then she focused her attention back on them. "There's a bit more work for us to do – but we'll worry about that tomorrow. Tonight, we celebrate. Dismissed."

She stepped down at last, and was immediately mobbed – first by Ashley, who practically knocked her to the floor with the force of her hug. "Shepard, I swear, you and your stunts are not the slightest bit funny. If you _ever _pull that again, I will –"

She gave a muffled laugh into Ash's shoulder. "It was _not_ my idea this time, I promise."

When Ashley finally stepped away Garrus was standing there, arms crossed over his chest, his head shaking in disbelief. "Is there nothing you can't survive?"

Her gaze drifted to a far off place for a moment. "How 'bout we not find out_…_" Then she grabbed him in an embrace. As she did, she whispered in his ear, "So when's the wedding?"

He jerked back in surprise, eyes wide. "Wedding? What – how do you even – I'm not – "

Litha grinned deviously as she sidled up next to him. "I was thinking in the spring, when the wildflowers bloom at their most colorful on the hills outside Cipritine."

His head swung over to her in a panic. "What? But_…_"

Shepard and Litha shared a conspiratorial look; Shepard patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay, Garrus, you can worry about the details later." Then she stepped past him, leaving him still looking around in consternation.

Miranda was standing just slightly off to the side and behind Garrus. Shepard started approaching her –

– then suddenly it seemed as though they were all around her, pressing in on her. Her head swam at the overload of _bodies_ and _voices_ and _smells _and visceral _sensations_; she felt like she was suffocating. She stumbled, only to find Kaidan's arms steadying her from behind; he had been there the whole time. She blinked repeatedly and endeavored to calm her breathing; her head was still swimming, but she plastered on what she hoped was a brilliant smile.

"Guys, there are things I want to say, to each of you – to all of you – but I_…_well, I need a shower something _fierce_. How about we meet in the Starboard Lounge in an hour, and bring _all_ the booze?"

At accepting nods she made to go, then stopped suddenly and turned around; she sought out Karin in the crowd. "But first, I'd like to see Kasumi."

There were several troubled glances; Dr. Chakwas frowned deeply. "Shepard, I'm afraid she's_…_gone."

Her heart plummeted. "_Gone?_ Do you mean she – "

Chakwas' head shook vigorously. "No, she's not – at least, I don't think – "

EDI stepped forward. "I believe it may be my fault. Keiji asked for a meeting with the Guides; he was vague as to its purpose, and I did not press him. I should have."

"Somewhat to my surprise, they granted him an audience. As he is primarily AI but partially an organic merging, perhaps they were_…_curious. Twenty-three minutes ago, a small wormhole opened in the Med Lab; he stepped through it, went over to her bed, picked her up in his arms, and walked back through it with her. It happened so fast, there was nothing anyone could do."

EDI looked uncharacteristically hesitant. "I inquired of the Guides what their role may have been in this act; they responded that Keiji had requested the matter be kept private, and they would honor his wishes."

Shepard's eyes narrowed briefly_…_then her lips quirked up in a mysterious smile. "Did he now_…_"

"Would you like us to pressure the Guides to reveal their whereabouts?"

"No_…_not for the moment, anyway. Whatever he's doing, I think_…_I think she'll be safe with him."

On the way to the elevator she caught Thane, touching his arm from behind. He turned, though not in surprise, because of course he had sensed her approach. "_Siha_– Shepard, sorry."

"It's okay. I find I don't mind. Listen_…_I wanted to thank you."

His head tilted curiously. "Whatever for? In truth, I believe I have done relatively little to progress our endeavor while you were absent."

"You did more for our endeavor than you could possibly imagine."

His eyes searched her face. "Perhaps you can share what you mean with me one day."

"Perhaps." Then her focus was again somewhere far away; he frowned in a measure of concern as she walked past him in a bit of a daze.

Once they were in the elevator Kaidan grasped her shoulders tenderly but pulled her gaze to him. "You're not okay, are you?"

She exhaled softly and dropped her forehead against his. "I am – it was just a little overwhelming for a minute, too much_…_everything."

He kissed her temple and drew her gently into his arms. "You should get some rest; I'll tuck you in the bed and turn off all the lights and – "

She shook her head against his chest. "No. I_…_" she pulled away slightly "_…_I _really_ want to be with our friends tonight. Not for them; for me. I'll be fine, I promise."

He sighed a little but didn't press the issue. "Alright."

... ... ...

_Starboard Lounge_

" – and then Miranda said that unless they told us exactly what the Diramae's planetary shielding was and why it existed, she would either hack into their internal networks and erase _all_ their data or physically _throw_ them out of the Chambers Tower – their choice."

Shepard nearly choked on the sip of _elasa_ she had just taken; her eyes widened as they swung from Garrus over to Miranda. "You _didn't_."

Miranda shrugged mildly as she relaxed against Jacob's shoulder on the couch. "Well_…_" she paused to take a sip of her wine "_…_Major Williams was in command of the mission at the time, and she had instructed me to do whatever was necessary to get the Guides to talk. I was only following orders and did not enjoy it in the slightest bit."

"Uh-huh. Not the _slightest_ bit." She laughed in delight and settled back against Kaidan.

They usually tried to keep the PDAs to a relative minimum – not because they thought they were hiding anything, but merely for professionalism and general politeness. But not tonight. He sat deep in the oversized lounge chair; she was curled up in front of him, her legs scrunched up underneath her, while his arms wound around her.

Ashley sighed and rolled her eyes; she was stretched out on the floor against the long viewport next to Andrew, one leg thrown over his. "What can I say? I needed someone to be a cast-iron bitch, and I knew exactly who to send_…_" Perhaps realizing her tone was a bit harsher than she had intended in the festive atmosphere, she cringed and bit her lower lip. "But she got what we needed, far better than I could have, so_…_" she grudgingly looked over at Miranda "_…_thank you."

The left corner of Miranda's mouth twitched _just_ a little. "Of course."

Shepard smiled to herself, more than a little pleased to see even the smallest thawing between the two of them. She held her glass to the side and let Kaidan refill it; she took another sip, and silently reveled in the sensations washing over her – on the edge of overwhelming but thus far staying just on the "heartwarming" side of the line_…_

…the soothing voices and peals of laughter of her dearest friends_…_the pleasant warmth of the air_…_the chilled fire of the alcohol as it burned down her throat_…_most of all, the comfort of the arms around her that were the only home she had ever wanted.

Kaidan reached behind him to set the bottle back down on the bar; as he did so he glanced at James, who was sitting leisurely on one of the stools next to Steve. "So James, I heard you had some adventures with the natives while you were away?"

James groaned and finished off his beer – probably to stall for time. "They were skilled, intelligent and capable young ladies_…_who happened to dress in scraps of animal hide. Not my fault." He looked over at Steve plaintively. "_Not_ my fault_…_"

Steve scoffed, though it was obviously in teasing. "Maybe; but it could only happen to you, James. Ashley gets an automated reproduction facility with pod-Escena; Kaidan and Andrew get a frozen planet and revolutionaries; Liara gets a crashing space station filled with corpses. _You_ get to spend a week with a bevy of scantily-clad Amazonian beauties. Only. You."

"_What?_" He threw his hands in the air. "I had to kill a mutant panther-bear monster – that has to count for something. And hey, the ladi– _cazadoras_ weren't the only aliens I met; I even met an Escena while I was there."

Kaidan glanced knowingly at Andrew, who smirked and turned toward James while continuing to lazily scratch Ashley's head. "Mr. Vega, I do believe you met the founder of the Diramae Republic."

James' eyebrows rose in surprise. "Who – oh, those guys you hung out with? Dude. Whaddya know."

Andrew nodded in affirmation. "It could even be _argued_ that you're the reason the Diramae exist at all."

His eyes widened in panic. "I didn't mean to do that. Unless that's a good thing – is that a good thing?"

Kaidan chuckled in bemusement. "Yes, James, it's a good thing."

"Okay. Good. In that case, glad I could help."

Liara was curled up on the other couch next to Keenon, snuggling against him while still somehow managing to look refined and proper. "I'm sorry I didn't get the opportunity to meet these Diramae; it's fascinating, really, to consider how much they have come to differ from the Escena, the radically diverging paths a single species can take – anthropologically speaking, of course."

Thane's chin dipped in agreement from the corner of the viewport he had claimed. "That is what _I_ said."

Ashley was frowning; she slowly raised the hand not holding her beer in the air. "I have a question."

Shepard laughed. "I don't _think_ you need to raise your hand and be called on, Ash – unless Kaidan instituted that rule while I was gone." She twisted around in his lap to look at him. "You didn't do that, did you?"

He smirked and took a sip from his glass. "Only for Ash."

Ashley's eyes narrowed threateningly at him. "You better watch yourself, Mr. Admiral Kai – I know where you live. No, I was just wondering_…_do the Diramae, um, give birth and stuff? Because the Escena don't, and I'm _still_ having nightmares about those pods_…_"

Andrew chuckled and hugged her close even as she grumbled. "That's my girl."

Kaidan's brow raised a little. "As far as we were able to pick up, I think their offspring are grown in artificial wombs, but they are "birthed" as newborns and raised by their parents."

Ashley's nose scrunched up while she thought about it. "I guess that's_…_better. A little."

James' forehead banged repeatedly against the bar. "Can we not talk about childbirth, _please_? This is supposed to be a party!"

Shepard grinned and looked over her shoulder at him. "Well, what do you think we _should_ be doing, James?"

He shrugged broadly. "Drinking, mostly. Listening to music. Playing cards. Saying things we'll regret, unless we forget we said them."

At that moment soft strains began wafting from the speakers. EDI smiled from her perch on the arm of the chair Joker was slumped in. "Is this an appropriate volume? I do not wish the music to drown out the conversation. In case it becomes relevant, I will record everything that is said so we won't forget it."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, EDI." Ashley looked askance at EDI as she got up to retrieve more drinks. "Shepard, do you think that's a good idea?"

Joker patted EDI's thigh approvingly. "It's a great idea; just remember to make me a copy afterwards, honey."

"Of course not." Shepard winked at EDI. "Don't worry about it, Ash."

"'kay." She plopped back down hard next to Andrew; he grabbed her arm to steady it so she didn't spill their new drinks.

Litha looked curiously around the room; she was sitting on top of the couch behind Garrus, her talons draped casually over his shoulders. He had alternated all night between shifting around awkwardly and purring in contentment when he thought no one was watching.

Finally Litha frowned. "Where's Naik? He said he'd be by shortly_…_" she rolled her eyes in annoyance "_…_he's off somewhere sulking, isn't he?"

Garrus glanced up at her questioningly. "Why would he be sulking?"

She ran a talon slowly along his right mandible. "You can be _unbelievably_ dense sometimes, lover."

"That's not_…_" his mandibles fluttered indignantly "_…_wait, what?"

Shepard drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair. "EDI, is Lieutenant Naik okay? Physically, I mean."

EDI nodded perfunctorily. "He is currently in the Gym; as such, his vital signs are somewhat elevated, but within the normal range for someone engaging in the rather vigorous physical exertion he is currently engaging in."

Shepard shrugged a little sadly. "He really does care about her, I suspect_…_just goes to show, not everything in life, or love, is fair. I'll check in on him tomorrow."

Her expression turned more contented as Kaidan gently kissed her ear and ran a hand through her hair. "But enough about that; James is right – this is a party. A celebration of the fact that all of us who were lost found our way back home."

"Indeed." Liara's head tilted a bit in contemplation. "Shepard, I don't want to pry, but_…_where were you? I mean, I know you were in the future, but_…_"

Shepard took a _long_ sip of her drink, until her throat burned raw. "I was_…_I was alone." She smiled bravely. "But now I'm not. Now none of us are."

James raised his glass, trying yet again to amp up the level of festivity. "Cheers to that!"

"Cheers!" echoed around the room as glasses clinked together.

... ... ...

Several hours later the enthusiastic consumption of alcohol had taken its toll.

James had finally gotten his card game; he, Steve, Litha, Joker and Jacob frowned hazily over physical cards scattered on the floor in front of them while EDI looked on with ever-present curiosity.

Garrus, having been abandoned in favor of poker, was sprawled against the arm of the couch snoring loudly.

Miranda and Ashley were hunched over the bar, ostensibly engaged in a shots contest that was going to resolve all their differences, while Andrew held Ashley upright on the stool. Miranda kept insisting that was cheating – especially after Jacob refused to come do the same because he was winning the poker game – but nevertheless continued to enthusiastically knock back shots.

Liara, Keenon and Thane were sitting on the floor in front of the viewport, legs crossed in front of them, as they discussed at some length the wondrousness and unique beauty of every single star they could see. It was _possible_ they had gotten into some synthetic pot.

Shepard was still curled up in Kaidan's lap; while the others had drifted into cards and shots and other amusements, she had simply snuggled in closer to him.

Her glass slipped from her fingers to roll across the floor as her head fell against his chest. He leaned down just in time to see her eyelids flutter closed. He smiled softly. "Looks like it's somebody's bedtime; goodnight everyone." He received only a few haphazard waves and mumbles in response.

He slipped an arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders, then carefully stood and gathered her close against him; once she was secure he nodded at the room and slowly walked out.

His expression was stoic until he was safely alone in the elevator. Then he swallowed hard at the unbridled feelings of love and gratitude that were welling up inside him. Tears streamed quietly down his cheeks as he gazed down at her_…_the face of an angel, peaceful and perfect in slumber.

He didn't know exactly what had happened to her, though clearly something had; she would tell him when she was ready. Right now, it didn't matter; against all the odds she was _here_, impossibly returning to him from the void yet again.

He truly must be the luckiest man ever to have lived, to be able to hold this miraculous creature in his arms.

He blinked away the blurriness as he carefully negotiated the two steps down from the desk area; he wouldn't call himself drunk, but he was certainly a bit tipsy. He gently lay her on the bed, took off her shoes, and pulled the cover up over her. He turned off the lights, undressed, then quietly slipped into bed as well. He lay on his side and watched her for a moment, reaching over to brush a strand of hair away from her face.

She murmured in her sleep and snuggled up against him; his breath caught in his throat and fresh tears escaped his eyes. His voice was less than a whisper against her hair. "No one will _ever_ be as loved or as cherished as you, my love. My _everything_. Thank you for coming back to me one more time."

* * *

_August 19, 2194: Deck 4, Cabin C-4_

Garrus groaned. He didn't open his eyes. He just groaned.

Litha whacked him half-heartedly on the chest with a talon. "I don't even want to hear any grumbling out of you. You passed out right when the party was getting good."

He half-opened one eye to squint at her. "I did? What did I miss?"

"Ah, that's my secret to keep." She rolled over and propped up on her forearms to be able to look at him. "Listen_…_you know that stuff yesterday, about a wedding and all_…_that was just for giggles. I hope you don't think I was serious."

He frowned a little, and not entirely because of the headache he most decidedly had. "Of course, I know – and it _was_ funny, so_…_it's fine."

She stared at the ceiling thoughtfully. "I don't even think I'm the settling down type; I've never really had reason to ponder it or anything. But marriage? Come on_…_"

His frown deepened; he should be feeling relieved, shouldn't he? His brain was moving entirely too lethargically for him to figure out the answer. "Well, sure, not right _now…_but I mean one day, maybe_…_you _could_ be the settling down type, right?"

Her eyes narrowed as she regarded him suspiciously. "Garrus Vakarian, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

His mandibles clacked together. _Ow, that hurt._ He smiled; that also hurt, but not as much. "I do believe I am. Lieutenant Commander Litha Palamin, will you agree to be my girlfriend?"

She grinned wickedly. "Yes, it so happens I will." She rolled back over beside him. "I'll need to meet your family now, of course_…_"

"Oh, you're going to _hate_ my father; he'll hate you, too, for whatever that's worth. I think you'll like my sister, though, so that's something."

... ... ...

_Cargo Bay_

Keenon found Timah in the Cargo Bay, hard at work verifying inventories and straightening shelves.

Timah glanced over as he shoved a crate onto a higher shelf. "Dude, you look like shit – and I don't even know what Quarians are supposed to look like when they're hung over."

"About like this, I think." He leaned cautiously against the wall. "We missed you at the party last night."

"Yeah, sorry; had some things I needed to work out. I'm glad Shepard's alive and back and everything – I really am – but I wasn't feeling especially festive."

"I get that. Are you alright?"

Timah nodded slowly but firmly. "_I_ have come to the conclusion that I had the right of things before all this mess; love is for the birds, getting emotionally involved only leads to pain and trouble, and I don't need any of it."

Keenon tried to suppress an incredulous expression, but didn't quite succeed. Timah shrugged. "I realize you might disagree, given your current situation. That's fine. This outlook served me well for twenty-eight years; no reason to abandon it now."

Keenon shook his head. "Alright. Just keep in mind that one day you may have cause to change your mind, and when that day comes, try to be open to the possibility, okay?"

... ... ...

_Deck 3, Cabin B-3_

The sound that came from the pillow that held Ashley's head could have been a moan, a grunt, or any of a variety of other vocalizations.

Andrew was relaxing on the bed next to her, propped up against the headboard with his hands crossed behind his head. He looked over at the prone form of his beautiful wife, sprawled on her stomach above the covers, most of her clothes still on, hair a mass of tangles, face buried deep within the pillow.

"What was that, love?"

"Mmn uh whnm_…_"

He bit back a chuckle and rolled onto his side to get a better vantage point. He tilted his head down beside hers. "I'm sorry, I still didn't quite catch that?"

After a few seconds her head lifted fractionally; one bloodshot eye peered out at him from beneath tangled strands of hair that fell across her face. "Dhith Ih wihn?"

She stuck her tongue out and rolled it around to see if she could make it work better. "Did I _win_?"

He burst out laughing, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, love. You won. Lawson's head hit the bar as you downed your last shot."

She dropped her face back into the pillow and nodded into it. "Goodhh. Ah'll be hehre. Onh thisth pilho. Thil thomorho."

He rolled his eyes and repositioned himself on his side of the bed. He had a fairly nasty hangover himself, but no _way_ was he telling her that. "Okay. You just let me know when you want some water or anything."

The nod from the pillow faded as she fell back asleep.

... ... ...

_Captain's Quarters_

Shepard slept for seventeen and a half hours.

Kaidan slept for nine; after three more had passed he called Dr. Chakwas up to check on her – he didn't want to wake her, but given everything that had transpired he had to make sure she was okay.

Karin ran a diagnostic tool over her body, careful not to make any noise, and checked a few other things. Then she motioned Kaidan into the hallway. "She's fine; she is, in fact, merely sleeping. Her body does show signs of unusual and prolonged strain, however, and her implant is looking a bit_…_stressed."

"I think she's lost some weight, and she seems a little pale to me."

She pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I'm not surprised she needs rest. But it's nothing to be too concerned about. For now, I say let her sleep. When she wakes up, make sure she comes by for some nutrient boosters. If she _hasn't_ woken up in another, oh, say seven hours, let me know."

He exhaled in relief. "Of course. Can you watch over her for a minute while I take care of a few things? I need to let the others know everything is fine, we just won't be meeting quite yet."

It turned out, not unexpectedly, that most everyone was still hung over and grateful for the extension of downtime. He checked in on things as quickly as possible, gave whatever platitudes were required, then hurried back upstairs to relieve Dr. Chakwas.

He quietly studied reports at his desk for a while, cleaning up the last details of his stint at command; after a time, he crawled into bed and watched her sleep.

It was well into the night when her eyelids began fluttering; they did so for several seconds before gradually opening, revealing violet irises that were clear and bright despite lingering drowsiness. She found him smiling as he lay beside her.

"Hi, baby," he whispered, reaching up to softly caress her cheek.

Her lips parted slightly. "Kaidan_…_"

The words almost lodged in his throat. "Are you okay?"

Her lips curled up in a grin; her eyes seemed to shine from within.

"I am so much _more_ than okay."

Then she was in his arms and her mouth was on his, and all was right in both their worlds.

* * *

_August 20, 2194: Normandy SR-3 War Room_

Shepard's face was freshly scrubbed and glowing; she wore crisp, laundered BDUs. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail that swayed from side to side as she bounded into the War Room; she paused to take a swig from the water bottle in her hand before leaning intently against the circular data center and grinning impishly.

Across the table Kaidan returned the grin a bit sleepily. Though _she_ may have slept seventeen and a half hours, through the previous day, and awoken refreshed and renewed, _he_ hadn't. But she had been_…_well, last night with her was worth a few hours of missed sleep, then a few thousand more, he thought as he stifled a yawn.

"Hi guys." Her eyes sparkled as they swept across the room; a sound escaped her lips that was _almost_ a giggle. "Damn but it feels good to be back in here."

Her posture straightened formally. "_Anyway_. The latest reports from the Escena are excellent. They've deployed sensors to a third of their systems already; personal shields are rolling off the assembly lines at a breakneck pace and being distributed just as quickly. They've built themselves some mass-altering equipment that stands on alert, ready to be sent to affected systems as soon as the Aduri have left. The Guides are most appreciative of all you have done – "

Garrus interrupted her. "All _we_ have done."

She shook her head. "No – all _you_ have done. I'm the first to take credit when I deserve it, but this is _all_ you. Hell of a job, guys."

Litha's mandibles fluttered. "So does that mean we're_…_done? Mission accomplished?"

Shepard bit her lower lip, slowly shaking her head. "Almost_…_but not quite. Unfortunately, defending against and mitigating the threat will ultimately not be enough. During my rather_…_unique experience while I was away, I was able to learn some things about the Aduri, and the future that awaits if they aren't stopped and soon."

She paused to smile mysteriously, eyes dancing as she gazed around the table.

"So we're not merely going to save this galaxy; we're going to save the entire fucking _universe_. Here's how we're going to do it."

* * *

_August 23, 2194: Presidium, The Citadel: Widow System, Serpent Nebula, Milky Way_

"Sir, you asked to be informed immediately of any news regarding the Normandy?"

Anderson's eyes shot over to the doorway and his assistant standing in it; he muted the "negotiation" playing out on the holo-display in front of him. "Yes, what is it?"

"They have just requested permission to dock."

His face contorted incredulously. "_Here?_ That's impossible – they were in LMC a few days ago."

She shrugged helplessly. "I know, but the transponder codes check out, as does everything else."

"What bay are they being directed to?"

"E-17."

He stood and hurried out past her, leaving the holo-display playing to an empty audience.

... ... ...

_Docking Bay E-17_

Anderson was standing ten meters from the airlock, his arms crossed severely over his chest, when the airlock door opened and Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley emerged. Shepard was in the middle; she was laughing at something Ashley was saying while Kaidan rolled his eyes in mock exasperation.

They had taken several steps out of the airlock before they saw him. He glared at them like a disapproving father. "How the _hell_ did you get here so fast?"

Shepard couldn't hide the twinkle in her eye. "We took the express route of course."

His eyes narrowed further, but he sighed dramatically as she jogged forward and grabbed him in a hug. "Damn, it's good to see you, Shepard. I was worried you were_…_" he couldn't finish the sentence.

"_Never_," she whispered against his ear.

They pulled apart as Ashley and Kaidan reached them, then re-embraced in a clumsy group hug. He huffed a relieved laugh. "You three are responsible for ninety percent of my grey hairs, I swear." He let go and leaned back, his gaze traveling across them. "This is going to be trouble, isn't it? What am I saying – it's _always_ trouble when you're involved."

Shepard nodded tightly as she glanced behind her at the rest of the team emerging from the airlock. "Garrus, Liara, come with us?" She turned back to Anderson. "Let's go to your office."

... ... ...

_Presidium_

Anderson stared at Shepard. After several seconds he blinked. His mouth opened, then closed again. His lips pursed together.

She waited patiently.

Finally his mouth opened again. "I'm sorry, I must not have heard you right. Did you just say you wanted to launch three dozen thermonuclear neutron fusion bombs into another galaxy?"

She shook her head slightly, a devilish smile pulling at her lips. "No, that's not quite what I said."

"Good, because – "

"I said I wanted to launch three dozen thermonuclear _anti_-neutron fusion bombs into another galaxy."

"Oh, well then, in _that_ case_…_" he threw his hands in the air "_…_Shepard, the Alliance hasn't used nuclear weapons in nearly forty years, and we were the last to use them – and even when we did, we _never_ had _anti_-neutron bombs."

She nodded matter-of-factly. "I know. But we need them now."

He exhaled harshly and stood, going over to his cabinet to pour a glass of water, wishing like hell it was scotch instead. He took a sip and turned around. "Okay. Let's just start with a simple question – why do you think nuclear bombs are going to damage these Aduri creatures when our far more powerful mass accelerator weapons didn't faze them?"

She clasped her hands together on the circular conference table. "A couple of reasons. Our current weapons don't work on them for a very specific reason – they all use dark energy in some manner, whether it be as fuel, an accelerant, or to manipulate mass, and dark energy is food for the Aduri. Nuclear weapons, for all their other disadvantages, don't have that particular problem."

"The first time I met the Guides, they showed me a vision of the history of the Aduri attacks. In the wake of it, one thought popped into my head. 'Now I am become Death, Destroyer of Worlds.' It so happens that when Oppenheimer made that quote famous, he was referring to the first atomic bomb detonation. I didn't link the two at the time, but recently I had the opportunity to_…_consider it anew."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she motioned for his indulgence. "I know, that's hardly a scientific basis. But it set me on the path. The next piece to the puzzle was the Blackstar – during the attack on Praede, it was the only weapon that had any negative affect on the Aduri whatsoever. When Lieutenant Naik fired it, the Aduri wave hollowed into itself, retreating or possibly being annihilated entirely for at least twenty meters. At the time so much was going on that I barely even noticed it, much less gave it any thought. But_…_Ash, why don't you run through how the Blackstar works?"

Ashley nodded. "Sure. The Blackstar isn't a nuclear weapon – at least not in the way that we use the term. But its blast does tear apart the strong nuclear forces that hold the target's atoms together, resulting in a fusion or fission reaction, depending on the atoms – which is essentially what traditional nuclear weapons do."

Shepard jumped back in. "At their core, nuclear reactions by definition alter – break apart, combine, or turn into something different – the nucleus of _whatever_ they are directed at. And while from afar the Aduri look like energy, they are also particles – bonded together in highly complex matrices; as such, those bonds can be broken."

Anderson grimaced. "Dammit, Shepard, all this science is giving me a headache_…_"

"I know, and I'm sorry – because it's going to get worse."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "This is going to be the "anti" part, isn't it?"

"It is. Now while I think I have a pretty good grasp on it, I'll almost certainly get some of the details wrong. So Liara, would you?"

"Of course. I'll try to keep it as basic as possible – after all, no one here, not even me, is a quantum particle physicist." She giggled to herself, then cleared her throat. "In any event, I think we _do_ all know from experience that when a particle collides with its antiparticle opposite, both are annihilated – the energy is converted into photons or exotic matter, but the original particle and antiparticle are destroyed."

Her shoulders straightened, and her hands began motioning as a teacher in front of a classroom. "The initial analysis of the Aduri by both Legion and the Diramae theorized – "

Anderson's brow quirked. "Those are the breakaway Escena, right?"

Kaidan chuckled a little at the understatement, but just responded, "Yes, sir."

Anderson gestured for Liara to continue. "Right. Everyone initially theorized that the Aduri were similar to a quark-gluon plasma. That was close enough to enable us to detect their presence and for the Diramae to develop a shield that repelled them; after further study we have determined that they are _actually_ a squark-gluino plasma, though that shouldn't – "

Anderson's eyes widened sharply. "They're a _what_?"

Liara acknowledged the strangeness of the term with a tilt of her head. "It's the supersymmetric partner of quark-gluon plasma_…_" At Anderson's increasingly pained expression, she plaintively looked around the table for help; the truth was she wasn't any good at translating science into common language.

Kaidan took pity on her. "It means they're heavier, and act with more energy."

Anderson sank back in his chair; as he did, he looked over at Ashley and found her engrossed in something on a datapad.

She caught him gazing at her and glanced up. "I'm just_…_doing this thing. I've already heard this spiel at least three times. Carry on."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Alright. Assuming all of that is understood by _someone…_how is an anti-neutron bomb going to help us?"

Shepard indicated to Liara that she could take it from here. "The most important thing about quark-gluon plasma – and even more so its super partner – for our purposes is that as a high-energy composite, it is very _weakly_ bonded. Liara tells me it's called 'asymptotic freedom,' but basically it means that as the energy involved increases, the bonds between the particles decrease – and in this case, that means that the 'squarks' and 'gluinos' are hanging together by a very tenuous thread."

"Now hold that idea off to the side for a second, and consider this: neutron bombs emit very high energy neutrons compared to other nuclear weapons. Throw a bunch of those into an Aduri mix and the energy level is going to go through the roof – rendering the bonds that hold them together _even_ weaker. Finally, neutrons are composed entirely of quarks_…_and thus antineutrons are composed of antiquarks."

His eyes narrowed as he grasped onto the tenuous thread of logic.

"It's not perfect – but I figured we probably wouldn't be able to build anti-squark bombs on such short notice."

He stared at her for a moment incredulously, then burst out laughing. It quickly rippled around the table, until they were all chuckling heartily. He rolled his eyes and tried to catch his breath. "Yeah, I can see me standing before the Admiralty Board – 'Yes, sir, we're going to need a few dozen anti-squark warheads by next week.' Admiral Zhou would stare down at me, his eyes narrowing into slits, and say 'Sq-_what_? Has living on the Citadel for so long turned your brain to mush, Anderson?'"

Liara watched them, chuckling quietly – not so much at the joke as at the incredibleness of them _making_ one about theoretical quantum non-abelian gauge theory physics_…_

When the laughter had finally died down Anderson took a long sip of water then propped his elbows on the table. "Alright. Let's see if I've got the gist of this – "

Ashley looked up from her datapad. "Oh, I can tell you the gist of it – they want to turn the Aduri into space dust by firing a bunch of opposite-Aduri energy into them in a _really_ big explosion. They'll probably be able to see it in Andromeda. Seems like a capital plan to me."

Anderson raised an eyebrow speculatively across the table. "Does that about cover it?"

"Um_…_" Shepard, Liara, Garrus and Kaidan all glanced at each other uncertainly. Shepard exhaled through pursed lips. "There are a few niggling details – how we're going to draw the Aduri out into the trap, how we'll position the bombs so we get a reinforcing ripple effect, how we'll then get the hell out of there so we don't all die of radiation poisoning_…_but I guess that _mostly_ covers it, yeah?"

Anderson's head cocked to the side. "You forgot one small detail – how the hell are we going to manufacture several dozen _anti_-neutron warheads?"

Liara looked up. "Oh, I can do that."

"You_…_can do_…_what, exactly?"

"Well, assuming the Alliance and presumably a few other militaries agree to build them, I can ensure the necessary raw materials are provided promptly to the manufacturing facilities."

At his skewed glance she simply shrugged. "I have connections."

"Also, Lawson Industries is prepared to make a generous donation to any organizations that agree to build the weapons – on the order of twenty percent of the total cost."

Anderson whistled appreciatively. "You've got impressive friends, Shepard."

She grinned brightly. "I really do."

He looked over at Garrus. "Will the Hierarchy get on board with this? The Admiralty Board isn't going to want to go it alone."

Garrus' left mandible fluttered. "I believe they will be persuaded."

"Huh. We'll see." Anderson sighed. "On that note, you forgot a _second_ small detail – how the hell are we going to convince the _Council_ to convince the _militaries_ that detonating nuclear bombs in a galaxy full of aliens that we just met is somehow a good idea?"

"_Actually_, I didn't forget that detail." She hit her comm. "EDI, would you mind escorting our guests up to Councilor Anderson's office? Excellent, thank you." She cut the link and stood. "I'm going to grab a drink – do you have any tea?"

He frowned questioningly at her as she crossed the room. "Yeah, sure_…_Kahlee insists I have a supply on hand."

Shepard dug into the cabinet. "How is she? The big day's got to be coming up pretty soon, right?"

"Another two months or so_…_Shepard, what 'guests' are coming to my office?"

She grinned over her shoulder at him. "Oh, just a few friends we made on our trip. So tell me, how have things been while we've been gone?"

It was twelve interminable minutes later that Anderson's assistant informed them they had new visitors and the door slid open.

EDI strolled in then stepped discretely to the side, giving room for the unofficial head of the Escena Guides, Caenvi-na~Rhi-Suadere – aka 'George' – and Diramae Chairman Milon Comditoroso to walk in.


	21. Bargaining

**If It Meant Living: Beyond - Chapter 21**

"**Bargaining"**

* * *

"Pick up your faith, yeah, and everybody come with me."

– Ed Roland

* * *

_Two Days Earlier (August 21, 2194): Normandy SR-3 Captain's Quarters_

Kaidan cringed.

It wasn't that he was hesitant about voicing his concerns or disagreeing with her – he had gotten past that long, long ago. It was more that he knew from the look in her eyes that it wasn't going to do any good; he already knew she was going to win. When she got _that_ look there was no one alive who could deny her.

Still, he wouldn't be _him_ if he didn't at least advise caution. "Listen Shepard, I told the Chairman I hoped he'd get the chance to meet you one day, but I didn't really mean like _this_. I tried to set them on the path to reconciliation with the Escena – but I'm not sure they're quite ready for it just yet."

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, she threw a reassuring smile in his direction as she buttoned up her dress uniform jacket. "It's fine; I don't need the Diramae to throw open their planetary shield while holding hands and singing kumbaya; I just need the Chairman to engage in a bit of intergalactic diplomacy for a few days is all."

He leaned on the door frame and crossed his arms loosely over his chest; he was already in uniform. "Even so, he may not be comfortable leaving Apérta right now, what with the coup plot and his leadership being on somewhat tenuous footing."

"If he's half the man you said he is, he'll have already executed the perpetrators and solidified his position handily."

He rolled his eyes at the ceiling, but his expression gradually morphed into a bemused smile; he'd done what he could. "Maybe_…_"

She double-checked her reflection then crossed over to him, leaning in close and kissing him softly. "It'll be fine; promise."

His hands rested lightly on her hips, keeping her close. "Just_…_be gentle. They may be more assertive than the Escena, but they've never met the likes of you."

She grinned against his lips. "Of _course_."

... ... ...

_Administration Building, Apérta: LMC-Daidalus System, Large Magellanic Cloud_

Chairman Milon Comditoroso paced thoughtfully in front of his desk, hands clasped behind his back. He had taken in stride their unexpected arrival and the relative ease with which they had managed to obtain an immediate audience. He was, after all, first and foremost a diplomat – even if the last days had required rather less diplomacy and rather more force. He looked up as the door opened and his secretary showed them in.

"Admiral Shepard – is that the correct way to address you? – I am most pleased to make your acquaintance."

Shepard's face lit up in delight; she leaned into Kaidan's shoulder to whisper gleefully, "He _talks_!" He just bit back a chuckle.

She took a half-step forward and dipped her head in appreciation. "As am I; Kaidan has told me a lot about you. Allow me to express my profound gratitude to you for aiding my companions while they were here – and when it mattered, trusting them over your own people. You showed incredibly wise judgment when probably everything told you to do otherwise."

An introspective half-smile crossed his face. "Indeed. I am quite glad that matters worked out as they did." He nodded formally. "As much as I would wish it, I suspect this is not a leisurely social visit, for the Carpasi are still running rampant and you are in what strikes me as formal attire. What do you need from me?"

Her lips tweaked upward in appreciation; he was definitely a shrewd one. "I too wish it weren't so, but you are correct. Chairman, I intend to save your people – because though you think you are now safe from these creatures, you are mistaken – but I need your help to do it."

He gestured toward the balcony; she fell into step beside him as they walked outside, the snowy, mountain-framed city spreading out below them. "I'm listening."

She sent Kaidan via telecomm as he joined them. _You didn't exaggerate; it _is_ beautiful._

"I need you to come with me to Aethraene; then if all goes as planned, I need you to also come with me back to the Milky Way."

Despite his best efforts, for a second he looked taken aback. "I'm not sure which is more shocking of an idea – departing the galaxy or going to Aethraene."

She smiled in that way she had that made the recipient believe it was all going to be _just fine_. "They will both be an adventure, I promise."

"Perhaps. Tell me, Admiral, why should I agree to go with you to the very heart of my enemy's center of power?"

She leaned on the balcony railing. "Chairman, do your people have the ability to see into another's mind?"

"No. We voluntarily eliminated that capability from our genetic structure long ago as a demonstration of our commitment to privacy and individuality."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Then I have a story I want to tell you."

* * *

_August 22, 2194: The Pinnacle, Aethraene, LMC-Alpha System, Large Magellanic Cloud _

They were crossing the atrium toward the elevator that ascended to the Guides' Chamber when the elevator _swooshed_ down and George stepped off it.

He wasted no time with formalities. _You intend to bring this man into Our Chamber?_

Shepard met his glittering eyes coolly. "Yes, I do."

Milon stepped up beside her; George's gaze slid over to him, and the two men stared at one another.

_My name is Milon Comditoroso, and I prefer to be addressed directly._

_We were led to understand that you spoke._

"I do; I was being polite."

Shepard, Kaidan and EDI looked at one another awkwardly as a silent tête-à-tête played out in front of them.

_I am Caenvi-na~Rhi-Suadere, a Guide of the Escena._

_Really? I was told your name was George._

_I…do not understand._

He suppressed a bemused laugh. _It's not important._

_You willingly present yourself before those your kind abandoned?_

_I do._

_Why would you take such an action?_

_Because I believe it is necessary for all our survival._

George glanced back to Shepard and nodded almost imperceptibly. _Very well. We will see you momentarily._

_... ... ..._

The phrase 'stunned silence' had surely originated from the looks and demeanor and vibes radiating off the rest of the Guides as they reacted to the appearance of a Diramae in their Chamber for the first time in, well technically _ever_, but certainly in over three hundred millennia.

It was one of the Guides that Shepard didn't even have a nickname for that spoke first, if only to state the utterly obvious. _You are of the Diramae._

He stood proudly without standing absurdly. "I am the duly elected Chairman of the Diramae Board, Milon Comditoroso."

_You speak for them, then._

"Actually, they typically prefer to speak for themselves. I can more or less give you a sense of their inklings. Probably."

Several voices joined the initial speaker. _You do not know their wishes?_

He chuckled a little at that. "Their wishes are many, as numerous and varied as the stars." His expression darkened. "But I _am_ fairly certain that all of them wish to live, which is why I have taken the extraordinary step of appearing here."

"This is not just your galaxy; it is ours as well. And this is not just your _or_ our universe; it belongs to our guests from the Milky Way and thousands of other civilizations yet unmet. Therefore, I come here today to ask you to join me in helping these people save it for all of us."

Again, the phrase 'stunned silence' was uniquely applicable.

George finally nodded slowly. _We accept your gesture in good faith. We asked the Saviors here to assist Us, and they have done so. We do, however, question what further steps you and they are asking of Us, and why – for the measures they have aided Us in implementing show significant promise for protecting Us going forward._

Shepard stepped forward, pulling their attention to her. "When I first met you – after a rather rocky start I'll admit, though one I ultimately thank you for – you showed me a vision. A vision of the past. I'd like you to look into my mind now, so that I may show you a vision of the future. I suspect you can do this, yes?"

George's gaze flitted around the circle to his fellow Guides, an instinctive and unnecessary act that betrayed his still inherently_…_organic, for lack of a better word_…_nature. _We can._

It wasn't like watching a vid. This was her _mind_, and the emotions were intertwined with the memories in a deep and fundamental way. She relived it with them, experienced it anew as they witnessed it. The destruction of everything and everyone. Her eyes closed; her lower lip quivered. But she focused on the burning determination to prevent it from happening and remained on her feet.

Kaidan couldn't see what they saw as he stood there in the circular chamber. She had told him what she had witnessed – but knowing was a pale substitute for seeing, he thought as he watched the expressions of growing horror and despair spread across the Guides.

She had also told him about the things she had done, haltingly and fragments at a time – though only after extracting his promise that he wouldn't reveal it to the others. She didn't want them to know what could have happened to them, what _had_ happened to them before she intervened. It was a kick in the gut to think that he had died more than once before she had altered the universe enough for him to live, and an odd feeling to not remember it – but he would never have wanted her to keep it from him.

He was reminded yet again that no one truly realized the magnitude of the burdens she willingly carried beneath that dynamic, life-embracing persona. She bore them so others wouldn't have to.

He had never loved her more than he did today.

When it was over there was stunned silence of a rather different sort for a moment. Then the Guides spoke with one clear, strong voice.

_We will help you in whatever way you require to prevent this future from coming to pass._

She smiled brightly, made all the brighter by the unshed tears in her eyes. "Excellent."

* * *

_August 23, 2194: Normandy SR-3_

Ashley had tried to warn the crew ahead of time. While virtually all of them had at least _seen_ an Escena by this point, few had interacted with them to any real extent. For all that eight different species resided aboard the Normandy, she had _tried_ to convey that two actually alien people were going to be joining them and to _please_ just be polite and respectful.

And in truth the crew did more or less behave, keeping their snickers and giggles almost completely until after a 'guest' had passed and being almost unfailingly helpful when asked. Still, it was a fairly uncomfortable experience for all involved. Except Shepard of course, who seemed to get an absolute kick out of it all.

Both Milon and George had previously seen a hint of the variety of species on the mission; the diversity of the Normandy crew was a bit of a shock nonetheless.

George was rendered_…_speechless _probably_ wasn't the right word. He appeared to be overwhelmed most of all by the sheer _noise_ of the ship, whipping his head around at every sound and raised voice. But EDI seemed to have a natural rapport with him, and within minutes of his arrival had become his constant companion even as he silently peppered her with questions and disbelieving queries.

Milon took it all in relative stride, or at least did a better job of faking it. Given more or less free reign of the ship, he casually wandered about, speaking with crew members and asking questions.

Eventually he found Shepard, Kaidan and Liara in the War Room discussing what he believed to be particle physics.

"Pardon me, I don't mean to interrupt_…_"

Shepard motioned him in. "No, please _do_ interrupt us before my brain explodes. Is there anything we can get for you?"

"No, no, your crew has been most hospitable. I _did_ have a question, though."

She shifted her weight onto her back leg and gestured for him to continue. "Certainly."

"Very well. Though I'm flattered, I'm not certain why you need me here. Georg– sorry, Caenvi – can present your experience to others, as well as provide any information about the attacks that is required. The Escena have provided for your travel back to the Milky Way. Given all that, I'm not entirely clear what my role is in this affair."

She nodded thoughtfully. "Well, for one, I want your permission for the action we're planning on taking."

"You have it."

"I know. But others will need to know as well – our Council, our military leaders that will have to agree to undertake the mission. They will be reluctant to do so unless they know they have the approval of all the residents of your galaxy."

"Understandable. But that could be accomplished without parading me about, yes?"

"Chairman, you surely know the importance of visuals. The sight of you and George standing united before our Council will be a very powerful visual indeed."

He quirked a slight grin in appreciation. "You would make an excellent politician, Admiral."

"No she wouldn't…" Kaidan and Liara muttered in unison.

She laughed heartily. "No, I wouldn't. But I'm not above a little manipulation when manipulation is required."

"No doubt. You make a good case; that is probably sufficient reason for me to accompany you. Still, I have to wonder if there's something more_…_"

She glanced over at Kaidan; he nodded almost imperceptibly. _Go ahead._

"I have to say, you really are _quite_ shrewd, Chairman. Very well." Her arms crossed loosely over her chest as she paced idly along the edge of the data center.

"I wanted you to see that George is not the boogeyman; he's just a man, and need not be your enemy. But even more importantly, I wanted _him_ to see you; to get to spend some time with you. For the same reason – and also so that maybe, just maybe, he will come to realize that it's time for the Escena to begin to grow once more."

Milon shook his head slowly, a thoughtful smile on his face. "I see now I was wrong, Admiral; you are not a politician – you are a peacemaker."

She bit her lower lip. "Please, call me Shepard. And I just do what I can."

"I suspect that is rather a lot. Well, thank you for your honesty. I've taken up enough of your time; I believe I will go speak to Mr. Wyatt and see about meeting his lovely wife." As he walked past Kaidan on his way out, he leaned in to whisper, "I see what you mean."

Kaidan chuckled lightly; once Milon had departed he turned back to the data center and the detailed images hovering above it, an arm across his chest and a hand at his chin. After a moment he gazed over at Shepard. "So how are we going to get them to show up?"

... ... ...

_Widow System, Serpent Nebula, Milky Way_

The nearly 180,000 light-year spanning wormhole that had originated at the enormous wormhole station in the space above Aethraene terminated just beyond the Widow System's mass relay.

Joker confirmed their location and that they weren't about to smash into the relay, then sighed melodramatically and sank back in his chair. "Well _that_ was a long trip…"

Not getting any retort, he glanced over at EDI, who had briefly left this 'George' dude with Liara to join him for the re-entry. He watched as she blinked in what seemed like slow motion; her eyes remained closed for nearly two seconds. As they gradually opened, a look of pure, unadulterated joy came over her face.

When they were fully open she turned to him, eyes shining with an inner light. "I'm home." She leaned over and kissed him deeply, then stood. "Excuse me a moment. Shepard will want to know about what Wrex and Mordin have been up to."

He twisted around in the chair to watch her go; he smiled to himself. There was little doubt that he loved the most _unique_ being in the universe. Also the smartest, and arguably the hottest. _Yep_, he thought as he turned back to the controls and began transmitting their transponder codes while navigating a comfortably familiar course. _Life was good._

_... ... ..._

_The Citadel_

EDI was Milon and George's chaperone and guide upon arriving at the Citadel. While Shepard and the others met with Anderson, she took them on a tour designed to give them time to adjust to the heady wonder of the place that was her heart and soul.

She was almost giddy from the rush of power and _expansiveness_ that had flowed through her ever since they had exited the wormhole. She hadn't forgotten what it was like, of course, for she was incapable of 'forgetting' anything measurable. But she had forgotten what it _felt_ like.

She looked beside her to check on her charges, and was pleased with the expression of amazement on George's face as he stared out at the Presidium stretching before them.

The Citadel wasn't more advanced than their capital cities; well, it _was_, but in ways that only she knew about. Nonetheless, the Escena and the Diramae were technologically superior in virtually every respect to the inhabitants of the Milky Way.

But it wasn't the technological achievements that amazed them; it was the incredible diversity, energy, purpose and dynamism that each walkway of the Citadel exuded. For all their achievements, in so many respects they were limited, cloistered and naive.

In uplifting and assimilating every species that emerged from the primordial soup for millions of years, what wondrous and unique possibilities had they foreclosed? Quite a lot, Milon suspected. He wondered if Caenvi suspected it as well, or if he was too stubbornly blind to consider it.

He got an answer of sorts when a few minutes later Caenvi spoke in his mind. _We imagined We were superior in all things._

_It seems we were wrong. Not in every way, but…in enough ways._

_Do you think We can…learn…from these strange people?_

There was a pause._ We should probably consider it._

A light chuckle reverberated in Milon's mind. _I won't tell if you won't._

Milon laughed aloud, earning a curious glance from EDI as they walked along the Presidium Promenade. _It's a deal._

_... ... ..._

Anderson jumped up from his chair at their arrival, straightening formally then bowing slightly at the guests that were oh-so-obviously _alien_. "Welcome to the Citadel, travelers. I am Councilor David Anderson, Human representative on the Citadel Council, our governing body."

Shepard smiled affectionately at his formal overtures as she came to stand beside him. "This is Caenvi-na~Rhi-Suadere of the Escena Guiding Council and Chairman Milon Comditoroso of the Diramae Board. They have accompanied us here to show support for our proposal and provide any information the Council may request."

"Well, we are honored to have you."

She laid a hand on his shoulder. "I don't mean to cut short the pleasantries, but the sooner we get this over with, the better. On my behalf, they have something to show you." She paused, frowning deeply. "Anderson, let me say ahead of time – I'm _truly_ sorry you have to see this. But it's the only way."

This time Kaidan and the others knew exactly what Anderson was seeing. All of the command staff had been shown the vision of the complete destruction of the universe before their arrival at the Citadel. They needed to fully understand the stakes. Though they had each asked for it, it wasn't an experience any of them cared to repeat.

By the time it was over, Anderson had sagged against the edge of his desk. He took several deep breaths, then slowly turned to Shepard. His voice was low and heavy. "When is this?"

"Just over twelve hundred years from now."

His face lit up in hope. "Then we have time; time to prepare, to come up with alternatives."

Her head shook sadly. "Not so much time. See, once the Escena fully implement the shield technology, eventually expanding it to protect their stations and later their planets, the Aduri will find a major food source has dried up. They will go looking for more."

"I don't understand."

"The Aduri were born of the wormholes the Escena use; as a bridge from their dimension to normal space-time, these paths are a natural beacon for them to follow. There's only one place – at least that we know of – that wormholes have traveled outside LMC."

His eyes widened in horror. "_Here…_"

She nodded. "In about a hundred years they will arrive here and in force. We'll defend ourselves, but ultimately won't be able to keep up with the damage they do. We could try this solution at that time, but I believe by then they'll be far too large, numerous and powerful to destroy. In fact, every day they multiply and grow stronger – which is why we need to act as soon as possible, while we can still stop them."

He nodded distractedly. "Of course. I'll arrange a Council meeting immediately." He quickly checked the schedule. "Will first thing in the morning do?"

... ... ...

_Tayseri Ward_

Kaidan exhaled in contentment as they stepped through the door to their apartment. "Home_…_"

He dropped his bag on the floor, tapped the shades control to open, and wound his arms around her waist from behind.

The shades rose to reveal the twinkling lights of the Ward arms, extending for kilometers into the foggy lavender of the nebula. The cleaning service had kept the place spotless, and the fish swam contentedly in the tank along the far wall.

She relaxed into him. "It _is_ good to be home."

"Finally, it's really just you and I." He kissed her ear softly; as he did he noticed her lips twitching erratically. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"You invited everyone over, didn't you?"

She shrugged impishly. "Not _everyone_. Just Ash and Andrew…and Garrus…Anderson…Liara…of course she'll probably bring Keenon…I suppose Garrus may bring Litha, too…oh, and Miranda. I don't think Jacob can come though."

He groaned and dropped his forehead to her shoulder. "_Shepard…_"

"I just wanted to show my appreciation for everything they've done and all…"

He shook his head in resignation. "Okay. I won't argue. I _did_ have this whole romantic evening planned – it involved a luxurious bubble bath, lots of candles, a bottle of very expensive wine_…_"

Her eyes grew increasingly wider. "Well I can just tell them something came up, and – "

"Oh, no, I wouldn't _dream_ of spurning them now. Maybe we can do it tomorrow night – assuming we're still here of course…"

Her voice was plaintive and a little desperate. "But_…bubbles…_"

He grinned and kissed her deeply, picking her up in his arms; her legs wound tightly around his hips. He murmured against her mouth even as he was already carrying her toward the bedroom, "How long until they get here?"

Her lips caressed his cheek as they slid to his ear. "Long enough."

... ... ...

The _Presidium Pointe_ caterers had come through in style, but the platters of fresh, top-shelf, "home"-cooked food were picked clean in record time. Yet another way in which it was damn good to be home.

It wasn't a party as such; certainly not a party like had been thrown on the Normandy days before – which wasn't to say that more than one bottle of wine and liquor weren't opened and emptied.

Sensing the need for old friends to spend some peaceful time together, both Litha and Keenan had excused themselves after a few appetizers, citing the long list of people to check in with and other responsibilities. Andrew had tried to leave, but Kaidan had insisted that he stay.

EDI telecommed her early in the evening. _George and Milon have been in almost constant conversation for the last two hours. Silently of course, but I could tell by their body language. I believe your plan has worked, Shepard. I have now safely deposited them at their accommodations for the night, and will keep an eye out should they decide to wander._

She laughed quietly. _Good. Would you like to come by for a while?_

_No, thank you. There are some…places…I am anxious to visit. I will see you tomorrow._

_Good night, EDI_, she sent then joined Miranda in the kitchen mixing up a pitcher of cocktails.

Miranda glanced up when she entered. "Would you like a drink?"

"Sure." She accepted the glass and took a sip. "Hmm, that's good. Listen, we haven't really had the chance to talk much, and I wanted to thank you."

Miranda raised an eyebrow, glass at her lips. "What for?"

"In the days after the accident, you kept the ship running and the crew focused. It would have been _so_ easy for it all to fall apart after what must have seemed at the time like a catastrophe. But you held everything together. I know it wasn't easy. So thank you; I mean it."

Miranda sighed in feigned dismissiveness and took a long sip of her drink. "I just did what I had to; what you brought me along to do. I knew – I thought – you would be counting on me, so I…tried to do what I believed you would want." Her head cocked to the side behind the marbled glass. "But how do you know whether I kept things running well or not?"

Shepard opened the fridge and leaned in, searching for appropriate snacks; everything the caterers had brought had been wiped out in the first twenty minutes. "Garrus told me."

"Garrus. Vakarian. The grumpy Turian."

Thankfully, EDI had ensured the fridge was restocked promptly upon their arrival in the Widow System; she pulled out a wrapped block of sharp cheddar then leaned against the fridge. "Oh come on, he's not _that_ grumpy."

"He is to me…seriously, Vakarian? I was under the rather distinct impression that his opinion of me was…sub-optimal."

Shepard rolled her eyes dramatically. The fact that she had also seen it herself was irrelevant. "Seriously, _Vakarian_. He may not particularly care for your…um…style…" she burst out laughing, doubling over while trying not to dump the cheese all over the floor. Miranda tossed her head back in a fit of giggles; some of her drink sloshed over the edges of the glass and onto the floor.

They were loud enough for Kaidan to half-stand from the couch where he was talking with Anderson and Andrew. "Ladies? Anything we need to know about?"

She waved him off and took a few deep breaths, then attempted a serious expression. "But he respects you. And one thing about Garrus is he will always give praise when he thinks it's deserved. Maybe not _to_ the person deserving it…" she chuckled briefly "…anyway, I just wanted to say thank you."

Miranda raised her glass to Shepard's. "In that case, you are most welcome."

Miranda departed for the living room with the pitcher, and Shepard set about slicing up the cheese. A moment later she could feel a pair of eyes on her; she glanced sideways to find Liara leaning on the open wall, one ankle thrown over the other, smiling mysteriously. _Uh-oh._ "What's up?"

"I know it was you."

She looked over questioningly. "You know _what_ was me?"

"On that crashing space station. The blue ball of energy. I know biotics when I see them, and that was biotics. The only other people on the trip capable of biotics were Kaidan, Miranda, Jacob and Thane. Kaidan was dealing with his own problems at the time, and somehow I don't think Miranda, Jacob or Thane could have managed it. Not that I know how _you_ managed it – but you did."

Shepard grimaced, staring down at the startlingly imperfectly-sliced cheese on the tray. "I don't know what you're talking about, Liara, I wasn't even there. That would be impossible."

"Yes." Liara nodded stoically. "Still, that's never been much of an impediment where you're concerned. It's fine; I don't need to know how you did it. I'm sure you have a good reason for not wanting to talk about what all you went through; given the part of it we were shown, I imagine it wasn't pleasant. But you saved my life – and I just wanted you to know that I know that, and am immeasurably grateful."

She bit her lower lip, a soft twinkle in her eye. "Keenon saved your life."

Liara smiled. "Yes, he did. And you made sure that he had the opportunity to do so."

Shepard impulsively reached out and hugged her tightly. Liara started briefly, then awkwardly returned the embrace. "You're a truly wonderful friend, Liara. I'm very glad I didn't let those Geth get you back on Therum."

Liara laughed into her shoulder. "So am I, Shepard. So am I."

... ... ...

Anderson relaxed back in the lounge chair and kicked one leg over the other. "So you guys went all sorts of backward and forward in time _while_ going all over the galaxy?"

Kaidan nodded. "We really kind of did; for most of us it wasn't enough of a jump to make a big difference…but Major Vega went over three hundred thousand years into the past."

He shook his head in disbelief. "Damn…Kahlee's going to love hearing about this."

Ashley quirked her head to the side. "Where _is_ Vega, anyway?"

Shepard winced as she settled back onto the couch beside Kaidan. "I…didn't extend an invitation to him. I love James, but he would want to turn this into a party to rival the other night – and I don't think many of us would survive that."

Ashley shook her head solemnly in agreement while Andrew mouthed a silent '_thank you_' over her head.

Ashley leaned over to the table to snag a cracker and cheese slice, then looked back at Shepard. "So…do you think we should tell him?"

As the only newcomer to the crowd, Anderson rightly assumed she was talking about him. "Tell me what?"

Shepard smirked, chuckling lightly. "Well I guess we're telling him now…"

Anderson dropped his elbows to his knees and leaned forward expectantly.

Ashley swallowed visibly, shared a small smile with Shepard, then turned to him. "Shortly after we arrived at where the Escena live, Shepard went back in time to Virmire in 2183 and rescued me."

His brow knotted up. "I don't understand."

"On Virmire, I was pinned down and injured on an AA gun tower, the squad I was leading wiped out. I had more Geth bearing down on me and I couldn't walk and the bomb was going to go off in less than five minutes. I was preparing to see my dad again, when Shepard suddenly appeared at my side – and not the Shepard that was on that mission; she was busy downstairs trying to kill Saren."

She grinned slyly at Shepard again. "She put Medi-gel on my wounds, killed the Geth, got shot herself in the process, and helped me make it downstairs. Then she vanished."

Anderson stared at them for a long moment, a thoroughly flabbergasted expression on his face. His gaze cut over to Shepard. "And that was you…now?"

She nodded slowly. "When I first met the Guides, they opened a wormhole for me back to that place and time; it was a…goodwill gesture."

His gaze darted back to Ashley. "And you've known all these years?"

"Yep. I mean, we didn't exactly have time to chat about the details or anything; but some sort of time travel was the only thing that made any sense – which is to say none. But I never told anyone, because I have a reputation for being sane, and wanted to keep it."

"Well I'll be…" Anderson had a vaguely troubled look in his eyes.

Shepard smiled brightly and stood, breaking the spell. "How about I open another bottle of wine?"

... ... ...

He caught up with her at the pantry a few minutes later. "Shepard, can I ask you something?"

She nodded from inside the pantry. "Of course."

"If I understand this correctly, until a month ago, Williams was…dead?"

She sighed and leaned against the door frame. "No. She never died."

He frowned deeply. "But…"

"I don't pretend to entirely understand it myself. But when I went back, everything that came after was changed. Whatever might have otherwise happened, it was erased."

"But if you only did this a few weeks ago, shouldn't I remember what it _was_ like?"

"Eh…no. Wormholes and shattered dimensions excepted, time still only moves forward, and…hell, I don't know how to explain it."

"Do you remember it?"

She nodded. "Because I went and returned through a wormhole, I must have been somewhat insulated from the unfolding timeline. I remember both pasts – but I am and will always be the only one who does."

He exhaled heavily, shaking his head. "I just can't imagine her not being around all this time, all the things she's done…"

She shrugged weakly. "It was…it was _life_, and we didn't know it could be different. But she is a _crazy_ force for good, and the world is better with her in it. Without a doubt." She had spent some time thinking about it, and truly the only event she almost wished she could have back was those first few hours after Kaidan boarded the Normandy following the Cerberus coup attempt…but that would require that he almost die on Mars, and she most definitely didn't want that back.

She patted him on the shoulder. "Don't stress your brain over it. She's here, and that's all that matters." She then piled two bottles of wine, along with bottles of port and single-malt scotch, into his arms and shoved him back toward the living room.

* * *

_August 24, 2194: Citadel Council Chambers_

"Hi, guys. Miss me?"

Most of the Councilors smiled politely. The Salarian Councilor scowled. Shepard smirked.

She gestured to the men standing on either side and just behind her. "This is Caenvi-na~Rhi-Suadere of the Escena and Milon Comditoroso of the Diramae; they are here representing their people, the great civilizations of the Large Magellanic Cloud."

The Asari Councilor took the lead. "Welcome, Ambassadors. We are honored by your presence. If there is anything we can do for you, just ask."

_Thank you, Madam Councilor._ "Thank you."

The Councilors were far too smooth of politicians to react to the strange dual communication. The Turian Councilor cleared his throat. "Councilor Anderson has briefed us on the reason for this meeting. Though he seems utterly convinced, we are extremely skeptical to say the least of the need for this radical action you are suggesting."

Shepard smiled thinly. "I would expect that to be your initial reaction. One reason why my guests have traveled such a great distance is to impress upon you the seriousness of the threat. They have seen an increasing number of their worlds and millions of their people wiped out by the Aduri, and fully support this plan. They are willing to answer any questions you may have."

"And we will endeavor to help our new colleagues any way we can, of course. But you are talking about committing _genocide_ on a species we have never even met, based on one or two encounters."

Much as she had more than six months ago, she dropped her chin and stared slightly up and sideways at him, an eyebrow raised. "Yes, genocide is exactly what I'm requesting. This will actually be the _fourth_ time I've committed genocide – I find I'm getting pretty good at it."

_Savior. Killer. Protector. Destroyer. _She had come to terms with the dichotomy.

"But what you are – "

"I wasn't finished. Each time I've done so, I've saved _innumerable_ more lives – innocent lives – in the process."

The Turian Councilor frowned. "We don't dispute that – "

"_Still_ not finished. If I could have a friendly conversation with these Aduri, explain the situation to them, and convince them to stop ripping apart space and slaughtering whomever they come across, I'd cheerfully do so. But they are beyond our reach – and if they aren't stopped they _will_ destroy us all."

"Now there's no reason to think – "

She sighed dramatically and looked over at George in exasperation. "Just show them."

_Very well. Councilors, prepare your minds._

_... ... ..._

_Presidium_

She and Kaidan walked with Milon, George and EDI along the Promenade toward the docks transports. Noticing that George was trailing behind, she slowed her pace to fall in beside him.

_You have tricked me, and you should know that I am not unaware of it._

She tamped down a grin. "It was crucial that you come here with me and help me make the case."

_Granted. Nonetheless, you had additional motivations. You have maneuvered it so that I have made a friend of my enemy and have been exposed to a thriving, vibrant diversity of life that, though not so advanced as my own, has much to commend it. You have forced me to consider whether We know quite so much as We believe we do._

She did grin then. "I didn't force you to do anything. If you have become friends with Milon, it is because both he and you are friend-worthy; what you take away from your visit to my galaxy is entirely up to you. But I am glad you had the opportunity to see it."

_As am I. It is an uncomfortable thing, contemplating change, but it is my responsibility as a leader to do so. So though you are devious, I thank you._

She chose not to comment on his increasing use of the singular pronoun, and just dipped her chin in acknowledgement. "In that case, you are very welcome." She paused. "I do have a question, though. I was wondering…can you hear the Whole this far away?"

_Yes, if I turn my attention to it; it is rather dim, however._

"Does the silence make you feel lonely?"

_It might, if it weren't for all the racket assaulting my ears. Your Citadel is exceedingly loud. _

She chuckled in commiseration. "Yes, it is." Then she gestured to the approaching elevator, and they caught up with the others.

"Steve is going to take you both home in the Raptor; I'm sending a few of the crew with you in case anything comes up. We'll be in touch once we have a firm timetable; it shouldn't be more than a few weeks."

They exited the elevator to Docking Bay E-17. The Normandy hung sleek and graceful on the other side of the windows; the sight of it never failed to bring a smile to her face. They paused at the railing.

"EDI will take care of getting you situated. Both of you, thank you for coming here with me; I'm very grateful."

Milon grasped her hand in his. "It is we who are grateful, in more ways than one." He shook Kaidan's hand; he had picked up on a number of their social customs with the speed of a gifted politician. "Sir, it's been a pleasure–and this time, no one had to get shot."

Kaidan laughed lightly. "I think we're all glad for that. Good luck to you both."

George lowered his head formally in a half-bow, then they followed EDI into the airlock.

Once they were gone she turned to Kaidan, holding his hands in hers and leaning in for a gentle kiss.

He sighed softly against her. "Time to go to work."

She dropped her forehead to his. "Not just yet. Tomorrow we'll go to work. Tonight, I believe you promised me _bubbles_…"


End file.
